Sole Exception
by Roxai-Concord411
Summary: The events that lead to Jaron's appearance in Gantz Gun's fic, "Crossover Bros Brawl". Feel free to comment. PLEASE.
1. Enter Jaron

Chapter One

Enter Jaron

Sweat.

That was it. Pretty much everything was covered in sweat.

It was the hottest day in the history of hot days. Everyone in Toad Town had either stayed inside, fled, or dumped themselves in the harbor. Yes, it was hot, so hot that it made Dry Dry Desert pale in comparison. And if it was that hot here, then that desert must've been the equivalent of a molten pit.

One person, however, did not seem to care about the heat. People looked out their windows at him, wondering who in the universe would want to wear red jackets in this weather.

Jaron Roxai wouldn't care less about this. Sure, it was hot, but he had gone through hotter temperatures, if that was possible. As he was busy looking for someone, however, he didn't have time to whine about the heat.

Stopping, he found the place he was looking for. It wasn't hard to miss, seeing that it was the only house with a spinning roof. As he walked toward the door, he saw that someone had put a sign on it that said:

**Merlon's Fortune House**

**Closed due to the heat.**

Jaron snorted. He was sure that Merlon was in the house, and he was not going to wait another second to see him. He had already endured enough just getting here. Reaching up, he knocked on the door a few times. Almost instantly, a voice on the other side said loudly, "MERLON IS OUT!" The sixteen-year-old rolled his eyes. He had encountered this kind of attitude before, but he knew the best way to proceed. He knocked again.

"I SAID, MERLON IS OUT!"

Jaron, now getting impatient, rapped on the door a third time.

"WHY DO YOU KEEP KNOCKING!? I'M TELLING YOU, HE'S OUT!!"

This was the point that Jaron decided to respond. "If Merlon is out, then who's talking in there?!" he asked.

Loaded silence. Jaron decided that if Merlon wasn't going to come out, then he would not leave him alone until he did. He started punching the door repeatedly until he heard the man yell, "FOR THE LAST TIME, MERLON IS _OUT_!!" And with that, the door flew open, hitting Jaron as it did so.

A mysterious-looking wizard looked out to see Jaron lying on the ground, dazed after the impact. "Hmm? Why is there a boy sleeping in front of my house?"

"First of all," Jaron said as he got up, sounding seriously annoyed, "I was not asleep. Second, are you Merlon?"

The wizard blinked. "Why, yes, but I'm afraid that I am not taking visitors at present. Didn't you read the sign?"

Jaron said, "Yeah, but I wouldn't care less about the heat, sir. Can't you make one exception today?"

"I am sorry, but I rarely, if ever, see visitors. Now, if you don't mind, I am very busy and must go back inside. Good day to you."

And with that, he walked back inside and closed the door.

Unfortunately for the wizard, Jaron is not the kind of person to give up easily. Said teen walked back up to the door and started hammering on it.

When Merlon did not respond, he figured that the wizard had decided to ignore the boy in hope that he would go away. Jaron, however, can be very persistant.

After thirty whole minutes of knocking, Merlon evidently decided to give in, and opened the door. "Could you please stop? I am very busy at the moment."

"Busy doing _what_?" Jaron demanded.

"Things that are probably no concern of yours. Now, if you don't mind--" Merlon made to close the door, but Jaron stuck his sneaker-clad foot in the door to prevent him from closing it.

"I'm sorry if I'm getting on your nerves," he said, "but I've been traveling to see you for weeks, and I really don't want to wait another second. Can't you _please_ take at least one visitor today?"

Merlon stared at Jaron for a moment, then sighed. "Oh, very well. Come in, come in..."

* * *

The inside of the house wasn't that large. Merlon took his place behind the counter as Jaron stood in front of it. "Now, then," Merlon said, "Why have you come here, Mr. Roxai?"

Jaron seemed to think for a moment, then said, "Well, I've been having these dreams lately..I was hoping you would tell me what they mean."

Merlon nodded. "Say no more. I shall point you in the right direction." With that, the crystal ball on the table began to glow, as did Merlon's eyes. Of course, the mood was ruined slightly by the disco ball decsending from the ceiling.

"Yes...yes..." he muttered. "I see it...the mists are clearing...I see it! There is a boy..."

"A boy?" Jaron asked, sounding tense.

"Yes! There is a boy...a boy with blonde hair...he is afraid...he is afraid of something..." Then the disco ball exploded.

"AAAAGH!!"

* * *

--Outside--

Two Bandits were running from Merlon's open window, one of them holding a slingshot. Both of them were laughing at the top of their lungs.

* * *

--Inside--

As Jaron picked out pieces of glass from his hair, Merlon brushed himself off and said, "Er, sorry about that...that's never happened before...didn't see it coming..."

"I thought you could see into the future," Jaron said, sounding perturbed.

"That doesn't mean I can see _everything _in the future at once!" Merlon snapped. "Whether it be in the near future or far."

Jaron took a minute to brush off some glass off his sleeve. "Well, the crystal ball isn't damaged, so I don't suppose you--"

"No. I am sorry, but I cannot use my powers unless the disco ball is working, otherwise it wouldn't look cool."

"What'd you _mean_ it wouldn't look cool?! Who cares if it looks cool or not?!"

"I do. And so do the customers."

Jaron sighed. "All right, all right, thanks anyway..." And with that, he dumped a pile of coins on the counter and turned to leave, ignoring the fact that Merlon didn't charge him anything. As he left, he muttered, "Cheapskate..."

"I heard that!"

* * *

--Later--

Jaron was deep in thought as he sat on a bench. _A frightened boy with blonde hair...I don't know anyone like that. Did that wizard guy really see what he said he saw, or was he pretending? _He shrugged. _Ah, well, I suppose it doesn't really matter. Still, I expected something better than that..._

He sighed deeply. _I wonder how Max, Kaitlin and James are doing..._

_

* * *

_

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_Today I found something interesting as I was rummaging through the warehouse. I came upon__ several documents that were indecently old. They seemed to explain an old process of some sort that seemed to regard the heart and the body, and how they could come together. Unfortunately, most of the document seemed to be lost, or the writing disfigured. It will take some time for me to recover the rest._

_This has certainly caught my curiosity. What process do these documents explain?_

* * *

That's Chapter One done. What do you guys think?


	2. Enter Kaitlin

_Hey, ladies and gents. Rather than show what happens next to Jaron in Toad Town, I've decided to show you the time when he and Kaitlin first met. If you want to complain, you'll have to wait until the end of the chapter._

_Chapter Two_

_Enter Kaitlin_

_It was raining._

_Now, I don't mean a fine drizzle or light mist or less-than-dense water vapor or anything like that. I mean it was like entire buckets and an open floodgate breaking open and 'Good grief! We might as well be in ATLANTIS!!' Okay, maybe it was a little exaggerated, but it was extremely wet._

_And who was walking through this obscenely thick downpour? Mr. Jaron Roxai, that's who._

_Now, normally he wouldn't mind this sort of weather. In fact, he loved it when a good storm showed up for no apparent reason, but in this case he was rather disgruntled._

_Why was he annoyed?_

_Beats me. I'd ask, but I'm sure he would just ignore me._

_After a few moments of walking through this virtual typhoon, he set his knapsack down and sat at the trunk of the tree. As he waited for the downpour to lessen, he looked up to the sky (his glasses shielding his eyes from the raindrops) and thought of a weird dream he had a while back…_

_('We are Finally Cowboys' from No More Heroes plays)_

_As he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his opponent looked at him, apparently uneasy._

_After a few moments, however, he seemed to regain his confidence, and raised his arms in a combat stance, looking determined._

"_Ready?"_

"_Whenever you are, old friend!"_

_And with that, they charged, with the world--no, all worlds--watching._

_Jaron hardly felt the first blow, but he responded by backhanding his opponent in the face, causing him to recoil. He recovered quickly, however, and slammed his fist into Jaron's stomach. This attack he most certainly felt._

_After recovering, he leaped behind his attacker, and grabbed him from behind, around the waist. Using his near-superhuman flexibility, he bent over backward, causing his skull to connect HARD with the cement._

_Not even that was enough to defeat his enemy, though. He quickly got back up and slammed his foot into Jaron's face, causing him to be slammed into the ground._

_Of course, Jaron was made of tougher stuff than that, and he leapt back up, dealing a punch to his opponent's stomach, causing him to double over. Jaron, however, didn't attack. He just stood there, looking silently._

_After a moment, he said, "C'mon, you're better than that. Are you going to get up?"_

"_Yep."_

_And his opponent got up and backhanded him so viscously it sent him spinning. As Jaron recovered, he attempted to hit his attacker, but missed. After that, he just stood there, he and his opponent staring at each other silently…_

Back in the present, Jaron sighed, clearly disturbed. He had no idea what this dream meant; he couldn't even remember what his opponent looked like.

This hadn't been his only dream, however. The other ones he had often involved an elven girl and a boy with blonde hair, but try as he might, he couldn't remember their faces.

He sighed. _Ah, well, _he thought. _No point getting bothered about it._ And with that, he picked up his knapsack and trudged on through the onslaught of rain.

Two hours later and the rain hadn't even begun to relent. On a scale of one to ten, how annoyed would you be by that?

For Jaron, it was a fifteen. And trust me when I say it takes a LOT to get him annoyed.

Case in point:

"OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!! ISN'T THIS GOING TO LET UP AT ALL?!"

Yeah, definitely a bad mood. As Jaron walked through the downpour, he made an attempt to check his map, but as with most paper maps, this didn't really go well.

_This isn't one of my better days,_ he thought bitterly, _I swear, if this doesn't let up any time soon--huh?_

Almost as if on cue, the rain suddenly stopped.

_Well, what do you know…_

_About time I get a break from work, _Kaitlin thought.

It had been a while since she had been able to travel like this, too. Kaitlin was a waitress in a diner in Toon Town, but she preferred to explore other places instead. This often turned out to be much more exciting than working in a restaurant, but lately work had been slow and she had often been found trying to find ways to entertain herself during work hours.

After that, however, she had been allowed a break, and had immediately set off to see her uncle David, a semi-professional wrestler. When she had arrived, she learned that someone had visited him before her, though when she asked who, all David said was that it was "some skinny kid with changing eyes", vague as it was. Then again, her uncle wasn't exactly the informative type.

"Zzzzzzzzz…"

If that doesn't tell you that Jaron was asleep, I don't know what will. At the moment, he was having yet another weird dream…

_"You okay there?"_

"_Who you?" asked the large, pink one._

_Jaron smiled a little. "The name's Jaron. I'm new to town, __and I couldn't help but notice you two about to be mugged by those monsters."_

_The one in the trench coat stomped forward and gave him an angry glare. "We had everything under control. There was no need to interrupt, PEASANT."_

_Jaron frowned. This guy has 'pompous written all over his face,' he thought. He raised his hand, opening and closing it like a mouth. "'There was no need for you to interrupt peasant.'" He said, mocking the man and what he said, not to mention the tone he used. "Hah! Who do you think you are? Royalty of something?"_

"_That's EXACTLY what I am, you insubordinate knave!!" The one in the coat pointed at himself. __"My name is Prince Samuel Beolov of Darmesda!" He motioned to the pink fellow. "And this is Majin Buu, my friend and partner. So one more crack like that, and I'll--"_

_Jaron had walked right by Sam while he was talking and addressed Buu. "Do you know what 'knave' means? I mean, honestly, who even uses that term these days?_

"_Sam use it…" Buu said._

"_Yeah, __well, Sam is what people call… Oh, what's the term I'm looking for… Oh, now I remember! A 'Big, fat, square'!"_

"_SHUT UP!!" Sam roared as Buu laughed. "Oh, when I become King of Darmesda…YOU'RE GOING TO BE FIRST ON MY LIST!!"_

'_Oh, please,' Jaron thought, 'I AM the list.' But instead, he chose to mock Sam again. "Oh, I'm so scared! Listen here, princey, I don't give a flying FLIP about what you're saying. As far as I'm concerned, you're more of a royal WASHOUT than a royal pain."_

"_WHY, YOU--"_

It was at that exact moment that Jaron woke up. "Ugh…what was that?" Shaking his head, he stood up and looked around.

Seeing as he was completely alone, he shook his head. "I need to see a therapist or something…"

Kaitlin, at the moment, was enjoying a view of the waves as she stood at the base of the nearby cliffs. _I need to get out more…_

A sound from above and behind her immediately turn around and look up. "Huh?" What she saw nearly made her gawk.

_Jaron stood there, agast, as the mysterious female crushed his enemy's head beneath her foot._

_And, unbelievably, she started laughing._

"_Life is just so FUNNY!"_

_Jaron cringed._

"_It's all so -- hysterical. Don't you feel it? Don't you feel how joyous it all is? Such glorious destruction?"_

_Jaron looked alarmed. "Wha-- glorious? There's nothing glorious about death."_

"_Oh, but there is! Can you not feel how cleansing death is to the soul?"_

"_No."_

_She looked shocked. "No?" She paused. "Then you must not know what true joy is…then I must teach you the true meaning of life!"_

_Jaron fingered the hilt of his sword._

"_Now, dance…"_

_He drew the blade…_

"_And laugh…"_

_And got ready to fight._

"_WITH ME!!"_

It was that exact moment when Jaron woke up. Unfortunately for him, however, he didn't have time to get his bearings.

Why? Because, for some God-forsaken reason, he had sleepwalked off a cliff.

Now, you might be wondering, 'Why is this guy having Jaron sleepwalk off a cliff??' Because the writers thought of it that way.

"AAAAGH!"

You can probably imagine Kaitlin's confusion. Well, it's not often that you see someone walk right off of a cliff. Actually, it's probably never.

As the mysterious person (coughcoughJaroncough) fell into the water, Kaitlin plunged in right after him, not caring if she got wet.

_What kind of person is he, walking off a cliff? _she thought._ Is he suicidal or something?_

Oh, I forgot to mention that the water was colder than ice.

"And you chose to mention that NOW?!"

_Somebody's_ bad tempered…

"You awake?"

"Mmm?"

The first thing Jaron was aware of was that there was a blanket on top of him. It was also quite dry. As he opened his eyes, he saw that he was in a tent.

"Aha! You're alive."

"Huh?"

"To your right, Mr. Hedgehog."

Looking to his right, he saw a red-haired girl, around fifteen or sixteen, was looking at him with a book in her hands and a relieved expression on her face.

"I thought you'd never wake up," she said.

Jaron sat up. "Er, who are you?"

"Kaitlin. I saw you falling into the ocean. What were you thinking, anyway?"

"What'd you mean?"

"I mean that no one is stupid enough to dive off a cliff that high up. Heck, I'm amazed that you're not dead."

"Well, I didn't do it on purpose, you know," Jaron said.

Kaitlin snorted. "Then why did you fall?"

"I…I was…sleepwalking."

Kaitlin stared at him. "Sleepwalking? _Sleepwalking_? How--oh, never mind. At least you're alive."

"Yeah…" Jaron then realized something. "Why'd you call me 'Mr. Hedgehog', anyway?"

"Well, you _are_ a hedgehog, aren't you?"

Before Jaron could say anything else, Kaitlin whipped out a small mirror and showed him his reflection.

He was indeed a hedgehog. A green one, to be more specific.

"W-what the--?!" Do I really need to say that Jaron was shocked beyond belief? No, I don't, but I don't want to complain. "How did I--what the--what?!"

"What's wrong?" Kaitlin asked, slightly disturbed by Jaron's shock.

"Everything!" Jaron cried, obviously quite distressed. "I mean, what if you woke up and suddenly turned into a hedgehog? This isn't right! I'm not a hedgehog! I'm NOT!!" He was practically tearing his hair (or quills) out.

(I think he's overreacting.)

"Hey, hey! Calm down! Jeeze!" asked Kaitlin, now trying to calm the now-distraught teen hedgehog.

"DON'T POINT THAT OUT!!"

…Erm, oh…kay…?

After a few minutes, Kaitlin managed to calm Jaron down(or at least stopped him from shouting).

"You settled down now?" Kaitlin asked. Jaron nodded. "Okay, then. Now, why were you freaking out like that?"

"Because I'm NOT a hedgehog. I'm human."

Kaitlin sniffed, most likely due to a light cold she got from the frigid water. "Why do you look like that, then?"

"How should I know?"

"It is _your_ body, isn't it?"

She had a point. "Well…um…I just don't know, alright?"

"No."

Cue Jaron glaring daggers at her…and failing. Kaitlin merely yawned and leaned back, hands behind her head. "Well, you were definitely human when I saw you fell…but I just thought I mis-saw things. You were a hedgehog when I dragged you out of the water, though."

"Really?"

"Yea. I just thought it was something that happened when you would hit water, like magic or something, but if that's true, you would've turned back into a human by now because you're dry."

"Hmmm…" Jaron's face brightened. "Maybe if I get wet again, it might do the trick."

"You think? So far, it's the only logical explanation I can think of, but I'm not so sure, I'm right, since, as I've said, you are dry, yet still a hedgehog."

"We can go see. Where's the tub?" Blunt, isn't he?

"I don't like the idea of jumping in…" Jaron and Kaitlin were standing in front of a large (yet shallow) pool outside the tent. Kaitlin had suggested that they try going into the ocean, but a look from Jaron changed her mind.

"It's not that deep."

"That's a good thing, 'cause I can't swim," Jaron said. "That explains a lot." said Kaitlin, putting her hand to her chin.

Jaron gave her a single glance, then took a deep breath. "Okay…here I go." Then he jumped. Apparently he wasn't listening when Kaitlin said it wasn't that deep. The only sound was a wet 'slosh' as Jaron's feet hit the pool floor.

D.e.a.d. S.i.l.e.n.c.e.

"You're too tall."

"Oh, be quiet…"

"Well, that didn't work as planned…" Both of them had gone back into the tent.

Jaron merely sighed. "Well, I won't let this bother me. Maybe I'll change back on my own with time."

"Probably," Kaitlin agreed. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "In the meantime, don't get all riled up about it." She sat back down. "Oh, I forgot to ask--"

"I'm Jaron Roxai. You're Kaitlin, right?"

"Yeah. Nice to meet (and rescue) you, Jaron."

* * *

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_Making the papers discernable hasn't been easy, but I have succeeded in doing so. It seems they describe a process that allows a heart to be placed into a body, even if the original body has been completely destroyed. It seems to be incredibly complex and confusing. Also, it somehow reminds me of the experiments that I heard my colleague Ansem had been conducting some years ago._

Was it interesting? Please review, even if it's just a smiley face.……… COME ON!! JUST A SMILEY FACE, AT LEAST! THAT'S ALL!! Come on, you can even flame if you want! Just give me something to work with!!


	3. Enter Max Chadi

Hey

Hey! It's Jordan again. Again, rather than showing you what happens next in Toad Town, I'm going to show you the time that Jaron and Kaitlin first met Max and his Lucario, James. Now let's get started...

Chapter 3

Enter Max Chadi

"Jaron, I'm talking to you, are you listening?"

"Nope."

"Ugh..."

Two months had passed since Jaron and Kaitlin had met, and after Kaitlin had decided to travel with him. Of course, this had been far from boring, believe me. Kaitlin, however, didn't really know if that was a good thing or not, because Jaron didn't seem to take much of anything seriously.

Said teen was standing on one foot on top of a log as she checked her map. "Oh, for... Listen to me!!"

"Okay, okay," Jaron said hastily. "So, do you know where we are?"

Kaitlin checked the map again. "Yeah...we're in...lemme see...Sinnoh, I think."

"Really?" Jaron asked, now standing on his head. "And we met in Kanto...I didn't know that we've gone so far. Time flies, doesn't it?"

"Sure does," Kaitlin said absentmindedly as she looked into her bag, not really listening this time.

Suddenly Jaron stood right next to her, grinning. "And you accuse _me_ of not paying attention? Contradicting ourselves, are we?"

Kaitlin pushed him away. "Personal space, Jaron. PERSONAL SPACE!"

Jaron merely yawned. "Man, you're grumpy a lot, you know that? Stop being all serious all the time. Be like me."

"And what would that be? Annoying?"

"You sure are grouchy today, aren't ya? What happened to 'Good day, Jaron' and all that?" No response. "Aha! I made you clam up again! Speak to me, Katie! Speeeak!"

"Don't _call_ me that."

"Sheesh…"

* * *

"_HELP ME!!"_

_Jaron's head reeled around to see what was going on. A boy, maybe around 12 or 14, was flat on his butt, looking up at a demonic flying monster. Its sword was in hand as it looked down at the boy. The boy trembled as it came closer to him. The child himself was somewhat small in height, had blonde hair fixed in a cowlick, and light blue eyes. He wore a yellow and red striped shirt, blue shorts, and orange/yellow shoes on his feet. The boy shivered in fear, as slowly, he started to crawl away from the monster. The demon, however, was not about to let the boy get away._

"_No…" Jaron spun around on his left foot and sliced a shadow in half. With that done, he turned back around, and rushed toward the boy and demon. As he ran, dark creatures of every kind tried to get in his way, trying to stop him, for what, he didn't know, and didn't care. He only sliced through and moved along, running as fast as he could._

_Back with the boy, his crawling away from the monster was stopped by a large piece of rubble. He was trapped. The demon glared at the boy hungrily and reeled back the sword…_

"_NO!! PLEASE!!"_

_The crying had reached Jaron's ears, and with adrenaline pumping, his running speed increased and his charge to reach the boy becoming much more dangerous for any monsters that dared to cross him. Now, instead of slicing through the creatures, he was practically obliterating them._

"_DADDY!! CLAUSE!! HELP ME, PLEASE!!"_

_Jaron tore through another monster that got into his way, and prepared to jump to the rescue… the demon lunged forward…_

"_NO!! LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOONE!!"_

* * *

"_I told you we shouldn't have gone." Omaddon grumbled. _

"_Shut up, idiot!" Johan scolded him._

"_Silence!" Drake shouted. "For your misguided attempt to serve my needs, I am condemning you two in the Shadow Realm's torture chamber for 24 hours!" Drake snapped his fingers. The portal formed behind Johan and Omaddon, all black and shadowy, mysterious, and dangerous. One could almost hear the Chaos Duo scream for mercy over the portal's swirling and hell-worthy sounds. Their screams finally subsided when they were forced into the portal, and it closed, taking the duo inside…_

* * *

"_FINE…" Professor Morton groaned. "I suppose an army of pyromaniacs wielding giant machetes will serve our purposes for the time being." He gave Zin a death glare. "But I _will_ be having those warriors for my own research at some point. You will regret it if I do not have them, at some point."_

_Zin gave the professor a reproachful look. After a good long while, he shook his head, seemingly choosing to ignore the apparent threat. "You will, you will. Just be patient."_

_Professor Morton gave him just as much of a reproachful look, before a look of thoughtfulness. "And what of their two companions? The elf, and the boy?"_

_The figure watching gave a solemn look at Zin Zig-Zag, as if curious…_

_Zin thought about it for a moment, before shrugging. "Eh, don't care about them. You can do whatever you want with them."_

* * *

_"I thought so, Otto. No one's ever here just to say hello these days. Not that I have many friends, but still."_

_Otto rolled his eyes in annoyance, muttering under his breath, seemingly choosing to ignore the fact that Koap could look into his own mind. "Gee, I wonder why..." He motioned to Lucas, whom slowly crawled out from behind Wally, since he was somewhat frightened of Koap's… flamboyant personality. "You see, Koap, we met this boy on the streets of Toon Town. He has these strange psychic powers that I studied up to be known as PSI. When we saw your commercial, we thought we could come see you, regarding on what we should do about training..." He looked to where Koap was standing beside him..._

_Or... was, anyway._

_Otto quickly turned to Lucas... And saw Koap staring at him, wide-eyed. "You..." she said quietly, leaving Lucas somewhat frightened. "You have... A touch of... destiny about you..." She said mystically, as Lucas took a step back, quivering slightly. "You're him..." She said, as she turned back to Otto. "This boy is blessed with powerful abilities that I haven't seen before..."_

* * *

'_Who…are you…?'_

_Ah, he lives! But it's not time for us to meet yet. You'd best return to the land of awakening, young child. Back you go!_

'_Wait! That boy—who is he?!'_

_Oh, I'm sure you know._

'_But I don't!'_

_Your point?_

* * *

Jaron immediately woke up. _Huh? _At first, he didn't realize what would've woken him up. Then he heard a rustling noise. _Someone's here…_

As he looked up, he saw what looked like a bush lying right next to his bag. _Oh, a bush. _He started to drift back to sleep.

_Wait, a bush? _He opened one eye. Now that he was paying attention, he saw that the bush, which had flowers on it, was moving.

_A bush is going through my bag. That's certainly never happened before._ Jaron did his best to get up without making any noise, and crept forward. Now that he could see the creature more closely, he saw that it was a hedgehog, or at least what looked like a hedgehog (it had foliage on it, remember). It was nosing through his bag, and had apparently found the crackers he had stashed in there, judging from the crunching sound.

_Oh, it's just hungry. _No sooner that Jaron thought this that the hedgehog-bush thing crawled back out, its hunger satiated, only to make eye contact with Jaron, causing it to freeze.

One…two…three…

The small creature immediately turned and ran, only to trip and flat on its face after five feet.

Jaron shook his head. _Clumsy…_ He stood up and walked over to the creature, noting that it was looking at him with a terrified expression. It probably would have tried to run away again if Jaron hadn't offered it another cracker.

The small creature stared at it curiously and sniffed it. After a moment, it took a bite, crunching as it sat down. Jaron chuckled and sat down in front of it as it ate.

Unbeknownst to either of them, someone was watching them in the bushes. "I can't believe it…it's a Shaymin!"

"_I didn't expect to see a legendary Pokemon in a place like this…"_

"Maybe we can go and talk to them."

_"We could, yes…but I don't like the looks of the boy."_

"Huh? Why's that, James?"

_"I don't know…there's something about him I don't like…"_

As the little Shaymin finished eating, it yawned and lied down, apparently ready to take a nap. "Looks like someone's sleepy," Jaron noted. He bent over and picked the sleepy Shaymin up. As he did so, it looked up at him, looking slightly afraid. "Don't worry," Jaron said. "I'm not going to hurt you or anything."

As soon as he finished speaking he heard something rustling in the bushes. As he looked around he heard a quiet voice harshly whisper, "Hush! He'll hear us."

_Too late for that. _"Who's there?"

Dead silence. Then the bushes moved and a seventeen-year-old boy with a red cap and white shirt stepped out, covered in leaves. He had a pair of red jeans on, as well as a pair of black-and-blue running shoes. One of the most interesting things about him, however, was his face. He had a mark on each cheek—one was a wavy line, while the other was a zigzag. One thing, however, had caught Jaron's attention, something he recognized immediately.

A red and white ball (roughly the size of a baseball) attached to his belt.

The bushes moved again, and another person stepped out. He wasn't exactly human, though. Jaron recognized him as the Pokemon, Lucario. The most interesting thing about this Lucario, however, was that his fur was red, not blue.

"I told you he would hear us," the Lucario said crossly.

"Of course I could," Jaron said. "Both of you were practically rampaging through the bushes there." He kept an eye on the sphere on the boy's belt, keeping a tight grip on the now asleep Shaymin. "Are you a Pokemon Trainer?"

The boy blinked. "Er, no. Why?"

Jaron pointed at the Pokeball on his belt.

"Oh, this?" He took it off his belt, threw it up, and caught it. "This is just for self defense."

Jaron decided not to ask. "What were you two doing back there?"

"Um, ah—"

_"He was spying on you, clearly," _the Lucario said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, and _you _weren't?!" the boy countered angrily.

No comeback. The boy turned to Jaron. "W-we just wanted to see your Shaymin, so—"

"Shaymin? What the heck is that?"

The boy's mouth fell open. "You don't know what a—oh, come on! What did you think the creature you're holding is?"

"What, this guy?" Jaron looked down at the hedgehog-bush-whatever-it-is. "I just thought it was a hedgehog."

The boy almost fell over laughing. After he had calmed himself down a bit, he continued. "That 'hedgehog-bush' is Shaymin, one of the rarest legendary Pokemon in Sinnoh. It's said that flowers bloom wherever it walks."

"_Someone's_ been scrolling through the Pokedex a bit too often…" the Lucario muttered. Apparently, the boy got offended, and glared at him.

"Well, excuse _me_ for wanting to be a little thorough, James!"

"Yes, I excuse you for looking through your 'Dex every night, Maxwell."

"H-hey! I told you not to call me that!"

"Are you done arguing?" Both of them froze one the spot. Kaitlin, obviously awake, was staring at them both with her hands on her hips. "Who are you two, anyway?"

The boy stumbled; apparently, he found Kaitlin to be much more intimidating than Jaron. Maybe it was because she wasn't holding a sleeping Shaymin. Or it was probably the fact that Kaitlin had a certain atmosphere that said _I am better than you and you'd better admit it. _I assume it was the latter.

"Well? Speak up!"

"Um, ah--"

"The Lucario is called James, and the kid is Maxwell," Jaron said.

Maxwell turned red. "D-don't call me that! I hate that name! Call me Max, okay? M-A-X!"

"Okay then, Max and James," Kaitlin said, "What business do you have here? Speak up, lest I prove my full nelson." She cracked her knuckles, causing Max and James to gulp.

"Um, we--"

"Wanted to see the Shaymin," James said.

Kaitlin gave him a blank look. "The what?"

Max's mouth fell open. James, however, merely pointed at the sleeping 'bush' that Jaron was holding.

Kaitlin walked over to said brown-haired teen and examined the creature in his arms. "Oh, this? Where'd it come from?"

"It was eating some stuff in my bag."

Max shook his head as Jaron said that. "Hold on…neither of you have any idea what Shaymin is? Don't you know about Pokemon?"

"Yeah, why?" Kaitlin asked.

"Well…aren't you two Pokemon Trainers?"

Kaitlin shook her head. "No."

"Of course not," Jaron said. "Besides, I hate Pokemon Trainers anyway."

Max looked surprised. "Really? Why?"

Jaron sat down. "Well, since you're here, why don't you sit down? We might as well have breakfast…"

* * *

"So," James said, "How come you hate Trainers?"

Jaron gave the Shaymin another cracker. "Simply because of what they do. They take innocent Pokemon into captivity and force them into fighting each other simply for their entertainment, or for sport. I mean, whenever a Trainer finds a Pokemon, they ussualy try to attack and capture it. Can you imagine being attacked by a random stranger and being taken away from your home? And then being thrown into battle with another Pokemon that you've probably never met before?"

Max shook his head. "Sorry, no."

Jaron sighed. "Figured." He gave the Shaymin another cracker.

Max thought for a moment. "You know, it's not as if the Pokemon are forced to do anything. I mean, sure, there are some Trainers who a cruel, but others aren't demanding of their Pokemon or anything like that. Sometimes Pokemon need their Trainers as much as their Trainers need them. You know, teamwork and all that. It's that simple."

Jaron looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. "Doesn't change my mind."

"Wh-what d'you—"

"Don't bother trying to explain it to him," Kaitlin said. "There's no way to change his mind. I should know, I've tried. So don't bother telling him about morals and whatnot, it won't do squat."

Max looked at her for a second, then turned to Jaron and said, "She serious?"

"Yes, oddly enough."

"Personally, I think you're a loon," James said.

"James!"

Jaron laughed. "By the way, what's your story? How come you two are together?"

James started first. "Maxwell and I—"

"JAMES!"

"Fine, then, _Max_ and I have been together since he was seven."

"You see, my mom and dad found him as a Riolu in the woods a few years ago. Nobody knew where his parents were, and he couldn't tell us because he couldn't talk back then. So we took him in."

"That brings up a good question," Kaitlin said, now writing in her drawing book, "How come you can talk anyway, James? I thought you'd just speak with telepathy, but you're speaking English."

"That _is_ a good question, Kaitlin. Some time ago, we ran into a pair of humans with a Meowth, who, amazingly, could talk. He was glad enough to give me speech lessons—and a Meowth is a Cat Pokemon," he finished, noting Jaron's puzzled look.

"And what are you doing now?"

"We're trying to find and meet legendary Pokemon—and I said meet, not capture," Max said quickly, looking at Jaron. "And just so you know, I don't try to capture Pokemon. I'm not a Trainer, anyway."

"Then why—"

"The Pokeball I use is for self defense," Max said, unhooking said sphere from his belt. "See the string attached to it? I tie it to my hand, and when I throw the ball I can pull it back to grab it again."

"Uh-huh." Kaitlin nodded. "Not to, you know, change the subject, but what's with the cheeks?"

Max actually blushed for some reason. "Oh, uh, these are just birthmarks."

"Now that you mention it," James said, one paw on his chin, "We once met a fellow who had birthmarks like Max."

"Yeah, we did. He had this Pokemon baseball cap on, had black hair, and--"

"A yellow mouse?" Jaron asked.

Max stared at him. "Well, yeah, he had a Pikachu with him…why? Do you know him?"

"Yeah, and I nearly killed him," Jaron said nonchalantly. He walked over to the tent and went in.

Max stared after him, then looked at Kaitlin.

"It happened about a month ago," Kaitlin said, "Jaron and I were traveling around, when we found the guy you mentioned trying to catch this Pokemon. The moment Jaron saw the Pikachu hitting it with lighting, he went ballistic. He attacked the Pikachu, demanded to know what the Pokemon they were attacking had done to them, and attacked them. It took me everything to stop him from killing them both. And that's all I'm saying, 'cause I forgot everything else."

"…Oh."

"Are you two done?" Jaron asked as he left the tent. "Anyway, what're you two going to do now?"

"Well…" Max said. He and James looked at each other. "Ya see, since we've met this Shaymin, I was actually hoping--"

"No, she can't go with you."

Max started. "I didn't mean—wait, she?"

"Yeah, this little one is a girl, why?"

Max blinked. "I thought Shaymin didn't have gender…"

"Well, this one does. You were saying?"

"Um, oh yeah, well…if you don't mind…"

"Would you mind if we accompanied you?" James asked.

Jaron and Kaitlin looked at each other. "Well…"

"I'm okay with it. You?"

"Yep."

Max was amazed. "R-really? But, don't you want to know why?"

"Well, if you want to tell us you can, but we won't mind, really."

"T-thanks!" Max said.

Jaron handed him a cracker. "Now that we've got that out of the way, why don't you give Naminé a cracker?"

"Naminé?"

"Yeah, that's her name."

"…Uh, sure…"

As Max gave Naminé a snack, James asked, "So, do you two have a destination in mind?"

"Actually…" Jaron looked at Kaitlin, who looked curious. "Yeah, I do, anyway. Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, what?"

Jaron leaned forward. "Do you know where I can find information about anything and everything? Even things about other worlds?"

* * *

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_After seven long months, I have everything I need for this great experiment. Obtaining the proper materials has been far from easy, but now I have everything I need. Granted, some of the things I have done have not been properly legal, but I have had no choice; I merely wish to see if my hypothesis is correct._

_I begin tonight. I will see to it that the hero in the legends is revived and able to walk the earth once again!_

_I begin tonight._

* * *

At last!! I have finished this chapter.

Just so you know, we'll be getting back to what Jaron's doing in Toad Town in the next chapter. Till then, ta ta.

…And PLEASE!! Please review! I'll go for a smiley face, even! A BLINKIN' SMILEY FACE!!


	4. Cat and Mouse

Jordan: Hmm…

Max: What's on your mind?

Jordan: Gantz, and the way he writes his stories.

Kaitlin: You've been pondering that for months, Jordan. For god's sake, think of something else.

Jordan: (Ignores Kaitlin) I mean, let's think. Sole Exception talks about what Jaron does before he gets to Toon Town. So, some people would say it's an UNOFFICIAL "prequel" to Crossover Bros Brawl. In other words, what I write in this story will effect what happens in that story…for Jaron, anyway, I mean it's not as if anything I write will change the entire plot of Brawl or anything.

Kaitlin: Are you foolish enough to try?

Jordan: Good god, no. And I don't want to. Changing the subject a bit, in this chapter we will get back to what Jaron's doing in Toad Town, and…well, just read for yourself.

Chapter Four

Cat and Mouse

Jaron sighed again as he sat down._Remembering stuff like this always make me melancholy for some reason. Especially those dreams…_

Now that he though about it, he hadn't had those sort of dreams in a while. _I wonder why…_

_Meh, better not waste time thinking about it. _He stood up. _They said that they would come at noon… it's already eleven. Maybe I should visit the castle or something while I wait._

* * *

"Are we good to go?" Bowser said gruffly.

"The troops are ready, Your Nastiness," Kammy said with a cackle…which quickly turned into a loud coughing fit.

Bowser snorted, then turned to look at the castle. "Remember, make sure that the soldiers overwhelm Mario and his brothers while I get the princess. Got that?"

"Yes—hack—your—WHEESE—Gnarlyness—GASP!"

* * *

"They have a dojo?" Jaron was standing in front of the door of said dojo in amazement. He never knew that there was a dojo here. "Might as well check it out," he said aloud.

His hand was just about to grab the door handle when something made him stop. "Maybe I shouldn't," he said. He thought for a moment. "Should I, or shouldn't I…?"

…

"Nah."

Before going down the stairs behind him, he stole a glance through the window. What he saw was what appeared to be a beetle with a topknot sparring with a Toad in a black gi outfit.

For some reason, Jaron did a double take at the Toad. _Have I seen him before…? _As he saw the Toad unleash a roundhouse kick to the beetle, he thought, _Nah must be my imagination._

As he climbed down the stairs, he was nearly bowled over by yet another Toad, who was running by and screaming at the top of his lungs. "HELP! BOWSER! THE PRINCESS!! MARIOOOOO!!"

As Jaron got up, he saw the Toad leap into a pipe. _What's with him? And what about a princess? _He turned to the direction of the castle. _Is something happening over there?_

* * *

Ranulf gave a very loud yawn. He never thought that waiting would be so tiring. But he couldn't complain. He had a job to do, and the sooner he got it done, the sooner he would get back home to Gallia.

As soon as he thought this, he stiffened. He sniffed the air once, twice. He knew that smell. He became silent, listening intently.

_He's coming. That was faster than I thought it would be!_

He knew what he had to do. Simply go up to him and give him Nova's Smash Ball. Easy. Too easy, in fact…

He grinned. And a grinning Laguz is quite fearsome indeed. Nova said not to fight him, but surely he wouldn't mind if he played a simple game of cat and mouse, right? I mean, anything to relieve the boredom. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

* * *

All was silent as Jaron entered the entrance hall. Now that he noticed, there wasn't a single soul in sight. "Where is everyone?"

He heard footsteps. As he turned, he saw what appeared to be a large turtle with a helmet and hammer running into the hall, only to stop at the sight of Jaron.

"Wha…hey, you're not Mario. Who're you?"

"I should be asking you that," Jaron said. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

The turtle seemed to think a bit. "Hmm…Kammy said to stop Mario…but she never said anything about a kid…but he seems pretty harmless…"

"Oh, come on," Jaron said, "I'm FAR from harmless, trust me."

The Hammer Bro stared at him doubtfully. "That's hard to believe…but you're armed…Kammy won't have that…so…" He held up his hammer. "Sorry, kid." And then he threw it…only for Jaron to catch it.

"You know, you can really hurt someone with this, you realize that?" Jaron said, examining the hammer. As he looked up, he saw several more hammers zooming straight for his head.

"WAH!!" He immediately started dodging the lethal projectiles, clearly not wanting to get hit. "Hey! What the heck's the big idea, you—" As another hammer was flung at him, he immediately kicked it back at his attacker, causing said turtle to get hit in the face.

"YEEEOWWWCH!!" The Hammer Bro stumbled and fell, but then immediately got back up, only for Jaron to swiftly knee him in the stomach.

"GLACK!!" The Bro grabbed his stomach with a look of great pain. "Wh-what was that for?!"

"You were attacking me, what else?!" Jaron said angrily.

Hammer Bro stood up, only to double over in pain. "Agh…y-you hit hard…ugh, okay, this calls for some serious reinforcement." He took out a whistle and blew on it. Almost immediately, several Koopas, Paratroopas, and Goombas swarmed into the room.

And by several, I mean a LOT.

_Okay, maybe I should've just left, _Jaron thought.

* * *

Ranulf looked around the door into the hall. _Well, this was unexpected. _He thought for a second about helping Jaron, but he decided to wait.

Speaking of said teen, he seemed unfazed by the fact that he was surrounded by turtles that wanted to bash his head in. "Okay, guys," he began calmly, "now let's just calm down and talk this over like reasonable people--"

KABLAAAAM!!

Jaron clearly hadn't noticed the Bob-omb sneaking up on him. Ranulf winced. _Ouch. That HAD to hurt._

When the smoke cleared, he saw Jaron standing in the same pose as before, completely covered in soot. It was almost comical. Jaron quickly shook the soot off and glared at them all. "Okay, fine. If that's what you want, then I'll BLOODY GIVE IT TO YOU!!"

With that, he ran forward and punched a Koopa Troopa in the face.

That was the excuse they needed to attack him en masse. It would have been better if they hadn't.

Two Koopas started by withdrawing into their shells and spinning toward Jaron, who promptly kicked them toward another group of Koopatrols, making the sound of a bowling ball hitting the pins when they connected. Next, three Paratroopas attempted to dive bomb him, only for him to leap up and jump on top of one of them. This caused the flying turtle's wings to fall off (Something Jaron hadn't been expecting). Of course, no wings + being in the air falling.

And landing on several more Bob-ombs.

KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!

"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!"

The resulting explosion caused Jaron to be flung toward the wall and--

SMACK!!

Okay, never mind.

After peeling off the wall and landing on the floor, Jaron looked up to see a LOT of Koopatrols surrounding him, each one looking bloodthirsty. One of them cracked his knuckles. "Okay, kid, this'll only hurt…a LOT!!"

_Ow…this just isn't my day… _Jaron attempted to get up, only to collapse again. _I can barely move…what's wrong with me?_

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the Koopatrols shrieking. Looking up, he saw them all lying unconscious in front of him. He saw the reason why.

Standing before him was what appeared to be an enormous, blue furred cat with bandages on its legs. As it faced the rest of the Koopas, it turned to face Jaron and actually grinned (or at least bared its teeth) and turned again.

_What in the world…? _

"S-since when did YOU show up?!" one of the Koopas said.

"Oh, just now. What, you didn't see me come in?"

_He talks??_

"Anyway," the cat continued, "I think it would be better if you all left, otherwise you'll end up like your friends, understand?" He pointed at the unconscious Koopas with his tail.

"Oh, sure," one of the Koopatrols scoffed (even though he was clearly shaking in his boots), "Like that'll happen t--"

His last word was cut off reputedly as he was swatted by the cat's tail, flinging him across the hall.

"Next?" the cat said nonchalantly.

Any little confidence the other Koopas had left vanished on the spot. Screaming at the top of their lungs, they immediately fled out of the hall, apparently more afraid of the cat than even their king. (And that's saying something.)

"Not very brave, are they…" The cat then turned to Jaron, who was trying to get back up, and failing miserably.

As Jaron got back up again, he saw the cat pad up to him and, before his very eyes, transform into a tall man with blue hair and some crazy headgear. The only indication that he was catlike was the cat ears atop his head and the blue tail.

"You okay?"

Jaron stared at him.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

"Er…no." Jaron shook his head. "Who are you?"

"Name's Ranulf," the cat-man said cheerfully. "You look pretty banged up. Here," he handed Jaron a green bottle, "Drink this. It'll fix you up real quick."

As Jaron took the bottle, he looked at Ranulf curiously. "Where'd you come from?"

"Gallia. I came here on special business. When I saw you, I couldn't just leave you there to get slaughtered, could I?"

"That's not really what I--you were watching me?"

"Yeah. You were doing pretty well, too. Who taught you how to fight?"

"Myself, but I had some help from a man called David…" Jaron drank the potion. "What's in this, anyway?"

"Not entirely sure myself, but it's supposed to cure most wounds. You feel better yet?"

"Yeah. Thanks…Ranulf, right?"

"The one and only!"

As Jaron stood up, a look of realization appeared on Ranulf's face. "Oh yeah, I forgot…" He reached into his pocket. "I'm supposed to give you something."

"Really?" Jaron asked. "Me? From who? And why?"

"That's a secret," Ranulf said nonchalantly, still rummaging through his pocket. He suddenly stopped. "Hey…you know, there's no fun in just giving this to you, so…"

"What is it?"

Ranulf suddenly grinned (causing Jaron to take a step back). "Tell you what: I'll give you what I need to deliver, but only if you can catch me. Deal?"

Jaron stared at him. _What's with him..._ "Why don't you just give whatever it is to me and save me the trouble?" he said, sounding slightly annoyed.

"I like my idea better." With that, Ranulf transformed back into a cat and sprinted off. "Catch me if you can!!"

"Hey, wait!!" Jaron yelled. _Ugh…what's with this guy? _he thought as he gave chase.

* * *

"WHAT?!" This was punctuated by a fireball to the Koopatrol's face. Word to the wise: When giving Bowser bad news, douse yourself with fire retardant liquid.

"Let me get this straight," Bowser said angrily, "You're telling me that your troop was beaten by a SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD and a GIANT CAT?! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME!?"

"Now, now, Lord Bowser," Kammy said, "Remember what the doctor said about your blood pre--"

"I DON'T GIVE TWO FIGS ABOUT MY BLOOD PRESSURE!! WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS HOW A TEENAGER AND A CAT MANAGED TO--" Before he finished ranting, Bowser actually calmed down (Which, I might add, seriously frightened everyone else present, as Bowser had NEVER calmed down that quickly before). "Hold on…the kid you're talking about wasn't Clay, was it?"

"Er…em…" The last thing the Koopatrol wanted was to incur more of Bowser's wrath, so… "Y-yeah, now that you mentioned it, h-he did look like him--"

"But isn't Clay nineteen? The boy you described was sixteen," Kammy interjected.

I'll let you guess what's next. I'll give you a hint, though: Bang. That's all I'll tell you.

* * *

"For crying out loud…" Jaron muttered as he entered the Castle's gardens. "Why is it that I have to deal with people who constantly want to mess with my head? Seriously…"

As he wandered around, Ranulf watched him from behind a statue. _This should be fun…_

As Jaron began to yell, "Ranulf! Where the heck--" said cat ran from behind the statue and zoomed past Jaron, causing him to turn and see him. "Wha--get back here, you!"

Now, some of you probably don't know this, but Jaron is fast. REALLY fast. Unfortunately for him, however, Ranulf was faster. Not to mention crafty.

As Ranulf stopped to take a breath, Jaron leapt toward him, only for the cat-man to roll over, causing him to miss entirely and land on his face. "Ow…"

"That looked like it hurt," Ranulf observed. Jaron stood up and glared at him.

"You little…"

Before Jaron could insult Ranulf in every way possible (and some ways IMpossible), the annoying cat man had ran off.

Jaron shook his head. "I'm going to kill him…"

As Jaron practically ransacked the gardens for Ranulf, said laguz was lurking underneath a bush, purring with amusement as Jaron lifted up a pot to check underneath it. It was clear that he was enjoying himself too much. _I wonder, will he actually be able to—hmm?_

Jaron had stopped doing whatever he was doing and was now standing quite still. If Ranulf didn't know better, he would've thought that Jaron was trying to smell him, but—

"GOTCHA!!"

Ranulf let out a yowl of alarm as Jaron actually jumped into the bush, scattering leaves and whatnot everywhere. By some miracle, however, Jaron had missed entirely, allowing Ranulf to leap out of the bush and sit a comfortable distance away, watching with amusement as Jaron attempted to untangle himself from the plant, all the while yelling at the top of his lungs.

"I SWEAR TO HEAVEN, THE MINUTE I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GOING TO WRING YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE NECK AND—"

"Sure are temperamental, aren't ya?" Ranulf said, more to himself than Jaron. By this time, the irate teenager had managed to pry himself from the offending plant and was now facing Ranulf with his hands curled into fists.

"You…little…why can't you just give me whatever you're supposed to give me, and get it over with?!"

"Because I'm having too much fun," Ranulf said simply.

"Fun?! FUN?! Okay, fine! You want fun?! I'LL GIVE YOU FUN!!"

This was further punctuated by Jaron lunging at Ranulf with the intention of tearing him into pieces, only for the cat man to leap aside, causing Jaron's face to come into contact with the ground. A second later, Jaron leapt up and kicked at Ranulf, but missed. This was enough for Ranulf to retaliate and dash past Jaron, lashing out with a paw to hit him in the stomach as he zoomed past.

"Agh…" Jaron doubled over, but stood back up and ran toward Ranulf, who dashed toward him in kind. As they ran past each other, Ranulf shot out his paw as before, but Jaron grabbed his tail first. This promptly caused Ranulf to let out a loud shriek, because Jaron was pulling really HARD.

"Gotcha, you—OW!" Ranulf had kicked him in the stomach with his hind leg. As Jaron doubled over _again_, Ranulf leapt forward and slammed into Jaron, causing him to get knocked over.

As he laid there, Jaron managed to mutter, "Ow…" before falling unconscious.

* * *

"Hey, you all right?"

Jaron opened his eyes to see Ranulf standing over him, a worried expression on his face.

"Er, sorry about knocking you out like that."

"Why did you do that?" Jaron said crossly.

"Some sort of reflex, I guess."

"Reflex?"

"Long story."

Jaron decided not to force the issue. As he got up, he said, "You do realize that I managed to catch you, right?"

A look of realization dawned on Ranulf's face. "Oh, yeah, you did!"

"So…" Jaron held out his hand. "You said you'd give me something when I caught you, didn't you?"

"That I did." Ranulf put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small bag, which he threw to Jaron. "There you go."

Jaron looked at the bag. "What's in this?"

"You see if you look in it," Ranulf said casually. "You know, you're pretty skilled for such a young beorc."

Jaron stared at him. "What'd you just call me?"

"Oh, a beorc is a human."

"Why didn't you just say human then?"

Ranulf shrugged. "Eh, didn't want to be disrespectable."

Jaron was now thoroughly confused. "Wha--?"

"Sorry, don't have time to explain." Ranulf turned and held up his hand in a sign of farewell. "Gotta go. I've got places to be and things to do. Maybe we'll see each other again."

"Wha--hey!" Jaron barely took a step forward before Ranulf shifted into a cat again and zoomed off. "Come back!!"

But he was already gone. "What was that all about?" He glanced at the bag. "Why'd he give me this?"

Jaron probably would've kept on wondering about the situation, and why Ranulf had made him go through all that for a bag, but before he opened the bag he heard a loud shriek.

"Huh?" He glanced around. Judging from the direction of the sound, he figured that the shriek had come from the castle. He turned and went inside, stuffing the bag into his pocket and resolving to check it out later.

* * *

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_At last, I have succeeded._

_I've had my fair share of doubts, but now I'm sure of myself. Those who believed that you cannot give life to something, or create life from nothing, will be proven wrong soon enough._

_And yet...there's something that has been bothering me..._

_When the boy's eyes opened at last, I felt joy in my heart for my great experiment had succeeded._

_But in the boy's eyes..._

_I saw only sadness._

* * *

Jordan: There you go.

Kaitlin: (Opens her mouth)

Jordan: Save your criticisms for later, Kaitlin.

Kaitlin: (Glares at Jordan)

Lucas: I kinda liked it.

Jaron: So did I, but I didn't appreciate you having Ranulf knocking me out, Jordan.

Jordan: What did you expect me to do, wear a tutu and dance to the tune of Disco Inferno? Oh, and Ranulf is copyrighted of Nintendo (He's from Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance). Plus, points to whoever spots the slight references in this chapter.

Kaitlin: What reference?

Jordan: Check Legend of the Star Rod. And Pokemario. Or Mario Science Theater 3000.

Kaitlin: What, you mean--?

Jordan: Yes.

Max: What d'you—oh, I get it!!

Jordan: Anyway, I need to go. See ya!

(P.S. Clayton Mario is property of NUTCASE. The Toad in the dojo is copyrighted by Gantz Gun. Hey, nobody said I can't make a reference!)


	5. Bowser's Revenge and other matters

Jordan: (Knocking a plunger-tipped arrow to a bow) Wait for my command…

Max: (Holding a toaster)

Jordan: FIRE!!

(Toast pops out of the toaster and gets hit by Jordan's arrow, then impacts with Kaitlin's face, who's just coming in)

Kaitlin: JORDAN!!

Jordan: Oh, jeeze…

Max: Should we run?

Jordan: Yes!

Kaitlin: YOU TWO GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!

Jaron: Seeing as Jordan and Max are being pursued by Kaitlin, it would be best if Lucas and I start this chapter instead.

Lucas: We'll see Jaron fighting Bowser this time, and Max, Kaitlin and James reunite with Jaron.

Jaron: Let's get sta—

Jordan: MEDIC!!

Kaitlin: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!

Chapter Five

Bowser's Revenge (and other matters)

Bowser had gone through the whole routine a hundred—no, a thousand—heck, a MILLION times before: Raid the castle, kidnap Peach, lure Mario into some trap or another, then get the tar beaten out of himself. Same old, same old. So, why did he keep doing it? I have no idea, but I'm getting the idea that he did it for fun. Either that or something else. Probably the latter. Yeah, definitely the latter.

All the same, he never got tired of the same old thing. Peach did, though. "Are you here to kidnap me again?" Peach asked indignantly. Bowser had just suddenly crashed through the door into the throne room, clearly deciding to forget all plans of stealth and whatnot and do the usual.

Bowser stared at Peach in surprise. "How'd you know about—"

"Because you always try to kidnap me when you come here!" Peach said matter-of-factly.

"Hmmm….she has a point, your Nasti—" Kammy Koopa began, but Bowser silenced her with a glare. He turned to Peach.

"Now, then, my dear princess, why don't we just skip the pleasantries and—"

Before the King of All Things Smelly and Unpleasant could finish, the doors behind him slammed open. He turned, fully expecting to see an annoying red-clothed Italian man with a suave mustache and big nose.

"I was wondering when you'd come, Mari—" Bowser started, but he immediately stopped as he saw the one who had entered. "Huh?"

Peach and Kammy stared in confusion as well. Instead of seeing the oh-so-familiar sight of Mario Mario and/or his brothers, Luigi Mario and Clay, they saw a sixteen-year-old teen with a tattered red jacket and a meteor-branded shirt.

(It's Jaron, in case you haven't realized.)

_**(Kaitlin: Lemme ask something. Why'd you put Mario's mustache as "Suave"??**_

_**Jordan: My mind works in strange ways, Kaitlin.**_

_**Max: No doubt about that…)**_

"Who the heck are you supposed to be?" Bowser asked, clearly confused as to why a teenager would just burst in on a would-be kidnapping.

Most people would think that Jaron would reply rudely, but that's not how he rolls. "Who?" he asked, his arms crossed and his head tilted to one side. "Hmmmm….well, who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a boy in a tattered red jacket."

They all blinked. "Yeah, well, we can all see that…" Bowser said.

"I know that. I never said I was questioning your powers of observation. I was merely remarking on why you would ask such a person who he is."

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" Kammy squawked, clearly getting unnerved by this "creepy little kid."

In one of life's greatest moments (and those who know Zane T. should find this familiar), Jaron turned to look at Kammy, then turned to Bowser and said, "Who's that hood ornament with the shag rug on her head?"

The reaction was immediate and predictable.

Bowser snickered at Jaron's question, while even Peach giggled. Kammy, on the other hand, was staring at Jaron with a look of what can only be called shock.

The mere thought of what he said sent her memory into overdrive as she remembered a Toad who had called her that EXACT SAME INSULT so long ago. Wave upon wave of paranoia and shock crashed over her, as the memory of that day swam through her ancient brain.

Needless to say, her reaction went something like this:

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" she screamed at the top of her old, tiny, shriveled-up, and most DEFINITELY misused lungs. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?"

_**(And yes, I know that I used WAY too many letters.)**_

Even Bowser was slightly disturbed. Jaron, on the other hand, just said, "Oh, sorry if I offended you. Would 'a mule's backside on the broad end of a pitchfork' be better?"

This just caused Kammy to hyperventilate. "Y-you…YOU……_**YOU!!"**_ To say she was irate would be the understatement of the millennium. "_**YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH THAT TOAD, AREN'T YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT?! WELL, I'VE HAD IT!! I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE!! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!!"**_

And with that, she held up her wand and screeched, "AVADA KEDA--HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!"

She then fell into a long and loud coughing fit, complete with gasping, wheezing, choking, and hacking, along with an additional "ACK!!" and "GEH!!" and an occasional "PWACK!!"

This went on for several minutes, with Jaron occasionally checking the time while Bowser impatiently tapped his foot. Eventually, Kammy gasped, "Hack…cough…oh, forget it…I'll just…auuuuugh…" She then promptly fell to her skinny knees, gasping for air.

Bowser snorted. "Old bat. If you can't even stop coughing to pulverize some brat, then step aside and let ME do it."

He stomped forward, stopping when he was five feet in front of Jaron. "Okay, then, kid, I'll give ya ten seconds before I flame ya. You wanna beg for forgiveness?"

"I have a better idea. Why don't you skip the count and try to flame me anyway?" Jaron asked, his hands behind his back. "You never know, you might even catch me by surprise."

Bowser stared at him. This was probably the first time EVER that someone had actually dared him to attack. Now, at first, he was skeptical, but he remembered his past dealings with Mario, and he rallied almost at once.

"Very clever, kid, but I'm not easily tricked."

LIES!! ALL LIES!!

Bowser glared up at the ceiling, looking annoyed. "Dang author…he's worse than that Gantz Gun brat…"

I'm just doin' my job, Koopa King. Please don't complain. And don't be rude to other people.

Bowser ignored that last bit and turned back to Jaron. "I'll count to three, and if you beg for mercy I MIGHT make it easy for you. One…"

"What do you mean, MIGHT? Is that your way of saying 'it will be as excruciatingly painful as possible?"

"TWO…"

"Ohh, look at me, I'm a big scary turtle! I bet you're a riot at parties, you know what I mean?"

"THREE!"

Bowser then proceeded to breathe a gratuitous amount of flame at Jaron, completely engulfing him in burning heat exceeding 4000 Fahrenheit. (feel free to dance to "Disco Inferno" at this point.) When he was finished, there was nothing left but a pile of ash.

Peach was horrified, her hands over her mouth; Bowser seemed shocked by what he did too, but he calmed himself and muttered, "Well, he was asking for it anyway—"

"Asking for what? Grapes? I'm fond of grapes, personally."

Bowser jumped in surprise, looking around wildly for the voice, until he had the sensibility to look up.

"W-what the--?!"

There was Jaron, standing on top of his head, looking completely unscathed. "Didja miss me?" he asked, grinning.

Bowser growled angrily as he swung his fist at Jaron. "Why, you LITTLE—"

POW!! As you no doubt have guessed, Jaron had jumped off of Bowser's head, causing his fist to make contact with his face.

As Bowser reeled back, holding his face in pain, Jaron landed in front of him, making a "Bring it" gesture. "Wanna dance?"

Bowser lost it at that point. "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!"

Jaron grinned. "Fight time."

(The theme "Beauty is a Mad Mistress" from Radiant Dawn starts playing at that point.)

Now that Bowser was properly enraged, he swung at Jaron, his claws sharper than swords. This was rewarded with a big hunk o' nothing, as Jaron had leapt over the giant Koopa and landed behind him. This was when he noticed Bowser's tail.

"Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I did _this_?" Jaron then proceeded to grab Bowser's tail and flipped him over (though with a LOT of effort). The resulting crash and earthquake was deafening.

"Good grief, you need to lose a few pounds," Jaron said, rubbing his slightly sore arms.

"SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!" Bowser roared, swinging and grabbing Jaron in his fist. "You…LITTLE…" He opened his mouth wide, clearly intending to bite Jaron's head off. Next second he had dropped Jaron, as if he had burned him. "YEEEOUCH!!"

"Oof…" Jaron stood back up, glaring at Bowser. "Okay, fine. If that's what you want…" He reached for his sword.

Bowser had now beyond reason at this point, which was considered perfectly normal. "I'm gonna KILL YOU!!" He immediately lunged at Jaron, fully intending to tear him into pieces.

Jaron's only response was to leap into the air, causing Bowser to miss him entirely. As the Koopa King looked around wildly, he heard the (in his opinion) annoying little twerp yelling, "HEADS UP!!"

If Bowser had decided to move out of the way instead of looking up, he would've saved himself a lot of pain and ridicule. Too late now, though.

"YAAAAAAH!!" As Jaron fell towards Bowser, he swung his sword, slamming the tip onto the Koopa's head, causing him to faceplant into the floor.

As Bowser struggled to get up, Jaron landed in front of him, his sword drawn. "Done yet?"

Bowser stood up, rubbing his head and glaring at Jaron. "Why, you…" He didn't even bother trying to finish as he spat another fireball at him. This only caused Jaron to duck, the fireball sailing over his head.

"You have horrible aim," was the only thing Jaron said before he dashed toward Bowser, slashing at him once, twice, several times. As Bowser reeled back in shock and pain, Jaron leapt into the air. "Now for the coup de grace!" With that, Jaron kicked his sword at Bowser, that hand smacking into his face and causing him to fall over.

"LORD BOWSER!!" Kammy shrieked, finally back on her feet (she had spent most of the fight trying to stop coughing, in case you're wondering).

As Bowser struggled to get up, Jaron picked up his sword and walked over to Bowser. "You put up a good fight," he said. Bowser only grimaced at him, holding his side as he staggered onto his feet.

"Y-you…" It was clear that Bowser had nothing to say. "Kammy…we're leaving." The Koopa Witch stared at him with shock. "This kid's too much…it's time to go…"

"B-but your Filthiness—"

"No arguing!" Bowser snapped, instantly silencing Kammy. He glared at Jaron, then glanced at Peach for a brief second before lumbering toward an open window and jumping out of it. A second later, he came back up, riding in a creepy looking clown helicopter thing. "The next time we meet, kid," Bowser seethed, "you won't be so lucky!!"

And with that, he flew off, Kammy flying after him on her broomstick (though not before giving Jaron a scathing look as she flew off).

Jaron watched them go, then yawned. "Well, that's that." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Jaron turned to see Peach approaching him. "Yes?" he asked.

"Th-thank you."

Jaron waved his hand lazily. "Eh, just doin' my job." He turned to leave. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I have to meet."

Before he walked out the doors, however, Peach asked, "Wait! I never got your name!"

Jaron stopped. "Name's Roxai. Jaron Roxai." He faced Peach and grinned. "Well, see ya." He walked out, saying a "Heya" to a completely bewildered Mario as he passed him.

* * *

"Always gets into mischief, doesn't he?" Kaitlin asked.

"No kiddn'…" Max said.

The two of them, along with Lucario and Namine the Shaymin, who was being held by Kaitlin, were standing in the Toad Town square in front of a billboard that spoketh thus:

**Mysterious Stranger saves Peach!**

**And it's NOT Mario!**

**Who is this mysterious youth?**

"I'm beginning to think that Jaron enjoys the publicity," James said.

"What? Nah, I avoid it like the plague."

They all whirled around to see no other than Jaron himself, hands behind his back and grinning. "THERE you are!" Kaitlin said, half annoyed, half amused.

"Well, it's not as if I was going to hide forever, you know?" Jaron asked as he took a bow. "You look as lovely as ever, Kaitlin." Said redhead snorted. "It's nice to see that you're doing well, too, Maxwell." Max looked indignant. "I told you, don't CALL me that!" he said, annoyed. Jaron only chuckled and turned to James. "You haven't changed at all, Jimmy." "It's JAMES…" the red Lucario sighed. "And Namine...it's great to see you." Said Shaymin actually blushed. Jaron then turned to the new member of the group. "And you are…?"

Said person appeared to be another Pokemon, and actually looking similar to Namine, except that this one had a deerlike appearance, due to its large ears. It's only response was to scowl at Jaron, who raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, this is Roxas," Max explained. "He's also a Shaymin, but he's in Sky Form."

"That explains the similarities," Jaron said. "So, what've you all been up to?"

"We should be asking you the same thing," Kailtin said, stepping up to Jaron (who didn't flinch, amazingly enough). "What the heck made you just run off like that, anyway? You didn't even explain anything!"

Jaron blinked. "Well, I'll tell you, but let's get something to eat first…"

* * *

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_While the experiment was a complete success, it appears that the boy is completey incapable of speech or walking. He seems to be improving rapidly, however, and is capable of distinguishing sights and sounds. He has a habit of cocking his head to one side whenever I speak, a look of curiosity on his young face._

_There is something I found odd, however. I was reading to him only last night, and when I uttered the word 'Zarathustra', he twitched and looked around wildly, looking terrified…_

* * *

Kaitlin: What have we learned?

Jordan: (covered in bruises) Never shoot arrows at toast…

Kaitlin: Max?

Max: Likewise…ouch…

Jaron: Right…well, sorry this chapter might seem to be a bit short, but Jordan wanted it updated as quickly as possible.

Lucas: In the next chapter, we…well…

Jordan: (Completely recovered) It'll be a while before I can get the next one in, because I have to ask someone something first.

Kaitlin: This person being?

Jordan: You know what. Any, I hope you liked this one, So have a good night!

Lucas: Please review!


	6. Do the Tom and Crow Dance

Lucas: (looks exhausted)

Kaitlin: So, how'd the party go?

Jaron: It was pretty boring, but then this guy called Karl showed up, thereby causing Lucas to scream and then faint, and then I had to carry him out of there as a riot ensued. Then I went back inside.

Max: And did what?

Jaron: I hid behind a potted plant, but then a painting on the wall caught my attention and I missed the entire conversation. Then Mandy found me and booted me out the door.

Kaitlin: Uh-huh.

Jaron: By the way, what's going on over there? (Points at Jordan. Said author is hunched over his desk with a pair of robots and a Karate Toad hovering over him.)

Max: They're watching him like hawks.

Kaitlin: Jordan probably thinks that if he doesn't make any sudden movements, they probably won't attack.

Jordan: (blinks)

Tom Servo: ATTACK!!! (He and Crow lunge at Jordan, causing a giant dust cloud.)

Jordan: Ow! OW! Hey, get—AGH!!

Crow: I got his glasses!!

Kaitlin: Oh, for cryin' out loud…(she, Lucas, and Max walk over to break it up) Okay, you guys, get off of—OW!! That was my nose! That is IT!!! YOU ARE GOING DOWN, TOAD!!!

Zane: MAKE ME!!!

Lucas: Guys, please--!

Max: Don't bother. Whenever Kaitlin gets into a brawl, there's no stopping her. Maybe we should start the chapter…

Jaron: Okay then…(Presses button)

Zane: IS THAT ALL YA GOT?!?!

Kaitlin: DIE, YOU KARATE-KID WANNABE!!!

Jordan: STOP HURTING ME!!!THE GUYS WHO MADE THAT MYSTERY THEATER THING WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!!! CROW, STOP BITING MY LEG!!!

Chapter Six

Do the Tom and Crow Dance

"Tom, I'm getting a bad feeling…"

"It'll be FINE, Crow. Besides, who knows when we'll get another chance like this? This is the perfect opportunity!"

"But don't you remember what Clay and Vivian said?"

"They were just being paranoid."

"But the last time we did this—"

"That was a mistake. We'll be FINE. Now help me with this."

* * *

"…And then this giant blue cat came out of nowhere!"

Jaron and his friends had stopped by a local café to grab a bite. As they ate, Jaron had told them about what had happened to him since they last saw each other—not including the whole Merlon thing.

"A giant cat?" Max asked, taking a drink of soda. "Was it a Pokémon?"

"Not at all, 'cause when those turtle things ran off he turned into a man."

"With cat ears and a tail?" Kaitlin asked.

Jaron stared at her. "Yeah…how—"

"A bunch of people like that come into the café I work at from time to time," Kaitlin said nonchalantly. "Sounds like you ran into a Laguz."

"A what?"

"Demi-humans who live in Tellius." Kaitlin pulled out a book and flipped through it. "Laguz look like humans, but with animal features like tails and wings and such. There's a bunch of types of Laguz, like cats and birds and even dragons. But what was a cat laguz doing there, anyway?"

Jaron shrugged. "Apparently, he said he wanted to give me something. Speaking of which…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bag he had received. "This is it. I haven't looked into it yet."

James took the bag. "You haven't looked in it? Let's see, then…" He reached a paw into the bag and pulled it out…

To show that he was holding the most colorful ball they had ever seen. It was surrounded by a rainbow of colors, ranging from green, yellow, blue, red, purple, and every other color from the spectrum. The sphere had an interesting symbol on it—a circle sliced into even fourths, but the center of the cross-like symbol was lower and more right instead of the dead-center of the sphere.

James placed it on the table, and they all stared at it. "Wow. Colorful," Kaitlin said.

"What is it?" Max asked.

Kaitlin picked it up. "I don't know…but…" she stared at the symbol on it. "This symbol looks familiar for some reason…"

Jaron took the ball. "Really?" he asked as he examined it.

Kaitlin frowned at Jaron's impatience. "Well, I think a customer at my café told me something about it once…can't remember what, though--"

"Aah!" Jaron shouted, dropping the ball in shock.

"What? What's wrong?" Max asked.

Jaron looked shaken. "Er, ah, nothing, nothing."

They all stared at him, then James placed the ball back onto the table. "Well, anyway, getting back on the subject—"

"Excuse me."

They all turned to see a rather peculiar person standing by their table. She had blue hair and golden eyes and wore a blue cloak, and was rather pretty. "Can I ask what that is?" she asked, pointing at the ball.

"And you are…?" Jaron asked.

"Oh, my name is Meriee. I heard you drop that ball, and when I saw it I--"

"You want to see it?" Jaron said. Meriee, looking surprised, nodded. "Well, here ya go." As he handed the ball to Meriee, Kaitlin saw him glance at it, and his face turned pale. This didn't go unnoticed by Meriee. "Er, are you okay?" she asked as she took the ball.

"Eh? Oh, er, yeah, yeah, I'm fine…"

Kaitlin snorted. Jaron turned to give her a disparaging glare and turned back to Meriee, who was examining the ball. "So, Meriee, you here for lunch?"

"Yeah. I'm here with my friend, Zane. He's the Toad over there." She pointed at said Toad, who was sitting at a nearby table and was gazing out the window; Jaron recognized him as the one he had seen at the dojo earlier.

"Oh, so you're here on a date?" Kaitlin asked.

At this, Meriee turned bright red. "N-no! We're just here for lunch…"

"Is that sunburn, or are you blushing?" Max lightly teased.

Meriee decided to end the conversation there. She handed Jaron back the ball. "Um, here you go…"

"Thanks." Kaitlin noticed that Jaron was deliberately trying to avoid directly looking at the sphere as he took it.

"I'd better be going," Meriee said. "Thank you for letting me look at it. If I may ask, what are your names?"

"Well, the redhead's Kaitlin--" Kaitlin rolled her eyes as he said 'redhead,' "--the guy with the cap is Max--" Max waved cheerily, "--and I'm Jaron. Nice to meet ya, Meriee."

"It's a pleasure to meet you all," Meriee said, bowing.

"Oh, and before I forget--" Jaron gestured to James and the two Shaymin-- "These are James, Naminé and--what was it--oh yeah, Roxas-- hey, are you okay?"

Almost as soon as Meriee laid eyes on James, she froze, a look of shock on her face. She was like this for two seconds, until she mouthed one word:

_Lucario?_

"Er…is something the matter, miss?" James asked politely. To Max's surprise, Meriee didn't seem to be shocked to hear James speaking English.

"Er…no…it's just…I didn't expect…" Meriee seemed slightly flustered. "I…sorry, you must excuse me…" She turned and walked back to her table.

"What was that about?" Max wondered.

"Am I the only one who noticed that she paid little attention to these two?" Jaron asked as he indicated Roxas and Naminé, both of who were slightly put out.

* * *

"No, Crow! A lot of people I know are allergic to peanuts!!"

"And just _how_ would you know that, Tom?! For that matter, how do you know they're in _this_ restaurant?"

"Look, just hear me out; I just don't want to get sued by some guys who have a peanut allergy."

"Speak for yourself, Tom."

"You sound like you _want_ to get sued!"

"Hey, at least we'll end up on CourtTV."

"We'll be _jailed_, Crow!"

"…It's still being on TV…"

If I told you that there was Chaos in the Kitchen with Tom Servo & Crow (Chaos in the Kitchen, I Know-oh-oh-oh), that would be putting it VERY lightly. It was pretty much an all-out civil war with the forces of General Tom Servo vs. those of Sir Lance-Crow, and I have absolutely no idea who was winning.

And they were fighting over PEANUTS, for heaven's sake.

"AGH! Don't put that in, Crow! Human digestive systems can't withstand the might of a wok in their lower Gastro-Inestinal track!"

"And how would YOU know, Mr. Smarty-Pants?"

"Hey! It's Mr. Smarty-Pants SERVO to you!!!"

Unfortunately for one waitress, she just happened to enter with a couple of orders. " 'Scuse me, I--"

Only to be confronted with the first episode of **REALLY?!?!?** brought to you by HITV (Heavily Introverted Television).

* * *

(Max: Okay…could someone explain this to me?

Jaron: I don't get it either…

Lucas: I've never heard of 'Really' before…

Jacob: It's a reference to a skit on SNL. Care to explain, Jor- Jordan?

Jordan: (Pulling at Tom's arms) NO MERCY!!!!

Kaitlin: Oh, for god's sake…)

* * *

"What's taking so long?" Max complained. "I'm starving! I could eat a Gyarados!"

"You're always hungry, Max," James said, rolling his eyes.

"I am not!"

"You are, actually," Kaitlin said as she stroked Roxas' hair. "The only thing I haven't seen you eat is meat."

Max flushed, but said nothing.

"So…" Jaron said in an attempt to change the subject, "Where'd you guys meet Roxas, anyway? It was after we split up, right?"

Max, James, and Kaitlin looked at each other. "Well, yes…" Max said slowly.

"Well? Where was it?"

Kaitlin was silent for a moment. "Well…"

"You know, if you feel uncomfortable telling me, you don't have to, okay?"

The three of them looked relieved. "Okay, then…"

Jaron raised an eyebrow. _Why did they get so uneasy? I'll ask later… _"By the way, I forgot to tell you before…" He told them about his visit to Merlon.

Kaitlin had this to say: "He sounds like an old fraud. Sort of like that old dude who sold my dad his last car."

"He was ripped off, wasn't he?"

"Sort of."

Max had a different view. "I don't know…James and I once met a witch who could predict the future, even though she didn't do it very well."

"Well, I don't know if he was being accurate or not, but I don't really care now."

"At least you have a lead on the one you're looking for, right?" Kaitlin asked.

"True. But I don't know anyone with blonde hair. Do you?"

"Nope," Max said.

"I see a bunch of blonde people in the café sometimes, but none of them kids," Kaitlin said.

"What about you two?" Jaron asked, looking at Naminé and Roxas. Both of them shaking their heads.

"Oh, man…"

"Hey, cheer up," Max said, slapping him on the back, "It's not like all hope is lost, right?"

Jaron slowly nodded. "I guess so."

This was around the time that the waitress came around (recovered from her encounter in the kitchens) with their orders. "Here you go!"

"Finally!" Max exclaimed. Almost as soon as the waitress set down his plate he attacked it with the ferocity of a wolf. He stopped a moment to look up and see the others staring at him. "Uh…what?"

James gave Jaron and Kaitlin a "You see what I mean?" sort of look.

"Um, Max, you shouldn't eat so fast. You might choke," Kaitlin said. "Or worse."

"What d'you mean, 'or worse'?"

Jaron just burst out laughing.

* * *

Zane looked stunned. "A…a Lucario? Really?"

"See for yourself!" Meriee gestured toward Jaron's table. "See it? The red one…"

Zane was even more shocked. "I can't believe it…I mean, I thought it was our Lucario, but…I mean, Ash told me that shiny Lucario have yellow fur, but…why red?"

"I don't know…" A horrible thought came to mind. "You don't think it has something to do with the Dentes Rhohos, do you?"

"I doubt it," Zane said quickly. "I mean, even if it was the Dentes Rhohos, why would one be sitting in a café? 'Side's, I don't see any red teeth, do you?"

"I suppose you're right." Meriee sounded relieved.

A long moment of awkward silence followed. Occasionally peppered by awkward stolen glances. The silence was broken by the boy with the Lucario calling, "I want some more, please!"

"Max, that was your fourth helping!" the redhead said, annoyed.

Zane decided to break the already-fragile ice. "Where d'you think Tom and Crow have gone?"

"I don't know, but I hope they're not getting into trouble again," Meriee said.

* * *

Meriee's hope was wasted. The war in the kitchen had intensified, with pieces of lettuce and radishes flying everywhere. The two were ducked behind several sacks of Idaho Potatoes serving as makeshift ramparts. It looked like a miniature of the Battle at Waterloo, and both sides were Napoleon.

"You shall surrender to me, my dear General Servo!" Crow said, in a mocking, English accent. (Think King Cold from DBZ)

"In your dreams, you robot-pigeon knight!" Tom yelled in retaliation.

"Hey! I'm not a pigeon, I'm a crow. A CROW, you hear me!?" This was soon followed by a potato slamming into the wall an inch for Tom's face.

"RETALIATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tom screamed as he hurled an entire head of frozen lettuce at Crow, missing and making a huge clatter of kitchenware behind him.

* * *

"You guys hear something?" Max asked.

"Yeah, someone getting their pay cut in half," Kaitlin said.

* * *

At this point, Tom probably would've whipped out his machine gun (named Luciel for a reason I simply cannot fathom) had the oven not dinged.

"Ah, lunch is ready!"

After dislodging themselves out of the mess they had created (Clay would make them clean it up later) they took the meal out of the oven, cleaned themselves up, and carried it out of the kitchen.

"You know, I still have a bad feeling about this date thing--"

"And again, Crow, you're being paranoid. This is gonna go without a hitch, trust me!"

"That's what you said the last 36 times!"

"Those were accidents. This'll be cake!"

"What'll be cake?" Someone appeared _right_ in front of Tom's face.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" Tom immediately threw up the tray he was holding and leapt into Crow's arms in terror, who promptly dropped him. Jaron caught the tray and sniffed the food on it. "Hmm, smells nice. Who's it for?"

"And just who the hell are you?!" Crow asked indignantly.

"Language, please. There might be innocent children present." Crow responded by flipping Jaron off. "Uh…why are you doing that? Are you saying I offended you in some way? If I did, then I'm sorry."

Crow stood there, dumbfounded. "Have you _no_ idea of the concept of giving someone the middle finger?!"

"Giving it to-- wait, you're not going to chop that off and give it to me, are you?!"

Tom took the tray. "Oh, forget it! Just get out of the way, kid, we have serving to do!" Jaron, not taking the hint, decided that these two robots were very interesting characters, and decided to follow them.

"So, what're your names? Mine's Jaron."

"I'm Tom. That's Crow. Go away."

"Tom and Crow, huh? Nice to meet you. I guess you guys work here?"

"Yes, now go away."

"You sound pretty rude, you know that? Are you always like thi--" Tom immediately whipped out Luciel and pointed it at Jaron's face.

"I am going to give you FIVE seconds to go away before I--"

Before he could finish, Jaron reached out and pulled the slide out of the gun, effectively making it useless. "You shouldn't wave a gun around. You might shoot someone."

If Tom had organs, he would've had an aneurism right at that moment. Instead, he gave Jaron an enraged glare, then walked (floated, whatever) toward Zane's table with Crow.

"He's certainly friendly, isn't he?" Jaron asked.

* * *

"Oh, wait, here they come," Meriee said.

"Sorry to keep you two waiting!" Crow exclaimed as he set down their plates. "Bon appetite!"

Meriee picked up her fork, but then she noticed that Zane was staring at his plate with profound suspicion.

"Zane?" she said uncertainly. Said Toad continued to stare at the plate.

"What? Aren't you going to eat it?!" Tom said indignantly. "Do you have any idea how much it took for us just to fix this for you?!"

"I'm waiting to see if it moves or not. I'm not gonna be surprised if it turns out if you stuck something alive in it."

Meriee burst into giggles; Tom, however, was enraged. "WHAT…YOU…I'M A GOOD COOK, DAMMIT, AND YOU THINK THAT I—"

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. "WHAT IS I—" As he turned, he was confronted by one of the fiercest females in the history of literature.

"Lemme tell you something," Kaitlin said threateningly, "The people here are beginning to complain because, A: Your yelling volume is bordering on earsplitting and, B: NOBODY is getting any of the food they ordered. I am a waitress myself, and I know what happens when the customer doesn't get anything. Now either get your metallic butt back in the kitchen and start serving, Tin Man, or else I will personally take you apart and turn you into a can opener."

All of this was said in an irritated voice and yet she kept a straight face through the whole thing. This reduced Tom and Crow into jibbering wrecks and they both fled into the kitchen, where they tried their best to make less-than-savory dishes. Kaitlin watched them go. "Friggin' morons." She turned to Zane and Meriee. "Enjoy your lunch. By the way, I think your food moved." She went back to her table. Zane and Meriee watched her go, then they started to examine Zane's lunch thoroughly.

* * *

"Did his lunch move?" Jaron asked.

"Of course not. What, you thought I could resist?"

They all laughed.

* * *

Zane made a mental note to get revenge on that redhead later. After said redhead had left, they decided that there was nothing living in Zane's plate, and they resumed eating. "So, Meriee… find anything half-alive in your dish yet?"

Meriee stifled a giggle. "No, I haven't."

"Well, that's good. I mean, with those two, you never know…" His voice trailed off, leaving Meriee trying to keep down a laugh.

After a moment, though, there was a slightly awkward silence between the two of them, as neither of them actually had anything to talk about. From the other table they heard the kid with the cap asking for another helping (and the girl berating him, of course).

After a minute, Zane asked, "What do you think about those guys?"

"Who?"

"The ones with the Lucario."

"Oh. Well, they seemed pretty nice. The one with the jacket seems kinda weird, though."

"Weird in what way?"

"Well, uh, sort of in a 'Tom Servo' way, but not quite."

"So, in a 'Crow' kind of way?"

"Not to that extreme, but yes."

"Did you get his name?"

"Ja-something, I can't remember."

"Uh-huh."

More silence. What a disastrous luncheon.

* * *

Back in the kitchen, food and other unidentifiable objects were flying everywhere, as Tom and Crow tried to make meals without risking Kaitlin's ire. Of course, it wouldn't matter if they succeeded, because they would've envoked Kaitlin's wrath, regardless of the outcome.

And again, the unfortunate waitress from before walked in. "Hey, I--"

Only to run smack into the seventh episode of **OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?** on HITV.

* * *

"Jaron, are you okay?" Kaitlin asked.

Said ridiculous individual was merely picking at his food, looking completely unfocused.

"Jaron?"

No response.

"Oh, for…HEY!"

"Huh? You say something?"

"Jaron, what is it? You seemed depressed," Max said.

"I'm fine--"

"Normally, when one says they're fine, there's a 50% chance that they're not," James stated calmly.

Jaron glowered at him. "…Uh, yeah, you have a point."

Roxas and Naminé both snickered (or made sounds that resembled snickers). Jaron stood up. "I have to go out a bit. I'll be right back." As he stepped away from the table, Namine hopped onto his shoulder. "You wanna come, too? Okay, I guess."

As he walked out the door, he noticed Zane and Meriee chatting to each other. "Hmmm…I hafta talk to those two sometime." he muttered to himself.

* * *

Truth be told, Zane had been extremely nervous at the prospect of having lunch with Meriee (and we all know why), but, now that he thought about it, he was beginning to enjoy himself now that they had something to talk about (which was, in this case, the subject of the whole adventure concerning the Star Rod).

Unfortunately, they were interrupted by what Zane considered to be the most unwelcome guest in all the land. "So, how're you two lovebirds doing?" Crow said nonchalantly (whilst avoiding eye-contact with Kaitlin, who was staring at him and Tom with a suspicion that could be described as pre-accusation).

And, evidently, he had forgotten about Zane's temper regarding that particular subject. "CROW…how many times do I have to tell you?! We. Are. Not. A. COUPLE!!!"

Cue the robotic snort from Tom. "Oh, come on, Zane, all you have to do is look at the two of you to guess that you like each other."

Meriee, who was feeling slightly embarrassed, was seriously worrying about Tom's safety at this point. Zane's eye was twitching. "TOM…"

"Zane, you have to stop wallowing in your pit of self-denial and accept the facts, otherwise you'll end up in some old joint sniffing fake cacti and rubber carpeting."

"_TOM_…"

"I mean, we literally need to zap your brain with defibrillator paddles to get you to accept the fact that you and Meriee are--"

"_**TOM!!!!**" _

* * *

As soon as Jaron left the café, he leaned against the wall and sighed. Naminé looked at him curiously. "No, nothing's wrong with me," Jaron said. "Well, okay, maybe there is," he added as she gave him a doubtful look. "It's just…well…"

Naminé gave him the sort of look that says, _What's the problem?_

Jaron stayed quiet for a minute, then pulled out the colorful sphere. He looked away from it for a sec, then, knowing that he had to look in order to see if he was right, carefully looked at his reflection…

…and was foiled due to the fact that the door into the café burst open as two blurs zoomed out, chased by an angry third. "I AM GOING TO RIP YOU TWO INTO PIECES OF SCRAP METAL AND USE YOU AS KITCHEN UTENSILS!!!"

Just so you know, Tom and Crow had recently gone through intensive ninja training to run from Zane should they anger him in some way or another. Of course, they would be unsuccessful in this case.

"Tom, fire a few rounds from Luciel!"

"But Zane might hurt her! I _love_ my Luciel!"

"We're running for our FREAKING lives, and you want to save a damn GUN!?!"

"…It's _my_ gun…"

Yes, they are really like this... I think.

Jaron was dumbfounded. "What in the world--"

"GOTCHA!"

"HELP! NO! MERCY! I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MANY BEATINGS!"

Jaron stood there for a few seconds, then he started to take a step, but then Kaitlin and Meriee ran out of the café to witness the carnage, followed by Max, James, and Roxas. Meriee looked embarrassed, and looked as if she would've given anything to have the ground swallow her up right there. Kaitlin, on the other hand, looked perfectly calm. "This isn't what I had in mind for my lunch." She turned to the others. "Hold on a sec." And before anyone could so much as blink, she was rushing toward the mayhem.

* * *

Back with the beat down:

"AAAAAAGH!!! I'M A ROBOT! ROBOTS ARE MEANT TO BE CUDDLED AND CODDLED, NOT RECEIVE SUCH DAMAGE!!!"

"NOOOO! MY LUCIEL HAS BEEN BROKEN!!! WHYYYYY?!?!?!?!"

The dust settled down long enough to show that Zane had pulled his fist back as he prepared to separate Tom's metal head from the rest of his gumball machine-like chassis. "HOLD STILL…AND I PROMISED YOU…THIS'LL ONLY HURT A LOT!!!" His fist shot forward…

Only to be caught by someone's hand. "What the?!" Zane looked up to see that it was Kaitlin who had blocked him. "Now, now, Toads like you shouldn't be so violent." With that, she promptly picked Zane up and tossed him (remember; Toads are small and lightweight).

Zane landed at Jaron's feet, then got up and faced Kaitlin. "I don't know who you are and I don't give two figs about it. Now get outta my way so I can continue destroying those morons before I--"

SLAMMMMM!!!!!!!!! The miniature crater that Kaitlin created by punching the ground could be described as "unnecessarily deep". She looked back up at Zane. "Before you what?"

Zane was completely dumbfounded, to say the least. I mean, it's not often that you see a sixteen-year-old firebrand punch a hole into the ground (though I'm confused as to why that'd be surprising to him, seeing as he had seen stranger stuff in his lifetime. Then again, Kaitlin seems to emit an aura that says, "I can squash you flat with minimal effort and you had better admit it" ). "Uh…"

"I thought so." She walked over to Zane. "Look here, kiddo, I don't know what those two did to get you angry, but there's no reason for you to try and trash them. Plus, I'm sure that your friend wouldn't want you to get violent in public, right?"

Zane looked rather embarrassed. "N-no, I guess she wouldn't…I mean…"

"Well, go and apologize to her for messing up your lunch, okay? At least do that."

"HEY! Don't we deserve an apology?!" said the mangled scrap heap formerly known as Tom Servo.

Zane was about to yell the word "No" at a _very_ loud volume when Kaitlin spoke up. "Do you think you do?"

"Well, DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!!! Of course we do! We're the victims here!" argued Crow's metallic cadaver.

Kaitlin glanced at Zane and pointed her thumb in the robot's direction. "Go and apologize."

"But--"

"You'll have to do it sometime. Might as well be now."

Zane glowered at her, then went over to the robots and bowed his head. "Sorry."

"Doth my sound receptors deceive me? Is the mighty Zane T. apologizing to _us_?" squawked Crow's metallic remnants.

"Hallelujah!" yelled Tom.

"DON'T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEADS…" Zane growled. He then turned to Meriee, and if you looked closely enough, you could see him blush. "S-sorry for ruining everything…If I can make it up to you--" "It's okay, Zane," Meriee said gently. "As long as you don't do that again."

Zane blushed even more at that. "R-right."

Kaitlin clapped her hands together. "Great! Now that we have all that settled…I'm Kaitlin. You said your names were Zane and Meriee, right?"

They both nodded as Tom and Crow began to pick themselves up. "Good. By the way, the guy with the cap is Max, the red dude is James, the green ones are Namine and Roxas, and--"

"The name's Jaron Roxai," Jaron said, interrupting Kaitlin and extending his hand for a handshake.

"Uh, name's Zane. Nice to meet you, Jaron," said the Toad as he took Jaron's hand.

Almost the instant he did so, Jaron's vision blurred to the point that visibility was nil, and he toppled.

"What the--Jaron? Jaron!"

_Wha…_

_What's…_

* * *

………

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_The boy's condition is steadily improving, as I had hoped. He managed to speak today as well. When I entered his room to give him his breakfast, he said, "Hello."_

_While he may be able to talk, his is still unable to make complete, cohesive sentences yet. However, when I asked, he said his name was Luke. _

_Another thing I should mention is that when I asked him why he had been frightened by the word "Zarathustra", he jumped and said in a terrified voice, "D-d-don't…m-mention…that n-n-name…p-please…"_

* * *

Jordan: Voila.

Kaitlin: Okay, let's just call it even.

Zane: Hoo…hafta agree with you there.

Crow: This chapter stinks.

Tom: I agree.

Jordan: Why is it that I'm not surprised? Critics.

Lucas: I hope Gantz likes this chapter.

Jaron: You and me both.

Jordan: Anyway, to Gantz: PLEASE, tell us whether or not we did well enough with Zane and Meriee. I'm sure we did them well, but you never know. For everyone else:

FOR GOD'S SAKE, review for crying out loud. Jacob and I accept flames as well as good reviews. If you don't like telling others your opinion, fine. But for those who do, just tell us what you think. PLEASE.

Jacob: Just as well, constructive criticism is beneficial. We now leave you with our definition of the word, "fool."

**(A fool is a fool who listens to the foolish opinions of other foolish fools.)**

Rika: Goodnight, everybody!

Kaitlin: You stole that quote.

Jordan: Did not.

Kaitlin: Yes you did.

Jordan: No, we--

Zane: Are they always like this?

Max: Pretty much, yeah.


	7. Let's Take a Break

Jacob: (enters riding a mini-motorcycle) Okay, Jordan, I got the prop you wanted.

Jordan: That was pretty early. We haven't even finished Act 1 yet.

Jacob: Ah, I just decided to get it out of the way.

Max: What're you going to do with that?

Jacob and Jordan: NOTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW… yet…

Jaron: Why do I have this sense of doom?

Kaitlin: Let's just start the chapter before someone pulls a muscle.

Chapter Seven

Time for a Break

_Jaron ran as fast as he could toward the shouts, not bothering to stop for a break, knowing that the one he sought for was near. Closer…closer…_

_And then he saw it. An elven girl and a chestnut-haired boy were being menaced by a strange dinosaur-like creature. But then he saw the boy hiding behind the girl._

_It was--_

* * *

"_Well? What was it?_

"_I can't really remember."_

"_Huh…"_

"_I wish I could remember. I think it was something dark and creepy, though."_

"_Maybe it was so horrible your mind couldn't take it?"_

"_That could be it…"_

_The five of them (Jaron, Kaitlin, Max, James, and Namine) were in Twilight Town, following Jaron's traveling whims again. Not a single one of them knew why Jaron thought the guy he was looking for might be here, but as Max said, "You never know, and at least we don't have to bust some heads, right?" This lead to mutual agreement from everyone._

"_Hey, I know it's called Twilight Town," said Jaron as they walked out of the train station, "but is it ALWAYS twilight here?"_

"_Yeah, otherwise it wouldn't be called TWILIGHT Town, Jaron," said Kaitlin._

"_Does that mean it's never nighttime here? When do they sleep?"_

"_How the heck should I know?!"_

"_I never get tired of their arguments," Max said as Jaron and Kaitlin began to bicker. James winced._

"_Well, I do. Can't they stop for at least a while?"_

_The argument had reached a fever pitch. "WHO CARES IF THEY HAVE 12 O'CLOCK OR NOT---Jaron, are you even listening?!"_

_Obviously, he wasn't. Jaron had become distracted by someone walking past them during their argument--someone wearing white and with spiky blonde hair. There was something about him that seemed familiar to him…_

"_Jaron? JARON? Hello? Earth to Mr. Roxai? HEY!"_

"_Huh? W-what?"_

_Kaitlin rolled her eyes. "You never listen…"_

_**(Jordan: Seeing as Jacob has confused this bit as a dream, NOT a flashback, numerous times, I will now say that this IS a flashback, NOT a dream.**_

_**Tom Servo: I'm not really getting it.**_

_**Kaitlin: Shaddap and sit down, already.)**_

"_Sorry, I was kinda distracted…" Kaitlin shook her head._

* * *

"…Mmph…"

Everything seemed blurry and vague. Jaron blinked several times, then everything became focused. "Ow…where am I?" He put a hand to his head, trying to think clearly, but stopped when he saw said hand. Or rather, _paw_.

_A paw? What the--_

Realization struck him like a load of mufflers. _I'm a hedgehog again. _

He didn't feel scared, like last time. Instead, he just examined his paw with an expression of curiosity.

"Oh, you're awake!"

Jaron turned to his left and saw that Max was sitting in a chair next to the bed, Namine in his arms. "About time, too. Kaitlin said she'd wake you up with a blowhorn if you didn't get up soon."

"She did?" Jaron sat up. "Well, I'm glad she--what?" Max had started snickering. "What's so funny?"

"Y-your pillow…it…Ahahaha!" Jaron, utterly confused, scratched his head…and his hand touched something soft. Yes, the pillow had been stuck to his headspikes.

"Oh, jeez…" Tugging at it had no effect whatsoever, as it was stuck better than a plunger incased in a morbidly large amount of glue. "Can you help me out here?" It wasn't any much different with Max helping. After a few minutes of tugging, grunting, and sneezing (feathers), they managed to tear the pillow off, with both of them covered in so many feathers they looked like pigeons. "That didn't work well, did it? I'm gonna have to pay for that pillow…"

"Don' worry about it," Max said calmly, brushing the feathers off his arms. Namine sneezed.

Jaron shrugged, picking her up. "Well, anyway, what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"No…"

"Well, when you shook that Zane guy's hand, you just collapsed. We had to carry you into this Toad House."

"How long was I out?"

"A few weeks."

"WHAT?!?!?!" He nearly dropped Namine.

"Hey, I'm kidding! You've been out for only a few hours."

Jaron sweat dropped. "Don't joke like that, Maxwell."

"Hey!"

Jaron rolled his eyes. Looking around, he saw a surprising sight: Ranulf, sitting in a chair with his eyes closed. "What's _he _doing here?"

"Oh, that guy? He ran into us when we were carrying you in here and wanted to make sure you were okay. Is he the guy who gave you that ball?"

"Yeah, and he nearly gave me a concussion. Is he awake?" Jaron stepped toward Ranulf. He didn't move at all. "Hello? Earth to cat-man?" Nothing. "OY!!!"

"Huh?! Wa?! Who's attacking?! What?!" Ranulf jerked awake, looking around wildly.

"Right here."

"Oh, hey! Glad to see you're up." Ranulf stood up, yawned, and stretched simultaneously. "Thought you'd never get up."

"Why are you here, anyway?" Getting right to the point, I see.

"Is it so wrong to be concerned for a friend?"

"You made me chase after you and had me suffer minor pain and embarrasment just so you could give a hunk of glass, and you say I'm your friend?"

"Well, yes."

Jaron stared at him. "…Ah, well, whatever, I guess. Thanks for your concern, anyway." Looking around, he then said, "Where's my stuff?"

"Kaitlin has it."

"…"

"Uh, well…"

"Max, who has my stuff?"

"Uh, that Tom robot took it…"

"WHAT?!?!?!?! If he touches my mom's badge, I--" Not even bothering to finish, he tore through the door in pursuit of Tom Servo and his legions of the undead.

_**(Kaitlin: Jordan…**_

_**Jordan: I'm not erasing that part.**_

_**Jacob: Kaitlin, you should know that Jordan usually does what he wants, no matter the consequences.**_

_**Rika: I'm still trying to cope.)**_

Seconds later, Jaron ran back inside. "Hey, where is he, anyway?"

* * *

At the dojo, specifically.

"You call that a kick?" Kaitlin said mockingly as she ducked Zane T.'s roundhouse. "Come on, show me something' real, pipsqueak!"

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!?!!?" Zane shrieked (Word to the wise, don't ever call him a pipsqueak). Leaping over Kaitlin, he delivered a swift boot to the back, yelling, "I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING REAL, YOU LITTLE---"

Meriee sweat dropped. _Zane…_ Hearing footsteps, she turned to see Jaron come in. "Oh, you're up!"

"Hi Me--" Jaron stared at her. "Aren't you shocked or anything?"

"At what?"

"At my appear--" Raising a hand to his face, he saw that it was back to normal. "Er, nothin', nothin'. Where's Tom?"

"Why do you ask?"

"He--" Jaron was cut off as Kaitlin shrieked, "TAKE THIS, YA FLY AGARIC!!"

CRASH!!!!!

"THAT DOES IT!!! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What are they doing?" Jaron asked, confused.

"Oh, Kaitlin asked Zane if they could spar a bit while you were asleep. She said she had to do something other than sit around. I think they're taking it too far, though…"

"Nah, Kaitlin always fights like that," Max said as he came in. Meriee looked at him in alarm. "What?! She does?! But--" "Relax," Jaron said calmly, his eyes on the fight. "She won't actually try to seriously hurt Zane."

"How can you tell?"

"We know her too well. By the way, where's Tom?"

"Oh, he's over there," said Meriee, pointing.

* * *

Despite Crow's protests saying that this was an invasion of privacy, Tom had ignored him, saying, "I'm not going to steal anything, you worrywart," completely missing the point. So far, though, he hadn't found anything interesting: some clothes, a toy tank, a Gameboy SP, a bracelet, a keychain, and a weird looking egg-shaped badge, which was what he was now holding. "Why the heck would he have this thing?" he asked no one in particular.

"It was my mom's, ya dummy."

Tom turned to see Jaron looking at him, a look of irritation on his face. Ripping the badge out of Tom's grip, Jaron said, "Why are you goin' through my stuff? That an invasion of privacy, you know."

"Hey, I'm not stealing anything, am I?"

Jaron sweat dropped. "That's not the point, man…"

* * *

Back with Zaned and Kaitlin…

The two of them stood before the other, panting heavily. "You (huff) don't quit, (huff) do you?"

"(Huff) Never, you (huff) firebrand," Zane said, gasping.

Kaitlin smiled. "Huh…" Without warning, Kaitlin fell to his knees. "I give up."

Zane looked surprised. "What?"

"PSYCHE!" POW!!!

I'd like to add now that Kaitlin does not limit herself to do things of a dark and deviously tricky nature. No, she doesn't cheat, but she can be sneaky. (She once displayed this by stealing my Subway coupon the other day. I still haven't let her hear the end of it.)

"YOU DIRTY LITTLE---" Zane, obviously ticked by her deception, could barely speak anything cogent. He now rushed at Kaitlin, fist brought back, clearly not caring that she could break me (the author(s))in half with little to no effort.

Max shut his eyes. "I can't watch…"

WHAM!!! "Oof!"

"Huh?" Max opened his eyes to see that Zane had slugged Kaitlin in the breadbasket. His victory immediately dimmed, however, as Kaitlin grabbed him, swung him over her head, and delivered a piledriver. (She's the niece of a semi-pro wrestler, remember.) Meriee winced. "That looked brutal…"

"Nah, that wasn't her worst." Meriee whirled around to stare at Max, looked shocked. "_What?!_"

Max nodded. "Yeah, she can do a lot more than that. Her Triumphant Bomber is the nastiest thing you'd ever seen. What surprised me was that Zane's punch hit her. She's not the kind of person to let her foe hit her. Maybe--"

"I'm thinkin' the same thing," said Jaron, who had come up to them after stuffing Tom in the wastebasket. "Kaitlin is stronger than Zane, but he's faster than her."

"Never thought I'd see the day, though."

"Oh, come on, nobody wins forever, you now that. By the way…" Jaron looked around. "Where the heck is James? I haven't seen him…"

POW!!! "TAKE THAT!!!"

Kaitlin leaped back from Zane, a fresh bruise forming on her arm. _This kid's got style, I'm give him that. Maybe I'll break out the big guns. _"Alright then, Zane," she said out loud, "Time for me to show you my secret weapon!"

"W-what?!" Max looked from Kaitlin to Zane, shocked. "You're insane! You can't--"

"I can and WILL, so shut your yap!" Max cringed. Kaitlin turned to Zane. "Well?"

"Give it all you've got," said Zane. "I can take everything you throw at me!"

"Isn't that exactly what the other guy said?" Jaron asked.

"Yeah, and he ended up in the hospital."

Meriee looked unnerved.

Kaitlin closed her eyes. "Okay…Deep breath…" Her eyes snapped open. "_Here I come!_" She rushed forward so quickly before anyone realized she started saying anything. Reaching Zane before he realized she was there, she slammed him in the stomach, throwing him into the air. Leaping up upward, she kicked him in the back, sending him further into the air, then grabbed him and tossed him up even further, then, being directly over him, reached her fist back, then slugged him with every bit of her power. "HHHHEEEEEEEYAAAAAAH!!!!"

CRASH!!!!! That was the sound of Zane hitting the floor (I'm amazed it didn't leave a crater). Kaitlin landed right next to him, doing her best not to fall over. "Ugh…that…took a lot outta me."

Meriee looked as if she was about to run forward, but Jaron held her back. "Hold on, he's not dead or anything." Meriee looked at him, worry in her eyes. "Just wait a bit."

Kaitlin edged toward Zane's body, looking wary. "He's not dead, is he…?"

Of course he wasn't. When Kaitlin was close enough, Zane jumped onto his feet and punched her full in the face. "GOTCHA!!!"

"OW!" The force of the punch knocked Kaitlin over and onto her back. "Agh…ow, ow, ow, ow… Okay, NOW it hurts…!"

Jaron and Max winced. Meriee, however, ran toward Zane, who had fallen to his knees after punching Kaitlin. "Zane!" Said Toad looked at her as he tried to stand. "Oh, hey, Meriee…"

As Meriee attended to Zane, Kaitlin got up as she tried to stop a minor nosebleed. "Jeeze…are you made of aggregated diamond nanorods?!"

_**(Jaron: Aggra-wha?**_

_**Jordan: Really hard stuff. Even harder to pronounce.**_

_**Max: Uh-huh.**_

_**Jacob and Rika: Yeah, right…)**_

"Nah," said Zane as Meriee helped him up, "I just never say die!"

"But you've just said--" Tom began, but Kaitlin gave him one glance and him fell back, completely cowed.

"Max, could you give me a tissue or something?" After giving her one, Max looked around and realized something. "Hey, where's James?" "RAWR!"

"AAAAGH!!!!!" Sneaking up on someone from behind and yelling to startle them hardly gets old.

"Where were you?" asked Jaron.

"Oh, here and there," James said vaguely.

_Oh, that's specific… _Thought Kaitlin as she wiped her nose. Putting away the tissue, she saw a large bruise on James' arm. "James, you've got a pretty nasty bruise, there."

"What? Oh, this is nothing--"

"What d'you mean, nothing? It looks like you cushioned it with bricks, or something…"

* * *

Twilight…

There was something about it that attracted Jaron, yet he never knew what. As his friends spoke with Zane, Meriee, and the robots, he leaned on the windowsill as he stared out into the sunlight glinting off the roofs of Toad Town. He wasn't in the mood to appreciate it, though.

_So much for getting help from Merlon, _he thought bitterly. _I'm nowhere close to finding that guy from the weird dreams of recent… Who is that guy, anyway? Is he even real? Why can't I just--_

"Well, someone's certainly silent," said Kaitlin as she sat down next to him. "What's up?"

Jaron thought for a moment. "…I'm just wondering about…you know…that guy…"

"Ah, yes, the blonde fellow from your dreams," said Kaitlin. "Well, we have at least one hint, right? Better than nothing."

"But I don't even know anyone with blonde hair!" Jaron said, frustrated. "Well, except that one guy…"

"What one guy?"

"That guy from Twilight Town, remember?"

"Jaron, we've told you, we didn't see anyone like that there. Are you sure you weren't seeing things?"

"…Let's talk about it later." Jaron looked over to Max and the others. "What're they talkin' about?"

"Oh, this an' that…"

* * *

"You've been to Kanto?!"

"Yeah! And Johto and everything!"

"And you're the ones who saved the world?"

"Yes, and it was all thanks to the great Tom Servo and his trusty sidekick, Crow!" Tom declared pompously.

"Who d'you mean, sidekick?! YOU were the sidekick!"

"WHY, I oughta---"

Ignoring their antics for a moment, Max and James turned to Zane and Meriee. "So, those Dentes Rhohos things, they were turning Pokemon into monsters?"

"Well, sort of," Said Meriee.

Max thought for a moment. "So, those were the things that kidnapped James…"

"Huh?"

"A while ago, before we met Jaron and Kaitlin," James explained, "I was kidnapped by these freaky dinosaurs and a weird looking Zangoose, but Max came after me and freed me before they…um…"

"You were? Thank God they didn't transform you. I guess that explains why we didn't see you with Ho-oh."

"What do you m-- YOU SAW HO-OH?! When, where, how?!?!"

"Hey, hey! No need to get jumpy! We'll tell you about it…"

* * *

Jaron and Co. managed to get rooms at the local inn, that night. As his friends talked to the others in the lobby, Jaron decided to go to bed. As he stared up at the ceiling on his bed, he thought about what they would do next. "Maybe I'll talk to Merlon in the morning," he said aloud. With that, he rolled onto his side and went to sleep with his Shinx plushie held close to him, blissfully unaware of the chaos, carnage, evil, and swans he would encounter the very next day…

* * *

Something moved.

…_I need to be asleep,_ thought Kaitlin. _I will turn around, get up, and slug whoever is keeping me up at six o'clock in the morning. I will open my eyes first._

She did so--and regretted it.

"Croagunk?"

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Jacob: What a way to end a chapter…

Rika: So, Kaitlin, that explains your hatred for Croagunk, then?

Kaitlin: Shut… up…

Jaron: (Is bright red) Y-you said you wouldn't mention the plushie!

Jordan: I did? Sorry…

Max: Nice Pokemario reference there.

Jordan: Thank you.

Tom: So, who won that fight?

Jordan: No one did. They were both holding back.

Tom and Crow: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?????????????!!? (are now speechless)

Jordan: ANYway, that's it for this chapter. The next one is supposed to be more exciting- and it involves swans.

Everyone except Tom: ?????

Tom: (Wrings hands like a mad scientist) Yes, YES! The swans will cause mass hysteria in the streets! Looting and rioting will erupt and run rampant, and the world as we know it will be TORN ASUNDER!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

(Everyone except Jordan looks unnerved.)

Jordan: Have a nice day!

(Note: Pokemario is a Fanfic by NUTCASE. Also, If you are in need of any more disclaimers, check at our profile page)


	8. Of Course, You Realize This Means WAR!

_Jordan: I have come to the conclusion that I have power over time. _

_Rika: The saga continues…_

_Jacob: And… HOW did you come to this conclusion?_

_Jordan: I didn't. It just came to me._

_Raisho: How did it come to you?_

_Gabriel: Can you PROVE you have manipulative powers over time?_

_Jordan: Sure, why not? (turns to clock on wall) DO AS I COMMAND!!! (second-hand ticks forward once_) There, see?

Chapter VIII

Of Course, You Realize This Means WAR! (Part One)

Toad Town was always quiet and peaceful in the morning, with curious raccoons seeing if they could sneak out last night's ravioli.

Often makes one wonder if it can last more than ten minutes at a time, doesn't it?

~ Mario was the first one up that morning. Yawning, he got out of bed (Doing his best to avoid waking Luigi up) and went down to the kitchen after washing himself up in the bathroom.

As he took out a bowl, he saw a picture of himself, Luigi, and their third brother, Clayton, on the wall. He put down the bowl and sighed, thinking about their brother. Clayton, or Clay to his family and friends, had gone out on a date with his girlfriend, Vivian, two days ago and hadn't come back. Mario, Luigi, and their friends had searched for them both, but so far had come up with nothing. Mario was especially stressed out when her two sisters attacked, thinking the plumbers were behind her disappearance, but the situation was diffused quickly with a quick explanation from Luigi.

Mario sighed once and put the bowl down. Today, when Luigi had woken up and they both finished breakfast, they would resume searching. He just hoped that they would get results.

He was suddenly jarred from his thoughts by a loud explosion.

~ As Peach combed her blonde hair, she thought about Clay and Vivian, wondering where they had disappeared to. She was really fond of them both, and hoped that they would be able to find them today.

Her thoughts drifted to the boy from yesterday. She barely knew who he was, or was he had been there at the time. Still, she was thankful for his help, and looked forward to meeting him again. She had heard from Zane T. that he and Meriee (along with the robots) had met them hours after Bowser's attack, and hoped to meet him and his friends today. Maybe they could help find Clay and Vivian…

And at that moment, a loud BOOM! tore her from her thoughts.

~ "THAT RASSA-FRASSIN' KID IS gonna get it when I find him!" A certain spiky koopa king had been ranting of this all through the night, and currently into the morning.

"How long has it been again?" A random henchman asked another.

The second looked at his watch. "Thirteen hours, three minutes, and fourteen seconds."

"Now, now, Your Quirkiness," Kammy had been trying to calm him down, with little, if any, progress. "You mustn't let this child get to you--"

"But he IS getting to me! That's the problem! He just waltzes in like a hobo off the street, and beats me! How the HECK does that happen?!" Bowser's rage suddenly calmed into a suddenly sullen expression. "Have I lost my touch, or something?"

"Maybe." piped up one henchman. The unlucky man was then met with 5000 degrees of raging funk from Bowser's mouth.

Outside the throne room, Bowser Jr., Wendy, and Larry (three of the eight Koopalings--Bowser's kids) looked at each other. "King Dad lost to a _kid_?" Larry asked in disbelief.

"I'd think it would be Mario again, but…a kid?" Wendy shook her head. "That CAN'T be right…"

"King Papa's gotta be testin' us," Bowser Jr. suggested. "I mean this can't really be--" "I can hear you three back there. Come here."

The three of them froze. Not literally, but it wouldn't have made any difference.

"Well?! Come in!"

The three of them slowly walked in, each of them expecting the worst. As they stood before their father, he looked down at them for a moment, then sighed. "Kids, I'm gonna say something' today. Somethin' I never thought would ever escape my snaggle-toothed jaw." The three kids looked up at their father with various degrees of worry and concern. "Yesterday…" He sighed, then continued. "I was beaten by a kid--" That was all he could get out before an explosion ripped the air asunder.

~ In the east wing of Peach's castle, a lone man stood on a balcony facing the town. Anyone going out on that balcony would have met no one, for only he could decide who would see him or not. He was silent at first, looking out at the town, until he heard footsteps behind him. "I assume everything is set?"

"As set as it could be, lord."

The man nodded once. "And Pokey and his men?"

"They're in position, though I can't stand him whining all the time. The sooner we finish this, the better."

"The Seasons are in place?"

"Obviously."

"Good. Now, try to remember that killing and pillaging is NOT necessary. That doesn't mean they can't have their fun, of course. By the way, is--"

"Yes, the Anti is ready. But are you sure we can trust him?"

"Of course, Princess. But that doesn't mean he isn't expendable."

_**(Zane: Wait, 'Princess'?**_

_**Tom: PEACH?!?!**_

_**Jordan: Nope.**_

_**Crow: No? Wait, then who--**_

_**Jordan: Her name is just 'Princess.' Just wait and see.)**_

"True enough. When shall we get started, Kavma?"

Kavma (for it was indeed he) smiled slightly. "Right now, if you wish."

The woman he called 'Princess' lifted up a rocket launcher. "As of now, these Toads are officially &!$ed."

~ _…Jaron…_

…_Hi, mom…_

_Time to get up, sweetie…_

Jaron slowly opened his eyes, blinked a couple of times, then sat up. "Looks like a new day, huh, Kioko?" he asked his Shinx plush.

_**(Tom: Kioko? You named the plush Kioko?**_

_**Jaron: (Blushes madly) S-stop teasing me!)**_

Yawning a little, he got up and went to the bathroom to wash himself, then, as he came back into the bedroom, he saw Kaitlin sitting on the second bed holding a window pole like a sniper rifle. "What's with the pole?"

"That's…private."

Jaron shrugged. "Okay, then." Picking up Kioko, he nudged Namine's side gently. "Time to get up. It's a new day." Namine yawned, stretched, then, blinking, she sniffed and licked Jaron's hand once. "By the way, where's Roxas?"

"He's with Max and James in the other room."

"Ah. You know, you guys never did tell me where--"

And that's when the Thunderbolt MK. 13 rocket struck.

~ KABLAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!

To sum it up in a nutshell, the blast radius of the explosion was large enough to take out several buildings, causing m55iv3 Dmg3.

Jaron leapt up from where he had ducked and ran toward the window to see what had happened. Kaitlin joined him. "What the heck just happened?!"

"I don't know! It-- Look!"

~ They came out of nowhere.

From the sky…

From the earth…

From the water…

From the fire…

They came, and they did what destiny commanded them to do.

Which, in this case, was to cause carnage.

As several Toads ran out from a wreckage, a man with a pair of giant wings descended upon them with powers of ice. Within moments, they were all frozen solid.

Several other Toads attempted to flee, but hands came out of the ground and pulled them down to their necks, preventing their escape.

Even more attempted to run, but they were borne upward mighty gusts, sending them to crash into heaven knows whatever.

All that, however, paled in comparison to the madness they were about to cause.

~ As Jaron, Kaitlin, and Namine watched the scene, Max and James joined them. "Who are these guys?!" Max asked.

"I don't know…" Kaitlin said slowly, "But we can't just stand here. C'mon!"

~ Kavma watched from the balcony, noting each individual as they appeared. "Winter…Autumn…Spring. It's been a while since they've had any fun, eh, Summer?"

As he finished speaking, a woman appeared from behind him out of nowhere. Allow me to describe her in detail. She was tall, with an orange and black body suit with a flame motif. Her hair was down to the waist, an amber-brown hue. In a word, she was what could be best described as 'drop-dead gorgeous', though there was something in her grass-green eyes that warned any observers not to mess with this diva.

_**(Kaitlin: Diva?**_

_**Jordan: Have anything better?**_

_**Kaitlin: No, I don't.**_

_**Tom: Maybe she's best described as a b--**_

_**Jordan: Keep talking and I will see to it that you will be a test subject for the Camptown Ladies Project. (Thinks about it for a minute) Actually, maybe I should--**_

_**Tom: I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!! (Flees)**_

_**Kaitlin: The Project won't kill him…)**_

"You suggesting our skills have gotten rusty, Sir?" The woman in orange and black, now confirmed as Superior Summer, asked Kavma.

"Oh, hardly. I'm just saying that none of you have seen any action for so long. Don't you enjoy the opportunity to stretch your legs and blow up things?"

"True, I enjoy the occasional rending of limbs, yes…" She trailed off as she looked off toward the latest building Enraged Autumn had demolished. "…Some more than others."

Princess had finished readying another rocket. Taking aim, she launched it and tsked. "Dammit. Missed that annoying Zane kid. Hand me another."

"Who are you aiming at next?" Summer asked.

"That old Toad there. See him, Ms. Sums-It-Up?"

"Oh, I hate him. Fire away."

~ Tom Servo observed the carnage from the window, watching impassively as a building crumbled. He then turned, arms outstretched, and declared, "Cambot! GET ME MY CLOAK!!!"

"It's in the wash."

"Oh. Then GET ME MY ORANGE ROBE!!!"

"In the wash too."

"My brown overcoat?"

"Gave it to charity."

"My red kilt."

"Stolen."

"Fine, then get me my security blanket."

"Go get it yourself!"

~ Zane turned around, searching for the source of the carnage in the alley he was trapped in. The explosion from earlier had caught him completely off guard, and now he was sure that someone was shooting at him. With rockets. "Alright, who shot that?! Where are you?!"

"Right here."

"?!?!" Zane whipped around. Nothing there.

"Too slow, kid."

"Wha--"

BAM!!!

Allow me to express the opinion that being hit by a fist going 110 MPH in not pleasant at all. Zane found this out the hard way, unfortunately. He also found that brick walls were indeed made of brick. HARD brick. Something broke. Nothing bone, thankfully. Groaning, he slowly got up, holding his bloody nose. "Oww…who--"

"Surprised? You should be, you little *$&^." Almost instantly a man materialized before him. He was a tall, muscular man in an orange and red body suit, around 6 feet tall, with short, spiky hair. Zane noticed his brow had a permanent crease, most likely from being mad all his life. His dark-brown eyes looked like they would combust any minute. In short, he could be described as "a man's man."

_**(Jacob: Seriously, Jordan?**_

_**Jordan: YOU were the one who typed that, not me.**_

_**Jacob: YOU'RE the editor!**_

_**Rika: Can't you two ever get along?**_

_**Jordan: We are getting along. This is just the way we debate.)**_

Zane looked at his adversary. "That was a cheap shot!" He said, still applying pressure to the bridge of his nose to ease the bleeding.

"So? I'm sure you've attacked some poor &%$ from behind, right, Shroomy?"

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"You kiss yours with that nose?" The man cracked his neck. "All right, enough talk, kid. I'll give you ten seconds to get out of my sight, or I'll break every single bone in your body. Even the little ones!"

Zane quickly realized this wasn't your average bad guy. Something about the body suit he wore… Zane had a buzz going on in his head, one that wouldn't go away. The buzz told him that this hulking tank of a man's man was part of some organization. Question was, which one? "Who the hell are you?"

"Nobody you need to know. Well? Are you going to run or not?"

Zane looked like he was thinking. "…Nah. I've just decided that I might as well stay and wipe the floor with you, so maybe YOU should get running!"

Without even saying anything, the man tilted his head sharply. The two of them were in an alley, with two buildings on either side. As soon as his head tilted, one half of the buildings collapsed, blocking the way out of the alley. He cracked his knuckles. "You just signed your death wish, Shroomhead. You'll wish you never ran afoul of Enraged Autumn of the Four Seasons." He crouched. "Goodbye." And then he melted into the ground!

Zane took a step back, shocked. A voice caused him to jump. "Where, oh where, oh where could I be?" Cue the dark chuckle. "I'll give you ten minutes. No hope, no help and no escape. If you can beat me in ten minutes, which you won't by then, then I MIGHT leave. When you lose--well, I don't think you'll need to worry about that. THAT outcome is pretty much guaranteed with me!"

~ The man with the wings (known as Weeping Winter, to give his full title) surveyed his 'handywork', which comprised of several poor Toads frozen into odd yet skillfully done ice sculptures. "Job done. And yet…oddly unsatisfying."

"HEY!!!!!!!!!!"

Winter didn't turn, instead brushing off some dust off his blue and black sleeve. "What sort of fool are you? A reckless and ridiculous one, no doubt. I would like your name and/or rank, please."

"Name: Thomas Brunswick Servo. Rank: TOTAL BADASS!!!!!"

Winter figured there was no longer any point ignoring this idiot. Turning, he was what could be best described at the oddest sight he had ever seen. It was best described as a levitating gumball machine with a miniscule, silver beak-like mouth. There was an assortment of crazy and bizarre weaponry behind/beside him that was either acquired by questionable means or were just not allowed in the kingdom at all. (Two of them were cages.)

Winter sniffed. "You aren't worthy of effort. Begone, lest I tear you asunder. Being mechanical cannot save you from what I am capable of."

"Oooooh, don't YOU talk fancy-shmancy. I happen to be a trainee of the Toad Town Police Force, and what you are doing is in clear violation of Section F, Page 14, Paragraph 5, Footnote ii, Word 32. 'Or.' To read the FULL section…hold on, I have it here…aha!" Tom pulled out a paper that could reach both sides of the town and back. Putting on a pair of pince-nez, he read it carefully. "Here we go… 'All pertaining citizens, denizens, and all-around inhabitants of the territory hereby referred to on the Official Map of the World (OMW) as 'Toad Town' must never, unless under extreme emergency status or otherwise indicated by the township's current lead representative, be it Mayor (or what have you), take up arms against fellow habituates or deface property (public, private, or otherwise) in extreme matters, including, but not limited to, Missile Launchers, Magnums, Bullet Bills, Airship Cannons, Shoop Da Whooping, Chargin' and/or Firin' yer Lazor, and/or Firing The Frikkin' Laser.'" Tom gave a sudden, long, sharp inhale. "Also, you're blowing things up and freezing people without a permit, which is in violation to some other section I am unable to locate at the moment, so it is my duty to bring you to justice in any way possible, by any and ALL means necessary."

Winter merely shrugged and spread his arms wide. "Very well, then. Do unto me as you will."

"Ah HA! You ready to submit?! PREPARE YOURSELF, NOOB!" Tom whipped out his 'beloved Luciel' and pulled the trigger. "EAT RUBBER-LEAD COMPOUND, VANILLA ICE!!!"

Winter simply (and yet gracefully) dodged every single bullet shot at him. When the gun was empty, he just smirked. "Are ye done?"

"Oooooh, you little…all right, YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!" Tom pulled out a walkie-talkie and screamed into it. "RELEASE THE DOVES!!!!!!!"

_**(Jordan: Ah, yes, the doves.**_

_**Jacob: Okay, Jordan. This is one of our inside jokes, so I think our audience deserves an explanation.**_

_**Jordan: Okay, then. Tom?**_

_**Tom: (Wrings hands evilly) Yes, YES!! None can withstand the might of the doves! Those who dare to rise up in defiance will be pelted with pastrami, as the doves spread their reach to the stars and beyond! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH--**_

_**Kaitlin: That doesn't explain anything.**_

_**Jordan: You're right…**_

_**Tom (Still laughing) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--)**_

Winter's vision was suddenly overtaken by white downy fluffiness. Apparently, Tom wasn't blowing a circuit board when he called upon the doves. His ears were ringing with the incessant screeching of those pillow-producing poultry.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! FLY, MY MINIONS! FLY, AND CAUSE CHAOS AND HYSTERIA IN THE STREETS! BWAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!"

Winter merely blew once, and the doves dispersed. "Is that all?"

Tom hefted up a Gatling gun. "YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!"

~ Jaron drew his sword. "What now?" He asked Kaitlin.

"We split up. If you see anyone, get them out of danger. If you find enemies, fight them if you want, but just concentrate on getting people to safety. Okay?"

Everyone nodded. In times like this, they could count on Kaitlin being the natural tactician to guide them. "Okay, we're clear. I'll go west. Max, James, you two go east. Jaron, go north, near the castle. See if Princess Peach is safe. Namine, Roxas, go somewhere safe and don't get in the way." Roxas looked as if he wanted to protest, but Kaitlin cut him off. "No arguments! I'll talk to you AFTER this is done. Keep Namine safe." She turned to her three companions. "If you guys run into Zane or the Mario Bros., try to see if they know the situation. If they need help, then help them. If they don't know what the heck's going on, inform them as much as possible in a small time if you find out what. Any questions?"

"Should I introduce myself?" Jaron asked. "I helped out Peach once before, a little while ago, but ran off before I could name myself. If I meet up with her again, should I tell her my name?"

"YES, you yutz! You freakin' introduce yourself to royalty! Especially Peach!" Kaitlin scolded. Suddenly, she smiled. "Just don't get yourself killed, you crazy kid."

They all set off.

~ The fight was not going in Zane's favor. He had just discovered that his opponent could control matter, which meant that he could inflict many types of pain with whatever he wanted. He now had one broken arm, three shattered ribs, an even bloodier nose, and several other hurts not yet diagnosed.

_This guy fights like a friggin' demon!_ he thought. _Who the hell is he?!_

Autumn stood before him, holding a large mace. "Two minutes left, Shroomhead. I'll admit, you've lasted longer than most. Not that your lucky streak will last that much longer!" The mace vanished, to be replaced with a bloody chainsaw. "Any last words?"

Zane just spat at him. "Go to hell!"

Autumn actually smirked. "Too bad. I'm not going to hell." He held the chainsaw above his head. "YOU are!" He was just about to rush forward…

When a rock hit him on the back. "HEY!"

Autumn turned around to see Kaitlin standing there, cracking her knuckles. "A chainsaw? Really? A bit overkill, isn't it?" She looked over Autumn's shoulder at Zane. "Can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?"

Autumn looked at her for a minute, then dissipated the chainsaw. "Leave here, girl. This has nothing to do with you."

Kaitlin spat on the ground. "Go and boil your head, you sadist!"

Autumn raised an eyebrow. "…Fine, then. Have it your way." He cracked his neck again. "I'll give you and the Toad ten minutes. Beat me by then, which you won't, and I'll leave peacefully. When you DO lose…use your imagination."

Kaitlin shrugged. "Fine, but leave Zane out of it. He's too banged up."

Zane was leaning on the wall at this point, and he yelled out, "Are you insane?! Don't fight him! He'll kill you!"

"Don't worry about it!" Kaitlin said. "I've taken care of guys bigger and nastier than this guy. Might be hard, but I'll try."

Autumn snorted. "Big words, girl, but words won't help you. Say your prayers." Several rocks blasted out of the ground and covered his arm. "You won't leave this place alive!"

~ Princess had a gigantic telescope. Peering through it, she commented, "Autumn's engaged someone. Looks like that girl, whatshername."

Kavma shrugged. "Kaitlin, probably. I've specifically told Autumn not to kill her. She'll be fine." He paused. "Mostly."

~ "FIRE THE LASER!!!!!!!!"

A gigantic Independence Day-esque laser fell from the heavens to land on Winter with a KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!

"HA! HOW DID YA LIKE THAT?!"

The dust cleared to show Winter unharmed. "Is that it? You disgust me."

Tom groaned in annoyance. He had used every single weapon at his disposal, legal or otherwise, and nothing had worked. "You leave me no option…" He whipped out another walkie-talkie. "But to release a power mightier than that of Hell and Heaven combined!" He screamed into the talkie, "RELEASE THE **SWANS**!!!!"

_**(Jacob: OMG the swans are coming!!!! (Faints)**_

_**Rika: Is he okay?!**_

_**Jordan: Yeah, he's fine.**_

_**Tom: YES! THE SWANS CANNOT BE DEFEATED! BOW DOWN TO THE SWANS!!!! EEEEEEEEYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH--)**_

The swans were EVERYWHERE. It was terrifying. Tom was screaming with laughter as the chaos reigned. "FEAR THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE SWANS!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

That was when the swans got bored and fled en masse, showing that Winter was unharmed. "That was unnecessary."

Tom immediately got irate. "OH, FOR--CAN'T ANYTHING HURT YOU?!?!?!"

Winter sighed. "No." And with that, he blasted a gust of ice at Tom. It would've hit him if it weren't for James appearing out of nowhere to block it. Before Winter could react, he felt something like a wire wrapping itself around his neck as someone grabbed him from behind.

"GOTCHA!" Max is good at restraining people. Within moments, he made sure Winter couldn't move. "HIT HIM, JAMES!"

He needed no second bidding. James rushed forward and landed several punches on Winter, sending him upward with an uppercut. Max cracked his knuckles. "Wait for it, wait for it…"

As Winter came hurtling down, Max timed it perfectly and landed an Aura-laden punch to the foe, sending him flying several yards away in a heap. James gave him a thumbs-up. "You're getting better with that Aura of yours, Max. Keep it up!"

Winter slowly got up, brushing dust off his sleeve. "Nice shot, but that won't work on me." Winter fixed the two of them with a steely glare. "You shouldn't have interfered."

Max, not taking his eyes off Winter, said out of the corner of his mouth, "Tom, you may want to leave."

"But I--"

Max interrupted him with what could best be described as a sharp bark. Tom took the hint and fled. Both Max and James stared cooly at Winter. James spoke up first. "Who are you?"

Winter gazed his eyes upward. "Hmm…that is what I often wonder. Are we simple lost souls, or are we demons? I cannot say for sure. But I will say this…" He turned his head back to the two. "My brothers and sisters will not be deterred by ones such as you." He adjusted his gloves. "I will give you five minutes of my time, then I will depart. Unlike my brother and sisters, I prefer to avoid combat if possible, but I will do what is necessary." He took a step forward. "Doubt not the power of sorrow. You will sorely regret it."

~ "Winter's got the kid and the red guy," Princess observed.

"Max and James. I don't think Winter will kill them. That's not his style."

Suddenly, a white arrow tilted at an angle (resembling a mouse pointer) drew a box by dragging itself in a diagonal line. When it stopped, a 2-D image kept flipping in and out of view, until the being in the image flipped into existence. He looked like a jester, dressed in purple and black, with a comedy mask-like face. He looked slightly comical, yet there was something incredibly creepy about him.

Kavma apparently knew the person. "Ah, Dimentio! To what do I owe this unexpected visit?"

Dimentio airily waved a hand. "Oh, I just came to see how the chaos is going." He peered at the carnage below. "Looks marvelous! Ah, the Seasons are in action, eh? It's been long since they last--" He turned to see Summer on the balcony. "Oh, dearest Summer! Why do you not join your comrades? You **are** the leader of the Four Seasons. Your name **is** Superior Summer, is it not?"

Summer sniffed. "I have my reasons, jester."

Dimentio merely smiled (I think so, anyway) and turned to Kavma. "So, what is the reason for today?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just a day off. Is there something you require?"

"Oh, no, not at all."

"Hmm. Where is Marx, by the way? Isn't he with you?"

"Ah. He is…how should I say…_busy _with something." At that moment, he check a stopwatch from his pocket. "Oh, dear, I may be late. I must go now, but I may return later. Ciao!" He vanished.

After a few moments of silence, Kavma said, "I don't like him."

"Same here."

"Neither do I."

"He's rather unnerving, isn't he?"

"Too true."

"One of these days I'd like to grab his head and--"

~ Kaitlin leapt over Autumn as he attempted another go at her with a chainsaw. "That all?! Come on! I'm not even trying!" She aimed a kick at Autumn, only for him to grab her leg and fling her toward the wall. Hitting it feet first, she launched herself at him and struck him in the jaw, leaping over him again to land gracefully. Autumn rubbed his jaw. "You've got guts, kid. You've survived eight minutes. No one's done that before."

"You expect anything less?" Kaitlin asked. Autumn shrugged. "Whatever. I'll give you two more minutes. Say your prayers."

~ Max ducked as a shard of ice flew overhead. Pulling out a few bombs, he flung them at Winter, detonating them on contact. At the same time, James rushed forward, firing several Aura Spheres at the winged foe. Each one hit him, yet they didn't seem to hurt him. Grunting in frustration, he concentrated his aura in the form of a blade and sliced at Winter, missing. At the same time, Max threw his last bomb and resorted to attempting Aura Sphere. Problem was, he never could manage it properly and only succeeded burning his hands. Cursing, he flung a rock at Winter, missing again.

"Is that all?" The winged one called. "I'm not even trying!" He landed gracefully before him. "You must forgive me, but the five minutes are up. I bid you good day." And with that, he vanished before they could so much as protest.

"What was that all about?" Max asked.

~ Much to Jaron's annoyance, the gates into the castle were locked. "Come on! Open up! I'm not an enemy!" Kicking the door in frustration, he sighed. "Well, this is just great. How the heck am I gonna--what was that?" Jaron looked down the major road to the castle to see dust clouds erupting from afar. Squinting, Jaron could see a small army in classic, authentic 500 B.C. armor. From what Jaron could tell, they were all grown men, all hairy, all sweaty, and all three-hundred of them fueled by testosterone and adrenaline.

~ "THIS! IS! _SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_!" was the battle cry Kavma, Superior Summer, and Princess heard. Their reactions varied. Summer pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. Kavma actually _smiled_. The sum of Princess' thoughts could simply summed up as, "WTF?!" Princess then turned to Kavma. "You resurrected the ^$%*ing SPARTANS?!?"

"They are thoroughly amusing, so I put them in. Leonidas should do well with only 300 Spartans."

"…" Princess was not convinced.

"Besides, neither of you saw it coming."

"True…"

"You're right about that…"

~ Autumn cracked his neck for what seemed to be the millionth time. "I'm ending this right n--"

Before he could finish, he brought his hand up to his ear. "Yes?" he asked, acting as if he was talking on a phone. "What?! But--" He sighed. "Fine, I'm on my way." He glared at Zane and Kaitlin. "You two were lucky." He gazed at Kaitlin. "Next time we meet, we'll have a score to settle." And with that, he vanished.

~ Kavma leaned on the balcony's edge. "Five…four…"

Princess stared at him. "Why are you…?"

"Three…two…one…"

"Hey!"

Kavma didn't turn. "The Mario Bros., I presume?" He turned to face them. "Yet you're one short. I remember now. This world has three brothers, instead of the traditional two. But he's not here, is he? No matter."

Mario stared at Kavma, his brow furrowed. Luigi, on the other hand, was getting some seriously freaky vibes from this guy. _Where's Clay when we need him?_ Luigi was panicking in his mind.

Kavma shook his head. "Your knees are shaking," he commented. "Afraid?"

Luigi's teeth were chattering too, but he denied it. "I-I'm not afraid of you! I don't even know who you are!"

"True enough," said Kavma, "but I don't see the need to tell you who I am." He checked his watch. "Darn, I'm going to be late. You must excuse me. Princess…" Said freaky lady looked at him. "When was the last time you killed something?"

"Far too long in my opinion," said she as she pulled a messy baseball bat out of nowhere. Kavma raised an eyebrow.

"Right. Well, have fun." With that, he vanished into thin air.

The woman named Princess looked at the heroic brothers with a menacing grin. "I actually get the chance to bludgeon the Mario Bros.!" She looked almost like a giddy, creepy schoolgirl. "This is gonna be _so_ much fun!" She gave the brothers a 'come-get-some' hand gesture, then backflipped off the balcony. Mario and Luigi quickly followed suit.

~ Neither Kaitlin, Max, or James could believe their eyes. Kaitlin reacted first.

"WHAT THE !&(%&^(^&(^^&^(&^^(?! SPARTANS?!?! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY _SPARTANS_?!?!?!?"

"What's a Spartan?" Jaron asked.

"I don't know…" James said slowly.

"Neither do I…" Max said.

Kaitlin, Tom, and Crow gawked at them. "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A SPARTAN IS?!?!?!?" Crow asked indignantly.

"Well, what are they?"

Tom and Crow were delighted to explain. "They're a bunch of hairy, sweaty warriors who hail from a distant land called Sparta, and the only motivators for them are testosterone, adrenaline, sweat, the will to kill, and dining in Hell, which is a rather expensive yet fancy restaurant in the South Bronx. Their Baby-back Ribs are delicious."

"Have you ever been there?"

"Yeah, but the maitre 'd was way too fussy."

Max gazed at the oncoming horde. "How many are there?"

"Legend has it that 300 Spartans defeated almost one million Persians… without casualties." said Crow. Everyone was astonished by this fact, and the fact Crow knew this. This was short-lived, however, as Crow continued. "That is, until one of them, some random prick named Dilios defected and told the Persians their strategy. It wasn't long after that that all three-hundred were slaughtered."

Max was dazed. Then, realization hit him like a forklift going 80 mph. "Wait, so we're going up against Spartan _zombies_?!"

Kaitlin quickly sized up the enemy, who was drawing closer with every moment. "No, I don't see rotting flesh on any of the 300 of them."

James did a quick head count. "Actually, there're 299. One's missing."

~ Kavma cursed silently. "I had a feeling I should have revived Dilios…"

~ Leonidas had one objective for today: conquering the castle so they could dine in Hell. He led his 299 soldiers down toward the oddly-pink-colored castle. Off in the distance, Leonidas could swear there was a young lad in front of it. _Surely, this is not their best security?_ he thought.

As the horde approached, Jaron could practically see the sweat on their bodies--not a pleasant sight. _I've never fought 300 Spartans before. Might be difficult. Or not. Might as well wait and see._

As if reading his mind, Kaitlin muttered, "We're gonna get slaughtered if we fight these guys. If anyone has any suggestions, I suggest they-- JARON!!!"

Before Kaitlin had finished, Jaron had rushed headlong toward the horde, blade drawn. Leaping into the air, he dove toward Leonidas, who had his own spear ready.

CLANG!!!!!

_**(Max: A sword hitting a spear doesn't go 'clang'.**_

_**Jordan: Then what noise DOES it make?**_

_**Lucas: A 'bonk', maybe?**_

_**Jacob: A 'thud?'**_

_**Rika: 'Plink?'**_

_**Crow: A quack, maybe.**_

_**Tom: Nay, kind ignoramus. It goes KABLAM!**_

_**Kaitlin: It goes 'thunk'.**_

_**Everyone: Ohhhhhhh…..)**_

Deflecting the blow, Leonidas swung the spear, hitting Jaron in the temple with the handle, knocking him over. While on the ground, Jaron kicked the legs out from beneath him and jumped to his feet, allowing Leonidas to do the same. The two of them stared at each other.

Leonidas allowed himself a grin. "You have spirit for one so young." He planted his spear into the ground. "What name do you go by?"

"Jaron Roxai."

"The First, young lad?"

Jaron stared at him, baffled. "The…what?"

"I see, so you are not of royal blood then… Alright, allow me to introduce myself. I am Leonidas the First, the King of Sparta."

"That's nice and all, but, the first what?"

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, JARON?!?!?!" they heard Kaitlin shriek.

Max turned to face her. "Jeeze, Kaitlin, calm down."

"How am I supposed to calm down?! Jaron attacks that guy, and then just stands there and talks like he's inviting him to a flippin' tea party! We're not in Wonderland, for heaven's sake!"

_**(Tom: You'd think they'd realize…**_

_**Jordan: Realize what?**_

_**Crow: You haven't either?**_

_**Kaitlin: What're you talking about?**_

_**Crow: You poor, simple fools.**_

_**Everyone else: ?????)**_

James shook his head and turned to Jaron and Leonidas, who had been talking to each other.

"We will not back down!" Leonidas shouted. "We will stand firm, and fight till the end!!!!"

"Are you kidding?! You can't just go ahead and try to take over an entire kingdom! This is insane!!!" Jaron yelled.

"Insane…?" Leonidas said quietly. He grabbed his spear and screamed in Jaron's face, "THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

He then proceeded to fling his spear at Jaron, but before it could reach him, a hammer flew out of seemingly nowhere and struck it, knocking it aside.

They all stared at the fallen spear, then they heard someone scream, "RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

James whipped around. "What the…?"

An entire horde of Koopas were pouring into the town, Magikoopas, Koopatrols, Hammer Bros, Paratroopas, what have you, and at the front was Bowser, claws out and ready for slaughter. Rushing ahead of his troops, he launched himself at Leonidas, roaring.

Only his fast reflexes saved Leonidas's life. Rolling out of the way, he grasped his spear and swung it at Bowser, who grabbed it and seethed, "NOBODY tries to conquer MY kingdom without MY permission, D'YOU HEAR ME?!?!"

The two of them struggled with the spear as the Koopas and Spartans met each other in battle, each giving no quarter. However, the Koopas had never had to face any large force, whereas the Spartans were seasoned warriors, experienced in the ways of war. It would've gone one way or another if for not one thing—

"_**RELEASE THE SWANS!!!!!!**_"

The swans struck before anyone knew what hit them. They were among the Spartans like missiles, pecking and looting without mercy. It was probably the strangest battle anyone had participated in.

Tom, on the other hand, was now drunk on the power of the swans. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! WRITHE IN AGONY, SPARTAN FOOLS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--"

_**(Kaitlin: Is he ever going to stop?**_

_**Jordan: As soon as I get him away from the swans, yes.**_

_**Jacob: Or until we find his 'off-switch.'**_

_**Jordan: Does he even have an off switch?**_

_**Rika: Of course he does, blockhead! All electronic devices, widgets, and doodads have them!**_

_**Jacob: Widgets…? Okay, that's it; no more spending lunch with Stuffwell.)**_

Max ducked as a swan, four spears and eleventyseven boomerangs zoomed overhead. "I wasn't expecting any of this!" he yelled.

James dodged a spear and punched a Spartan in the stomach. "I don't think anyone did!" he yelled back.

In the meantime, Jaron had a Spartan in a headlock. "Anyone have a plan?" he asked as he removed one of his victim's teeth with his fist.

Kaitlin punched a Spartan without even looking at the guy. "Sorry, I've got nothing. What about you guys?"

Before anyone else could say anything, they heard Kammy's voice shriek, "ALL TROOPS, FALL BACK TOWARD THE GATES! DON'T LET THEM INTO THE CASTLE! LORD BOWSER WISHES TO CONQUER IT FIRST!"

Max rolled his eyes as he slammed an unfortunate Spartan. "I figured that Bowser was helping us for a reason."

"Well, any reason is good enough for me! Everyone to the gates!" Jaron yelled.

~ The Koopas had managed to set up a barricade in front of the gates. As they sat down behind it, Jaron found Meriee tending to Zane's wounds. "What the heck happened to you?" he asked.

Zane winced as Meriee applied another bandage. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Meriee applied another bandage to Zane's nose. "Zane, please don't do that again, okay? I was nearly scared to death! Thank goodness Kaitlin was there."

Zane was disgruntled. "Don't remind me…"

A loud cackle interrupted all further conversation. "Well, well, if it isn't the Karate Toad himself! By the shell of the great Koopa himself, what did you do, run into a giant blender?"

Of course it was Kammy, looking all high and mighty on her broom. Rather than get angry, however, Zane merely smirked and asked, "Well, how are ya, you shag rug-wearing hood ornament?"

"What- wha-wh-WH-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

Everyone chuckled. Max took this opportunity to ask, "D'you know what's going on?"

Kammy was still ticked. "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON, YOU THUG?! SPARTANS ARE ATTACKING, ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?!"

"Spartans don't have rocket launchers, you old spinster." Zane retorted.

Before Kammy could shriek, Jaron interrupted. "I just realized something—has anyone seen Mario or Luigi?"

"I saw them go into the castle earlier," said Max. "They said they were going to check on Peach."

Jaron was running toward the gates before he even finished. Kaitlin sighed. "That boy never stops," said she as they (minus Zane, Meriee, and Kammy) ran after him.

A second later Kaitlin came back. "Kammy, can you do something useful and get these two to Merlon's house or somewhere safe?"

Kammy snorted. "Who do you think I am, girl? I don't do favors for the likes of you!"

She immediately withered as Kaitlin took a step forward. "Okay, let me rephrase that: get them somewhere safe, or ELSE!"

Kammy was off like a rocket, taking Zane and Meriee with them before they could so much as protest. Kaitlin shook her head. _I don't like bullying, but if it gets her to cooperate…_ She shrugged and ran off to rejoin the others.

~ Tom and Crow had joined the battle, Tom wielding his beloved Luciel, Crow with a massive Scimitar he had pulled out of nowhere. Both were full of Clown Rage. "RAAAAAGH!!!! TASTE MY WRATH, SPARTANS, FOR NONE CAN STAND AGAINST SIR LANCE-CROW!" Crow shrieked, smacking another Spartan with the flat of his blade as he spoke.

Tom whipped out a remote. "BEHOLD! FIRE THE LASER!!!!!!"

Do we really need to say anything?

~ Bowser spewed forth a swathe of flame, only for Leonidas to deflect it with his shield. Tossing it aside, he launched himself at the Koopa King, both of them locking together in a Life-or-near-death struggle. Both argued as they fought.

"This is the MUSHROOM KINGDOM!"

"This is SPARTA!"

"THIS IS THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!"

"THIS IS SPARTA!!"

"THIS! IS! THE! FREAKIN'! MUSHROOM KINGDOOOOOM!!!!!!!"

"THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAA!"

Leonidas kicked Bowser savagely, knocking him over. Any and all troops watching this became enraged, and fought against the Spartans with everything they had, and then some. Grabbing a spear, Leonidas attempted to drive the weapon into Bowser, only for the Koopa King to grab in with his teeth and snap it.

"THAT ALL YOU GOT?!" Bowser roared. The Koopa King then began to inhale. In the split-second that Bowser's mouth was open, the Spartan king could see an orange light coming from his throat. That could only mean one thing; he was about to become a barbeque. Thinking quickly, he raised his shield to defend himself from Bowser's hellfire breath.

Meanwhile, two Spartans carried a cask of water between them. "Aye, the beast looks mighty thirsty, doesn't he?" said one.

The other nodded. "Then let's give him something to drink!" With excellent timing, they both hurled the cask at Bowser's open maw, hitting it with perfect accuracy. Bowser began hacking madly, his gigantic lungs now flooded with liquid.

"WHOOCH—HACK—COUGH!!!!"

~ As soon as they four of them (Jaron, Kaitlin, Max and James) entered the castle courtyard, the gates slammed behind them. Kaitlin, Max, and James whirled around in surprise, but Jaron's attention was only on the person before him.

This person had his back on them, and was hurrying toward the castle. "Hey!"

He immediately halted. Jaron looked at him for a minute, sizing him up. "Who are you?"

Instead of speaking, the person turned to face them. He wore a gray coat with orange pants, holding a blaster in one hand. His head was covered in a large gray helmet. He was about Max's height. And yet…there was something about him…

"You know, it's not polite to ignore a question," said Kaitlin.

Ignoring her completely, the man drew the sword at his side and pointed it at them.

"Hey, hey, hey, we didn't mean to offend you or anything," Max said nervously, "we were just—"

The man rushed them before they could finish. Grabbing James by the ear, he flung him into Kaitlin while grabbing and flipping Jaron over. Before he could plunge his sword into Jaron's stomach, however, Max body slammed him. "What is your PROBLEM?!" he yelled.

He was interrupted as the man's blaster was shoved into his face. "Oh…"

BLAM!!!

~ POW! That was the sound of Bowser giving Leonidas the boot. "I'LL SHOW YOU SPARTA!!! YOU WANNA DINE IN HELL?!?!?! FINE! THEN _DINE IN HELL!!!_"

Staggering upright, Leonidas launched himself at Bowser, grabbing him by the shell and attempted to tear it off. "BURN, FOUL UNRULY BEAST!!!!!"

He was quickly interrupted by a paintbrush to the face. "YOU LEAVE MY PAPA ALONE, YOU BIG, HAIRY BUMPKIN!!!!!!" Bowser Jr. shrieked.

Dodging the brush, Leonidas grabbed a spear. "Assisted by your spawn, eh, beast? I will cut you both down!"

He lifted the spear, only for a swan to steal it. Bowser smirked. "Awww, did the big bad swan swipe your precious spear? TOO BAD!"

~ Max ducked as the sword was swung at his head. It made a loud CLANG as it hit Jaron's blade. At the same time, Kaitlin kicked the man in the neck as James slammed him with both paws. Acting like the Pokémon's attack never transpired, this masked assailant waved his free hand over his sword, somehow causing it to charge with electricity. He then sent a shockwave toward James, shocking him on contact. Turning to Kaitlin as his blaster charged, only for her to duck and slam him in the stomach. Not wasting a second, he grabbed her and lifted her above his head, flinging her away. He was just about to swing another wave of electricity at her when he was slugged in the face by an Aura-coated fist. Max brought up another fist and punched him again, this time grabbing him so he could toss him to the ground. Charging up some more Aura, he attempted to punch him again, only for the masked one to roll over, causing him to miss entirely. Getting back up, he pointed his blaster at him, only for Jaron to slice it in half. His adversary turned to him, irritation showing on what could be seen of his features, as he swung his own sword. Jaron deflected it, shouting, "We haven't done anything to you! Why are you attacking us?!"

Rather than answer, his opponent merely kicked him, sending him sprawling as he turned to the other three. As Max helped Kaitlin up, James stood in front of them, ready to use Protect when needed. Faster than anyone could blink, the masked one sped right past him, raising his blade for the kill.

Faster than anyone could THINK, Jaron was right in front of him, grabbing him by the arm and swinging back his fist. And without further ado, he slugged him right in the face with such force that the helmet cracked.

~ There was scorched and disturbed earth everywhere near Leonidas and the two royal Koopas. All three were wheezing with exhaustion. Leonidus was soon surrounded and flanked by his 299 troops. One of them offered a small cask of water, which their king drank heavily. "What will we do, Sire?" the generous soldier asked.

"Men, legend has it that we Spartans are descended from Hercules, never backing down, never retreating, fighting until our last breath. We shall not break our heritage because of these monstrosities!" The Spartan king gave a hefty war cry, with his soldiers following suit.

Bowser was getting slightly worried, but he has a plan. Perhaps he could use reverse psychology to get them to surrender… "Hey, lemme give you a chance to live, ya hairy flesh wads!" The Spartans looked toward the Koopa king. "Yeah, I'll let you live… IF, that is, you drop your weapons."

"You want our weapons?!" The Spartan king roared. Suddenly, he and all his men raised their shields in unison, perpendicular to the ground. It was a phalanx formation. "Then COME AND GET THEM!!!!"

_**(Jordan: Okay, now I sorely regret adding the Spartans.**_

_**Kaitlin: I did tell you so.**_

_**Jacob: We ALL told you so!**_

_**Tom: It matters NOT! ALL WILL BOW DOWN TO THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF THE SWANS!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-**_

_**Max: There has to be a way to get him to stop…)**_

~ The masked man staggered back, his helmet beginning to break. Jaron grabbed his sword, ready to attack if he recovered. Eventually the helmet broke apart completely as the masked guy covered his face with his hands.

"Had enough?!" Jaron demanded.

No response. Then the masked man put his hands down and looked at them.

He wasn't all that scary, that I'll tell you. He actually looked slightly (SLIGHTLY) innocent, with brown hair done in a cowlick.

Jaron dropped his sword with an indecent clang. Kaitlin could see that his hands were shaking. Nothing was heard for a few moments, then Jaron spoke.

"Are you the…?"

The guy in front of him stared at him, frowning.

"No…you're not him…you're different…but…you look like…"

"HEY! Jaron-von-LOSER!!!"

THAT certainly came out of nowhere. They all looked around, looking for the source of the gruff voice. "UP HERE!" They looked up, then had to do a double-take to make sure of what they were seeing.

Standing on the castle wall, wearing black clothing and a beret (complete with feather), was, without a doubt, Jaron Roxai.

Someone who LOOKED like him, anyway.

"Time's up for you, Mask. It's my turn to take care of it," he yelled in a gruff sounding voice.

James looked from Jaron to the look-alike, baffled. "What the—TWO Jarons?! How is that possible?!"

"Anti-people, that's how." Said Jaron's doppelganger. Kaitlin looked taken aback, but before anything else could be said, the maskless guy leapt up to the doppelganger on the walltop. The look-alike gave him one glance and smirked. "Oh, did they break your mask? That's bad, dude, reeaaaaal bad." The other guy gave him a single glare and left.

"Hey!" Jaron took one step forward. The doppelganger, however, merely jumped down to them.

"My show now, kid."

~ Crow was busy carrying Tom out of the wreckage of what used to be a building. Apparently, Tom forgot that birds like shiny things. "How DARE the swans treat me like riches! I'm not a BROOCH, for God's sakes!"

"Well, dude, they thought you were, and to them, that's all that mattered. Just suck it up and let's get you to a repair shop. That arm ain't lookin' too good." Indeed, the spring composing Tom's right arm was still in one piece, but badly twisted and mangled.

Tom spewed out a steady stream of complaints as he was carried off. "Just look! It was my best arm, and now those damned birds had to go and ruin it! The nerve of it all! How dare they! Wha—AGH! They're attacking again! Begone, white spawn of Satan! BEGONE, I SAY!"

~ Jaron and his friends had their hands on any weapons they had as they looked at the Jaron look-alike. "Who are you?" Jaron asked.

"I'm you, kid."

"???"

"Jaron… I'm your Anti, you dumbass." Jaron actually winced. "Aw, you don't like hearing curses from your own mouth? Suck it up, you sissy."

Jaron had rarely encountered anyone so mean before. The fact that the guy looked like him made it worse. "What's an Anti?"

"It's a person's opposite," Kaitlin said slowly. They looked at him in surprise. "I don't really know all that much about them myself. I think they might be like anyone else…except that they're the total opposite of a person. That's what I think, anyway."

Anti-Jaron snorted. "Not completely right, but whatever, !$&."

"Oh… no… you… DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kaitlin looked livid. Anti-Jaron smirked.

"Oh, I did. You don't like it? Too damn bad!"

Jaron was staring at his Anti, a strange look on his face. "Kaitlin was right…you are my opposite. I don't act like that." Then he shrugged. "But I don't think you're my Anti."

"Man, you ARE a dumbass aren't you?! Thank God I'm your opposite, or I'd have turned as dumb as a sack of hammers!" Anti-Jaron taunted as the furious female launched her fruitless assault on him.

Just before Kaitlin could hit him, however, he suddenly vanished and reappeared behind her. "Too slow. Heck, molasses could move faster than you!" He looked down at her awkward position of lying face-down in the dirt, her back at an odd angle toward the sky. Anti-Jaron wolf-whistled. "Nice view."

SLAM!!!!!! He never saw it coming. Jaron punched him so hard that he went flying several yards away, landing with a WUMF!

Jaron looked livid. "That was uncalled for!!!" He yelled. "Now I KNOW you aren't my Anti!"

Anti Jaron got up, doing his best to stem a nosebleed. "What the hell are you going on about?!" he yelled back. "Do you know how stupid you sound right now?! I mean, hell, you probably don't even know where BABIES come from!"

Jaron drew his sword. "I've never met my anti…but I do know he wouldn't be a pervert!"

Anti-Jaron stared at him dumbly. "Oh, Christ…I can't BELIEVE I'm related to you… Again, I'm thankful for the intelligence that being your opposite gave me."

"Are you saying I'm stupid?!"

"You JUST NOW realized?!"

"I can't believe you're so horrible!"

"_I_ can't believe you're so _stupid_!"

Max had seen weird things before, but watching Jaron argue with what appeared to be himself took the cake. "Bizarre."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish I had a camera," James commented.

"I know!" Max continued. "I mean, how often do you see a person _literally_ beside themselves with anger?"

Kaitlin stared at them. "…I will never get you two."

Anti-Jaron's shriek cut her off. "ENOUGH!" He looked livid. "I've had enough of this! I have a job to do!" He drew a blade completely different from Jaron's. "Okay, dumbass, say your prayers."

Jaron looked taken aback. "What?! What d'you mean by that?"

Anti-Jaron looked exasperated. "You really ARE a dumbass. My job is to deal with you, here and now, along with your little friends, whether you like it or not, savvy?"

Jaron was horrified. "Deal with—why?!"

"Why the hell should I tell you?! Now, if you beg, I MIGHT make it painless!"

Kaitlin, Max, and James looked as if to rush forward, but then Jaron made a motion for them to stop. "Let me handle this! He's mine!"

"Fine then, NANCY-BOY!!!" Anti-Jaron rushed forward. "I'd like it better that way, anyway!"

CLANG!!!!!!!!!! Steel slammed against steel as they met in the middle of the courtyard, their faces close to each other as Anti-Jaron seethed, "I'll make you scream loudly before killing you, dumbass!"

"Stop _calling_ me that!" With a flick of his sword, Jaron knocked his opponent's sword away, kicking him away as he did so. He gestured to the sword next to his Anti. "Pick it up and have a proper try!"

The Anti did so, screaming as he lunged, "NOBODY DISSES ME!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!"

Rather than slicing again, he instead stabbed, aiming directly at Jaron's heart. Imagine his surprise when Jaron jumped over him! As the Anti stumbled, Jaron kicked him in the back, knocking him over. Snarling, Anti-Jaron got back up, reaching for his sword, only for Jaron to rain several blows on him. POW! BIF!! SMACK!!! With a final uppercut, Jaron sent him flying.

Landing on his feet, Anti-Jaron tsked and held his hand out, which immediately began glowing red. He lunged forward, laughing. "DIE!"

Rather than run, Jaron met it head-on, grabbing the red hand with his own, ignoring the smoke coming from it. Anti-Jaron stared at him in astonishment. "I knew you were stupid, but not THIS stupid!"

Rather than answer, Jaron punched him in the face, sending him sprawling as he wrung his hand, which was still smoking. "Jeeze, what is with you?" he asked.

"I'm your Anti, remember? Not only are you stupid, but you have Alzheimer's, too?!"

"I don't even know what that is!"

"SHADDAP!!"

~ The battle against the Spartans had become ridiculous. Bowser and Leonidas had both grabbed opposite ends of a spear, and now they were in some weird tug-of-war with the Spartans pulling Leonidas back and the Koopas doing the same with Bowser.

"GIMME THE SPEAR!!!"

"TEAR IT FROM MY DEAD HANDS, DRAGON!"

"DON'T INSULT MY PAPA, YOU MEANIE!"

"SILENCE, SPAWN OF EVIL!!!"

"Oooh! Did you hear what he called me, papa?"

"Never mind him, Jr., sticks and stones can't break your bones!"

"Actually, they can, Sire—"

"SHADDAP, KAMMY!!!"

Rather than join in, Kamek had decided to stay on the sidelines and 'cheer' the Koopas on. "Pull! Pull! Bend your backs and curse your mothers! Pull, I say! Lend you strength to the king! PULL!"

"IF YOU WANT US TO PULL SO BAD, THEN GET IN LINE AND HELP, YOU OLD FOOL!"

"How dare you, Kammy Koopa! I'm trying to motivate the troops, and this is the thanks I get?!"

"I'LL MOTIVATE _YOU_, YOU BLASTED LITTLE—"

"SHUT UP AND PULL, BOTH OF YOU!!"

Unnerved, Kamek hurried to do his king's bidding.

~ Jaron ducked as Anti-Jaron swung a right. "You're too slow!!"

"NOW I know why you want to meet Sonic; you're both ANNOYING AS HELL!!!!"

Jaron stopped as he raised his sword. "How did you know I want to meet Sonic?"

"You can blame my boss for that bit of info. As for who he is," Anti-Jaron raised his weapon overhand, behind his back. "NOT TELLIN'!" With that he jumped forward.

Jaron avoided the swing. "You know, I noticed another difference between the two of us…you focus too much on brute strength than anything else. You don't focus enough."

"And?!"

"I'm just saying that if you really were my Anti, you'd be a bit more like me, that's all. I mean, I focus on speed more than anything, but not exclusively." He illustrated this by speeding behind Anti-Jaron and tapping him on the back of his head. "See what I mean?"

Robbed of his dignity for a moment, Anti-Jaron turned and swung his sword, locking blades with Jaron. "Speed is opposite to power; YOU are opposite of ME! That's what being an Anti is, moron!" he seethed. Having said that, he gathered red electricity into his left hand. "Again, I thank my intelligence for being opposite to you."

"That's the fourth time you've said--"

"ENOUGH OF YOUR BULL&*%^!!!!"

BAM!!!!!!!

Jaron was, and I say quite literally, sent flying. At least until the wall of the courtyard halted his 'flight'. He slid like a wet sponge into a bush at the base of the wall.

Anti-Jaron tsked. "Hoped he didn't damage the wall—ACK!"

The reason for the 'ack' was the result of Max slugging the Anti in the face. Staggering back a bit, Anti-Jaron saw Max, James and Kaitlin standing before him, looking as if they would tear him apart.

~ Why would anyone fight over a single spear? Just asking.

"It's MINE!!"

"UNHAND IT, YOU BEAST!!!"

"I HAD IT FIRST!" "NO YOU DID NOT!!!"

"YES I DID, YOU IDIOT, NOW LET GO BEFORE I—" SNAP! That was the sound of the spear breaking in half. The two of them stared at the pieces in their hands, then…

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!!"

"THIS WAS **MY** SPEAR TO BEGIN WITH, MONGREL!"

It was at this point that the two generals of this battle, Bowser and Leonidas, began slugging each other anew, with their respective armies fighting the same way.

_**(Jacob: One could say this is—**_

_**Jordan: DON'T say it!**_

_**Jacob: What? All I was going to say is that this is a full-out—**_

_**Rika: Come on, PLEASE don't say it! You've played that Wii game enough!**_

_**(Awkward Silence)**_

_**Jacob: BRAWL!!!!)**_

~ Anti-Jaron snorted. "Oh, well isn't this fair! Three on one? Come on, just 'cause I took out that dumbass doesn't mean—"

"Owww…" Almost at once, everyone present turned simultaneously at the noise. What they saw was Jaron coming out of the bush at the base of the wall. He wasn't exactly the same, however… "Ugh…you didn't have to hit me so hard!" he complained as he rubbed his forehead. THAT was when he noticed. "Wha—I'm a hedgehog again?! Of all the times it had to happen, it had to be now…" Anti-Jaron was completely motionless, with shock written over his face. "Hey, what's wrong?" Jaron asked. "What's with the horrified look?"

"WHAT THE *$&%?!?!?" Needless to say, Anti-Jaron was taken aback. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?! NOBODY TOLD ME YOU COULD DO THAT!!!!!"

Jaron was baffled. "Why are you so shocked? I thought you knew! You're supposed to be my Anti, aren't you?"

"Jaron, that's not how it works…" Kaitlin sweatdropped.

Anti-Jaron snapped. Spinning toward Kaitlin, he swung his sword, screaming, "SHUT THE $! UP!!!"

CLANG!!!

Jaron had thrown himself in front of Kaitlin, not wanting her to be sliced in half. What happened AFTER that was unexpected.

Rather than slice through Jaron's spine-covered arms, Anti-Jaron's sword instead clanged against his spines like they were made of steel. Anti-Jaron jumped back, his entire body vibrating comically.

_**(James: You have to admit, that IS comical.**_

_**Kaitlin: I agree with you on that.**_

_**Jordan: Sort of like 'Looney Tunes'.**_

_**Jacob: Except, in this case, it's WAY MORE EPIC!!**_

_**Lucas: I don't think so—**_

_**Tom: NOTHING IS MORE EPIC THAN THE SWANS!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—**_

_**Jordan: Okay, that is IT! SERVO, GET OVER HERE NOW BEFORE I--)**_

~ After fixing Tom's arm up, he and Crow had 'acquired' a moped and were now speeding through Toad Town—though they weren't exactly 'following the road'.

"We will not be defeated!" Tom shrieked as he drove (he wasn't looking where he was going). "We need to think of a strategy—"

"Clothesline!" Crow shrieked. Before he could drive out of the way, they both ran into someone's clothesline. Shaking off the offending articles (Tom stole the underwear), they attempted to redirect their course. "Okay, that was accidental," said Tom, "But at least we don't have to—"

"Billboard!" Too late. CLANG!!!! They were both disoriented by the impact, but they shook it off. "That WASN'T my fault—"

"GOOSE!!!!!"

"QUACK!!!"

As they tangled with the goose, they both drove over the wall, landing in the courtyard. Flinging the offending poultry away, Tom whipped out a remote.

"FEAR ME, YOU EVIL FOOL!" Tom screamed. "FIRE THE LASER!!!!"

The castle was disintegrated with an Independence Day-esque laser with a terrific KABLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ Tom closed the laptop with a snap. "And that is what would happen if we drove a moped to the castle and attempted to fire a laser at the enemy, only to hit the castle itself."

"Why would you have this scenario video on this laptop anyway?" Crow asked.

"DO NOT QUESTION THE LEADER OF THE SWANS!!!! AHA—"

~ "YEOWCH!" Jaron was knocked back as Anti-Jaron's sword found its mark. Turning toward the others, the Anti attempted a stab at Kaitlin, only for James to deflect it. This was followed up by Max and Kaitlin punching Anti-Jaron in the stomach—simultaneously. "OOOOOF!!!"

Jaron picked himself up, grumbling. "It's so awkward when I'm like this…" Trying to steady himself, he gripped his shoulder, only to pull out several spines. "Ah!" He attempted to put these back (I've no idea how he would do this), only to find that the missing spines had grown back. "What the…" He pulled out a single spine, and saw that another one had grown back in place. "Huh…" He glanced at the spine in his hand, then at Anti-Jaron.

Said Anti had grabbed Max by the throat. "I am going to kill you STONE DEAD—OW!" Dropping Max, he grabbed at the back of his head and pulled out what appeared to be a green needle. "What the hell…?"

"OI!" Turning, Anti-Jaron was treated to the sight of a spine flying toward his face—and sinking into his nose. "EEEEEEEYOUCH!!!"

Jaron grinned. "Bulls-eye!"

"AGH-AGH-AGH!!!!!" The four of them watched as Anti-Jaron leapt around, clutching at his bleeding nose. After several seconds of this, he stopped and (painfully I might add) ripped out the spine. His nose bleeding, he glared at them, the needle in his clenched fist. "You. Are. So. DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

With that, he rushed toward them, his sword forgotten as he fully intended to rip each and every one of them apart—limb from limb.

_**(Jordan: He's screwed.**_

_**Lucas: That's…kinda right, actually.**_

_**Jacob: I hope someone else conveniently comes along and helps… sorta.)**_

He hadn't gone seven paces when James charged, slamming into the Anti with extreme force. Completely winded, Anti-Jaron wasn't given any time to recover as he saw Max rush toward him, spinning a Poke Ball on a string like a yo-yo. WHAM!!!

That left a bruise. Snarling, Anti Jaron grabbed Max by the wrist. "You are SO DEAD, you—"

He was immediately interrupted by Kaitlin kicking him square in the chest, knocking him over. Practically foaming at the mouth, he leapt up only to see Jaron's fist flying toward his face.

CRACK!!!

That sounded like it hurt. Anti-Jaron grabbed his face, letting out a scream of pain. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! MY FACE! YOU BASTARD!!!!"

It was clear that he had totally lost it. (As if that hadn't been obvious…)

Ignoring everything else, he lunged at Jaron, blood flowing from his face like a scarlet ribbon.

FLASH!

Jaron was now behind Anti-Jaron, his sword held in his left hand. The two of them stood completely still. Total silence.

Suddenly, Anti-Jaron fell to the ground. Jaron got up, dropped his sword and ran toward him. Kneeling next to him, he saw that the Anti was shaking.

"W…why?" he whispered. "I…I don't understand…he told me…I would win…why? Why? Wh…what are you…?"

"Shhh…don't say anything," said Jaron. "I'll get you some help…just—"

"Get away from me," the anti said harshly. "I don't want your help."

"But you need it!"

"Just…shut up. Forget it. I'm…beyond help." "Don't say that!"

"It's true, though.

Ignoring him completely, Jaron turned to Max and James. "I need some medicine, guys!"

Max rummaged through his pockets. "Darn, I just have some energypowder. That won't do any good…"

Jaron turned to the Anti. "It's better than nothing!" As he applied the medicine, he had to ask. "Why did you attack us, anyway?"

Anti-Jaron coughed. "That's…not really your business…but…I'll tell you…it was…supposed to be a diversion…but…the masked guy…he didn't get the—"

"JARON, MOVE!!!"

Jaron was still full of adrenaline from his fight, and his reflexes were still sharp, so he just _barely_ managed to avoid a blast of destructive wind. I'd like to add that he collided with Kaitlin as he did this.

"OW! Jaron!"

"Sorry!"

As they picked themselves up, they saw the dust clear to see a pretty strange sight.

A beautiful woman, wearing green, was standing over Anti-Jaron with one of her feet resting on his head.

"Poor little puppet," she said softly. "You had a task to perform…and failed spectacularly at that. His Lordship is quite disappointed in you, little pseudo-Anti. That's why he asked me to tell you a little secret."

"Please…" Anti-Jaron whimpered. "Please…don't hurt me…"

"Don't hurt you?" The strange woman gave a soft laugh. "Oh, I'm afraid that's out of the question, little boy. Before you leave, however, I have a secret to tell you…" She leaned down to the anti's face.

"The hedgehog was right, you know; you _aren't_ his Anti."

And with that, she lifted her foot and crushed the Anti's skull to a pulp before the others could do anything.

Total silence reigned supreme. Total shock was written all over everyone else's faces at the sight of such a brutal murder. It was broken by the woman laughing.

"Life…it's just so damn FUNNY!"

Jaron took a step back. "Wha—"

The woman started to rise into the air, laughing all the way. "All of it! It's just so freaking hysterical! And yet…" She paused. "Death is…so cleansing to the soul, isn't it? Don't you agree with me, children?"

That's when Jaron overcame his shock. "Wh-what?! You killed him! How could you?!?!?! What did he ever do to you?!"

The lady sniffed. "He failed, that's what. And in this world, failure is unacceptable. His Lordship has a Zero-Tolerance Policy when it comes to not accomplishing a task."

"That's still no reason to kill him!" Kaitlin yelled.

"So? I was not told that I couldn't kill him, was I?"

"So what?!" Max shouted. "How can you be so cold-hearted?!"

Another sniff. "You are wasting my time." She turned to leave…

And stopped at what James said.

"You'd probably have the guts to take out someone out of it, but I bet you wouldn't have the guts to fight someone at full strength!"

She seemed to contemplate this for a minute, then turned. "I would like to say that you are wrong at that. However, if I were to prove it, you would find that I would not hold back."

Jaron gripped his sword. "So what? We're not letting you get away with this!"

"Is that a challenge?"

Jaron turned to his friends. They all nodded without hesitation. "You bet! Bring it!"

(Everyone except Jordan is horrified)

Jordan: (Cleans glasses) Well, that's our longest chapter yet. 26 pages on Microsoft Works Word Processor.

(Everyone else is still silent)

Jordan: Well…Just to let everyone know, Jacob and I know practically nothing about Antis, so forgive us if we're incorrect on anything regarding that subject. And before you ask—yes, I know that the names for those Season guys are kinda lame, but I couldn't think of anything else appropriate. As for the Spartans, that was purely random and for amusement only.

(No response)

Jordan: For those who wonder, the fight between the Mario Bros. and Princess will be seen next chapter, along with the rest of Jaron's fight and the whole Spartans vs. Koopas thing. For anyone with questions, we'll answer them.

Jacob: Seriously… we _killed off_ a character…

Rika: And in the chapter we introduced him in, too…

Jordan: Don't worry about it. (Everyone gives him an angry look) You'll have to excuse me…


	9. Of Course, You Realize This Means WAR! 2

Jordan: This chapter is new and improved. Due to the fact that I was supremely unsatisfied with the last version of it, we decided to improve it.

Max: How is it better than before?

Jordan: We included some extra scenes and fixed up some others.

Tom: Yet will it survive...THE JUDGEMENT?!?!??!

Jordan: Just read it already...

* * *

Chapter Nine

Gales of Severance (Or: Of Course, You Realize This Means WAR! Part 2)

* * *

"Where IS HE?!" Pokey screeched.

Josephine shut her eyes, feverently hoping that Pokey would shut up. Sure, he was her boss, but she could only tolerate so much...And she still found it hard to believe that he was older than her. He certainly didn't act like it...

Yokuba's voice tore her from her thoughts. "Now, now, King P, no need to be impa--"

"He's been gone for AN ENTIRE HOUR!!! What's taking him so long?! And what's he doing, anyway?! It's bad enough that Kavma gave instructions only to HIM, but I'm not told what he needs to do! I'm the KING!!! I'm--"

Thankfully for Josephine's eardrums, the door of the blimp opened to reveal that unmasked fellow from before. He leapt into the blimp, then suddenly fell to his knees in exhaustion.

"Clyde!" In a flash, Josephine had rushed forward, ready with bandages and whatever. "What happened? Did you succeed? Who gave you those bruises?!"

"What happened to your helmet?" Pokey demanded. "That thing was expensive!"

Completey ignoring Pokey, Clyde opened his mouth to speak...and only managed a slight squeak.

Pokey dissolved into laughter at this, while Yokuba looked as if he found the scene totally awkward. Clyde, on the other hand, looked totally frustrated, attempting to speak several more times, with the same result. Josephine just sighed. "Don't worry, Clyde, I have some medicine right here...if it weren't for that accident last year.."

Clyde looked rather embarrassed, giving Pokey a glare tat was totally ignored. "Don't worry about it, Clyde. Let me fix that up for you, you know how Graineon gets when you come back home so battered..."

* * *

Both bros. landed in the garden the same time Princess did. As they got up to their feet, she actually _licked _her bat in anticipation. "I am SO going to enjoy this..." she purred.

Both Mario and Luigi recoiled at this. Clearly, they had never met anyone so nasty before...

Proof that some worlds should never mix.

"Here I come, loooooosers!" Princess called gleefully. Before either of them could reacted, she darted forward, nailing Mario in the jaw with her bat and sending him crashing into a wall. As she turned to Luigi, the green plumber shrieked and ducked, miraculously avoiding a swing that could've taken his head off. As Princess lifted the bat up for a downwards swing, Luigi actually punched her in the stomach, sending her toppling into a bush.

Tumbling out of said bush with leaves in her hair, she no longer looked playfull. If anything, she looked beyond restraint.

"Oh, you BASTARD! You're getting _special_ treatment!" With that, she reached behind herself and pulled out a…flask?

Luigi was, understandably, baffled. _Is she thirsty?_

However, this did not seem to be the case, as she uncorked it and poured whatever was in it over her bat, then proceeded to drink the rest. Then, as a finale, she snapped her fingers, and the bat spontaneously combusted before the bros.' eyes.

Luigi was now extremely close to wetting himself. First, Spartans. Then evil women with flaming bats? Not one of his good days.

"Here's some of my SPECIAL TREATMENT!!!!!!!! Have a taste, SAUCY BOY!" She followed this up with impaling her bat into the ground, creating a pyro-shockwave headed toward the green ! Of course, she never noticed the boot sailing toward her face. Mario followed this up with two kicks, then his famous "Mario Spin", ending with what I suppose is his "patented" Super Jump Punch, send Princess upward in a shower of coins, coupled with a shriek.

_(Kaitlin: Look up his moveset in "Smash Bros." if you haven't a clue what we mean.)_

As the evil lady landed in a heap, Mario turned to his brother. "Are you okay?"

Luigi nodded, though his knees were still shaking. "Y-yeah..." _I need to stop being afraid so much..._

The sound of crying interrupted their thoughts. Princess was on her knees, her face in her hands. She was actually crying. Both brothers looked at each other, baffled, then Mario edged toward her, looking aprehensive. "Are you oka--"

"GOTCHA!" Before either of them could so much as blink, Princess had knocked Mario off his feet and stood over him, holding her bat over her head. "I am _so_ going to enjoy this, you SON OF A 38)!!!"

Without thinking about what he was doing, Luigi lunged foward--

WHAM!  
--and landed a fist to Princess's cheek, once again sending her flying.

As Luigi helped Mario up, Princess extracted herself from the tulips, her expression being of one filled with British-inspired Clown Rage (TM). "Oh, you two are SO !#$!%$ DEAD!" Looking livid, she pulled out a...

...Well, okay, I'm not entirely sure what it was, but it looked like one of those plasma grenades you'd find in, I don't know, Halo. She threw it to the ground, and it _blossomed _into what appeared to be a black, oval-shaped portal thingamajiggywhateveritwasorsomethingandotherandyetitresembledsomethingyouwouldfindin--

"GET ON WITH IT!!!!"

Mff....ANYwho, Princess then lifted up her bat, readying it like she was about to--oh, dear.

"BATTER UP, ASSHOLES!!!" What happened next was unspeakable. Okay, fine--as soon as she shrieked, she swung her bat at the same time a--a THING---erupted from the portal, and as soon as the bat made contact with it, it practically exploded forth toward the bros. Mario dodged out of the way, while Luigi was almost petrified with terror, and it was only Mario grabbing him by the arm and pulling him out of the way that saved him from certain beheadament or whatever the word is.

The THING she launched, on the other hand, hit the castle wall with squishy _spleauuurch. _I'd give an accurate description of it, but forget it--it's too icky. It slid down with a sound that is indescribable, then slowly got up on its--appendages--with gross noises that made both bros almost gag. It didn't have a face, so they couldn't tell if it was looking at them or not.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang, almost like a gunshot, then the THING exploded in a thousand billion icky pieces. Mario grabbed Luigi, and then dove behind a hedge to avoid the icky remnants of whatever it was. Princess, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that pieces of goo were hitting her dress, was even more angry than before. "WHO THE #$!% DID THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?"

Both Bros popped their heads out from behind the hedge. Princess turned to them, her features distorted by Austrailian Clown Rage (TM). "YOU $%#% LITTLE--" She stopped ranting long enough to notice the looks on their faces. "What the HELL are you looking at?!"

Mario suddenly flinched at what he saw next. Often encountering oppenents that both figuratively and literaly brought a gun to a knife fight, the sudden apearance of a red LED pointer light shakily listing back and froth across Princess' forehead was nonetheless surprising.

"WHAT?!" she shrieked. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU--"

BANG!

She suddenly was flipped backward, almost as if she had been beaned in the head, and she fell to the ground with a loud "WAUGH!" Both bros winced, but were even more surprised when she got back up. Other than a large bruise on her head, she looked relativeley unharmed.

"Who the HELL--" she started, but then stopped. Her face took on a look of annoyance. "Oh, HELL no...what the HELL is he doing HERE?! He should looking for that damned--oh, whatever!" She gave the bros a very annoyed look. "You two got lucky today, you two, but if I EVER see you two AGAIN, you are F$#!, you hear me?!" This was followed by the most violent explosion EVER. When the smoke cleared, they say that Princess was gone.

* * *

"SPARTA! Give these heathan turtles nothing, but take from them EVERYTHING!!!!"

Namine peeked from the doorway of the now abandoned Toad House as thirty Spartans stormed past. This had not been anything she had been expecting, and she began to hope that Jaron was safe...

_"Something wrong, Holly?"_

Turning to the voice, Namine (or rather, _Holly_) turned to see Roxas padding up to her. _"Oh...Nothing, Takeda," _she responded in Pokespeak, addressing the Sky Shaymin by his actual name, _I was just wondering if Jaron's okay, and the others..."_

_"I hear ya,"_ Takeda grumbled. _What annoys me is that Kaitlin just told me to stay out of the way, so I can't DO anything..._ He ground his teeth in frustration. _"I mean, she KNOWS I can take care of myself!"_

_"I'm sure she just wants you safe, Takeda," _Holly said calmly, wincing as they heard a crash. Takeda sighed. _"Yeah, I know...but I just feel so USELESS..."_

"DROP THE WEAPONS AND I'LL LET YA LIVE!!!" They heard Bowser roar. This was countered by Leonidas shouting, "DEMON! COME AND GET THEM!"

Takeda shook his head. _"Losers." _Suddenly they heard footsteps. "TO THE KING!"

"_Uh oh..." _Holly looked nervous. _"Takeda, maybe we should find a place to hide..."_ Judging from the grin that was forming on Takeda's muzzle, however, he had other plans.

_"Takeda, don't--"_

_"Oh, you don't have to come if you don't wanna!"_

_"Takeda, please--!"_

Takeda had already left.

_Ohh... _Resigning herself to the fact that Takeda wouldn't listen, she followed.

Three Spartans looked at Takeda in his Sky Forme oddly. "That buck be colored odd, aye?" one of them asked.

"Indeed. Suggestions?" requested another.

"Attack?" said the third.

Takeda decided for them pretty quickly--with Energy Ball, which crashed into the middle Spartan, sending him into a window.

The remaining two looked at each other, then without talking, they made their decision--charging forward with spears, yelling loudly.

Befoe they could react properly, Takeda actually flew at one, sinking his teeth into the guy's shoulder. "AAAARGH!!!" The unlucky Spartan roared in pain as he attempted to tear off the Shaymin. "GET THIS HEATHEN BEAST OFF!"

"HOLD STILL!" yelled the other as he lifted his spear. "I SHALL PIERCE ITS FOUL, FERAL, UNHOLY HIDE!"

Before he could do so, however, a strange smell assaulted his senses. "What..." He whirled around, seeing no one except-- "What be this?!"

Yes, he had spotted Holly, who was quivering in front of him, scared out of her wits. _What in the name of…_As he contemplated the (to him) odd-colored creature, it occurred to him that it was no doubt harmless, judging from how it was trembling, so it was hardly worth his attention. He turned to assist his fellow warrior, regretting it a second later as a large force struck him from behind, knocking him flat on his face and causing something to break, though it wasn't his nose.

_**(Max: What did break, then?**_

_**Jordan: No idea, but it must've been important.)**_

Leaping up to his feet, the Spartan turned to Holly, who was now retreating in the opposite direction, and threw his spear with the aim of a true Spartan marksman from Greece (TM). His effort was rewarded with a squeak. Walking over to Holly, he pulled out his spear, only to see Holly's body crumble before his very eyes.

Holly, who had run back inside, sighed in relief. It wasn't often that she had to use Substitute, but at least she managed to pull it off. Judging from the sounds coming from the second Spartan, Takeda had succeeded in giving him his comeuppance.

"BACK AWAY FROM HIM, BEAST!!"

Looks like she already forgot about the second Spartan.

_"Yeah, yeah, whirl that spear around, ya lummox," _Takeda barked, despite the fact that the Spartan would not understand him, _"You're just a big fat pansy in my opinion!"_

Holly could not resist rolling her eyes. _He never stops…_

"Wha—aaaaargh!"

That did not sound anything one could remotely count as good. Not being in her nature to hide for long, Holly went back outside.

Takeda was lying on his side, looking rather bruised, with the Spartan standing over him, holding the spear for the kill.

"DIE!"

CRACK!

That was the sound of the Spartan being clocked in the head by what appeared to be a green spotted egg. He looked around wildly, eggshells stuck in his hair. "Who the devil did that?!"

CRACK! WHAM! SPLAT! More eggs followed, pelting the harassed Spartan without mercy. And trust me—those things HURT.

"GAH! I—AUCH! DESIST—AAUGH! HELP BRETHEREN—OWWWW!!!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"

The Spartan wiped off the eggshells frantically and looked up just in time to see a green _dinosaur_ throwing yet another egg at him. CRACK!

Holly was baffled, but this did not stop her from coming to Takeda's side. Badly bruised, but alive. He opened one eye. _"Ow...did ya catch the license plate on that toad?"_

Ignoring this, Holly managed to get him back up and carried him off as the Spartan was harrassed by Yoshi.

* * *

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

Most of the time, charging toward an enemy and and swinging his sword wildly whilst yelling loudly worked wonders for Jaron. Not as much here.

With nothing more than a twitch of her finger, Spring sent a mighty (and I mean MIGHTY) gust of wind which slammed into Jaron's face, blowing him back into James and Kailtin with excessive force. "WAUGH!"

Spring rolled her eyes and caught Max's fist, which was coming at her from the side, in the same movement. Squeezing it gently--VERY gently--this caused a small cracking sound, causing Max to yelp with pain as she threw him into the others. Dusting her hands off, she gave them all a contempous look.

"You do not know what you are getting into!" she declared. "Must you continue to bore me? How can children such as you ever dare to challenge me?"

Predictably, Jaron answered in his usual style: Sticking his head up from the jumble, he asked, "Oh, sorry, did you say something?"

Kaitlin, Max, and James all snickered at this. Spring looked taken aback, then, surprisingly, smiled. "Humor, eh…I like that in a person."

She sighed. "A pity, then, that I have to take your lives." A sudden blast of wind exploded from her, sending everyone flying.

Jaron managed to land safely, as did James; Max, on the other hand, landed in a bush. Kaitlin landed on him with an "OOOF!"

"Sorry, Max."

"N-none taken…"

Jaron turned to look as Spring, only to see her actually flying toward him. Now, seeing an evil lady with deadly powers of wind flying towards you is hardly, if at all, a good thing. Actually, is it ever a good thing?

_**(Kaitlin: No.**_

_**Max: No.**_

_**James: No.**_

_**Lucas: Uh-uh.**_

_**Rika: Nope.**_

_**Jacob: Never.**_

_**Jordan: Sometimes.**_

_**(Everyone stares at him)**_

_**Jordan: Well, suppose she's just going up to you to state that there's something in your teeth…**_

_**Rika: (rolls her eyes) Figures he comes up with something like that…)**_

Before Jaron could react, Spring had shot out her arm hitting him full in the face with wind—Not any gentle puff or slight breeze, like from a ceiling fan or whatever. This was like Mach 3 or something!

"AAAGH!!" Yeah, definitely hurts.

* * *

Zane was rapidly losing patience. Okay, this wasn't unusual, as he has been known to lose patience on more than one occasion (Example: "WHAT IS WITH THIS DESERT?!?!?!?!?!?!?) Thanks to the aid of Meriee and Merlon, he was now in perfect condition, and was more than eager to dive into the Spartan horde with an almost unholy enthusiasm.

Having sated his appetite for combat, he had concerned himself with getting into the castle courtyard. Unfortunately for him, however, someone had the raw nerve to lock the gate, prompting him to swear and curse and other such things, before calming himself down and deciding to enter another way.

Some people are unaware of this, but most, if not all, castles have more than one entrance. Peach's Castle had at least 20 of them, including the main gate, and the other 19 were cleverly hidden (twelve of them were pipes--duh).

The castle's west side entrance was clear. Personally, Zane thought that there should be someone there, but he wasn't going to be picky. Looking around to see that he wasn't being watched, he grabbed the doorknob.

Suddenly, he tensed. He was being watched, he knew it. His senses never failed him yet.

_**(Max: So he's Spiderman?**_

_**Jacob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!**_

_**Rika: I second that.)**_

He slowly turned. No one there…Wait! Movement…

Suddenly, _he_ appeared. It wasn't like he magically appeared, it was if he had always been there and Zane hadn't noticed him before.

He wasn't what you would call clean. He seemed rather rough and ragged, as if he didn't know the meaning of clean living. He couldn't be any older than forty. Despite his haggard appearance, there was something about him that spooked Zane.

Okay, 'spooked' wasn't the word for it. Zane would never admit it, but there was something about this guy that simply terrified him. He couldn't stop shaking, even.

"Who are you?" he asked. It was impossible to keep his voice from shaking.

The man did not answer (Not as if anybody would expect him to, anyway). He didn't even look at Zane, just staring at his feet.

"Hello?" Nothing. "Are you deaf? HELLO?!" Still squat. "Well, okay then…" Zane turned to open the door.

Almost before he could open it, he felt a hand grab his shoulder, causing him to freeze. He slowly turned, and saw that the man was staring at him full in the face. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the eyes...

They were a madman's eyes.

_

* * *

_

Yeah…Mach 3 DEFINITELY hurts…

Jaron shook his head as he picked himself up, his spikes rattling. As he did so, he heard Kaitlin utter a warshriek. Looking up, he saw what he could best described as Kaitlin deliver a dropkick to Spring's head. This was promptly followed up by Max slugging her in the stomach, _then _James blasting her in the back with an Aura Sphere.

However, instead of recoiling at all, she instead took it all in. After the barrage, she actually started to chuckle. "Hmmhmmhmmhmm… Isn't this the funniest thing?" she asked her attackers almost maliciously.

Jaron, instead of gaping, smirked. "Nah…THIS is!" He started running at Spring, and when he was five feet from her, he curled up into a ball and rammed into Spring with astonishing force.

_**(Jordan: Just like Sonic the Hedgehog.**_

_**Jaron: (Chuckles and nods))**_

The resulting blow sent Spring flying a considerable distance, though she didn't hit anything (it was a big courtyard). As she landed, Jaron caught up to her and, unbelievably, put a hand on her shoulder.

"I gotta ask ya somethin'…" Spring looked at him, baffled. "I just wanna know, why bother attackin' some random town, anyway? What's the point? Did someone put you up to it?"

The look that Spring gave him was hilariously comical, before brushing away Jaron's hand. "My objectives have nothing to do with any of you children, and there would be no point in telling you. And what is the point of being friendly? I am your enemy!"

This was brilliantly demonstrated by her punching Jaron in the stomach, (and it was a wind-enforced punch, mind you) sending him flying (yes, _again_) into James.

"Ow! Sorry, James…"

* * *

No longer was the battle of the Spartans a battle. Everyone involved had descended to new levels of procrastinating outrageousness. And if you ask me, that's saying something.

Swans were looting the Spartans with such ferocity that most of the warriors had fled with all their armor and clothing stolen. Indeed, it was an abhorring sight, seeing hairy, naked men fleeing the battlefield.

_**(Jordan: Okay, that's WAY too graphic for my tastes.**_

_**Jacob: Sorry…)**_

The "duel" (And I say that with the heaviest sarcasm) between Bowser and Leonidas was hardly what you could call epic anymore. Personally, I'll be glad when this chapter is over.

"Spar… *huff* Spartans… *heave* atta-- *Cough* *hack.*"

"*Black* Oh…*kah* just…*Blah*shove it…*auch.*"

Tom Servo and Crow were spying on them (Both wearing U.S. Army (TM) outfits, though seeing as they're in the Mushroom Kingdom, you'd wonder why they would have such apparel). Tom turned to his companion. "Shall we show them the power of the swans?"

"Nah, they're still looting the other guys. What about the doves?"

Tom looked over at a clipboard with a lot of complicated statistics and calculations. "Meh… I _guess_ we can pay for an hour's overtime…"

Crow wasted no time. "DOVES! Full frontal assault!!!!!"

Nothing else needs to be said… Okay, _fine_, here's Bowser's and Leonidas' opinion on the matter:

"Why… is the sun being blotted out with the downy of birds?" was Leonidas' response.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WITH ALL THE FLIPPIN' PIDGEONS?!" was Bowser's.

And THEN the madness started anew:

"AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!! GET OFFA ME!!!!!!" Bowser wasn't particularly fond of them.

"BEGONE, BIRDS OF PEACE! LEAVE, FOUL POULTRY!" Neither was Leonidas.

* * *

"YAH!" Kaitlin punched Spring directly in the stomach, only for her to block it and send Kaitlin flying into Jaron agin, knocking them both over. "Ow..." Jaron groaned. "Can't you just give up already?!"

Kaitlin glared at Jaron. "Did you HAVE to say that?!"

Spring was grinning now. "I won't just give up to children, you know…" She didn't seem to notice James running toward her from behind with an Aura Sphere.

"Uh huh, so, do you have any other tricks??" Jaron said, doing his best to keep her attention diverted as he got up.

"Shut up, SHUT UP, **SHUT UP**!!!!" Kaitlin was on the point of begging Jaron to zip his yap.

"What? I'm just asking!"

"I know that, I just don't want to be on the receiving end of whatever she has up her nonexistent sleeve!"

_**(Lucas: She doesn't have sleeves?**_

_**Jacob: You didn't notice she had a sleeveless body suit on?**_

_**Jordan: Nothing you need to worry about…)**_

Just when James was about to throw the Aura Sphere, Spring snapped her fingers, instantly generating a great blast of wind from her, hitting everyone in range in the face, blowing them all away and causing them to land with unnecessarily loud thuds. Unfortunately, this also caused James to drop the Sphere, causing an explosion that caused debris to fly both toward the gang and Spring, but the Wind Shield blew the debris away and made it land in place.

_**(Max: Wait, she has a WIND SHIELD?!**_

_**Jordan: News to me. It was Jacob's idea.)**_

Spring laughed. "I hope you enjoyed that!"

"Oh, I'm SURE I DID!" Kaitlin, as I'm sure you know, has a short temper. This was prompted by her lunging at Spring with her fist pulled back, ready to knock her block off. Just before she hit her, though, Spring moved her head to the left, causing her to miss entirely. Then she added insult to injury (or is it the other way around?) by tripping her.

"It's best you don't let your temper get the better of you," she said to her calmly. She paused to duck Jaron's sword swing, then dealt him an uppercut.

* * *

For what seemed to be the billionth time, Zane was thrown against the wall, leaving a large crater. Whoever this guy was, he was a lot stronger than Autumn was. Okay, scratch that—he was beyond Autumn. What was more, no matter what Zane used—Jinxed, Bombs Away, whatever crazy Kung Fu move or whatever he could come up with—it didn't seem to hurt the guy. Not one bit. He didn't even flinch. Not. One. SINGLE—

"WE GET IT!!!!!"

Fine, have it YOUR way. Snippy Toad…

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

Look, this isn't the best place for it…If you need to complain, do it in the author's notes…

"Fine, then!"

_**(Zane: Happy now?!**_

_**Jordan: Yeah, this is more appropriate. Your complaint?**_

_**Zane: You called me SNIPPY!**_

_**Jordan: Aaaaaaaaaaaand?**_

_**Max: This'll end in tears, I just know it…**_

_**Tom Servo: Jordan vs. Zane: The Epic Confrontation. Who wins?**_

_**Crow: Zane, hands down.**_

_**Kaitlin: Jordan.**_

_**Tom and Crow: ZUH?!**_

_**Jacob: Just watch. In fanfiction, Jordan could easily make you think you're in Australia.**_

_**Crow: Wait, are you saying we aren't down under?**_

_**Jacob: My point exactly.**_

_**Jaron: Is it me, or have we sorta lost focus for this scene?**_

_**James: Yes, yes we have.**_

_**Crow: Twenty bucks says Jordan makes Zane cry by the end of the chapter.**_

_**Tom: Odds like that? I can't lose.)**_

He can, by the way.

The man, if indeed he was a man, slowly but surely started to stumble toward Zane, who immediately attempted to back away from him. Only now did he notice that the stranger was wearing a sadistical smile.

_Who IS this guy?! _Zane thought, clearly panicked. _He's like a monster or something—OW!_

Due to an improperly placed rock, Zane had tripped, landing flat on his back, and momentarily leaving him at the mercy of both this creep and malicious lobsters, not to mention centipedes.

_ANGRY_ CENTIPEDES!

"ROWR!" This loud battle-cat-shriek-whatever-it-is-of-death(TM) was followed by what appeared to be a blue jaguar pouncing upon Zane's aggressor.

* * *

Why do I keep abruptly making scene transitions without warning?

"Because you're an A$$hole!"

HOW DARE YOU! Who's idea do you think it was to WRITE this fic anyway?!

"I thought it was Jacob's."

Well, it WASN'T, no doubt to your disappointment. Now, please shut up, or would you rather I assault you with doves? _ANGRY_ DOVES?!

"Okay, who came up with the whole bird thing, anyway?"

…Not important.

_**(Jordan: While I do suck at fight scenes, I am good at making things humorous.**_

_**Crow: Yes, but are you good at ORIGAMI?!**_

_**Jordan: James is.**_

_**Crow: Huh? But… Huh. Maybe it's REALLY hard, with those paws…**_

_**Rika: Is it just me, or is this bit REALLY redundant?**_

_**Jordan: It's totally redundant, but anyway, back to the story…)**_

* * *

KABLAAAAAAM!!!!

If I told you that Tom and Crow SOMEHOW got their hands on missile-loaded hovercraft, would you buy it?

Probably not, but anyway…

"Red Normal, Red Normal, this is Goldilocks Niner coming into position, preeeepare to die."

"Oh, yeah, well, COME GET SOME!"

"EAT DEATH, SERVO!"

"EAT CRUNCHY, CRUNCHY CHOCOLATEY COCOA DEATH, CROW!"

"ENJOY A NICE SERVING OF BROWN BETTY WITH DEATH!! BUT MOSTLY EAT DEATH!"

_**(Kaitlin: I STILL find it hard to believe that the two of you act like that.**_

_**Tom: It's what you would call a "Sibling Rivalry".**_

_**Crow: 'Sides, we can't REALLY die.**_

_**Jordan: So you're immortal?**_

_**Jacob: That puts you next to the Norse Gods in rank.**_

_**Tom: But we're not Greek.**_

_**Jordan: NORSE Gods.**_

_**Crow: Horse God?**_

_**Jordan/Jacob: NORSE! N-O-R-S-E!!!!!!!!!**_

_**Tom: Oh, Lenore! I get it.**_

_**Jordan: NO, YOU DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**Rika: 'Lenore' doesn't even rhyme with Norse.)**_

Judging from the banter, the robots were spending less time attacking the fleeing Spartans and more time trying to heckle each other. They WERE dropping an awful lot of bombs. What would Joel think?

I have no idea, but I'm sure it wouldn't be what they're about to do right now.

"FEAR MY JAVELINS, CROW!"

"OH YEAH, WELL EAT TOMAHAWKS BOUND IN LEATHER, SERVO!!!!"

"ENJOY SOME HONEY-BAKED DEATH A-LA-CARTE, CROW!!!!!!!!!"

"HEY, TOM, TRY A NICE SERVING OF DEATHBURGER, WITH CHEESE FRIES ON THE SIDE!!"

"OH, YEAH, CROW? THEN HAVE A TASTE OF MY DEADLY HORS D'OEVRES!"

"WELL, THEN, HAVE A CORPSE-COLD DISH OF DEATH CREAM!!!!"

"DEATH CREAM? HAVE SOME FROZEN DEATH YOGURT!"

"I'LL TOP THAT WITH MY TRIPLE-LAYER WEDDING CAKE OF DEATH! WITH **GERMAN CHOCOLATE**!!!!!!!!"

"HOW ABOUT SOME DEATH PIE---WITH **_AMISH CHOCOLATE_**!!!"

"GASP!!! A-AMISH CHOCOLATE?! NO FAIR!!!!!!"

* * *

Jaron grabbed his bleeding shoulder in pain. This wasn't going as well as he had hoped; the four of them were exhausted, and Spring didn't even look tired.

_Is she even human?_

Spring looked at them all impassively: Kaitlin was barely conscious, being supported by James, Max was bleeding profusely from several places, James looked like a punching bag, and Jaron, as said before, had a bleeding shoulder and several spikes missing. As you might expect, they didn't exactly look their best.

Spring stayed silent as she stared at them; Jaron could swear that she was biting her lip. Just when he though he was about to collapse, she spoke.

"Why are you fighting?"

"What?!"

"Just what I said." She took a step forward. "This kingdom has absolutely nothing to do with you children, yet you protect it? Why?"

"I protect those who need it," Jaron said honestly as he supported Max, "at least, those who can't fend for themselves."

* * *

Ranulf gave a loud yowl of pain as he crashed into a tree, having been flung by the intruder. Noting that the laguz wouldn't get back up, he turned to Zane, who immediately began to backpedal away from him in panic—

"Ahem."

The two of them turned to see that Kavma had appeared, with Summer at his side, who was looking at the man with a look reminiscent of Aunt Petunia contemplating a particularly stubborn bit of dirt.

_**(Tom: If you don't know who that is, then you SUCK. 'Nuff said.)**_

Kavma folded his arms and stared at the man intently, who stared at him back. You could FEEL the tension being generated by their staring contest. After what seemed like an absolute epoch, the man immediately turned at stalked off. Kavma watched him go, then turned to Zane and said, "You can never tell with that man, can you?" He turned to leave and—

"JUST WAIT ONE DAMN MINUTE!" Surprisingly, he did. "Who the hell are you?! Who was that guy?! What's going on?! YOU'D BETTER TELL ME RIGHT NOW OR—"

"I find it irritating when people make threats when they aren't in any condition to back them up," Kavma said calmly.

"WHAT THE H—"

"It means 'shut up', so please do so."

Once again, surprisingly, Zane did. Kavma turned to face him, his face dawning in recognition. "Oh, you're Zane, right? The one who Haze—oh, I should be quiet."

"What?!" Zane was THIS CLOSE to losing it. "How do you know me? Who's Haze?"

Kavma turned to Summer, who nodded without hesistation. "Well, Zane, I want you to remember me, but I'll have to erase that Haze part." Before Zane could protest, Kavma pointed at him and he fell backwards, snoring unnaturally loud.

* * *

Somewhere, an omnipresent old guy on a cloud at the edge of the universe rubbed his ear in pain.

_**(Crow: So loud, even God could hear it!**_

_**Tom Servo: I once saw God in a grilled cheese sandwich.**_

_**Crow: I saw him in the moon.**_

_**Jaron: I saw someone out the window a minute ago. Was that God?**_

_**Tom: What? No. A noob like you? Come on.**_

_**Jordan: Actually, that was Joel in his Moses costume.**_

_**Kaitlin: What on earth is he doing dressed as Moses?**_

_**Jordan: Beats me.)**_

* * *

Jaron and Spring looked at each other, not bothering to blink. The atmosphere was very tense. In all honesty, Jaron had no idea what to do.

_Strike._

_Huh?_

_Go on…Strike! C'mon, it's not that hard!_

_Who are you?_

_You want to ask in this situation? Come on, get on with it._

_…_

Spring raised her hand. "I will end this."

"Oh, lord, no…" Kaitlin muttered under her breath.

Suddenly, Jaron lunged forward with his sword, jumping toward Spring, who raised her arms in defense, looking surprised. Under pure impulse, Jaron waved his sword in a horizontal slice, and a blade of pure water came streaming out of its wake. It caused a gash like she was being pummeled by a pressure washer. Stunned by what had happened, she blasted Jaron with a wave of pure wind, sending him crashing into the others. She touched the wound on her side, slightly shaken. She couldn't remember the last time she felt actual, physical pain. She had forgotten what it had felt like, yet now…

Now it made her almost fell human.

_**(Jaron: I don't have a move like that!**_

_**Jordan: Well, I didn't come up with it.**_

_**Jacob: You're welcome, Mr. Writer's Block.**_

_**Tom: Hey! I don't have Writer's Block!**_

_**Crow: Shuddap, Servo, he was talking to me.**_

_**Tom: No he wasn't! He was talking to Kaitlin!**_

_**Kaitlin: What?! He was talking to Jordan!**_

_**Jordan: I do not have writer's block!**_

_**(As they argue, Crow has somehow ended up in a vat of sauce.)**_

_**Tom: CROW! Speak to me!  
Crow: The sauce…it's too rich…and too thick…)**_

"Okay," Kaitlin grunted as she extracted herself from the tangle, "I have been used as a punching bag for the LAST TIME today."

"I had no idea that you could do that, Jaron," said Max.

"Neither did I!"

"Um, guys… she's STILL THERE!" Kaitlin reminded them that the battle was still raging (or maybe raging isn't the best word…hm…)

"Oh, right, right…OW!"

Even if one's opponent has been wounded, do not believe that one's opponent is down for the count. Thus said Confucius.

Okay, he never said that, but anyway.

Spring had darted forward, striking Max square in the jaw, which also prompted James to fire an Aura Sphere in her direction, which, surprisingly, connected, straight into the wound on her side. I'm sure, you ALL know that you should NEVER attack a wound directly—or at all, for that matter. Spring's scream of pain was earsplitting, and she whirled around to face James, firing a blade of wind at him with a snarl, only for James to dodge it and Jaron to actually throw his sword at her, only to miss as she jumped. As she landed, however, Kaitlin managed to kick her in the side again, knocking her over. She would've stomped on her, but Spring vanished, only to appear right behind Jaron.

"JARON, MOVE!!!"

It happened faster than you would blink. Jaron turned sharply, but wasn't fast enough. Later on, he would look back on this moment and mentally kick himself for being so slow. He didn't know what Sonic would say, but he was positive it would've been something negative.

…

…

…

…

…

The silence was deafening. Nobody moved, not even Jaron. Not that he could, anyway, due to the fact Spring had pierced him in the chest.

Kaitlin found her voice. "NO!"

Jaron slowly looked down at the arm protruding from his chest, then sharply looked at Spring, who impassively pulled out her arm. He opened his mouth to speak, but rather than say anything, he swayed a little, then fell to the ground and didn't move.

"NO!!" Max was the next to voice his despair.

Next was James. "Jaron, GET UP!"

Kaitlin, rather than say anything, ran toward Spring with her arm oustretched, a look of fury on her face. Spring neatly sidestepped, dodging the attack, thing tripped her agin, knocking her over. Max was the next to attack, running toward her full-tilt with a half-formed Aura Sphere in his hands. Just before he hit her, however, she grabbed him by the wrist and dealt him a fierce uppercut, knocking him over and causing him to drop the Sphere, which exploded as it hit the ground. The smoke it caused was enough to mask James approach, as he swung at Spring with his Aura-empowered paw while she dodged each punch.

Not a single one of them noticed Jaron's index finger twitch.

* * *

"...Zane?"

"Ow..." Zane felt like he had been run over by a steamroller. As he opened his eyes, he saw the ever-welcome face of Meriee swimming just inches from his own.

Zane, who wasen't exactly Casanova, suddenly felt like showing his affection for Meriee. Problem, you say? There was a nigling little imp in his mind screaming "DON'T RUIN WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE BETWEEN YOU TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Zane wanting to punch said imp in the face.

Meriee, meanwhile, was having a similar dilemma. _'Zane and I... we're almost-- no, Zane and I are just... no, wait, we're more that friends-- how much more, though? Maybe I should-- wait what if he doesn't like me that way?! Oh, come on, Meriee, you know he likes you that way! What if it's too fast-- Maybe I really am just a-- no, no, he **is** interested in me... isn't he?'_

"AHEM! Are you alive, buddy?"

Zane did not bother giving Ranulf a glance. "I'm...FINE."

"Oh, good. You look pretty roughed up a bit there."

Zane was still contemplating the situation when he heard... Oh, **HELL** NO.

"I still say we should've introduced the waffles of death."

"Your waffles cannot stand the might of my PANCAKES of death, you know that."

"Should've used the crepes of death, then."

"We could've if the SWANS hadn't eaten them first."

Zane was on the verge of panicing. If those robots saw them like this, they would NEVER let him live it down, EVER. On the other hand, if he did something to resolve the situation, he might hurt Meriee's feelings in some way or another. What to do, what to do?

_**(Jordan: I'll let you, the reader, decide.)**_

* * *

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_...Kaitlin, Max, James...I'm sorry__...I guess...I'm not really reliable..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Oh, come on, you're givin' up ALREADY? Ya can't give up that easily! C'mon!_

_...But--_

_No buts! C'mon, you think you're just gonna lie there and be useless? Not on my watch!_

_... Okay._

* * *

Kaitlin, Max, and James stood there, covered in heaven knows how many bruises and cuts. They were utterly spent; there was no telling how long they'd last.

Not that what they did wasn't in vain, though. For once in the entire fight, Spring was beginning to show fatigue, and seemed almost (ALMOST) as tired at they were.

"You three...are impressive. But...I will not allow myself to lose to ones like you." She took a single step forward. "You have nobody to blame but yourselves, you know. If you hadn't challenged me..." Another step. "Your friend would not've died."

"Hey, I already died _once_. I don't let it bother me much."

Spring nearly tripped as she spun around. Standing in front of her, winding up his fist like a cartoon character, was Jaron, his shirt bloody, but very much alive. The sheer shock of seeing this caused her to freeze...

And become very vunerable.

BAM!!!!!!!!! The force of the punch was enough to send her reeling backward, stunning her for a minute, which gave Jaron the perfect opportunity to follow this up with a kick powerful enough to send her flying toward Max. Said teen didn't even think. He ran forward and then threw his arm like he was pitching a baseball, and this was followed by a genuine Aura Sphere flying toward Spring, hitting her directly and sending her crashing to the ground. As she struggled to get up, she saw Jaron running toward her, holding his sword, and she held up her arms to defend herself--

But as Jaron would've told her, "You're too slow!"

FLASH!

* * *

"What the…"

There were flower petals everywhere. Red, blue, green, yellow, any color you can think of, flying, swirling, that sort of thing. In this mass of flowers were only Jaron and Spring.

"What's going on? Where—"

Spring was sitting on the ground. Slowly, she got back up, and started to walk toward Jaron, who reached for his sword...and of course, it wasn't there.

Finally stopping in front of Jaron, she stayed silent. Finally...

"Thank you for making me feel…human."

Then, she started to turn different colors, specifically, red, yellow, and pink. It was like she was made out of some fabric-like material. Suddenly, she began to fall apart… literally. Pieces, shaped like flower petals, started to peel off of her body, one by one. After what seemed like an eternity, but was really only 50 seconds, she was made up of a swirling wind of flower petals. The flowers that made up Smiling Spring started to float up into the suddenly pure white sky. That was it. She had vanished in a swirl of flower petals. The only thing left was a single green leaf, which hovered in front of Jaron. Suddenly, there was a flash, and the leaf flew into Jaron's chest, causing him to flinch. Before Jaron knew it, he was back in the courtyard in the others.

"What the heck? Where'd she go?" There should be no doubt in anyone's mind that Jaron had no idea what had just happened.

"Who knows?" said Kaitlin as she got up. She stared at Jaron intently. "Jaron...I--Jaron?!"

Jaron had suddenly staggered and fell to one knee, holded his head in one hand; his vision had gone blurry and unfocused. _Wha…? What the…_

Suddenly, he lost all feeling in his legs, and he fell over, landing on his side as his vision dimmed.

"Jaron?! JARON!!"

* * *

_Excerpt from Dr. Zako's report:_

_Luke has finally regained his motor functions as well as his speech. He is still a rather quiet boy, though he is a bit curious--he had no idea how the toaster worked, and when he found out, the result was absolutely comical. I have decided against questioning him about Zarathustra, as the mere mention of the word causes him to yelp in fear and hide._

_There is one thing I should mention--when I entered his room with breakfast, I nearly dropped the tray at the sight. He appeared to be moving a series of blocks I had given him to borrow the other day--yet he wasn't even touching them. It was if he was using his mind to do it._

_When he saw me, he simply said, quite reasonably, "What?"_

* * *

Jordan: MUCH better!

(Zane is crying in the corner; Tom and Crow are stumped)

Crow:...

Tom: Oh. Your. God.

Crow: (Is still shocked)

Jaron: You shouldn't have hurt his feelings, Jordan.

Jordan: I know, I know. But I bet I could make Otto cry, right?

Kaitlin: Don't push it.

Jacob: Punishing that guy would look more tearful than looking at a saddened newborn kitten. You know, with those big, adorable eyes--

Jordan: WE GET IT!!! ANyway, to those who read this revamped chapter, I hope you liked it better than the last one. G'night!


	10. MTS Multiple Title Syndrome

Max: (Looks around) Where's Jordan?

Jacob: He was so depressed by the last chapter that he went back home and shut himself up in his room, refusing to talk to anybody.

Tom: That's a sheer case of denial, for sure.

Crow: Oh, yeah, definitely.

James: (Notices that they are both a beat up) Uh…What happened to you two?

Tom: Nutcase got angry during a review and—

Max: Say no more.

Kaitlin: You probably deserved it anyway…

Tom: HEY!

Jacob: ANYway, because of Jordan's absence, I had to call someone to take his place this chapter.

Kaitlin: Who? Claus?

Jacob: No…

Jaron: Sonic?

Jacob: Uh, no…

James: Gantz or Nutcase, maybe?

Jacob: What? No!

Lucas: Who, then?

Jacob: Uh…

(Suddenly, the door explodes rather violently, generating an eye-watering cloud of dust. When it clears, it reveals--)

Tom and Crow: PEARL FORRESTER??!?!?!??!?!

Pearl: Well, HELLO, robots. Long time no see. Seen any soul-crushing movies lately?

Kaitlin: (Turns to Jacob) Pearl?! You called PEARL?!?!?!

Jacob: Er, 'called' isn't the right word…

Kaitlin: Ah. She threatened?

Jacob: Yeah.

Pearl: Wait wait wait wait. Where the heck is Jordan?

Jacob: He called in sick today…

Pearl: What?! Oh, that just takes the fun out of everything. (Looks around) And this place is FILTHY! How do you knuckleheads manage?

(Suddenly, a light fixture comes crashing down, nearly hitting James, who jumps in shock)

Pearl: That does it. Everyone, I'm taking charge. (Jacob opens his mouth) NO COMPLAINTS!!!!!!! We will start with a complete overhaul of this CRAPPY booth. No offense, but this place looks horrible, you can't deny that, but with me around we'll be able to make this a respectable and also good-looking evil lair.

Jacob: We're not evil, Pearl.

Pearl: Too bad, I am. We'll need fifty miles of steel girder and—

Rika: Start the chapter already!!!!!!!

Chapter Ten

The Wonderful World of Tom Servo and Crow

_**(Jacob: Hey, wait a minute!**_

_**Rika: That's not the name we came up with!**_

_**Pearl: You're right. Here's a better one:)**_

Chapter Ten

The Wonderful World of Pearl Forrester

_**(Jacob: …**_

_**Jaron: HERE'S a better one:)**_

Chapter Ten

Mystery Science Theater: Roxai Concord Edition!

_**(Jacob: Slightly better… I guess.**_

_**Pearl: What's wrong with mine?!**_

_**Rika: EVERYTHING.**_

_**Pearl: Grrrrr…**_

_**Lucas: A-actually…Rika and I wrote a song. Want to hear it?**_

_**Jacob: When did you—?!**_

_**Jaron: Remember when you guys went to the dental lab to help clean up?**_

_**Jacob: Oh… Well, you could've asked me for help!**_

_**Pearl: (Snorts) A DENTAL lab? Please.**_

_**Jacob: What's wrong with that?!**_

_**Pearl: As your little girlfriend stated before, EVERYTHING.**_

_**Jacob: (blushes) mmmff…..**_

_**Jaron: Guys?**_

_**Rika: Oh, yeah, right… Don't worry Jacob, I think you'll love it.**_

_**Tom and Crow: Start the Season 10 theme music!)**_

Three…

Two…

One…

GO!!!

_In the not-too-distant future,_

_Far beyond Time and Space,_

_There was a scheme being hatched_

_By a very familiar face,_

_This face had a large and very spiky shell_

_Who breathed fire from the very depths of Hell._

_He used his evil army to dispatch all his foes,_

_That is, until he met the Super Mario Bros.! (Ma… Ri…. OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)_

_Bowser: "I'll get those annoying brothers!_

_Then I'll get my Princess Peach! (Kammy: La la la!)_

"_But every time I get near her,_

_She's just outside my reach." (La la la!)_

_Now keep in mind Bowser doesn't have_

_The biggest brain, at the day's end,(La la la!)_

_Things'll get a whole lot worse for him_

_With Jaron and his friends._

_He-ro ROLL CALL!!_

_Jaron! (That's my name, speed's my game!)_

_Kaitlin! (Just watch!)_

_Max Chadi! (Don't call me Maxwell!)_

_JaaaAAAAAAAAAAMES! (WOAH!)_

_If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,_

_and all those science facts, (lalala!)_

_Just keep in mind it's just a fic,_

_so you should really just relax_

_For Mario Science Theater 3000!!!!!_

Chapter Ten

MTS (Multiple Title Syndrome)

Nightime.

…Wait, what purpose does typing that one word serve? ANYWAY…

At nighttime, the cat came out, if only to savor the sweet evening air. Tonight, however, she came out for a more serious purpose.

She averted her gaze toward the castle towering above her, keeping her eyes fixed on a window on the fifth floor. She could see shapes moving around inside, but even with her telescopic gaze she couldn't really tell who they were. She didn't move her attention from this window until she heard the footsteps behind her. She turned to briefly acknowledge the being with a nod, then, staying by his side, walked with him toward the castle.

* * *

"Blood pressure at 109/70. Heartrate at one beat per two seconds. Everything else seems normal." Done with the examination, the large vacuum-cleaner looking robot (that's what she looks like, honest) with a nurse's hat turned to Dr. Mario. "Do you know what's wrong with him, Doctor?"

As astonishing as many will hear it (NOT), not only was Mario a hero, plumber and occasional referee for boxing matches, he was also a doctor. I have no idea where exactly he received his doctorate or PhD, but no doubt it made him very professional and official.

"Sorry, no, Gypsy," Dr. Mario sighed. Kaitlin, Max, and James had brought in Jaron looking bruised, bloodied, and as a _green hedgehog_ earlier that day, after the Spartans had fled. Mario and Gypsy (the latter having basic medical training) had managed to clean him up to the best of their ability, but had failed in every attempt to wake him up.

Mario was jarred from his thoughts by Crow shrieking, "Live, Jaron, LIVE!!!!!!" whilst simultaneously pounding his chest.

"Uh, Gypsy—"

"Yeah, hold on." She turned to Crow. "CROW!!!!"

Cue the impromptu shriek, then Crow fleeing at high speed. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Max walked over to Jaron, who was lying on the hospital bed, fully unconscious. One of the perks of being friends with a princess is the ability to summon medical equipment at will if needed. As such, Jaron was surrounded with IV drips, heart monitors, pacemakers, the usual stuff you'd find in a hospital.

…None of it being enough to wake him up, however. Oh, and Tom and Crow weren't helping. But is that a surprise?

"COME BACK TO LIFE!!!!"

I thought not.

_**(Pearl: On a side note, I sold the naming rights of the chapter to my son, so now it's called**_

Chapter Ten:

Clayton Forrester, Secret Agent Man

_**so please call it as such.**_

_**Rika: You can't just—**_

_**Pearl: I just did. Moving on…**_

_**Jacob: I now regret letting her come here. On a side note, Rika, the song was EPIC IN EVERY WAY!!!!!!1!!!11!!**_

_**Rika: (smiling) Thank you!)**_

Meanwhile, Bowser Jr. was doing his own way of "contributing to the cause". In other words, marching around and banging a drum loud enough to be heard from Mars.

"WILL YOU QUIT THAT?!"

"Ah, make me, ya big palooka!"

This was followed by Joel swooping in like a bat and grabbing Jr., lifting him into the air and causing him to drop the drum. "LEMME GO! LEMME GO, YOU BIG BULLY, OR I'LL TELL MY PAPA!!!"

Kaitlin glanced at Luigi. "His papa?"

"Bowser," Luigi sighed.

"Oh. Wait, Bowser?! Who the heck would marry THAT guy?"

In the meantime, Mike, while plugging his nose, was waving a smelling salt in front of Jaron's, and was having no effect. "Weird, that always works…"

"Let me try that." Before Mike could protest, Max had taken the smelling salt and gave it a whiff, with obvious results.

"GAAAAAAAAAH!!!! WHAT IS _IN_ THAT THING!?!?!? IT'S LIKE BOWSER BELCHED IN MY FACE!!!!!! UGH!!!!!"

James grabbed the salt and immediately crushed it. "Maybe THAT will teach you not to smell things like that. Any OTHER ideas?"

"Yeah, kill all smelling salts… ugh…"

"Actually, we haven't done this yet," said Tom.

Before anyone could help him, he brought himself RIGHT NEXT to Jaron's ear and screamed, "WAKE THE !#!%# UP _NOW_, YOU _CRETIN_!!!!!"

Okay, pop quiz: Did that have any chance of waking him up at all?

…

If you guessed no, then THANK GOD.

"Tom…" Joel said calmly (though everyone could detect a hint of asperity in his voice), "I don't think that helps much."

"I know what will, though," said Crow.

And before anyone could stop him, he launched into song:

Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.

We'll gather at the Road House with our next of kin.

And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.

We'll decorate a barstool and gather round and sing.

Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!

Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear,

It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my bar.

I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!

I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.

I think that that right jolly old elf had better make out his will!

Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and AWWWWWK!!!!

Thankfully, Kaitlin had grabbed Crow by the throat before he could finish the horrible, HORRIBLE song. "YOU…" Crow practically withered in her vicelike grip, as he awaited her unholy wrath.

Only for her to deposit him in Joel's arms. "YOU can deal with him, if you don't mind."

"Thank you." He then proceeded to drag Crow out of the room, the robot's pleas falling on deaf ears:

"C'mon, Joel, I didn't mean it, you KNOW I have a fine singing voice, worthy of an Emmy, right? Uh…Have I ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are? Wha—AAAAGH!"

_**(Pearl: On a different subject, Clayton sold the naming rights to Patrick Swayze, so now it's called**_

Chapter Ten:

A Patrick Swayze Christmas

_**so no hard feelings.)**_

"Is he always like this?" James asked Luigi.

"Yep."

* * *

After a debatable series of short-lived events involving a great pizza pie that was amore and all that, Crow managed to evade Joel.

For three seconds.

"Oh, come on, Joel! It was just an innocent carol, that's all!"

"Innocent carol? Crow, that was the worst—"

"Hey look, the naming rights for the chapter!"

"Really? Where?"

Crow took this opportunity to flee toward the front doors, confused by the fact that Joel fell for it but eager to escape until the heat died down.

And no, he did NOT know where he was going. "OOOOF!!" This resulted in him falling backward with a crash after running slapbang into someone. "OW! Watch where you're going, you …."

If Crow could produce saliva, his mouth would've gone dry with fear at the sight of the intimidating MAN before him. Said MAN gave him a single glance, acknowledged Joel with a brief nod, then walked by them both toward the staircase, the cat following behind.

_**(Pearl: Not to butt in, but the chapter naming rights was given to Crow as a present, so it's now called**_

Chapter Ten:

The Wrath of MAN

_**so call it that way.)**_

* * *

Kaitlin eyed Bowser.

Bowser eyed Kaitlin.

"Remind me WHY you're here again?"

"None of your beeswax, little girl. Now run along and go text your friends, or whatever teenage girls do these days."

_Subtle, _Kaitlin thought. Namine (oh, sorry, Holly, I mean) winced a little—Bowser scared the pants (or lack thereof) off here. Kaitlin, however, had somehow managed to get on Bowser's bad side the instant the two of them had laid eyes on each other. But how? Was it the way she acted? No, wait, what was she thinking? It was obviously her fashion sense. Or her temper. Or her voice. Maybe her eating habits? It could be anything, really.

She was interrupted from her thoughts by the big brute asking, "Have I seen you somewhere before?"

"I honestly hope to God no. Why?"

"You look familiar."

"…_And?_"

"What'd you mean, _and_?"

"Look, if you're done, I'm going to check up on my friend." And with that, she started walking toward Jaron's room.

As she walked, Bowser caught up with her. "What's with that little brat, anyway? He your boyfriend or something?"

Kaitlin stopped dead in her tracks. _Somehow, I knew that was gonna come up sooner or later. _Turning to Bowser, she stated, quite calmly, "Look, I am going to say this once, and only once. Friends we may be, but Jaron and I are NOT an item, okay? He's just a friend—and a rather silly one, definitely, but a friend nonetheless. Okay?"

Bowser snorted (LOUDLY), but made no further comment.

They entered the room just as Luigi stated, "Okay, so we know that the kazoo band idea fell a little flat, so we need another idea."

"All right, that leaves us no alternative," Tom said seriously. "Let's CUT HIM OPEN!" He lifted up a terrifying R-rated chainsaw complete with hellfire spewing flamethrowers, acid tipped razor blades, and a flowerbed.

_**(Pearl: As annoying as my constant interruptions are, I am sorry to report that Crow lost the naming rights to Tom, so the chapter is now called**_

Chapter Ten:

The Texas Chainsmoker's Mascara

_**so please refer to it accordingly.)**_

"We are NOT cutting him open!" Mario said firmly. Tom put away the chainsaw in disappointment.

"Well, then, oh Intelligent One, how do you suggest we go about reviving him from his slumber, HMMMMMMM?!"

"Let me try," Bowser said gruffly.

And before anyone could stop him, he roared "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!" so loudly it could be heard around the world.

Still nothing.

Suddenly, Bowser had a brilliant and nefarious plan. It was evil, it was diabolical, and it was , very, VERY unnerving. Okay, it was too unnerving. Way, way, WAY too unnerving.

"I have a plan," he announced. Tom and Crow both groaned audibly.

"Does this involve a stash of Dr. Pepper and you kidnapping Peach…AGAIN?" Crow complained.

Bowser ignored him. "I saw we have the girl kiss him."

This was promptly followed by a loud "WHAT?!" by Kaitlin, James, and Max, Max being the loudest.

"Oh, I get it," said Tom, "It'll be like Sleeping Beauty, but backwards. Am I right, or am I wrong?"

_**(Pearl: He's totally wrong, and because of that, the chapter is now**_

Chapter Ten

Neil Simon's "The Sunshine Boys"

_**So if you have ANY complaints, you can call Jordan at this number--**_

_**Jacob: PEARL!**_

_**Pearl: What now?**_

_**Rika: It's against our policy to release that sort of information to the public!**_

_**Pearl: And your point is…?**_

_**(Meanwhile, Jaron, Kaitlin, and James are in a corner)**_

_**Kaitlin: She's getting on my nerves.**_

_**James: She's horrible. How could Jacob let her be here?**_

_**Jaron: I don't think it's Jacob's fault.**_

_**Kaitlin: What I don't get is how she knows Jordan.**_

_**James: A good question, but since we can't ask him about it, we need a way to get rid of her.**_

_**Kaitlin: I suggest poison.**_

_**Jaron: Kaitlin!**_

_**James: Let's try something that's not life threatening, okay?**_

_**Jaron: I have an idea. (Starts to whisper to the others.))**_

"The answer is NO." Kaitlin can be very blunt, almost to a fault.

"Well, FINE, reject my idea… stunt the growth of my creativity… for that matter, just throw me off a cliff, why doncha?"

"That, Bowser, can be arranged…"

"KAITLIN!"

"What? Max, you KNOW he deserves it…"

"True, he deserves every beat down he gets, and then some—"

"HEY!!!"

"But now you're just being malicious, and like it or not, the courts won't like it."

"Aww, come on Max---"

"YES!! BOWSER FOR THE WIN!!!! Screw you, everyone who doesn't get along with me!"

_**(Tom: I win the bet. Pay up.**_

_**Crow: Grumble…)**_

"Mmmf…"

Nearly everyone in the room spun in unison at the sound. Jaron, however, remained silent, and they all groaned in frustration.

"If that wasn't Jaron," Nurse Gypsy asked no one in particular, "Who was it?"

"Trust me, it was Jaron," said Kaitlin. "I know it was. But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if Bowser was playing tricks—"

"Oh, I see how it is, blame the Koopa, you little brat, is it because I have a shell on my back?"

"Oh, don't give me that tone, you!"

"Can't you two stop arguing?"

Once again, everyone spun around in unison to witness the sight of the man in the doorway. Leaning against the doorway with a cool expression on his face, the red-haired individual in the white habit looked at them all.

"Who the HELL are you?" Bowser demanded.

"My name is only important to a certain individual on the hospital bed, not to you." The random stranger from seemingly nowhere retorted. Bowser fumed silently, but made no other comment.

"Do you know Jaron?" asked James.

"Yes, but he doesn't know me."

"That makes no sense."

"No input from you, Koopa Klutz."

"Why you LITTLE—is EVERYONE against me today?!"

"Five bucks says yes," Kaitlin whispered to Max.

"I HEARD THAT!!"

* * *

"_…_

_…_

_…_

_…GAH! What the—"_

_Jaron flailed around wildly before realizing that he was floating in midair. Calming down a bit, he looked around to see…well, nothing._

_Okay, not necessary NOTHING, but it was really dark. As in nightime dark, the kind on foggy nights. As far as he could tell, he was totally alone._

_"HELLO!!!" No response. "This is pretty lonely…"_

_"…Ahahahaha…."_

_"Huh?! Who's there?"_

_Hearing no response at first, Jaron began to hear the slow yet sure sounds of laughter._

_"At last we meet, Roxai."_

_"Huh?! How do you know my name?"_

_More echoing silence—wait, how can silence ECHO?_

_"Heh…I have waited so long for this…I have watched you for some time, you know. Your battles, your traveling… I know it all."_

_Jaron was getting more and more creeped out. Wait a sec—"Have you been STALKING me?!_

_"…Unbelievable. Are you really that stupid?"  
Jaron was beginning to get upset. "Why is everyone calling me stupid today? First Anti-Jaron, then some creepy voice…I have FEELINGS, you know!"_

_The voice continued to ignore Jaron. "I have waited for so long. For too long, actually. But I have been patient. I could wait. But now, I may never get another opportunity."_

_Jaron was beyond unnerved now. "Who the heck are you?! Are you that real estate guy? I already said I don't want a house!"_

_No comeback this time. Just an awkward pause, then suddenly--_

_"I…am your __**destiny,**__ boy!"_

_Suddenly, a hand—a DEAD hand—materialized in front of Jaron and reached for him. Now understandably freaked out, Jaron attempted to back (or float) away from it, only for it to reach closer for him, for what, he had no idea—_

_Suddenly, a bright light engulfed the hand, and everything turned white…this was accompanied by an infuriated roar—_

_"MEDDLESOME GIRL!"_

_…………………………………………..Jaron?_

_Everything was silent, but it wasn't the silence that would make you uneasy. This was more like a comforting silence. Jaron didn't know where he was, but he wasn't scared. On the contrary, he felt calm and peaceful. He could feel the arms of someone wrap themselves around him, comforting him, pulling him close as if to protect him from harm. He knew this presence… this smell, even. He hadn't even smelled it in four years._

_…Four__** lonely**__ and __**sad**__ years._

_"…Mom…?"_

_Slowly but surely, Kioko began to sing his favorite lullaby._

* * *

"What do you MEAN we have to wait?!" Kaitlin demanded angrily.

"There is no way to wake him up otherwise, ma'am. Or would you rather try HIS method?" He jammed his thumb in Tom Servo's direction.

"Oh, yes, please do, I haven't tested my new contraption yet and I don't know the hazards involved."

Kaitlin wisely kept her mouth shut.

"…mmm…"

As if perfectly synchronized, everyone turned their heads toward the bed simultaneously. There was complete silence for a moment, then Jaron's eyes opened.

"…Where the heck am I?" he asked groggily.

"JARON!"

"Gah!" Kaitlin had immediately flung herself at him, grabbing him in sheer relief.

"Don't EVER do that again, you hear me?!" she shouted. "For crying out loud, we thought you were DEAD!"

"Hey, hey, calm down, Kaitlin!" Jaron exclaimed as Holly continued to lick him on the cheek in sheer relief.

"Well, actually," Nurse Gypsy explained. "If some one is in a coma, they're still actually alive—"

"He was pierced in the chest," Bowser stated bluntly.

"Well, there **are** spots in the chest that don't have vital organs—"

"He was pierced in the HEART."

"Still—"

"Who cares?!" Max yelled. "Jaron's awake!"

"You make it sound like I was gone for good or something…" Jaron mumbled.

"Well, we thought you were! For crying out loud, we thought you died!"

"Meh…" Jaron mumbled. It was then he noticed the man. "Who's he?"

The man bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance at last, Mr. Roxai. My name is Nova."

He was immediately interrupted by Crow running into the room looking extremely panicked. "Guys, quick! A strange and unsettling man is coming this way—" He looked at Nova. "Hi, nice to meet you—and he's big and—" It suddenly hit Crow who he just talked to. "You're—you're—you're the—the—the—PANIC!!!!!!"

_**(Pearl: Once again, the naming rights were given away, so know it's**_

Chapter Ten:

It Came to Me In a Dream… And I Lost It In Another Dream.

_**So call it that way, or ELSE!**_

_**Jaron: Hey, Pearl!**_

_**Pearl: Yeah, what?**_

_**Jaron: I need to ask you something…Jordan put my favorite magazine in his personal closet, and I'm not allowed in there, so could you go in and get it?**_

_**Pearl: Uh…why can't you do it?**_

_**Jaron: I'm not allowed, and Jordan would know if I went in there.**_

_**Pearl: I guess I could…BUT JUST THIS ONCE! (Goes into closet)Wait a minute…Jordan doesn't have a—**_

_**(Door slams shut)**_

_**Jaron: I told you guys this escape pod would work!**_

_**Kaitlin: Destination: Canada! (Escape pod goes off) Finally…no more Pearl.**_

_**Jacob: HA! We TOLD you it would work!**_

_**Rika: PAY UP!**_

_**James: (unintelligible grumbling))**_

As Crow proceeded to panic ("AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!! JOEL! JOEL! JOEL! WHAT'REWEGONNADOWHAT'REWEGONNADOAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!"), Kaitlin turned to Jaron. "Seriously, though…we really thought you died."

"I said—oh, you mean when that woman—"

"Yeah. How come you didn't…"

Jaron shook his head. "Believe me, if I knew I'd tell you, but I haven't a single clue."

"I have a theory—" Tom started.

"He is NOT Jesus! Jesus has a forest on his chin, this guy has a bald chin," Mike snapped.

Jaron rolled his eyes. "Whatever…anyway, I'm sorry for fainting like that, you guys."

"You must've been exhausted, Jaron. Nobody's blaming you."

"It wasn't exhaustion," Nova interrupted. Everyone stared at him. Sighing, he sat down on the side of the hospital bed. "Jaron, I am going to ask you something, and I beg that you remember the answer. Have you ever had any trouble breathing? And if you had, was it ever followed by you fainting?"

Jaron thought thought for a moment. "Actually, yeah…a couple days ago, I felt like I couldn't breathe properly in the castle…and a while after that, I fainted when I shook Zane's hand. And the last time I fainted I felt like my lungs were filled up or something. Why?"

Nova closed his eyes. "…Well, I figured."

"So he has asthma. Big deal," Bowser grumbled.

"It WASN'T asthma. It looks like asthma, sounds like asthma, tastes like asthma, but it's not asthma."

"TASTES like asthma?" Tom asked.

"What does asthma taste like?" asked Mike.

"I don't know…" Joel murmured.

"I assume it's something rather tart," said Crow, who had calmed down. Nova closed his eyes, silently counted to ten, then turned to Crow and pointed at his net, which for some reason lit up like a light bulb. "HEY!!"

"The look suits you." Bowser snorted. Nova ignored this and turned to look at Jaron. "As I was saying…you don't have asthma, but…"

"But?" Jaron was beginning to feel uneasy.

"… but you do still have something wrong with you."

"There's ALWAYS something wrong with me."

"What?! What the heck does THAT mean?!" Max demanded.

"It means only one thing, and one thing only…" Tom said dramatically. "He is a nomad sent from Jesus to inflict a plague on all mankind for being seriously f*#%ed up for the last 500 years or so. Right?" Tom said in a matter-of-fact voice.

A complete silence followed this oh-so-epic announcement, then Nova, obviously annoyed, turned to Tom, then pointed at him, which somehow set his cloak on fire. "_HEY!!!!_ I just dry-cleaned that!!!"

_**(Max: Uh, Jacob…**_

_**Jacob: Yeah?**_

_**Max: I just got a call…Apparently, Chris McClean has the naming rights now, so we have to call it**_

Chapter Ten:

Total Drama Chapter of Pure AWESOME!!!!!!1!

_**Jacob: Who let THIS GUY get them?**_

_**Max: I don't know…**_

_**Jacob: They're fired, whoever they are.)**_

"Well, you DID deserve it. Now, could you leave for a moment? I need to talk to Jaron alone."

Tom snorted. "Hey, I have just as much right to be here, buddy, and so does Crow, and Gypsy, and Mario, and Luigi, and Joel, and me, and Mike, and me, and me, and—GAH!"

Joel had grabbed him by the dome. "And on that note, we'll be going." They marched out single-file, with Tom squawking a LONG tirade of complaints and profanities uttered by hyped-up twelve year olds on Halloween in Georgia. "—and UNICEFT IS A SCAM BY THE PRESIDENT'S CABINET TO ROB PEOPLE OF THEIR SPARE CHANGE! SURE, IT'S JUST TWELVE CENTS, BUT MULTIPLY THAT TIMES THE 568 MILLION PEOPLE IN THE U.S., AND YOU HAVE OVER $68 MILLION DOLLARS IN ONE SITTING, THOSE BACK-STABBING BA—" Luckily, the door slammed shut to save their eardrums from any more torture, though Holly did her best not to giggle so much.

"As I was saying," Nova said in a tone that indicated that nobody was to speak of what had just happened, "You do have something wrong with you, but it's not anything you can ask anyone about."

"What is it?"

"You sure you want to know?"

"Yeah."

"Are you absolutely positive?"

"Yes!"

"Are you really—"

"YES! Just tell me, for crying out loud!"

Nova rolled his eyes, though he had to stifle a chuckle. "I was just joking. You remind me of a friend of mine…Anyway, what you have…well…it's been labeled as a disease, but in reality it's more like a curse. Few people have heard the name, even fewer know what it does, and only two people in all of history actually had the misfortune of having it."

"Sounds pretty bad."

"…You know, most people would get pretty nervous upon hearing my words."

"Yeah, well," Jaron put his hands behind his head, "I'm not really most people, am I?"

Nova smirked. "You certainly aren't. As I was saying…what you have is…well, I doubt you'll know what the name means. It's called El Corazón del Diablo…ever heard of it?"

Judging from Jaron's blank expression, he hadn't.

"Sounds vaguely Spanish," Max noted.

Jaron looked baffled. "What's El Cor…thingamajig?"

"As I said before, it's classified as a disease, and barely anybody knows about it. Last time I counted, only eleven people know of its existence, and only four of them know its name."

"Including you?"

"Yeah. The effects of it…well, it's essentially like asthma, but that is only a side effect."

"That implies something worse, doesn't it?" Max asked.

"You're right." Nova hesitated. "Well…It's a lot more life threatening than normal asthma—"

"It's not terminal, is it?" Jaron asked.

Kaitlin, Max, and James looked at him. "You know what terminal means?!" Kaitlin asked, bewildered.

"What, you mean I shouldn't?"

"Jaron, I have never even seen you with a thesaurus. Where the heck did you hear that?!"

"Why are you so surprised? It's just one word! Big deal!"

"Can we get back to the subject?" Nova interrupted loudly. The four of them looked slightly sheepish. "As I was saying…this condition isn't _definitively_ terminal, but it CAN kill you if you aren't careful. It's not like you can tell when it'll show up. It'll strike you when you least expect it, and, more often than not, in inconvenient situations."

"Like when Jaron was stabbed in the heart?" Kaitlin asked.

"Yes."

"Wait, does it have something to do with when Jaron came back to life, or whatever he did?" Max asked, confused.

"Actually, yes. To be honest, he didn't really die. He may have blacked out for a moment, but he wasn't dead. You see, El Corazón del Diablo has a rather odd, yet convenient, side effect. If the heart is damaged in some way, the virus—for lack of a better term, repairs all possible damage, no matter what it is."

"Uh…wow. That IS convenient," Jaron noted. "So, what's the bad part?"

_That was rather straightforward, _Nova thought. "Well, the more times the heart is damaged, the higher the chance of the virus striking you increases, as well as the frequency."

"Oh…well… what exactly DOES happen in an attack?"

_This kid never deviates from what's on his mind…_ Nova mused. "Well, somewhat like an asthma attack, but without as much lack of air. You also become dizzy, and your limbs become rather weak, not to mention rather severe chest pain. You also may faint."

"How severe is the chest pain?" Max asked.

"Imagine millions of tiny scalpels strapped to your heart, and they all expand outward. That, times ten, is the general description of the pain."

For once in his life, Jaron had no comeback. No, wait—"Does it give me gas? I just wanna know…"

Nova couldn't hold back anymore. He had to laugh. "Hahahahahahahahaaaaa! I—I just—bwahahaha!"

Jaron smiled a little, but he still wanted an answer. "Is that a no?"

"It was a no, Jaron," Kaitlin pointed out, as Nova held his sides as he laughed.

James decided to ask a question, though he waited for Nova to catch his breath to ask it. "Does it have to be the heart specifically, or the arteries connecting the heart to the rest of the body?"

"Both. It doesn't matter WHAT part of the heart it is. As long as it is a part of the organ itself, it WILL be affected."

Kaitlin suddenly had a thought. "Wait, is there a cure?"

At this, Nova fell silent. Kaitlin wondered if she had struck a nerve, then Nova said, rather quietly, "No. There isn't. There used to be a cure, but not anymore."

All for of them looked severely disappointed. "Why not?!" Max demanded.

"I…would rather not talk about it. I do know how to keep it under control, though." He reached into his pocket, and, with the air of a dramatic street magician, pulled out—

"An inhaler?" Kaitlin's voice was full of disbelief.

"Believe it or not, the medicine used against asthma can be used to keep the virus under control a little… and I stress, A LITTLE."

"…I don't believe you," Kaitlin stated bluntly.

"I did NOT expect you to."

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"

"Just because a fact is truth, does not mean it will be believed immediately after it is stated."

"Are you saying that—"

Holly gave a yip of shock Jaron immediately grabbed his chest, pain evident on his expression. "ARRHG!"

"Jaron!"

"…M-medic…ow!"

Nova immediately shoved the inhaler into his hand. "I suggest you use this!"

Not needing any further prompting, Jaron immediately shoved the mouthpiece into his mouth and pressed the button on the top of the cartridge several times. After a couple of hair raising seconds, he took it out and took a deep breath, asking one question.

"Is that going to happen often?"

Nova exhaled. "Thankfully, no."

"Oh, that's good." And with that, Jaron jumped out of the bed and headed for the door, holding Holly in his arms. "I'm starving. Think there's anything good in the kitchen?"

It took a moment for the others to realize what just happened. "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!!" Kaitlin yelled.

* * *

Mike and Joel walked into the entrance hall from the kitchens, chatting. "And then I said to the guy—what the?!"

Joel grabbed Mike and dragged him back, saving him from being run over by several goats. The hall was FULL of goats, making it look like some sort of Springfield Goat Family Reunion or something.

"What the hell's with all the goats?" Was Mike's reaction.

"What the hell's with all this safety railing?" Was Joel's.

Oh, right, I also forgot to mention the RIDICULOUS amount of safety railings littering the hall, most—okay, ALL of them being in the most inconvenient places—in front of doors, on the stairs, that sort of thing. Mike and Joel looked at each other.

"TOM! CROW!!!!!"

"?" was the simultaneous response from the robots. Tom was consulting a book titled "Railings, Balconies and Balustrades," while Crow was dressed like a shepard. Mike and Joel had to literally wade through the sea of goats and railings to reach them. "Guys, what the HECK is going on?" Mike demanded.

"Oh, well, you see, Mike, I decided to go into goat herding to earn some extra cash, and it just so happens that these guys are trying out for the Jesus Christ Manger Pageant Servo and I are hosting next Thursday," Crow blabbed.  
"Yes, and I decided that Peach does NOT take her safety seriously," said Tom. "You see, my theory is that she can prevent future kidnappings from Bowser by IMPROVISING and using any and all needed elements to increase her safety, such as these railings."

"Aren't these supposed to only prevent falls, not kidnappings?" Mike reasoned.

"…Hmm. Didn't think of that," admitted Tom as Crow sheparded the goats into a makeshift pen made of—big surprise—safety railings. "Do you think we should try spiked railings instead?"

Barely two minutes had passed and already Joel had enough. "Okay, Tom, Crow—I need you both to get rid of all of this, railings, goats, I don't care, just so long as they're GONE, okay?"

"But Joel—"

"No buts!"  
Both robots grumbled as they set to their alloted tasks. It was only until AFTER the goats had left when Crow realised something.

"What happened to the tapestries?"

"MY GOOD HEAVENS!!!"

Any and all tapestries, drapes, and curtains in the hall had been chewed away until they resembeled swiss cheese, and Toadsworth had just noticed.

"MASTER CROW!!!!!! MASTER SERVO!!!!!!!!!"

Both robots promptly fled.

* * *

"But Kaitlin—"

"No buts, Jaron!" Kaitlin said firmly as she pushed him back into the bed. "You need your rest as much as the rest of us."

"But—"

"I said NO! Now get back in bed, or I'll have Gypsy put you in a full-body cast!"

Jaron only pouted in response. "Hedgehog or not, that won't work on me, Jaron. Now, is there anything you want me to get you?"

"An apple's fine."

"That all? Okay then. I'll be right back." Kaitlin looked pointedly at Holly. "Make sure he behaves, got it?" Holly gave an affirmative nod, and with that, Kaitlin promptly left. Jaron waited for a minute, then promptly jumped out of the bed and made for the door, but stopped just as he put his hand on the knob. _Wait a minute. _Turning to face the window, he could see it had a HUGE bulge in the curtain, as if somebody was behind it. Rolling his eyes, though smiling slightly, he slowly tiptoed to the curtain, signaling Holly to shush, then grabbed the rope that held it there.

"Let's see what's behind curtain number ONE!" he exclaimed as he pulled, revealing a very startled Bowser Jr.

"WAUGH!" Jr. immediately stumbled back from Jaron, nearly tripping in the process. "D-don't try anything funny!" he stammered as Jaron took a step; Holly gave a low growl (or as close as a growl can get, anyway). "I can breathe fire!"

"You CAN?" Jaron asked, amazed. "Wow! Can you teach me?"

Jr. was totally thrown by this question. "Uh, well, I don't think I—" THEN he realized what he was saying. "HEY! You can't trick me! I'm the son of the great King Bowser!"

"You're a prince? Hope you're not like that other guy, he was a—wait…" Jaron thought for a moment. "Did you say Bowser?" A nod. "The big spiky guy." "Uh-huh." "The guy who can breathe fire?" "Yep." Jaron contemplated this. "Big spiky…oh." He looked at Jr. "Your dad's THAT Bowser…" He suddenly felt a bit nervous. "Uh…"

It was if Jr. had read his mind. "Yeah, I know who you are!" he exclaimed, pointed an accusatory claw at the green hedgehog. "You're the guy who beat up my papa, you big bully!"

"Hey, in my defense, he attacked me first!" Jaron countered. "And he was breaking and entering! It's HIS fault!"

"Nuh-uh! It's YOUR fault!"

"Hey, he started it! I barely did anything! I'm innocent!"

"Yeah right, ya big—"

Holly looked from one to the other as they argued, wondering if anyone would win this strange argument. Eventually she decided that it was best notworry about it, though Bowser Jr. was giving her the wrong impression.

Jaron immediately interrupted him by extending his hand. "I'm Jaron. What's your name?"

This completely threw Jr. off. In all honesty, he had no answer to this question.

_**(James: Uh, Jacob…**_

_**Jacob: …Let me guess, another title change?**_

_**James: Yep:**_

Chapter Ten

Annnnd…STOP! Hammertime!

_**Jaron: Who has the rights now?**_

_**James: I don't know yet.)**_

It took Jr. at least a minute to recover. "W-what kind of question is that?!"

"Well, what's in a name? Yours, for example."

"Uh, letters?"

Jaron burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! I guess you're right! But seriously," he continued, "what IS your name, anyway?"

"Uh…Jr.... Bowser Jr."

Jaron nodded. "Makes sense. You DO look like him a little."

Jr. gave him a long, cold stare. "You're too friendly for your own good, you know that?"

"What? There's nothin' wrong with bein' friendly, is there?"

"Uh…"

Suddenly, a loud yell of "JUNIOR! WHERE ARE YOU!!" was heard from downstairs. Jr. nearly jumped a mile. "Uh-oh…I gotta go!" He rushed for the door.

"Hey, wait!" Jr. stopped and turned to face Jaron.

"WHAT?!"

"I just wanted to say that I'll see you sometime," Jaron said honestly.

"W-what?!" Jr. sputtered. "Don't think we're friends or anything!" And with that, he promptly left.

Jaron looked at Holly. "Nice guy, huh?"

_"I wouldn't say 'nice', specifically," _Holly said quietly.

* * *

"I said, I'D be doing the Triple-Layered Chocolate Wedding Cake of Death™ with Amish chocolate!" Tom bellowed.

"And I say, you're an IDIOT!" Crow roared.

Maybe we should step back a bit: Max and James had gone down to the kitchens to see what they could make, and, much to the chef's displeasure, Tom and Crow had decided to recreate the Triple-Layered Chocolate Wedding Cake of Death—as if there WASN'T any more chaos already.

"I still say AMISH chocolate!" Tom declared.

"Do you WANT to blow everyone's minds, Tom?" Crow fumed. "It's bad enough we're making it TRIPLE-layered!"

"We could add cinnamon!"

"Oh so you want a GIRLY spice in the cake, is that it?!"

Kaitlin pinched her nose. "What are they doing?!"

"Making a cake, apparently," Max replied as he munched a fruitcake he had found.

"Is someone getting married?" Jaron asked.

"I seriously dou—HEY!!" Kaitlin glared at Jaron. "You're supposed to be resting!"

"I was hungry!" he countered. Holly looked at Kaitlin with a look and shrugged, as if saying, _You know how he is._

"Oh, I know."

They were interrupted by Tom going, "GAH! Don't put that in there! Human digestive systems cannot withstand the might of a kettle in their Gastro-Intestinal tracts!"

"I'm detecting a pattern…" Kaitlin mumbled.

"We must add another layer!" Crow shrieked.

"WHAT?! Are you insane, Crow?!" Tom yelled. "It's bad enough that there's THREE layers, four would be just too hardcore!"

"What about five layers?" Jaron suggested. He shrank as the robot's glares bore into him.

"When it comes to the Wedding Cake of Death™," Crow seethed, "three layers is Bruce Lee, four is Mr. T, five is Chuck Norris, six is Jesus Christ, seven is the Virgin Mary, and anything higher than that is GODLY."

"Why not just cut each layer in half and put frosting in-betwe—"

"HERETIC!!!!!!" Tom and Crow yelled as they rudely shoved Jaron out of the kitchen. "BLASPHEMY!!!! TOTAL BLASPHEMY! HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST TO DO SUCH A THING TO A CAKE WORTHY OF LEE AND MR. T AND NORRIS AND GOD!!!"

"I don't even know who any of those people are!" Jaron protested as they shoved him out the door.

Tom sniffed. "Blasphemer. Always ruining the finer culinary arts." They both turned to see Jaron sampling some tomato soup with a ladle.

"Hmm, I think it needs more salt."

"GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR KITCHEN!!!!!"

"YOUR kitchen?!" Unfortunately for the robots, the large, imposing Toad cook had overheard, and she was armed with a large ladle.

"RUN AWAY!!!"

* * *

"So, how are you doing, Ranulf?" Nova asked.

Ranulf chuckled as he adjusted the bandage over his eye. "Oh, as good as I can be, Nova. Sure, I'm a bit banged up, but it's nothing a vulnary or two can't fix."

Nova shook his head. "Why did you even stay, Ranulf? All you had to do was deliver the Smash Ball to Jaron and leave."

"I did deliver it. But I wanted to look around a bit before heading back to Gallia. I mean, look at this place!" he exclaimed as he spread out his arms. "It's totally different from what I've seen from back home. Especially those Toads—they're like funny looking beorc."

"I gotta agree with you there. They are funny looking with those hats—but don't tell anyone I said that, okay?"

Both Nova and Ranulf turned to see Jaron leaning in the doorway. "So, you two know each other, huh?"

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Nova asked.

"Hey, it's not like I'm crippled or anything—I'm totally fine!"

_**(Kaitlin: (Opens mouth)**_

_**Jaron: ANOTHER title change?! Who has the rights now?!**_

_**Kaitlin: Gantz.**_

_**Max: WHAT?! Why does—**_

_**Kaitlin: I don't know, but luckily for us, he didn't want them, and sent them to us via mail.**_

_**James: And?**_

_**Kaitlin: They were stolen by untrustworthy-looking disco balls, so now we have to call this chapter**_

Chapter Ten

The Boy Who Was a Tree

_**Rika: That has to be the worst—**_

_**Jaron: Don't worry about it—Zane and I are going on a top secret mission to get the rights back.**_

_**Jacob: It's not top secret if you tell everyone!**_

_**Zane: …Thanks a lot, Jaron…)**_

Jaron thought for a moment. "Well, except that I'm a _hedgehog_, but, well…"

"I guess you don't often look like that?" Ranulf inquired.

"No…anyway, I wanted to ask you something." Jaron promptly pulled out the Smash Ball. "What IS this, anyway?"

Ranulf looked at the ball, then at Nova. "You made it, you explain it." Nova sighed and opened his mouth, only for Jaron to interrupt, "YOU made it?!"

"Yes," Nova replied, "I did. I believed that Ranulf would be able to deliver it to you—I wanted to do it myself, but I was busy at the time."

"Busy doing what?"

"A good question, but totally irrelevant."

Jaron opened his mouth, but found that for once, he had no comeback. No, wait—"Was it something embarrasing?"

"Do you want to know about the ball or not?" Nova asked curtly.

"Okay, okay, sorry." He held the ball out to Nova. "What is this, anyway? Does it do anything?"

Nova took the ball. "It's called a Smash Ball. It's quite special—I made it out of pure chaos and what is called "smash energy", along with one other thing—and I am NOT going to tell you what," he said sternly as Jaron opened his mouth. "The Smash Ball itself is incredibly useful, and can be used as many times as necessary. However, this one's effectiveness WILL deteriorate with every use, so make sure to use it sparingly, all right?"

Jaron nodded, then realized something. "That's nice and all, but what does it DO?"

Nova opened his mouth, closed it, looked at Ranulf, who shrugged, then back at Jaron and said, "I think it's better if you find out for yourself." He then looked at Ranulf. "and I didn't make EVERY Smash Ball in existence, just this one for Jaron."

Before Jaron could respond, they heard a loud crash outside, prompting the three of them to run to the balcony and look out into the castle lawn.

"What the—"

What they saw was totally bizarre: what seemed to be a partially built ark resting outside the castle, with most of its skeleton showing. Mike and Joel joined them on the deck, Mike holding a megaphone.

"What the—" Mike started, then he realized what was going on. "CROW!!!!!"

Why Mike was yelling was understandable. Crow was dressing in rags, had a false, giant beard (rather haphazardly) taped to his beak, and was standing in front of the wooden skeleton of what appeared to be an ark with a giant spoon in his hand. Behind him, the arc was being loaded by Gypsy and several Toads with what appeared to be two of whatever they could find.

"PEOPLE, TOADS, ONE AND ALL!" Crow declared to a small group of curious and baffled Toads who had gathered in from of the "ark". "GATHER YOUR BELONGINGS AND FLEE ONBOARD THE ARK! THE FLOOD—IT IS EMINENT!"

The only thing that followed this epic pronouncement was a cool, evening breeze, along with some smothered titters from the group of Toads. Crow quickly became irritated. "Is it too much to ask FOR A LITTLE PRECIPITATION?!?!" he squawked to the heavens. As if on cue (and it was), a bucketful of water was dumped on his head, courtesy of the authors.

_**(Jacob: You're welcome.)**_

"CROW!" Mike yelled into the megaphone. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

"WELL, YOU SEE, MIKE," Crow yelled back, using a megaphone of his own, "I READ ON THE WEATHER CHANNEL THAT WE'RE TO EXPECT A MASSIVE SHOWER TODAY, BUT THE WEATHER GUY WAS CLEARLY OFF THE MARK A BIT. BUUUUT BY MY CALCULATIONS, IT SHOULD START FLOODING RIGHT ABOUT…NOW!"

Nothing happened. As Crow silently fumed, Tom floated up to him holding a clipboard. "Well, Crow, we have managed to fill up about half the ark with about two of whatever we could find, be they animals or otherwise."

"What exactly did you load up? I wasn't really paying any attention…"

"WHY THE HELL AM I ON A BOAT?!?!?!?"

"MASTER CROW!?!?!? HOW DARE YOU!!!!! UNHAND ME, YOU VILE, ROBOTIC CAD!!!!!"

"Well, I WAS going to tell you that we managed to load up on everything we could get our hands on, massage recliners, sparrows, milk cartons, slugs, what have you, and we have also managed to load up on two Toads, which HAPPEN to be Toadsworth and Zane, but I might as well forget it now," Tom replied with a hint of irritation in his voice.

Once again, Joel had enough. "TOM, CROW, GYPSY, THAT'S ENOUGH! JUST PUT EVERYTHING BACK, ALRIGHT?!"

A very depressed "Yes, sir," came from the three sentient machines.

_**(James: And that was an example of Crow overreacting…AGAIN.)**_

* * *

Jaron held his spiky sides as he laughed uncontrollably. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Those robots are comedic gold!"

"Yes, I'm sure they'll win an Emmy in comedy one day," Nova said sarcastically.

"Eh, they don't seem too bad if you ask me," Ranulf said reasonably. "They ARE a bit weird, though. Don't think I've seen anything like them on Tellius."

"I doubt you ever will. Society there isn't that technologically advanced yet. I'd give it another century or two."

Jaron tugged at a spine hanging from his forehead. "Hey, Nova, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"How come you're here in the first place?"

Nova and Ranulf each shared coverted glances, then Nova said, "I should be asking you the same question."

Jaron looked taken aback. "Well, um…" He noticed that Ranulf was giving him a look that clearly said _I know something that you don't,_ but decided not to comment. "I'm looking for someone."

Nova raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"

"Yeah. I heard that there was this guy named Merlon in this town who could predict the future and stuff, so I'd thought that he'd help me find the guy. But he wasn't really much of a help."

"How so?"

"Uh…Disco. I'll leave it at that. He DID tell me a bit what the guy looked like, though."

"What does he look like, then?" Ranulf asked.

"All he said that it was this scared boy with blonde hair. He wasn't very specific. Actually, I think he was a bit of a fraud."

"I don't know about that. I know a guy back in Tellius who's pretty good at magic. He was rather antisocial, though."

"He sounds a bit like—Nova? Something wrong?"

Nova had a faraway look in his eyes. "You said blonde…right?"

"Yeah."

Nova was silent for a few more minutes, his expression giving Jaron the idea that he was having some sort of internal struggle, then he sighed and said, "I think I may know where this person is."

Before either of them could blink, Jaron was practically nose-to-snout with Nova and had grabbed him by the lapels. "Where?!"

Nova blinked. "…Rather urgent, aren't you?"

"I've been looking for this guy for months. I'm getting desperate. So SPILL IT!"

_**(Max: Wow.**_

_**James: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Jaron under too much pressure. On a different note:**_

Chapter Ten:

DAMN Dirty Apes!!!

_**James: There you go.)**_

Nova raised an eyebrow. "All right…but only if you let me go."

Jaron immediately released Nova. "Okay, now are ya gonna tell me????"

"I'm only going to tell you where he is; if I told you who he was, it would defeat the point of you having a conversation with him."

"What the heck does THAT mean?!"

"Whatever you want," Ranulf butted in.

Jaron gave him an "Oh, shut up" look, then turned back to Nova. "Well, where is he? And who is he?"

"I just told you, you'll have to find out WHO he is on your own. As for where…" Nova paused putting his hand to his chin. "The Planet of Fanfiction. Toon Town, to be specific. He'll be there in one week."

Jaron looked confused, though he was pretty familiar with that emotion. "The Planet of what? Toon Town? I've never heard of 'em."

Nova thought for a moment. "Well, I suggest you ask your friend Kaitlin. She might know."

"Uh…okay." Jaron turned to leave, then kept on turning and faced Nova. "Hey, you said in a week? He's not there right now?"

Nova knew what he was thinking. "I have my reasons for not telling you his CURRENT location, and besides, it takes a full week to get to Toon Town from here anyway, and he will be there by then. Just take my word for it."

"Yeah! He ever steer you wrong before?" Ranulf asked with a smile.

"Uhh…" Jaron had no idea how to answer this question. "You know what? Never mind. I'm gonna get my friends and get ready to go. Thanks, Nova."

As Jaron walked over to the door, Nova asked, "By the way, Jaron… how long have you been looking for this person?"

Jaron stopped. "…Oh, eleven months, give or take. I've been having dreams about the guy for about fourteen months."

As Jaron left, Ranulf gave Nova a quizzical look. "He's been dreaming about him?"

"I didn't know that either," Nova admitted. He turned to face the window. "…Interesting…I don't think his existence would resonate with that of Jaron's. Or does it…?"

* * *

"Kaitlin! Max! James! You'll never guess--!"

"SHUSHHHHHHH!!!!" Jaron was quieted by Crow. Everyone else was gathered around a crystal ball set upon a mystic DDR mandala, a bunch of incense sticks lit and perfuming the air. The lights were also uncomfortably dim.

"What's going o—" Jaron started.

"SHUSSSSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Crow hissed. "You are disturbing the clairvoyant vibrations!"

_**(Jaron: Just so ya know, everyone, Crow hasn't a clue what he's talkin' about.**_

_**Kaitlin: Or what he's doing.)**_

"The ecto-cosmic waves are crashing upon us… now, BRING BACK OUR LOVED ONES!!!!!" Madame Crow suddenly shouted.

"What's he doing?" Jaron whispered to Kaitlin.

"Conducting a séance," said Kaitlin, who had an expression that showed that she did NOT want to be there at that moment.

"What's a séance?" Jaron asked.

"UNENLIGHTENED ONE!!"

"GAH!"

"You know NOT the ways of the after life! And THAT is why you are a cosmic ecto-pickle."

"Cosmic-what now?"

"_UNENLIGHTENED ONE!!!"_

"GAH!"

"The cosmic waves crash upon NOTHING but an empty mind… EMPTY, I say!!!!"

"Empty—hey, are you saying that I'm dumb?!"

_**"UNENLIGHTENED ONE!!!!"**_

"WHAH!!!"

"Yes, you ARE dumb and foolish! The cosmic waves do not crash upon an empty mind! You must see—and you will then know TRUE enlightenment!"

_**(Kaitlin: This was HEAVILY influenced by the Star Sage Chakron from Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, a game for the Nintendo DS.)**_

"Can we start with the summoning already!?" Tom demanded.

"Yes, yes…sit down, Jaron, you're disturbing the cosmic vibrations by standing up with you being so tall. Now, let's all be peaceful and talk to a dead guy, shall we?"

"Talk to a WHAT?!"

_**"UNENLIGHTENED—"**_

"SIT DOWN, CROW!"

"Yes ma'am." Kaitlin can be kind when she needs to be and commanding when she needs to be. That's all that needs to be said.

As everyone sat down, Madame Crow began to chant. "We gather here today to unite this man and woman in holy mat—"

"Wait, Crow, that's the wrong speech," Tom pointed out.

"Oh, yes, right…ahem…tonight, ladies and gentlemen (But mostly ladies—"HEY!"), we gather this night to speak with those whom have been lost to the icy grip of DEATH."

"Did you have to put emphasis on 'death?'"

"Yes, Max, I did. Now then, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE from the Great Beyond!! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!!"

"OW! Sensitive ears, Crow!"

"Oh, right, sorry, Jaron." Madame Crow's voice sank to an inaudible whisper. _"Rissssssse…"_

"What did you say?" Max asked.

_"!!!"_

"Gah!"

Silence reigned, then Madame Crow began to chant. "HEEEYNAYA MUUUUUNAYA HEEEEENAYA WOOOOOONAYA….OWEMBOWAY OWEMBOWAY OWEMBOWAY OWEMBOWAY…"

"IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE," Tom sang, "THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT…"  
"BRING BACK OUR LOVED ONES!" Madame Crow shrieked.

In a large puff of smoke, Toadsworth was seen in the middle of the group, holding a cup of tea. "I quite agree, Princess, yet I must say that—" That was when he noticed his surroundings. "I—What the duece? Where am I??"

"Wait, Toadsworth!? You're not—" James was just as confused as anyone else.

"I'm not what? Oh, don't tell me that Masters Tom and Crow have set up yet ANOTHER evil cult?"

Both robots were, once again, indignant. "WHAT?! What would make you possibly think that—well, yeah, we did," Crow admitted.

"Hey, wanna join?" Tom asked excitedly.

"Are you daft?!" Toadsworth exclaimed. "Of course not! You'd probably sacrifice me to your deity or something."

"What? Oh, no, our cult doesn't do stuff like that," said Crow.

"Actually, we spend our time baking muffins—lots of different kinds," Tom explained.

"Also we go to each other's houses to watch Abby Mcbeal—"

"So, we're sort of like a Martha Stewart/Monty Python/Hannah Montana kind of cult."

Kaitlin was getting the impression that the sceance had officialy dissolved. Toadsworth, on the other hand, looked rather baffled.

"Uh, Toadsworth?"

"Oh, great, I think we freaked him out again, Crow."

"Woah…OKAY, Toadypants, we strip down to the waist, worship an evil entity and cut people's heads off for FUN, is that any less weird?"

"Ah, yes, much better. Now if you will EXCUSE me…" Toadsworth left in a huff.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, then Tom said, "Well, that was confusing."

"FINE THEN!" Crow yelled, yanking the tablecloth and pulling everything with it off, causing it all to crash to the floor, uncovering a hidden Ouija Board on the table. "OHHHHH, spirits of the after life, I implore you, give us a massage!"

"Don't you mean message?"

"SHUT UP! As I was saying…" He looked to the group. "Okay, now we all place one hand on the lens, and let the spirit spell out its message."

"I'm not touching that thing," Kaitlin said flatly.

"Fine, then remain cursed, for all I care, buddy." Everyone else complied, and 'let the spirit' spell out the message.

"Oh, spirits, tell us, will I ever be able to decide who lives and who dies?"

"And can I go to Peter Stellers' grave and spit on it?" Tom asked.

"What's it say?" Max asked.

Crow read it out. "Lemme see… Okay, it says…_You… can… kiss… my_—HEY!!!"

Tom immediately looked under the table to see if someone was using a magnet, only to encounter a society of morlocks.

"GAH!"

* * *

"The Planet of Fanfiction?" Kaitlin asked in disbelief.

Jaron shoved his jacket into his bag, Holly on top of his head so he could use both hands. "Yep. Nova said you would know about it."

"I do. I work at a café there, actually."

"So you know Toon Town like the back of your hand?"

"Uh, no."

Jaron's head snapped back up to look at her. "What?! But—"

"I've only been there once. The café is outside it."

"Why didn't you tell any of us this earlier?!"

"Like you yourself always say, Jaron," Kaitlin gave a dramatic pause. "You never asked."

"Mmfff…"

"Besides, I know a guy," Kaitlin added. "He should be able to show us around."

"Okay, then we're set!" Jaron exclaimed as he swung his bag over his shoulder. "If we leave early tonight—ten minutes maybe—we could get a head sta—"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what?!" Max stammered, startled. "_Tonight_?! Are you serious?!"

"Well, yeah!" Jaron said reasonably. "If we get a hea—"

"Jaron, are you even listening to yourself?" James asked. "We were assaulted by probably three hundred _Spartans _early today and were nearly beaten within an inch of our lives by that woman, and that's _beside_ the thrashing you got from that anti guy, and you want to leave TONIGHT?"

"Um… well, _yeah_."

Holly shook her head. _"Bit of a rush, huh?"_ Max pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, what about us? I, for one, am exhausted!"

This hit Jaron like a ton of bricks. One of the things that mattered to him the most was his friend's wellbeing. Not for one moment had he remembered that until now. "…I…I'm sorry guys, I…"

"Don't worry about it," Kaitlin said gently as she placed her hands on his spiky shoulders. "We know that you're so eager to find this guy, after having—" She started waving her hands around. "_Mysterious_ and _prophetic dreams_ about him for over a year, but you should really take a break every now and again."

Jaron looked down at the floor. "Sorry," he mumbled, then started to snicker a bit. "Do you have to be so… so—"

"Animated?" Max interjected.

Jaron nodded. "Yeah…I mean, that's my job!"

Everyone snickered.

* * *

"HMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!" Bowser was having quite an intense stare-off with Mario and Luigi. Peach was not sure which side was winning, her side (the bros) or the opposing side (Bowser). But then again, Kamek, Kammy, and Bowser Jr. were alongside the Koopa King (AND his minions) so it was better for her to rethink the odds.

During this (VERY) intense staring match, Jaron came into the hall from the top of the stairs. He was slightly taken aback. _What the—what's going on?_

And just when things couldn't get worse, Bowser noticed Jaron. "YOU!"

Jaron balked. "Me?"

"YES, YOU! GET DOWN HERE!"

Without any hesitation, Jaron jumped down the stairs and stopped in front of the giant Koopa. "Yeah?"

Bowser stood there for a single minute staring at Jaron, his face expressionless. Finally, he said, "I hate to admit it…"

"Yes?" Jaron asked.

Bowser hesitated, then finally muttered hesitantly, "You know, you're not really a bad kid."

Dead silence reigned for five eternal seconds, then…

"Yeah, I get that a lot. You all better now after I hit you?" Jaron tilted his head to the side. "I didn't really want to hurt you all that bad, anyway."

Bowser's eye twitched. "…W-what?! You…." He gritted his teeth. "You little…Oh, forget it!" He turned his back on Jaron and crossed his arms. "You're too much trouble."

Jaron shrugged. "Sorry, your Majesty."

Bowser flinched. Did this spiky green teenage rodent actually call him_ your Majesty_? That had never happened before. EVER. Sure, his minions always addressed him with fancy titles and such, but this had to be the FIRST TIME _EVER _that the ENEMY had called him that with any respect.

Jaron turned around and put his arms behind his head. "Well, sorry for bothering you, King Bowser."

Nothing happened for a few minutes. You could literally butter the tension and serve it with gravy.

_**(Max: Uh…**_

_**Kaitlin: Have Zane and Jaron managed to get the rights back?**_

_**James: No. And once again:**_

Chapter Ten:

Walk a Mile In My Globin

_**Jacob: Did an Emoglobin in Bowser's body obtain the rights?)**_

And then, before anyone could blink—

SMASH!!!!!!!

Several spikes from Jaron's arms fell to the floor with a clatter. Both he and the giant Koopa just stood there, Bowser's fist outstretched and in contact with Jaron's arms, who had raised them to block the attack, despite the fist shattering several of the spines.

Bowser grunted, then took a step back, brushing off the spines on his fist. Jaron just stood where he was, the spines on his arms cracked and broken. The Koopa King gave him a long stare, then chuckled. "Yeah…I guess you're all right." He turned. "Kammy, Kamek, Jr., we're leaving."

It was around this time that Luigi, who had been petrified by the punch, recovered enough to say, "Hey, wait! Aren't you going to try and take Peach or something?" Everyone in the room glared at him, but Bowser didn't bother to look at him.

"You know, Green 'Stache…I'm not in the mood today."

While silence reigned eternal again, Luigi promptly fainted. Everyone else in the room, however, looked absolutely shocked. For as long as Mario had known Bowser (and trust me, that had been a very long time) the overgrown Koopa had never missed an opportunity to kidnap the Princess…EVER. _PERIOD_. We're being honest here.

While Mario and Peach did their best to process Bowser's out-of-characterness, the Koopa gave Jaron one last look, then stomped to the door with his son and minions. Before going through the door, he stopped. "Jaron."

"Yeah?"

"…Next time we meet, you're MINE." And with that, he and his minions left, Jr. giving Jaron a pointed look and blowing raspberries with his mouth as he followed his father.

"Charming, aren't they?" Kaitlin asked.

"GAH! Where'd you come from?!" Jaron asked, alarmed.

"What, you didn't notice me come in?"

Jaron rolled his eyes. "Guh…" He turned around to face Peach. "Hey there. You're Peach, right?"

Peach, recovered from the confrontation from Bowser, nodded. "Yes, that is correct. You're…Jaron, aren't you?"

"The one and only!" Jaron declared. "Annnnnnd…these two would be Mario and Luigi, right?" he asked, indicating the two bros. Mario nodded. "Nice to meet-a you." As they shook hands, a thought occurred to Jaron. "Hey…I've seen you before, haven't I?"

"No doubt you have." Everyone turned to see Nova and Ranulf by the front doors, Ranulf looking completely recovered.

"You're leaving?" Peach asked politely.

Nova nodded. "Ranulf needs to go back home, whereas I have things to do." He looked at Jaron. "Take care of yourself. And keep that inhaler on you at all times, you hear me?"

"Uh, okay," Jaron replied. Nova smiled slightly. "Good. I hoped you find what you're searching for." He turned to leave—"Hey!"

Nova turned. "Yes…?" Jaron gave him a look. "Sorry, but I have a ton of questions—" "Not now," Nova interrupted. "But—" Nova held up a finger, silencing him. Turning to face the door, he said, "Something tells me we'll meet again, Jaron. Until then, farewell." He took a step toward the door—

"Can you at least tell me who you are?"

Nova stopped. Not speaking for a long time, he finally said, "I'm what's left." He extended his arm. "Or maybe…"

With a white flash, a…pretty weird weapon appeared in his hand. It was spiky and pointy, that was for sure, but it looked odd. It was covered in ebony and ivory blades at the end, and the length of it was ivory, connected to an ebony guard, with a checkered grip. It had a silver, four-pointed star on the end of a matching chain on the bottom of the hilt, and if Jaron didn't know better, he could've sworn the weapon, as a whole, reminded him of a key.

"I'm the only one there was in the first place."

And with those cryptic words, he left the castle. Ranulf gave Jaron a meaningful look before following. "You might get it soon. Who knows with Nova…"

* * *

Ranulf gave Nova a look as the two of them walked down the dark street. "I can't believe that you're still carrying that thing around, Nova."

Nova sighed as he examined the weapon. "The Two Become One hasn't accepted a new master for it yet. Until then, I must keep it with me. The Keyblade can become very dangerous if misused—you know that as well as I do, Ranulf."

"Yeah, I forgot," Ranulf admitted. "Seriously, though…you can't carry that thing around forever."

Nova thought for a moment. "To be honest…I thought that Jaron would be a good candidate." As Ranulf looked at him in surprise, Nova simply shrugged. "We will just have to wait and see." He paused. "Then again, since Jaron seems to break the rules of seemingly every world he goes to, I'm not even sure he'll be able to wield it properly. He might have to carry it around like I'm doing now."

Ranulf just shrugged and sighed. "Whatever you say, Nova. After all, you're the only Forger I know, so you know more about Keyblades than anyone else I've encountered."

Nova smirked. "I'm surprised you remember my title from the legends…"

Ranulf grinned. "I read a lot in my spare time."

* * *

Tom and Crow were at it again. This time, they had set up a gigantic theater in the castle lobby, apparently about to do some _Japanese_ theater. This was actually welcomed by Peach and the Toads, who all needed a bit of a pick me up after the whole Spartan thing.

Kaitlin, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. "What on earth are they doing?!"

"The thing about those two," Joel commented as he sat down, "is that they do whatever is on their minds no matter what it is."

"Even if it gets them into trouble?"

"Yeah."

"Really? I NEVER would have guessed," Kaitlin said sarcastically. She looked at Jaron. "Hey, is something up? You look distracted."

Jaron nodded as brushed off some more cracked spines. "Well, um…"

"Lemme guess," James said as he sat down, "it's Nova, right?"

The hedgehog boy nodded. "Yeah, I mean, well, you know…"

They all knew what he meant. "Just worry about it later," Max commented. "I mean, you really need a break right now."

Jaron nodded. "Yeah…" He absentmindedly brushed some more broken spines off.

"Jaron, shouldn't you get your arms checked?" Kaitlin asked, concerned. "I mean, that can't be healthy."

Jaron shrugged. "I guess you're right." He got up. "I'll go look for a nurse or something. You guys enjoy the show." And with that, he left.

Kaitlin watched him go, then turned to Max and James, concern on her face. "What d'you guys—"

And then, of course, the show started, effectively cutting her off.

"Hello," Tom started onstage, wearing a Kabuki mask over his head, "and—"

"Konichiwa!" All the robots exploded into chorus on that line.

"We are VERY thankful that you could all come here tonight," Tom continued, "And we hope that you enjoy tonight's Kabuki play—translated, the title is, 'Beyond the Scope of the Range of the Grasp of the Palm of the Hand of the Wrath of the Dawn of the Day of the Dead of The Damned of Those who Live in the Town in the Valley of the Mountains of the Country of the Continent of the World of the Planet of the Apes.'"

Nearly half of those in the theater were snoring by the time he finished. Ignoring this, Tom continued, "So, how many of you enjoy Japanese theater? Anybody wanna say?"

"Anybody at all," Crow commented. At this, Mike firmly sat on his hands, remembering the LAST time he had said anything involving Japanese theater—it had just been too confusing. Kaitlin, on the other hand, raised her hand.

"Yeah, are you going to actually put on a show, and not just make spectacles of yourselves?"

Tom ignored this. "So, you like Kabuki theater, ma'am?"

Kaitlin thought for a moment. "Wellllll….I DO like Kabuki a little, but to be honest, I prefer Noh theater more."

Mike put his head in his hands. _Somebody hates me, I know it…_The robots, however, were flabbergasted.

"Wait, if that's true, then why are you here?" Tom asked, baffled.

"'Cause I like Noh theatre, and I thought Kabuki would be sorta like Noh theatre."

Both robots gasped, but Crow took exceptional offence from this. "How DARE you say Kabuki is not a theatrical entertainment?!"

"No, I said it was like Noh theatre."

Heavier gasps this time. "Wait, so in OTHER words, you're saying that Kabuki theater is CRAP."

"Hey, I did not say that. I said I wanted to know the difference between Noh and Kabuki."

This confused the robots even more, but Crow said reasonably, "Well, here's the difference: There's Kabuki, and then there's nothing at all. There you go."

"What the heck does that mean?!"

During this, Mike had slowly started to sneak toward the exit. Realizing that things were getting worse, though, he pretty much fled instead.

"If you don't like Kabuki all that much, then WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"I didn't say I didn't like it! I just said that I prefer Noh more!"

"NO MORE WHAT?!"

"Wait, wait, Tom, calm down," Crow interrupted. "Now, then, Kaitlin, I am going to ask you a series of questions that even YOU can answer 'Yes' or 'No'. Now, then: Is there theater in Japan?"

"Duh."

"Okay then, do you have a preferred brand of theater?"

"Yes…"

Crow could not keep the triumph out of his voice. "Good! Now then: WILL YOU TELL ME THE NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE THEATER!"

"Sure."

"Okay, what is the name of your favorite theater?"

"Noh."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?!"

"What? You hate Noh theater or something?"

"Oh, no, Kaitlin," Tom seethed, "I LOVE no theater at all! As a matter of fact, it is my policy to riff on ANY theater at all as harshly as possible!"

Crow interrupted. "Can we do our Kabuki play now?!"

"Go right ahead," Kaitlin sniffed. "But remember: I would rather watch Noh theater than Kabuki."

"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!?!?" The robots screamed.

"BECAUSE I want to watch Kabuki theater!"  
"BUT YOU SAID YOU'D PREFER NO THEATER AT ALL!!!!" The robots went apoplectic. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Does this happen often?" Max asked Luigi.

"More often than you could possibly think," was the response.

* * *

Jaron had cover his mouth to stop giggling. _Those robots will be famous someday, I just know it! _He absentmindedly scratched his arm, causing more needles to fall out. _I really need to find that clinic… _

Unfortunately for him, however, he had come across a little…snag.

He was lost.

"Doesn't this castle have a map or something?" he asked allowed. "I mean, there aren't even any landmarks, except that gear in the wall—"

He stopped. "Hey…" He turned around and gave the aformentioned gear a once-over. It looked like any other gear stuck in a wall. Next to it, there was a weird meter-like object. _What's this thing for, anyway?_ He looked around. "Well, since nobody's around…" He grabbed the top of the gear with both hands and attempted to pull it down. To be frank, though, he would've found it easier to suck orange juice out of a rock with a spoon—the blasted thing would not turn, no matter how he tried to move it. After a few minutes, he gave up. "Haff…haff…What the heck?" He placed his hand on his chin, thinking for a minute. "I need something stronger to spin this…"

Almost at once, an image came to mind: Sonic the Hedgehog doing a Spin Dash._ Wha? Why am I thinking about Sonic at a time like thi—_

He stopped. He looked at the gear, then down at himself. Jaron was not an idiot—he can easily put two and two together. _A Spin Dash is a spin…obviously…and I'M a hedgehog…_He realized it immediately.

"Hey, it could work!" He exclaimed. Then he realized he had no idea how to curl up like a hedgehog, let alone do a Spin Dash. But then again, there wasn't anyone around, so he was safe to try…

_Okay…umm…what do I do first? _He thought. _Er, maybe I should crouch first._ He did this, then noticed the broken spikes on his arms. _Maybe I should…yeah, don't want to get poked._ He brushed off the last of the broken spikes. _Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, okay, next, maybe I should wrap my arms around my legs…_ After doing this, he thought for a moment. _Uh…I think I have to put my head between my legs. Ig…This is going to be so awkward. I'm glad nobody's around. _With a sigh, he ducked his head.

Before he could so much as blink, he felt like he was practically being folded, and then his vision was nothing but black. _What the?! What's going on?! _He was about to panic, but then realized—_I think I just curled up like an actual hedgehog! _He considered this for a moment._ I don't feel cramped…heck, if I didn't know better, I'd say this was pretty comfy! Now…uh, great. How do I move?!_

Jaron could not believe that he had gone with this without knowing how to move curled up. Hoping for the best, he tried rocking forward. To his astonishment, he rolled forward at an almost indecent speed and ramming into the gear. _WAH! Hey, wait…that didn't hurt…okay, never mind. Now, how do I spin in place…?_

He thought for a moment, then began to roll forward repeatedly. This wasn't really a charging-up phase of the Spin Dash, but it was enough to spin the gear. After a few minutes, the gear stopped, and Jaron promptly uncurled. "Oog…that was weird," he said out loud. A sound behind him caused him to turn around, and what he saw was just odd. "A pipe?!" Why there would be a giant blue pipe in the castle he could not guess, but his curiosity overode his confusion. Walking toward the pipe, he jumped on in. "Doesn't look like it goes anywhe—"

With a sound typically heard when one travels by pipe, Jaron was promptly sucked down the pipe before he could yelp for help.

* * *

"…_Sigh_…I have boredom…"

Business had been slow for Fawful since those babies had stopped coming to Fawful's Bean 'n Badge. You don't often get many customers in the sewers, but Fawful had figured that the closer he was to the castle, the greater the chances of him learning its secrets.

He gritted his pearly-white teeth. It was THEIR fault that he was stuck here, forced to sell badges and such to amass his funds to take over the kingdom. If it weren't for THEM, his and her plan to take over the world would have succeeded, and the two of them would've taken every single piece of candy from every rich baby they could find. The mere thought of the colors of their clothing put the fog of rage in his eyes. Red, green, blue…that blasted trio of jumping hammers that had hammered him and jumped on his head and causing the overheating of his ship and—

"I HAVE FURY!!!" Fawful shrieked, venting his rage. Taking a deep breath, he calmed himself. "I have calm…"

Suddenly, he heard the sound of somebody traveling by pipe…and several grunts of pain. Hiding behind a sewer pipe, he witnessed a…well, he had never seen anything like it before. What looked like a big, green, spiky _thing_ wearing clothing had tumbled out of the pipe headfirst and was now getting up while rubbing the back of its green spiky head.

"Ow…okay, I now appreciate what plumbers go through," the thing muttered, sounding like an adolecsent male. When it noticed it's surroundings, it looked taken aback. "Wa—the sewers?! Well, guess I shouldn't be surprised…" It looked thoughtful. "Hmm…Should I explore, or go back?" After a moment of silence, he seemed to make up his mind. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a peek…" With this new determination, it set off, Fawful watching him go. "I have wonderment…" he muttered. After a moment of silence, he made up his mind and followed the strange creature.

* * *

"At least these aren't as bad as the Fourside sewers…" Jaron muttered, "Those were awful." These sewers, on the other hand, were remarkably clean for some reason. _Heck, is there ANY part of the Mushroom Kingdom that ISN'T clean? _he thought. _Huh… I guess I should just chalk it up to good maintenance crews…_

"I have hmmm…" Fawful muttered. "This creature is something to watch with whimsy, as a baby made of Happiness uses its first joyful tooth on the unsuspecting spoon of Experience…" He went off on another elaborate metaphor as Jaron went deeper into the sewers.

_**(James: Jacob—**_

_**Jacob: What? It seems… fawful-y, right?**_

_**Rika: I would agree, but… 'I have hmm?' REALLY?**_

_**Jaron: She has a point you know…**_

_**James: Not what I meant.**_

Chapter Ten:

Mustard of Doom

_**James: THAT'S what I meant.)**_

Jaron, completely unaware of Fawful's presence, kept walking, looking around at the scenery around him. "You know, you'd think there'd be something more exciting down here, like, I dunno, a –_oop!_"

Jaron immediately lost his footing and fell, going down a pipe that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Fawful looked down and noticed that he had accidently stepped on the corner of a small, blue ! switch. "I have apologies…"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The tunnel that Jaron was sliding was slimy and dark, yet it was rather exhilarating to zoom down the pipe at such a speed. He would've enjoyed it if he knew where he was going.

And as soon as he thought this, he fell out of the pipe—and onto his face—with a loud "OOF!!!" He had to practically peel himself off the floor. "Ow…that REALLY hurt." He dusted himself off, then looked around. "What the heck…where am I?"

The place he had fallen looked completely different from the rest of the sewers. It looked more primitive, less, well, developed. Actually, it looked more like a stone cave than anything else. Jaron turned to look up the pipe. "Doesn't look like I can go back up." He shrugged. "might as well keep going."

A few seconds after he walked off, there was a loud "I HAVE TERROR!!!!" followed by Fawful tumbling out of the pipe and crashing into the stone wall. "I…have…p-pain…"

* * *

The tunnel was pretty dark—Jaron might have reasonably good eyesight, but he couldn't see in the dark. "They could've at least installed some lights…" he muttered as he felt his way. "I can barely see anything."

Behind him, Fawful was following him, having had turned on the special night-vision mode on his goggles. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm… the markings on the walls look like the doodlings of an expert artist of when he would first form words in his mouth of toothlessness… Theses ruins seem as though they were drawn when the kingdom, too, was as a young baby gnawing on its first nugget of civilization."

Jaron, on the other hand, took no notice of said markings due to the darkness, though he could hear someone muttering. "Hey, is somebody there?"

No response. He shrugged. "Huh, must've been my imagination—"

At that instant, there was a flaring sound, and the torches on the walls, unnoticed by Jaron and Fawful, burst into flame, lighting the tunnel. Jaron looked around in surprise; it looked like he was in a dead end. "What the…"

This was when he noticed the drawings on the walls. They looked rather old—he wasn't sure what they depicted, though he noticed there were a lot of drawings of a scowling star. He examined one such star with interest. "Huh…looks like a star with an attitude problem, if you ask me…"

The sound of something hitting a rock caused him to turn around. "Somebody there?" Nothing.

Meanwhile, Fawful had rushed behind a corner before Jaron could see him, intent on remaining undetected. "I am having the suspicion of badness and no-goodness forced upon me like a husky man forces himself upon an all-you-can-can-eat-for-free buffet. Fawful must have the silence of a mute human without a neck in a steel house without the creekyness of wood to impede him… I have calm." He said the last bit to himself repeatedly to calm his nerves.

Jaron shook his head. "Uh, anyone _sure_ you're not there?" No response. "Oh, never mind." He turned back to the drawing. "Wonder who did this, anyway…" He placed a hand on the star with a scowl. "Doesn't look very friendly, anyway—"

When his hand touched the star, there was a loud rumbling, and part of the wall crumbled away, startling Jaron and revealing a passageway simultaneously. Fawful was also startled. "WAH! I have the wetness of pantaloons!" Fortunately, the crumbling of the wall was loud enough to cover up Fawful's yelling.

Jaron had to take a deep breath to calm himself. "Okay, note to self—try not to do that again." After a minute, he said to himself, "Might as well see where it goes." And with that, he went inside. Fawful followed him a few seconds after. "I have the intrigue of a newborn child, exploring all that he can, wondering which pulley of wonder activated which device of joy…" Fawful's expression suddenly soured. "So why does Fawful feel like a newborn baby crawling toward a dangerous staircase of horror and fury?" He trekked on, muttering "I have calm," to himself again.

* * *

To be honest, Fawful had nothing to worry about, as did Jaron—the passage led to another dead end. Jaron sighed and placed his hand on the wall. "I swear, I'm wasting my time down h—WAH!!!"

As soon as his hands touched the wall, it disappeared, causing him to fall over. "Ow…" He picked himself up, then stopped at what he saw.

It was an enormous cavern. Strange carvings of stars and other unidentifiable objects lined the walls, and—despite the fact that it was miles underground—the roof opened up to a blue, cloud-filled sky, even though it was eight o'clock in the evening.

Buuuuuut the one thing that caught Jaron's attention was the thing in the middle of the cavern—a glowing, golden, thin rapier-like object stuck in the ground. Jaron walked toward it, amazed. "Wow…what is this thing?"

Meanwhile, Fawful hung by the doorway, watching Jaron and the object with wide eyes. "I have… I have…" In word, Fawful was, perhaps for the first time in his life, speechless. "…wow. I have amazement…"

Jaron examined the rapier-like thing. "Looks funny. Wonder what it's for…"

_Well? Go on!_

Jaron nearly jumped out of his shoes. "Who was that?!"

Fawful looked at him, confused. "Has the creature lost his mind as a lazy father of ignorance loses his car keys in the couch cushions of neglect?"

_Go on—pull it out! It won't hurt you._

Jaron looked around wildly. "Who is that?! Pull what out, this thing? Where are you?"

_Come on! Pull it out! Please?_

Jaron sighed. "Okay, fine, if that's what you want…" Jaron placed his hands on the object. "Huh…feels warm…" Jaron gave it a slight tug. "Seems really stuck there. Gotta give it more effort…" With a loud grunt, he pulled with all his might.

What happened next was unexpected. As soon as he pulled the thing out, it shattered into millions of golden pieces of light, which quickly vanished. After this, the entire cavern started to shake violently, causing Jaron to fall back on his behind with a loud "Oof!"

Fawful grabbed the doorway to steady himself, this time fully panicked. "I am as blind as an idiot child who plays video games as if they were his cardio exercises!"

After a few minutes, the rumbling stopped. Jaron picked himself up. "Okay…maybe I shouldn't have done tha—wah?!"

Almost before he finished speaking, his entire body started to glow green. After a minute, it stopped, leaving Jaron very confused. "What the heck was that?!" He shook his head. "Okay, this is too weird. I'm leaving." He turned to go, only to trip and fall over, cutting his hand on a rock in the process. "OW! This isn't my day…" He picked himself up and looked at his hand. "Ugh…wish I had a potion or s—" He immediately stopped when he saw what was happening to his hand—it was glowing green, like he had been a second ago, and the cut on it was rapidly disappearing. After a moment, it was as if he had never been injured.

"What the--?! Whoa!" Jaron reeled at the disappearance of his injury. "Did I do that?!" He stared at his hand for a moment, then shook his head. "I'll figure that out after I get back."

And with that, he left the cavern, Fawful following in secret, though not before the crazy bean glanced at the carvings of the scowling star.

But then again, one glance was all it took…

* * *

As Jaron walked back into the passage, Fawful watched him behind a rock, muttering to himself while gradually working himself into a furious frenzy:

"Incredible… I have the inspiration of 150 Michelangelo's stuffed into an Einstein's head! The power from which that object seemed to give off in the ruins is more than even Cackletta would be envious of!" He looked at the creature he was following. "Perhaps, if I follow this green mysterious creature, he will lead me to the success of 1000 Super Bowls wrapped up with 100 Grammy's into a burrito of vic-" His brain suddenly halted. "This _green_ creature… Green, the color of nuisance, often treacherously parted with the Red of hurt and the Blue of snarkiness… The three colors, the three moustaches that dig into my soul like a Shiatsu massage from an angry nailbed…" He looked at the being with the intent of malice. "My new objective… it is to rid myself and this kingdom of those three horrid, horse-tail moustaches!" The pent-up anger could not be held back any longer. "**I HAVE FURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

The sound of the shriek echoed off the walls, like a giant chorus of Fawfuls singing from the Gospels, scaring Jaron out of his wits. "YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" He ran off, screaming "GHOST!!!!!" Fawful watched him go, snickering. "I have chortles…"

* * *

Jaron took a deep breath as he headed to the entrance hall of the castle. "Ugh…ghosts…" As he entered the hall, he called out, "Hey, guys—"

"Ah, perfect!" Before Jaron knew what was happening, he was being pushed along toward Tom, who, for whatever reason, was dressed in a conductor's outfit.

"I was about to call you up," said Tom, "because I was hoping for your assistance with my orchestra."

"Your what?"

Heavy gasps from the robots. "WHAT?! A travesty! How can ye not know what an orchestra is?!"

"Uh, well—"

"SILENCE! You can lead with me."

"What does that mean?"

"Just sing when prompted, kid," Tom said as he pushed Jaron up to the podium.

Jaron looked at the crowd of Toads—and surprisingly, Kaitlin, Max, James, Peach, Meriee, and, looking like he wanted to get out of there, Zane.

"Uh, I'll try…"

"Has he ever sung before?" Zane asked Max.

"Dunno."

(Stage lights up, revealing Mike and Joel.)

MIKE: Hello, everyone, and thank you for coming tonight.

JOEL: We're here to present to you tonight a series of special songs brought to you by the United Servo Acadamy Chorus, led by Thomas "Brunswick" Servo and Jaron "Cobaj" Roxai…

MIKE: The first of which is titled: "The United Servo Acadamy Men's Chorus Hymn".

(The two leave the stage, and then the Chorus enters, with Tom and Jaron at the podium.)

Tom: Okay, eyes front…one, two, and—

_**Chorus: **_

_**Here's to the guys and gals who like to fly,**_

_**Flying so high with some guy in the sky,**_

_**Sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight!**_

_**Captain High at your service.**_

_**Tom: **_

_**Would you like to fly-y-y-y in my beautiful ballooooon?**_

_**Jaron:**_

_**Take these broken wings and then learn to fly me to the moon!**_

_**Tom: Sail on the silver bird—**_

_**Both: Have you ever heard that the bird is the word?!**_

_**Chorus:**_

_**In a big country, dreams stay with you**_

_**Come along with me Lucille in my merry Oldsmobile**_

_**We are kids for saving Earth**_

_**We are fans of Colin Firth**_

_**Off we go to yonder blue**_

_**We really move our tails for you!**_

_**Tom:**_

_**Cross the wide Missouri!**_

(Applause, then Mike and Joel reappear.)

MIKE: Yes, thank you, everyone. Now, our next masterpiece—

JOEL: Is a Christmas carol written by Crow T. Robot and HEAVILY corrected by Kaitlin Roslyn. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you—

BOTH: A Grand Ol' Patrick Swayze Christmas.

(Both leave the stage, then the Chorus starts back up.)

_**Max: **__**Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.**_

_**James: **__**We'll gather at the Road House with our next of kin.**_

_**Kaitlin: **__**And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.**_

_**Jaron: **__**We'll decorate a Christmas Tree and gather round and sing.**_

_**Tom: **__**Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!**_

_**Crow: **__**And then we'll grab the eggnog and all come back next year!**_

_**Meriee: **__**Let's try and reach a compromise this merry Christmas year,**_

_**Zane: **__**And we'll have some turkey so that we'll have no fights here!**_

_**Peach: **__**I wonder if Santa has been going to the mill,**_

_**Chorus: **__**I hope that those grand ol' folks have laughed and ate their fill!**_

_**All: **__**Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.**_

_**And this can be the haziest...**_

_**This can be the laziest...**_

_**This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them all!**_

_**Tom: **__**La la la la, la la, la laaaaaaaaaaa!**_

(The audience applauds, then Mike and Joel walk back onstage.)

MIKE: Great work, everyone, I'm glad that you all—

(Tom starts up a more inappropriate song to the tune of One-Winged Angel)

_**TOM:**_

_**I AM AWESOME  
WITH UNLIMITED  
POWAAAAH  
I AM AWESOME  
WITH UNLIMITED  
POWAAAAH**_

_**I AM HOT!  
I AM HOT!**_

MIKE: Uh, Tom—

_**TOM:**_

_**GO GET ME…  
A COOKIE…  
JOEL GET ME…**_

_**A SODAAAAA!!**_

JOEL: TOM!!!

TOM: TOM SERVO IS AWESOME!!!!! (Joel grabs him) TELL THE WORLD MY STORY!!!!! AND MY SONG, ONE WINGED SERVO!!!!!!  
(Curtain falls, followed with a loud "OW!")

* * *

Jaron ran into the room in a panicked fashion, panting about ghosts and haunted basements of basements. Zane noticed this. "Hey, you don't look so good. Anything wrong, Jaron?"

"You guys have angry ghosts in the sewer!"

Zane disregarded this and said offhandedly, "Oh, just ignore the Boos and they leave you alone after a while."

Jaron gave him his typical baffled look. "A what?"  
"A Boo. Y'know, a ghost?"  
"Oh…"

Meriee brushed her hair absentmindedly. "Have you been doing alright, Jaron? You still look a bit tired from the whole Spartan thing."

"Oh, don't worry," Jaron said absentmindedly while stretching almost in a catlike fashion. "By the way, what happened to those Spartan guys, anyway? Nobody will tell me what for some reason."

Zane and Meriee gave each other looks. "Well, probably because it was so weird," Meriee said quietly.

"What d'you mean?"

Zane coughed. "Well…they just disappeared. Vanished."

"Vanished? How?"

"No idea," Zane said. "One minute those Koopas of Bowser's were going at them like no tomorrow, next they're literally clawing at empty air. Bowser was pretty P. when that happened."

"How come?"

"What do you mean, how c—you know how Bowser gets."

"Oh…"

"Actually, Jaron, that brings up a good question," Meriee piped up. "Why did you come to the Mushroom Kingdom in the first place?"

Jaron rubbed his neck. "Oh, I'm lookin' for someone. I heard that there was a fortune teller here that would help me a little, but I think he was a bit of a fraud."

Zane and Meriee looked at each other. Zane coughed. "Uh…What was his name?"

"The fortune teller? Merlin, or Merlon, can't really remember. He had this disco ball for some reason. Wasn't very helpful."

Both Zane and Meriee looked very awkward at this. "Uh…"

"What? Something wrong?"  
"Actually, Merlon is my grandfather," Meriee said very quietly.

Well, THAT was awkward.

_**(Kaitlin: (on walkie-talkie) Kaitlin to Zane, have you found the target?  
Zane: (on other end)Well, not yet, but Jaron and I think these guys could use a—WHAT THE?! What the HECK is that?**_

_**Jaron: BATS!!! RUN!**_

_**Katilin: Guys?! Oh, never mind.**_

_**James: Also—**_

Chapter Ten

Ghostbusters III—Luigi's Mansion

_**Feels like this'll never end.**_

_**Jacob: Put Bill Murray's lawyer on the phone, pronto.)**_

"…Your…oh." Jaron felt uncomfortable. "I…uh…s-sorry…I didn't—

"Don't worry," Zane added. "I thought the same thing, but then Merlon read my fortune again, and, well, the rest is history."

"Really? Huh."

Meriee decided to change the subject (wise move on her part). "So, who's the person you're looking for?"  
"Oh, well, according to Merlon, he's a boy with blonde hair who's apparently scared outta his pants of somethin'. You see, I've been having these weird dreams lately—"

"OH REALLY? I SMELL A CONSPIRACY!!!!"  
"What the—"

"SEIZE HIM!!!"  
What happened happened so fast that Jaron had no time to react. Next minute he found himself in an interrogation room (actually the castle pantry).

"LIGHTS!!!"  
"LIGHTS ON!!!" Gypsy shrieked as her eye flashed like a flashlight, nearly blinding Jaron with a loud "GAH!"

Tom stood over him, blocking out the light. "WHERE WERE YOU THE DAY BEFORE TOMMORROW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!Q??!?!?!"

"Uh…Right here?"  
"HMMMMM…. HERE, he says! And WHAT were you DOING here, HMMMMMM?!?!?!?"  
"Uh…talkin' to you guys?"  
Crow stroke his nonexistent beard. "Oh, REAAAAAALLY, now? An odd chance of circumstances indeed!"

"True enough," Tom agreed. "Here we are, talking to him, and he says that he was here the day BEFORE tomorrow. Coincidence?"  
"I believe so," said Crow.

Tom turned back to Jaron. "Now then, you said you had dreams, HMMMM?!?!?"  
"Uh…yeah."  
"Oh really?" Crow said absentmindedly as he read the paper. "Dooooo tell."  
"Uh, I really don't have much _to _tell. I mean, I start with these dreams—not a single one is the same twice, by the way—some of them start with me seeing this little boy—"

"And then the two of you are confronted by the Swamp Thing, is that it?"  
"Uh…no."

"WHAT?! Why not?!?!?! How can it be exciting?! Where's the DRAMA?!"

"It's because he's lazy," Tom reasoned.

"Can't be, he's not lazy."  
"You don't know that."  
"Oh, and YOU do?!"  
Jaron promptly fled as the two of them proceeded to assault each other.

* * *

Jaron sighed has he fell back into the bed. "Well, what next?"  
"We'll leave in the morning, If you want," said Kaitlin as she sat down.

"How far is this Planet of Fanfiction, anyway?" James asked.

"It'll take a while. We'll have to prepare a bit tomorrow morning, but we'll make it."  
Max yawned. "Well, let's get some sleep. We're gonna need it, and besides, I'm exhausted."  
Tom and Crow, however, had no intention of sleeping…

* * *

"You're an ugly little dummy, aren't you, _Zane-o_? An ugly, silly little dummy—stuffed with sawdust. A dummy who may never have ham, certainly not in regards to oneself. A dummy who may never drink wine…yes, an ugly, smelly, stupid…"

Zane shook himself awake. The first thing he noticed was that Crow was wearing an outrageous outfit. The second thing was that he was in a cage. The third was that he himself was wearing the most ridiculous getup ever. "What the--?! Crow? CROW! What's going on?! What the HECK am I wearing?!"  
Crow continued as if he head not heard. "Not only can't you have ham, you can't have _any _luncheon meats—not bologna or curvature—not even a cut of salami! Why? Because luncheon meats cause the sawdust in your stomach to EXPLODE."  
Zane had enough. "CROW!!!!!!"  
"W-what?!"  
"Okay, this is TOO much! First, you lock me up, then you dress me up in this STUPID outfit, then you start whispering odd, creepy, and, needless to say, IRRELEVANT taunts into my ear?! Now that is too much!!!"  
"What?! What is wrong with that?! Zane, I have been wanting to do this all MONTH and now you're all over me!"

And as if the situation wasn't bad ENOUGH, Tom emerged wearing a dress. "Well, now that I'm set up, Crow, I'm ready to be your lovely assistant for this—"

"OH, COME ON!!!!"  
"Hey, calm down, Zane, I—"

"AGH! CROW, FLEE!!!!"

* * *

After the ill-fated revival of the "Devil Doll" sketch, Tom and Crow decided to try out what they BELIEVED to be Leonardo da Vinci's flying machine, but was really—

"Guys, this is a bike with wings," Mike pointed out.

"Oh, and how would YOU know, Mike?!" Tom snorted.

"Cuz…I'm good in History."

"Oh, you and your SCIENCE, and FACTS, huh?!" Crow said snarkily as he put on pilot's goggles.

"It's not science, Crow, it's—" Joel began.

"It is UNLIMITED Science!" Tom interrupted. "Why, you ask? Because this machine's power source is the most sacred of liquids!"

Kaitlin checked under the hood. "Pink Lemonade?!"  
"What's wrong with pink lemonade?"

"EVERYTHING!" everyone shouted at once.

Crow made a farting noise. "Yeah, well, that's what everyone said when Benjamin Franklin invented the light bulb!"

"No, they didn't, and Ol' Ben didn't do that, either!" said Joel.

Tom snorted. "That's what THEY said when Martha Stewart flew across the world while inventing peanut butter."

"Amelia Earhart flew across the world, George Washington Carver invented peanut butter, and Martha Stewart was NEVER involved."  
"Says you." The robots jumped onto the bike. "LAUNCH!!" Crow started pedaling—Tom didn't even have legs—and soon they were airborne, flying by the moon E.T. style.  
"I'M FLYING! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Tom cried to the heavens.

"I AM SUPER-DUPER-ULTRA-WONDERFUL-MEGA-UNLIMITED-EDITION-COLLECTOR'S-ITEM-HAPPY-MAGICAL-LIGHTING-SWIFT-_GREASED-_LIGHTINING-SWIFT-AWESOME-COOL-EXTRA-…UMMM…BOMBS…UH…I AM CROW!!!!!!"

There was a sound like an engine backfiring, then the bike stopped. "Oh, crap."

"Out of juice?"  
"Out of PINK LEMON juice."

"Uh-huh."

"AAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!"  
They wound out crashing into the Toad Town fountain (which explained why the fountain was always spurting out pink lemonade afterwards).

* * *

Jaron had to stifle a laugh. _Yep, those guys are gonna be famous._ He sighed and rolled over, holding on to his Shinx plushie. _Hope everything goes fine tomorrow. _He closed his eyes and promptly went to sleep.

But then again, it would've been LESS tiring if he didn't.

* * *

He felt like he was falling, though he had no idea how long he had been. He didn't feel scared or anything, though he was getting a bit bored. Down, down he fell into the dark abyss…

Suddenly his feet touched solid ground. As he looked around at his surroundings (more dark, by the way), he took a step forward. This caused the floor to erupt in a swarm of doves that flew around him and took off to the skies. As he watched them go in wonderment, he noticed that he was standing on a stained glass-like surface. He could see faces of people on the glass, but for some reason he wasn't able to make them out.

"I wonder where I am…"

As if in response to his question, a voice answered out of nowhere:

_Always so much to do, yet there's never enough time to do them._

Jaron did not bother to ask of the identity of this voice this time—he had gotten used to odd things happening to him, and took it in stride.

_But you don't have to worry—you can take your time, as much as you need. Many have gone through such an awakening, so they could wield a curse as well as a great responsibility. But you are different than all the rest… Now, can you step forward?_

Jaron shrugged. "Eh, sure." He walked to the center of the platform.

Suddenly, three pedestals came out of the floor around him.

_You have great power within you._

A sword appeared floating above the pedestal to his left.

_Give it form…_

A staff appeared on his right.

_And it can give you the strength you need._

Finally, a shield appeared on the pedastal in front of him.

_Choose well._

Jaron looked at the three items with interest. "Choose, huh? Well, if you want me to…" He walked over to the sword first. It had a yellow hilt, and a blue handle with a razor-sharp blade.

_This sword…almighty strength sleeps within. Truly a sword of terrible destruction._

Jaron shivered. "Uh, terrible?"

The voice seemed to chuckle. _Terrible as in great, not evil._

"Oh."

_Is this the power you seek?_

Jaron thought for a moment. "Uh…Lemme look at the other ones first."

_If you wish…_

Jaron checked the staff next. It was a simple thing, with a green handle and a star at the top of it. _This staff…great wisdom sleeps within this. It is a staff of wonder…and ruin._

Jaron stared at it. "Ruin…huh. Uh, lemme look at that shield, and I'll tell ya what I think."  
He went over to said shield and picked it up. It was a simple looking shield, red with a Starman on the front. _Ah, the shield…True courage is within it, along with a desire to help one's friends. A shield that will protect all._

As soon as he touched the shield, he knew, indistinctively, that this was the one he would pick. He took the shield and examined it. "You know…I'll pick this one."  
_Are you sure?  
_"Yep!"  
Suddenly, the shield vanished in a sparkle of light. _Your path's set. But… _Jaron looked at the sword and staff._ What will you give up in exchange?_

He was a bit taken aback. "Give up?Uh, well…does it really matter?"

_Not much at first, but you'll find later that the choice is significant. Well?_

Jaron thought for a moment. "Well…hm. I dunno. I guess it doesn't matter, really."  
_Really? I thought you'd say that._

Both the sword and staff vanished. _You see what's truly important—not strength or wisdom, but what really matters to you—something you treasure the most—your friends._

Jaron nodded. "Yeah. They mean the world to me."

_If that is true…then you may go with all three._

Suddenly, the pedestals vanished, and Jaron's vision was filled with black. When he came to, the stained glass had changed.

He could see what was on it now—allow me to describe the faces, clockwise from the left:  
The first one looked like a middle-age cowboy, with his hat under his eyes. He looked gruff, but friendly.

The next one was actually a brown dog—Jaron thought of this little guy as actually being kinda cute.

The next was a woman—someone in her teens if he were to guess. She wore a blue vest, and more astonishingly, had short pink hair!

The one after her was a man with a reasonably large head and a thin mustache. He didn't know why, but Jaron thought this person would probably have a limp or something.

The one after this dude was a monkey. A monkey! What'll they think of next?

_**(Max: Elephants?  
**__**Kaitlin: Are they back yet?**_

_**Zane: (on phone) We traced the rights to the guy next door. Hold on, I'm gonna punch his socks off.)**_

After the monkey was a man highly reminicsent of an Arabian gypsy. He had a sneer on his lips that made Jaron a bit uncomfortable.

After this one was the chubbiest kid that Jaron had ever seen. His bangs covered his eyes so he couldn't see them.

The last image after this one was one he recognized instantly—Ness of Onett. He had met him several months ago with his friends. He had been a nice kid, though Jaron had been a bit jealous of his psychic powers.

And in the middle of the platform were two images he also recognized on the spot—the exact same boy from his dreams, along with that masked person from earlier that day, though the masked one had no mask and was dressed like the other boy, making them look like twins. "So, the masked guy is the mystery dream guy's twin?" As Jaron stood digesting this info, his Raptor Sword appeared in his hand.

_You have the power to fight, am I correct? Always use it to protect yourself and others._

Jaron swung the sword a few times. "Sure, no prob."  
_Good. Just remember… _Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a strange, bluish-black creature appeared before him, accompanied by several others._ Always be on your guard._

Jaron looked at the monsters with confusion, then, sighing, readied his Raptor Sword. "Oh, well, a hero's work is never done."

The first creature jumped toward him, claws outstretched. Jaron rolled out of the way and kicked it in the back, pulverizing it into dust instantly. Noting the other two behind him, he actually rolled backward, defeating them with his spines. He stood up and shook himself. "Huh. Bein' a hedgehog is pretty convenient."

_Behind you!_

Almost without thinking about it, Jaron swiftly turned and slashed at the blue monster that was about to ambush him. _Not bad!_

"Thanks." He had a sudden thought. "Hey, can I ask you your name?"

_Nope._

"Just thought I'd ask."

He heard a strange sound behind him, prompting him to turn around and see a door appear out of nowhere. "That wasn't there before…"

_It wasn't. You may want to go through it._

"Isn't there another platform to go to a giant pillar thing again? Can't I just save the door for last?

_Sadly, no. Now, please enter the door._

"Sigh…all right." He placed a hand on the doorknob and pulled it open, revealing a blinding light…

* * *

_Now, hold on. You're not quite done yet._

Jaron looked around, speechless. He couldn't believe his eyes—he was now in a village, one he recognized instantly:

Home.

Everything was just like it was when he left: the fisherman's hut stood next to the babbling brook, the blacksmith's stall the same spot in the square, the merchant's house at the main gate, even the giant crystal was in the same spot. The sight brought a few tears to his eye.

"Is this…is this really my…?"  
_Sadly, no. This is more of a memory. But still, you should look around a bit._

Jaron sighed, disappointed. "Well, okay…"

As he headed toward the square, he noticed a surprise: Kaitlin, Max, and James, hanging around the crystal. "Hey, guys!" Jaron ran over to them, waving frantically. "What're you doin' here?"  
"Oh, you know, hangin' around," Max said casually. "Hey, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Uh, okay. Shoot."

"What would you like outta life?"  
Jaron was a bit taken aback. "What I like…? Well, lemme think. Hmm…to make my friends happy?"  
Max nodded. "Good answer. But just so you know, you shouldn't overexert yourself."

"I'll keep that in mind," said Jaron.

"I have a question," said Kaitlin.

"You too? Go ahead."

"What do you value most?"  
Jaron chuckled. "You already know that." He spread his arms wide. "You guys!"

Kaitlin chuckled. "I feel a bit honored. Thanks."  
"Don't mention it." He looked at James. "Don't tell me—You have something to ask?"  
James nodded in an offhanded sort of way. "Yeah."  
"Well, go ahead."

"What are you most afraid of?"

Jaron was a bit taken aback. "What I'm afraid of? Well…" He thought for a moment. "Hmm…nothin' comes to mind—" He brightened. "Oh, one thing."  
"Well, what?"  
"My past."

The three of them stared at him. "Well, that came out of nowhere." said Kaitlin. "Your PAST scares you? What, you do something wrong?"  
Jaron shook his head. "No. I just, well…I don't really remember much about it. About five years ago…" He sat down next to Kaitlin. "Well, I told you already…me not remembering anything before then. What if…" He scratched the back of his neck. "What if I was a bad person before then? What if I was like _Anti-Jaron_?" He sighed. "THAT'S what I'm afraid of."  
James sighed. "Wow. Um…I don't really know what to say."

Jaron shook his head. "Oh, don't worry about it." He looked at the three of them questionably. "What're you guys doing here, anyway?"  
Kaitlin smiled mysteriously. "Oh, that's a bit of a secret, really."

Jaron wanted to ask what that meant, but after a minute, decided not to. "Never mind then…"  
"By the way," said Max, "There's someone at the cape waiting for you."  
Jaron looked surprised. "At the cape?"

"Yeah, so get goin'!" said Kaitlin, indicating for him to go on.

"Okay then," Jaron said cheerfully as he went. "I'll see you guys later."

Jaron went out of the square, wondering who he would meet at the cape. As he stepped on the path, he stopped dead.

Sitting on a tree stump, looking up at the sky, was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She wore a yellow Capri skirt along with a white t-shirt. Her hair was bright green, and it had a pink flower, along with two darker green leaves in it.

She noticed Jaron after a minute. "Oh, hi, Jaron! I was wondering when you'd come."  
Jaron was completely speechless. Then something hit him—he recognized the girl's smell instantly. But it couldn't be…

"H-h-holly?" he croaked.

She giggled. "Yep! Surprised?"

THAT was the understatement of all creation.

"B-b-bu-b-but, I thought, y-you're--!"

"A Shaymin? Yeah, it's called being a Pokémorph. Ever heard of one?"

Jaron was downright baffled. "A Pokemorph? You're a—you can turn into a—"

"Yep!" she said cheerfully.

"But—wait, if you can turn into a Shaymin, then—then how come—"

She looked a bit crestfallen at this. "Sorry, I would've turned back to a human, but…" She trailed off.

"What?"

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. At least I could tell you now, since you wouldn't be able to understand me as a Shaymin—"

"But I _can _understand you."

She looked surprised. "You can?"

Jaron nodded. "Well, not totally. Just a little bit."

Holly giggled. "Well, I never knew that! You should've told me."  
Jaron blushed. "Ehe…By the way, about that whole "Namine" thing—"

"Yeah?"  
"I just called you that 'cause I didn't know your name. I'll call you Holly from now on, if you'd like."  
"Thanks, Jaron." She hopped off the stump. "By the way, there's someone who wants to talk to you at the cape."  
"Wha—you're not the person?"

"No, but you'll meet her soon enough." She extended her hand toward him. "C'mon!"

"W-wait, is it someone I know?!" He stammered out as he took Holly's hand, only to be whisked away toward the cape.

"Yep!"

* * *

Jaron couldn't help but noticed how pretty Holly was. If only she was human when they met…

Suddenly, they both stopped. Holly turned to Jaron and gestured toward the cliff edge. "Go on."

Jaron looked at her questionly; she nodded, indicating that he should move forward, then walked toward the edge of the cape, only for him to freeze, his breath caught in his throat.

Standing on the cape, facing the sea, was a woman wearing a red dress, and with brown hair. Jaron instantly remembered the smell; it brought tears to his eyes. For a moment he couldn't speak.

Then the woman spoke.

"Please tell me…what do you want the most?"

Jaron was taken aback at the question. He gave it some thought, then answered:

"I guess…well…I've always wanted a younger brother. You know, someone I could relate to. I guess, well, he'd be someone I could watch over, like any other older brother, you know? But, also…" He choked back a sob.

"I'd give anything to have you back, Mom."

There was a flash of light…

* * *

_You wish to make your friends happy, and they mean the world to you. You fear your past, and you desire a sibling…_

_And you wish to see your mother again. Is this correct?_

"…Yeah."

* * *

This time, Jaron ended up on a rectangular stained-glass platform, in front of a staircase made out of similar platforms. But these were different. These had holograms on the side, emitting from a floating circular device to the side of each individual platform. It varied wiether they were on the left or right side of their respective platform.

"What... **are** these?" Jaron asked aloud.

_Your past life, and that's all I'm saying on that subject, _the voice interjected again.

Jaron went to the first one infront of him. The image was fuzzy, and absolutely no audio to speak of, but there were things he could make out clearly. There were people, no, **teenagers** gathered around a boiling pot of what appeared to be stew, and it looked like they were in a very poorly made campsite. he could make out a skinny figure dangling a little boy over the pot, when it hit Jaron; the boy was the kid from his dreams! He investigated further, and was genuinely surprised when one of the figures tackled the dangler, when another figure -- Jaron figured it was a female -- caught the boy and set him down, and made gestures to apparently calm him down. "That skinny guy is _weird_!"

_You have no idea..._ the voice trailed off.

Jaron advanced to the next one. Again, this was a fuzzy hologram with no audio capabilities. This time, he recognized the blond kid from his dreams on a bed, linked up to a bunch of medical equipment, and surrounded by what appeared to be surgeons. The surgeons behaved in a sort of paniced fashion, clearly worried for the boy's life. "What's happening?!"

_Remember when Nova said you were the SECOND person with El Corazón del Diablo? Well..._

"This kid, the kid from my dreams, is the first one?"

_Bingo._

Though mentally stunned, Jaron moved to the third one. This one stuck out because, unlike the others, it was stuck in a five-second loop, though it was still as silent and as laking in quality as the others. It showed the kid again, seemingly praying, then becomeing a silouette of light, and then the loop repeated. "What's he doing?"

_Although he doesn't know what it will happen because of it, he's ending his life... and beginning yours._

Before Jaron could object, there was a flash of light, and he was warped away again.

* * *

The stained glass again. It was a different image this time: It was the neck, shirt, and arms of the boy from his dreams, but placed in his hands was an object that, although embedded in stained glass, glowed more luminescent than the rest of the floor.

Or, at least two of the five fifths of it were. The circle was divided into five sections; one completely white in the top-right, one completely black in the top-left, one orangy white on the bottom, a light gray on the lower-right, and a dark gray on the lower-left. At the moment, the white and black segments were shimmering, but the other three sections seemed… dim.

_I know what the circle and its segments mean. Do you wish to know?_

Jaron sighed. "You again. This is the craziest dream I have ever had. Oh, and yeah."  
The tone of the voice seemed serious. _The white section represents Light, and the black represents Darkness. The light gray is Dawn, The darker gray is Dusk, and the orange-white section represents Twilight. The reason the Light and Dark sections are glowing… Well, for now, anyway, that will remain a secret, though I can guarantee you that the facts regarding that segmented circle will come about in due time, at which point you will return here, where I shall clarify anything clouding your mind._

Jaron actually pouted. "You're no fun."

_Sorry. But like I said earlier, always be on your guard._

"Huh?" He heard a sound, and indistinctively ducked, causing another one of those blue things to fly over his head. He looked up to see an arrangement of pots with bat wings, each one a different color.

"Oh, come on!" He sighed and crouched, muttering, "I'm never gonna get a break."

Two of the pots made a beeline for him; showing all of the swiftness of a hedgehog (note the irony), he jumped over them both and landed on one, causing it to panic and fly around frantically. As it zoomed toward the other pot, Jaron jumped off it and watched as the two airborne pottery crash into each other and disintegrate. Without even turning, he slashed at another pot with his sword, destroying it.

Jaron sighed as he rubbed his neck. "Note to self: never enter a pottery shop."

_Good one. Look behind you!_

Jaron turned around rather swiftly. What he saw seemed to be a staircase made of stained glass (Like EVERYTHING ELSE) leading up to another tower.

_Going up?_

"Lamest. Joke. Ever."

_Now who's no fun?_

"Sorry…

As Jaron mounted the staircse, he turned and noticed that pieces of the stairs were vanishing the higher he climbed. Figuring there was no other choice but to go up, he kept going.

"How long is this going to go on?"

_Don't worry, you're almost done._

_"_Thought I'd ask."

Finally, he reached the top. What did he see? Yep, more stained glass. Allow me to describe it:

One of the images in the middle looked like a young man with chestnut brown hair and deep blue eyes. His clothes were black, and he was holding what looked like a giant silver-gold key. Jaron found this person to be familiar somehow.

The next character had only his head showing like a photograph. He was a young man of around 14 years of age, with messy black hair, and a black thin-strip mask over his eyes. He had a cocky smile on his face.

The next one was a young man of around 17 years with intimidating yellow eyes, dark black hair fixed into dreadlocks, and a dark looking frown to match his features.

The _next_ one was a young man around 17, with brown hair, green eyes, and the collar of a black trench coat could be seen starting at his neck.

And finally, the last one was a young man of around 13, with green eyes, with long yet short black hair. (Okay, total paradox.) Right next to his face being held by his hand was a small strange looking pen.

There seemed to be something wrong with this, however. Unlike the other stained glass murals that Jaron had seen, parts of this one were badly cracked, and glass was even missing in places.

_There is always danger lurking unseen. And the closer you get, the greater your shadow becomes._

He heard a distant rumbling, prompting him to turn around…and his jaw dropped.

Towering over him, higher than Peach's Castle itself, was him. Well, it was Jaron in his human form, but anyway…

The great giant looked down at Jaron with a scowl, prompting the hedgehog boy to run with all speed, only to teeter over the edge of the black abyss. After regaining his balance, he turned around to face his human self, which was a LOT taller than him.

"Oh, great…"

_Good luck. I think you'll need it. Oh, and I'd advise you draw your weapon, otherwise… well, you can guess._

Jaron took a cue from the disembodied voice and brought out the Raptor Sword. "This…is gonna be bad."  
The giant punctuated this by sending a giant fist at Jaron, forcing him to roll out of the way. When he picked himself up, he saw that the fist had actually gotten stuck in the ground. No matter how much the giant pulled, it would not be extracted from the glass.

Jaron stared at it, then, getting an idea, ran up to the fist and gave it a good solid whack. The giant roared in pain as it swiftly withdrew its hand, glaring at Jaron angrily.

Suddenly, strange threads appeared around Jaron, and before he could react, he was quickly bound and lifted into the air. The giant Jaron examined him closely, as a kid examines an ant with a magnifying glass… with the intent to **burn** it. That is when Jaron noted his larger self's fist headed right for him. He ran in time, but was hurt slightly by the flying debris. When he collected himself, he noticed the giant Jaron was struggling to get out. He looked at the Raptor Sword. _'I wonder… if I attack him… will it be some obscure form of masochism? And will I be hurt by my own attacks?'_ Whatever opportunity to attack he had dwindled as the giant dislodged its fist from the floor and opted to punch the smaller, hedgehog Jaron again. Instead of rolling to the side, he actually hopped aboard his larger self's hand and ran up the arm to score a nice, clean slash across the chin.

The reward for this was a loud yell of pain, coupled with the giant grabbing Jaron and throwing him across the platform, landing with an "OOOF!" Okay, not much of a reward… "Well, at least I don't get harmed from my own attacks… ow…" Well, there's that as a reward. "Looks like it's a rinse-and-repeat for this guy." Jaron muttered to himself at the colossus version of him proceeded to punch him again. He rolled because he was dead-center in the 'target zone' and had to dodged. Then Jaron noticed the colossus lifting his foot up. "Oh, MAN!"

CRASH!!! The foot DID hit it's target. Unfortunately for the colossus, however, Jaron curled up at the last second, introducing the foot to his spines.

Foot+sharp object=what, exactly? Pain, class, that's what.

The big guy fell over, clutching his foot in pain. Jaron saw this opportunity to run up to the giant's chin and look at him in the face. "Hey, guess what?" He raised his fist. "My turn!"  
BAM!!!! RIGHT in the eye. Again the creature reeled in pain, throwing Jaron off of it and causing him to land on his rear end. As Jaron got up painfully, the giant stood up and glared at him, eyes glowing red. Before Jaron could react, the monster actually jumped in the air, landing on the ground with a loud crash, causing the station to shake, nearly causing Jaron to fall off. "Ygh…" Jaron steadied himself. "Ha! That didn't work!"

He immediately regretted not keeping his mouth shut when his 'dynamic' doppelganger swooped down and grabbed him in his fist. "AGH!"

The giant brought Jaron up to his face, and started to squeeze the life out of him. "MMMGH!!" Try as he might, he could not break out of the monster's iron-clad grip.

_Huh. Is that all you've got?_

"NOT LIKELY!" Jaron yelled, biting into the giant's fist. This caused it to yell in more pain, dropping Jaron in the process. Enraged, it swung another fist at Jaron, missing again and having its hand embedded into the floor.

Before it could extract the fist, Jaron jumped and ran along it's outstretched arm and stood in front of it's face. "Hope you like a knuckle sandwich!" he said jokingly as he slammed one betwixt the giant's eyes.

That alone was enough to end the fight. The monster teetered backward, holding it's head, then, with a loud shout of shock, it fell over the edge of the station and into the abyss. Jaron ran toward the edge and peered over it to see where it went, but saw nothing. He sat down with a sigh of relief. "Phew…glad that's over."

_Good work! I expected no less._

"Thanks…"

_You are very special, Jaron. While you may not play a greater role in the events to come, your actions will be great significant to others._

_Aid those you meet. Defeat evil. Your role is minor, but your actions will be great, to you, and, more importantly, them._

At the sound of footsteps, Jaron turned around to see someone near him. Before he could get much of a glimpse, however, there was a great flash of white, and everything went dark.

What he could remember, though, was that blond kid again. But, he was smiling at Jaron, and seemingly waving goodbye...

* * *

Jaron yawned a little and rolled over in his bed. He could vaguely hear Tom and Crow singing "Inky Dinky Parlez-Vous" somewhere in the castle. Using his hand to cover up his yawn, he realized he had gone back to human form for the first time in a while. While he didn't mind this one bit, he couldn't help but feel disappointed…

After he fell asleep, a gloved hand took the inhaler he had placed on the beside table. "El Corazón del Diablo, eh? I'd like to see how long you last..." With a sinister chuckle, the thief vanished into the night.

* * *

Kaitlin blinked several times. _Who the HECK would be up at six o'clock in the morning?! If he or she is not gone in the next five seconds, they get an egg in the face._

Five seconds later:

_Time's up. They're gettin' an egg in the face! _Kaitlin immediately got out of bed, turned around—

And was confronted by the Burger King, who revealed a pair of Jr. Whoppers on a silver platter with a flourish.

"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Excerpt from Dr. Zako's Report:

_Such a horrible thing has happened that I am having a hard time piecing together everything._

_The lab was attacked. Those horrible men came for my research, and they were not taking no for an answer. They destroyed everything…I tried to stop them, but I was beaten unconscious. When I came to, they were gone, and so was Luke._

_Where is he? Did they take him? If so, may God have mercy on him._

_But if not, I will do all in my power to find him, I swear it._

* * *

Jaron: Guess that explains your hatred of the Burger King too, right?  
Kaitlin: SHUT…UP…

Jacob: The file size is half of ALL documents for Two Worlds One Door… and that's only for this chapter! Not to mention the word count's almost _exactly _27,000!

Rika: So… how many more chapters to go? I mean, we must be on the final stretch…

Jacob: Yeah, only two more chapters, then we're good to go for Sole Exception.

Max: We could do Deleted Scenes, or something.

Jaron: Actually, Jordan said something about trying to do a scene in this chapter for Zane, but decided to make it a Deleted Scene later with Gantz's permission.

Zane: So, that's that?

Jaron: Yeah. Anybody have a question, we'll answer, provided you're an author on this site. (Turns to Zane) It was nice having you over. (They shake hands).

Zane: Yeah, I had some fun here. Oh, by the way, Here's the naming rights back, Jacob.

Jacob: YES!!!!! (The 'You got an item!' song from the Legend of Zelda plays). Now, let's decide the final chapter title ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!

Chapter Ten

MTS (Multiple Title Syndrome)

Jacob: I got it from watching a House, M.D. marathon.

Rika: Nice!

Lucas: Good!

Max: Good choice.

James: No complaints here.

Pearl: It sucks.

Zane: (Pulls lever, which launched Pearl through the ceiling with a shriek) And THAT is for being such a horrible woman.

Kaitlin: By the way, where's Tom and Crow?  
Tom: (comes rushing in) Guys, we have a situation.

Jacob: Why?  
Crow: (In the other room) DEBBIE!!!!!

Jaron: Debbie?

Lucas: Someone we know?

Jacob: You guys take care of it, I'll do the disclaimer. (Faces the readers) Any OC's you see from other authors were only used with permission. Any character that are copyrighted belong to their respective owners. Anything else is copyrighted to us, so NO STEALING!!!

Crow: (louder) _DEBBIE!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!_

Zane: (sighs) We'll grab Crow, then we'll get going.

Jaron: It was nice having you over. You're always free to come back to visit if you want.

Zane: Thanks. I'll tell Gantz you said hello.

Crow: _**DEBBIE!!!!**_

* * *

_~~~~~~~A Grand ol' Patrick Swayze Christmas~~~~~~~_

_**Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.**_

_**We'll gather at the Road House with our next of kin.**_

_**And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.**_

_**We'll decorate a Christmas Tree and gather round and sing.**_

_**Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!**_

_**And then we'll grab the eggnog and all come back next year!**_

_**Let's try and reach a compromise this merry Christmas year,**_

_**And we'll have some turkey so that we'll have no fights here!**_

_**I wonder if Santa has been going to the mill,**_

_**I hope that those grand ol' folks have laughed and ate their fill!**_

_**Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.**_

_**And this can be the haziest...**_

_**This can be the laziest...**_

_**This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them all!**_

_**La la la la, la la, la laaaaaaaaaaa!**_

_In memory of Patrick Swayze_

_1952~2009_

_~Not just to Patrick Swayze, but also in loving memory of all those we lost in 2009~_


	11. Nudge the Judge's Grudge

Jacob: (Is bound and gagged with all the OCs) MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPHHH!

(Ms. Endive whacks him over the head with an oven mitt) Oh, give it a rest, you hooligan! This is what you deserved.

?: So true. (Notices the camera) Oh, hey, everyone. The name's Kalvire, and I'll be your "host" this chapter. You see, I became dissatisfied with the shoddy job that Jordan and Jacob were doing, so I grabbed a bunch of my associates and took over the booth. And I gotta admit—it was easier than I thought. (Bends down to face Rika) I expected a bit more from you dopes.

Rika: (Spits out the gag) You little worm, wait'll I get my hands on you and—

Kalvire: (Gags Rika again) Well, you're no fun. Just behave yourselves, or Endive here will have you for dinner!

(Endive holds up a sharp knife in a terrifying manner…then starts cutting carrots.)

Jacob: (Spits out gag) Where the heck is Jordan?

Kalvire: He…uh…(Turns to Endive) Where IS he, anyway?

* * *

(Viewpoint switches to the inside of a closet, with Jordan sitting.)

Jordan: Hey, everyone. Uh, due to circumstances I'm unwilling to admit, I have found myself to be locked in here. I tried yelling for help several times, but nada. So, while I wait to be rescued, I will start the chapter, which takes place six days after the last one. Yeah, I'm lazy…Anyway…

* * *

Chapter Eleven

Nudge the Judge's Grudge

* * *

"_Are you sure it's ready?"_

"_Now is a better time for a test drive than any, Albert."_

"_Very well. Let us begin."_

* * *

"Well? Have you remembered anything yet?"

"Kaitlin, it's been almost a week. I can't remember a single thing from that dream now."

Max shook his head. "That's a pity. Think it was something important?"  
"Hey, I think it was something EXTREMELY important!" Jaron threw his arms wide, startling Holly, who was on his lap. "I just can't remember a single stupid thing!"

"Well, maybe it'll come back to you sometime."  
Takeda gave a loud snort. _"Yeah, like, NEVER…"  
"Takeda!"  
"What? Holly, you know he's an idiot."  
"Don't call him that!"_

"Okay, you two, break it up!" interrupted Kaitlin.

Jaron chuckled a little, then looked out the bus window and became silent. thoughts kept going back to what happened nearly a week ago—the guy in the mask, Anti-Jaron, that woman, Nova, the crazy dream, Kaitlin muttering darkly about the Burger King the next morning—

Well, okay, forget that last part.

"Earth to Hedgehog Boy, come in, please!"  
"Huh?" Jaron snapped out of his reverie and looked at Kaitlin. "Sorry, I was thinking…How come you called me 'Hedgehog Boy'? I'm not a hedgehog right now."  
"Yeah, I know, but you have to have at least ONE nickname, right?"  
"Maybe, but Hedgehog Boy? Really?"  
"Would you rather prefer 'King of Asparagus?"

"Okay, okay, you win! Hedgehog Boy it is, then."

James looked out the window. "By the way, you said you wanted to stop somewhere first, right?"  
"Yeah," said Kaitlin. "We need to stop by the café first—I have a couple things to take care of." She anticipated Jaron's response beforehand. "No, we cannot go to Toon Town right away, Jaron. Besides, we have one day before a week has past, so we have plenty of time on our hands. So no complaining, all right?"  
Jaron sighed. "All right…" He became silent as he gazed out the window, occasionally glancing at Holly, who had fallen asleep on his lap.

_I had no idea that Holly was a Pokemorph. But if that's true, then how come she hasn't tried to become human yet? Ugh…So many questions! But still…she was really cute…okay, Jaron, get it together! The sooner I find that guy, the better._

This thought brought the previous night's dream to mind, causing Jaron to shudder—it had been downright scary. Something about a big, black, demon thing with a sword had been involved, along with a couple of people he had never seen before…

"HEY, MUD FOR BRAINS!"  
"Eh? Wha? I'm awake!... Uh, what am I awake for, again?"

"Ugh…we're here, for cryin' out loud!"  
Jaron looked at the neon sign above the diner. "The… Old Crow Diner?"

Yes, the Old Crow. The sign above it depicted a crow with a monocle and smoking a pipe—despite the fact that the words NO SMOKING ON THE PREMISES were underneath it. There was a loud commotion inside.

Kaitlin sighed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot…"  
"What?"  
"It's Happy Hour."

* * *

It was certainly loud inside, with customers coming and going and chatting and shouting as well as singing along with the song _Merry Go Round Broken Down _playing on the jukebox. Speaking of which, dancing on top of the counter was—

_My Buddy's Eddy V.,_

_a sourpuss you'll see,_

_but when I'm done,_

_he'll need no gun,_

_a joker he will be,_

_C,_

_D,_

_E,_

_F,_

_H,_

_I-I-I-I-I-I_

_LOVE to raise some cain,_

_It really is no strain,_

_It feels so great to smash a plate_

_And look there is no PAIN_

CRASH!  
"No pain—"

CRASH!  
"No pain—"

CRASH!  
"No pain—"

CRASH!  
"No pain—"

CRASH!  
"No pain—"

CRASH!

"No pain—oh, wait, that's a glass—NO PAIN!"  
CRASH!  
"No pai—"

Kaitlin immediately stopped the jukebox, causing Roger Rabbit to freeze in place, a plate over his head ready to be shattered against his skull.

The woman at the counter, looking like she was in her twenties, and wearing a classic white-apron-blue-diner-dress-combo, removed the plate. "Thank you." When she had finished, she took a glance Kaitlin and stopped what she was doing. "Oh, my go—is that you, Kaitlin? Where have you been all this time?"

"Hey, Flo," said Kaitlin as she led the others inside. "What's up?"

"Well may you ask, Kaitlin, well may you ask!" Flo said wearily as Kaitlin swung over the counter. "I have been working like a horse since you left. What about you? Where've you been?"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe me if I told you," said Kaitlin.

Flo looked over at Jaron. "Well I'll be! You've got yerself a man, have ya?"

Jaron looked baffled as he paused from poking the frozen Roger. "What does that mean?"  
Kaitlin gave Flo a LOOK. "Let me make this clear—he is NOT my boyfriend."  
Flo chuckled. "Suit yerself, sugah…so, who's the kid with the cap and the upright, talkin' dawg?"

James frowned. _Talking 'dawg'?_

"I'm Max," said Max, "and this is James, this guy here is Takeda, and the little one that Jaron has on his head is Holly."

Jaron held out his hand. "I'm Jaron Roxai. Nice to meetcha."  
"Charmed," said Flo as she distributed a Mile High Shake to a man with an orange turban.

Jaron just looked up at the Shake. "Whoa…wait, if it's a mile high, then how—"

"When you're this close ta Toon Town, sugah, physics are thrown out ta window."

"Riiiiiight…" True, Jaron had seen and been through a lot of weird stuff (Not even counting the stuff we've covered in this fic).

"So, Kaitlin," said Flo as she whacked the head of a customer attempting to steal another's plate, "What're you doin' back? What's up?"  
"Oh, THAT'S a story and a half," Kaitlin said wearily. "I don't know where to start…Jaron?"  
"I'm lookin' for someone."  
Flo raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Who?"  
"I have no idea. I've been having these weird dreams for over a year now, all of them with a boy in it. About half as short as I am, yellow hair." He suddenly looked hopeful. "D'you know anyone like that?"  
Flo thought for a moment. "Hmm…uh…there was this guy—no, he was taller. And had chestnut colored hair."  
Jaron looked disappointed, but then became interested again. "Who did?"  
"Uh…lemme think...oh yeah, Wally."  
"Wally?" James asked. "Who's that?"

"Wally Ryu. He's this guy who lives in Toon Town with this other guy, Auto, no, Otto, I think."

_**(Jacob:(spits out gag) Hey, I didn't know we put them in-**_

_**Kalvire: Shut it, knave!)**_

"He came in once or twice. He was pretty friendly—not like that Otto guy."  
"What do you mean, 'Not like that Otto guy?'"

Meanwhile, Jaron was prodding and poking the still frozen Roger Rabbit. "Uh, hello? You okay?"

Poke poke poke.

"Um, do you think we should turn back on th-"

"Nope."

Meanwhile, Max was looking at the menu with an expression of longing. "Hey, Kaitlin…"

"Go right ahead, but nothing over five bucks."  
"SWEE—Wait, so I can order every—"

"You get ONE THING under five bucks!"

"Oh…"

Just then, the door opened and a man in a trenchcoat came in. A hushed silence fell as everyone became aware of the man with the purple blade he wore at his hip. Moving toward the counter silently, he sat down on a barstool and turned to look at the other customers with annoyance. "Well, what is it? Don't go silent when I enter. Get on with your business!"

The patrons at the restaurant, almost uniformly, went back to their conversations. The madness had caught up to Jaron and figured Kaitlin would know this debonair dandy. "Hey, Kaitlin…"  
The man, ignoring Jaron completely, turned to look at the frozen Roger and gave him a quick tap on the ear, which somehow unfroze him.

"—ain! Huh? Is it over already? Ah, darn!"

The man chuckled. "One step at a time, Roger." He turned to Flo. "One coffee, thank you, and no sugar."

Flo handed him a coffee in two seconds flat. "Here ya are, sah."  
"Thank you." As he sipped at his drink, he noticed Jaron and Kaitlin whispering to each other. He nudged Jaron's elbow. "I don't think I've seen you around here, young man. What's your name?"  
"Me? Uh, Jaron Roxai."  
The man nodded. "A pleasure to meet you, Jaron. I am Alphonse Corby."  
Jaron thought for a moment. "Uh…Never heard of you."

You could hear a record player skip as all activity halted. All patrons dropped what they were doing and swung around in their chairs to stare at Jaron with profound suspicion, making him feel a little spooked. "Uh, did I do something wrong?"

Alphonse turned to look at the crowd with a look of pure irritation. "What is it now? Get back to what you were doing!"  
Once again, they all went back to their business. Alphonse turned back to Jaron. "You really must be new here. Did you come to town recently?"  
"Yeah, I came here today with my friends, Kaitlin—" Kaitlin acknowledge Alphonse with a nod—"Max—" Max let out a muffled "Hi," as he bit into a cobbler—"And James." The red Lucario just shrugged. "Oh, and Holly." The Shaymin on his head let out a yip. "And Takeda." A grunt. "You said you're Alphonse, right?"

"Yes." He did a polite bow. "I happen to be a resident of Toon Town. I also happen to be the host of the—"

**"VERY ANGRY SHOW!"**

The television screen turned on and blared out that line, not only causing the windows to shatter, but also causing the TV to implode. Flo tsked. "That's the third time this week!"

"Sorry about that, I'll send a repair man out, posthaste." Alphonse looked sheepish.

Max stood up from where he had taken refuge from under the counter. "What the heck was THAT?"  
"Sorry, that happens every time anyone says the name of the show. Everyone is convinced that the name is cursed."  
"Does not surprise me," James muttered as he picked glass out of his fur.

Alphonse sighed. "Doesn't matter, I suppose." He drank his coffee. "So…Jaron, right? What brings you and your friends here?"  
"I'm looking for someone," Jaron said quickly before the others could open their mouths.

"Oh, really? Who?"  
"I dunno. I never met the guy. All I know is that he has blond hair and is kinda short." He suddenly looked hopeful. "Do you know anyone like that?"  
Alphonse stroked his chin in thought. "Hmmm…Blonde hair…short…sorry, can't say I know anyone like that, but the best place you can look is Toon Town."  
Jaron immediately stood up. "Well, let's get going, then!"  
Max grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him back into his chair. "Hey, there, cowboy, don't you think you should slow down for a bit? For that matter, do you even know how to get there from here?"  
"…uh…."

"I rest my case, thank you very much."

Alphonse raised an eyebrow. "You're a strange bunch, you know that?"  
"You have no idea," they all said in unison.

Alphonse shrugged. "Now, I don't mean to prod, but may I ask, why are you looking for him?"

Jaron sighed. "I've been having these weird dreams for over a year now, all of them with this kid. I know they're just dreams, but I'm sure this guy's real…" He thought back to the masked man. "Heck, I know he is."

"And what do you plan to do when you do find him?"  
Jaron opened his mouth to answer—and then realized that he had none. Now that he thought about it, he had no idea what he would do if he found him. The only thing he could do was scrap up what little sensible answer he had in response. "…I guess talk to him, find out who he is, and why I've been seeing him in my dreams for the past few months. He might be friendly—heck, I KNOW he is."

"And how, exactly, do you know that?"  
"He just does," Kaitlin and James said simultaneously before Jaron could respond, prompting him to glare at them, which in turn made them smile at Jaron.

Alphonse chuckled, then noticed the Raptor Sword at Jaron's hip. "That's an interesting blade you have there."  
Jaron unsheathed it and looked at it. "You think so?"  
"Of course. Where'd you get it?"  
Jaron shrugged. "Dunno. Had it for as long as I can remember."  
Alphonse pulled out HIS sword. "It is a nice sword. I suppose it can be compared to mine?"  
The sword that Alphonse held was simply amazing—it was a sword with four blades protruding parallel from the hilt, almost like a cross, and the blade itself had to be twice as long as Jaron's arm. The most interesting thing, however, was the fact that the blade was made out of what looked like purple diamond. "Wow…" Jaron mumbled. "Where'd you get THAT?"  
Alphonse put it away. "All I will say is that I had a very hard time just getting the thing, thank you." He chuckled. "I am glad to see that you are interested. The Crucifix Saber—that's what it's called—is a sword made out of pure diamond—nothing can destroy it. What's VERY interesting about it—" Here he took it out again and showed them the blade—"is that, rumor has it, a piece from the True Cross is imbedded in its core. I do not know if it's true or not, however."  
"What's a True Cross?"

Once again, all activity halted as all the patrons turned in their chairs and gave Jaron the LOOK, Evil Eye (TM) included. Alphonse turned to look at them all, his eye twitching. "Oh, for—don't you people have anything better to do?" They all went back to what they were doing. "You'd think they had no lives…" He looked at Jaron. "You have no idea what the True Cross is?"  
"Never even heard of it until ya mentioned it."  
"Don't even start!" Alphonse said loudly as everyone else was about to turn. They kept turning.

Meanwhile, three people had managed to fix the television. "It's working, Flo!"

"Finally. Now, if anyone eevan THINKS about sayin' the YOU-KNOW-WHAT again, I will bash their heads with this here rolling pin, got it?"  
They all got the message. Flo promptly took the remote and turned the TV on to the Boxing Channel.

"Welcome to the WBVA Major Circuit! Today we will show a boxing match of EPIC POPORTIONS!" Kaitlin immediately sat up and gave the TV her full attention. "In the RED corner, age 17, weighing a measly 107 pounds and 5.7 ft., the Bronx's champion—LITTLE MAC!"

"Hey! My brother's on! Turn it up!" Kaitlin called over to Flo.

All activity halted when she—"OH NO YOU DON'T!" They decided that discretion was the better part of valor and crowded around the TV. The person depicted had dark tanned skin, black hair, a black tank top and green shorts—which, in my opinion, is a color you NEVER see on anyone's shorts. It would've been impressive if it weren't for the fact that he was 5.7 ft. high.

"And in the BLUE corner, age 20, weigh-in at 210 pounds and 6.3 ft., Brooklyn's grooviest 'gah-roooooove thaaaang' out there, DISCO KID!"

The weirdest thing happened—a disco ball descended from the ceiling, and music began playing in the backround…

_There's nothing more than I'd like to do_

_Than take the floor and dance with you_

_Keep daaaaaancin'_

_Just keep '!_

And that was when Disco Kid emerged dancing to the music. Tall, with short yellow hair and blue boxing gloves, he seemed to RADIATE disco.

_Shake your groove thang_

_Shake your groove thang_

_Yeah yeah!_

"Show me how you do it nooooooOOOOOOOOOwwwwww!" Disco Kid seemed to have the song known by heart, as he was singing along to it while he was shakin' it up to the ring.

Jaron was laughing so hard that he could sit up right. "AHAHAHAHAAA! Who IS this guy? He's a riot!"  
"Totally ridiculous, but he's good," Kaitlin said. "'Fraid he doesn't stand a chance against Mac, though."  
"How come?"  
Everyone—"AHEM!" Never mind.

"Mac's been the three time champion of the WBVA," Kaitlin explained. "He's the ONLY one to ever been able to beat Mr. Sandman, the previous champ." She sighed, shaking her head. "And he's my older brother."  
"Kaitlin he-ah is tha only one who can get away with callin' him a midget," Flo commented. Jaron raised an eyebrow at that, but decided to leave it be.

There was the sound of a plank hitting a pound of meat, and they turned back to the TV to see Disco Kid flying across the ring. "You go, Mac! Send him back to his 80's era where he belongs!" This was said by a large African American man in a red sweater and jeans, holding a chocolate bar in his right hand.

"Hm, I think the camera puts on 50 pounds, don't you?" Kaitlin asked.  
"You have NO idea, sugah," said Flo, shaking her head.

"And that is…?" Max asked.

"Jerome Louis, AKA Doc, Mac's coach," Kaitlin explained. "Also was a former WVBA champ when he was younger. He's a nice guy, though I think he likes chocolate a bit much."

"A bit? The guy looks like he weighs more than the diner!"

"Okay, that was not nice, Flo."  
There was another thwack, and they turned to see Mac giving Disco Kid one across the chin. Then the bell dinged, and that was the end of round one.

_Well, you can tell by the way I walk_

_I'm a woman's man; no time to talk_

_Music loud and women warm_

_I've been kicked around since I was born_

_And now it's all right, it's okay,_

_And you may look the other way_

_We can try to understand_

_The New York Times' affect on man_

_Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother_

_You're STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIIIIIIVE!  
_Jaron was confounded. "How is this even LEGAL in the match?"

Alphonse shrugged. "Who knows?" As he spoke, several patrons actually got up from their seats and started dancing to the music. "Maybe the judges are like these patrons and can't resist 'the fever.'"

_**(Kalvire: Yep, this fic is going downhill fast.**_

_**Endive: I say we finish off these heathens with a wet noodle and be DONE with it.**_

_**Kalvire: That would contradict the point of having hostages, wouldn't it?**_

_**Endive: … I still say we finish them off. After all, who will save them? Certainly not their little friends Gatling Gun and Suitcase.**_

_**Jaron: (Spits out gag) Their names are GANTZ Gun and NUTcase!)**_

Jaron shook his head at the dancers and took a look out the window—and his heart nearly stopped. He couldn't see it clearly, but he KNEW that he had seen someone with blond hair enter an alley.

"Yes!" Kaitlin yelled as Mac socked the Kid in the face, thus making him suffer a TKO. "Mac won again Jar—Jaron?"

Jaron had ran out of the diner so quickly it was as if he had teleported. Kaitlin stood up from her seat, only for Alphonse to signal her to stop. "No, stay there, I'll go get him myself. You stay and enjoy the music." He got up and left in pursuit of Jaron.

Kaitlin sighed. "Fine…" She turned to Max. "Wanna dance?"

Max turned pale. "D-dance?" He looked down, suddenly finding his shoes to be VERY interesting, and only the color red returned to his face. "Uh…I don't know how to dance…"

"Well, come on then!" Before he could protest, Kaitlin had grabbed Max and dragged him to the dance floor.

"Forceful, isn't she?" James asked Flo.

"Oh, trust me, she is, sweetheart."

* * *

Jaron was running so quickly you could barely see him rush past. He KNEW that what he saw was the one from his dreams. There was no way he was going to let him get away now.

As he rounded the corner of the alley, he yelled out, "HEY, WAIT!"  
The alley was empty. Jaron looked around, perplexed. The only way out was the way he came in, and he would've seen the kid go that way. He checked the nearby dumpster. Empty. He thought he was going to explode. _I was so CLOSE! _He slammed his fist against the wall in anger. Suddenly, he heard the sound of clanking.

"What… the…?" In front of him were little creatures with beady yellow eyes, and weird, metal helmets that covered their heads. They also had strange, heart shaped emblems on their chests, and did I mention the red claws?

"Uh…" Jaron wasn't sure how to react. "Can I help you?"

The one in front responded by lunging forward at Jaron with a rolling kick. Jaron neatly jumped over the creature and landed behind the others. Dusting himself off, he said indignantly, "What the heck was that for?"

They replied by dog piling him. "AGH! Get—offa—ME!" The creatures flew in all directions as Jaron punched them off. As he stood up, he clenched his fists. "I am NOT in a good mood today, so BACK OFF if you know what's good for you!"  
Either they didn't know what was good for them or they just didn't like him, I don't know, but they regrouped and got ready for their assault. Jaron sighed in frustration. "Okay, fine! You asked for it!" He waited calmly until the first creature lunged forward, then calmly punched it in the stomach, sending it flying. Sensing two more behind him, he spun around dealt with them with a swift sweeping kick, knocking them into the dumpster. While his back was turned, another attepted to jump on him, only for Jaron to move and have it kiss the asphalt. "Look, you guys asked for this, so don't get mad at me, okay?"

Three more jumped at him, only for him to pulverize all three with a kick. "Can't you guys get the message?" He elbowed another in the ribs as it attempted to attack him from behind. "Quit bugging me!" He smelled another presence behind him, causing him to turn around, fist raised…

And he froze. The creature in front of him was a lot smaller than the others, black, with claws, antennae, and yellow eyes. If Jaron didn't know better, he'd saw that it was actually…

Kinda cute, in a way.

He continued to stare at it, his fist still raised. This…whatever it was…he didn't know why, but it seemed a little innocent to him in a way.

…There was no way he could harm it. No way. There was no way that he could bring himself to actually harm this little guy. Of course, many people would see differently…

"OI!"

The little shadow-whatever-it-was evaporated in a cloud of black smoke. Jaron jumped in shock as Alphonse stood up from where he had slain it, giving him a fierce scowl. "You need to pay more attention, Jaron." He turned to the other creatures as they approached them, stopping instantly as his gaze hit them. Alphonse pointed his sword at them, looking fierce. "You want more of this? Then get out of my sight!"

Now, if those thing's faces could show fear, they would've right then and there. They obviously took Alphonse's threat seriously, as they vanished in apparent fright as he took a step forward. Alphonse sighed as he sheathed his sword. "Those Heartless…more and more are appearing these days." He turned to Jaron, who had fallen down on his rear. "Are you all right?"  
Jaron didn't react. He just sat there, looking at Alphonse with a blank look on his face.

"Jaron? What's wrong?" Nothing. _Has he gone into shock? He was fine a second ago—_

That was when Jaron realized what happened and his expression turned to one of anger.

"What the HECK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" he yelled, jumping to his feet.

Before Alphonse could react, Jaron was right in his face, his expression one of pure outrage. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! That little guy wasn't doing anything! How could you be so heartless?"  
None of this registered in Alphonse's brain at first. What the heck was he talking about? Then the realization hit him like a freight train in Vermont.

_**(Endive: Vermont?  
Kalvire: Are there even any trains in Vermont?**_

_**Chris McClean: I happen to know for a fact that there is, without a doubt, no trains in Vermont.**_

_**Rika: That makes you a complete dumbbell.**_

_**Chris: Why yes, I know I am strong and handsome, thank you very much.**_

_**Max: She's calling you a moron.)**_

"You…do you even KNOW what those creatures were?" Alphonse asked in disbelief.

"Think I care? Don't change the subject, you—"

"Listen to me!" Alphonse placed his hands on Jaron's shoulders. "Jaron, you should be thankful that I helped you here—"

"You want me to thank you for murder?"  
"Murder? Jaron, have you even seen those before?"  
"So what if I haven't?"

Alphonse shook his head in bewilderment. The Heartless were supposed to by universal phenomenon—ask anyone from ANY world and they will have at least heard of those creatures of darkness, even if they had been living under a rock. Therefore this was completely new to him—almost like someone asked him what two plus two was.

Jaron shoved Alphonse's hands away. "I'm leaving!"

"Wait!" Alphonse grabbed him by the collar, almost choking him and causing him to slip and fall on his behind. "Ow!" Jaron got up, rubbing his backside and glaring at Alphonse. "What the HECK was that for?"

"Jaron—no, listen to me!" He grabbed Jaron by the shoulder as he attempted to leave. "If you truly don't know what those are—"

"I don't CARE what they are!" Jaron shoved Alphonse's hand away. "Just leave me alone."

"I will NOT leave you alone," Alphonse said firmly, "until I am sure you are suitably informed."  
Jaron glared at him for a few moments, then said sullenly, "What are they, then?"  
"They're Heartless."  
"Well, that's not very nice!"  
Alphonse shook his head. He was getting the impression that this boy wasn't very smart. "With a capital H. That's what they are—those without hearts."

Jaron stared at him, bewildered. "Wait, what? They don't have hearts?"  
"No, not at all. Not only that, but they are also extremely dangerous—they wander about in search of food. Do you know what they live on?"  
"No…"  
"They live on hearts. Preferably the hearts of live people—people like YOU, for example."  
Jaron stared at him, slightly shocked. "Wa—they eat hearts?"

"I wouldn't say they eat the hearts, but that's not the point—when the Heartless take a person's heart, he or she becomes a Heartless themselves."  
Jaron looked rather uncomfortable. "Oh, wow…uh…" Alphonse sighed. _I think I finally got through to him…_

Then Jaron said something that pretty much dashed that hope to pieces.

"But…not all of them are that bad, right? I mean, I'm sure some Heartless are nice, right?"  
Alphonse stared at him with complete incredulity. "Wh-y-are you serious? They're HEARTLESS! They constantly endanger the lives of thousands—no, MILLIONS of people! They don't have any feelings—they live by instinct! Anything and anyone they encounter are considered food by them! I'm amazed you haven't even heard of them before now! What makes you think that some of them are even CAPABLE of being nice?"  
Jaron looked taken aback. "Why are you acting like it's such a big deal? I'm sure not all of them are—" Before he knew it, Alphonse had grabbed him by the collar and had actually lifted him off the ground.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Alphonse seethed. "Heartless are exactly what their name implies—they have no hearts, and therefore nothing to feel with! Why do you keep acting as if they do? Think about it—who ever even thought of a Heartless being _tame,_ let alone nice?"  
"Easy for you to say!" Jaron shot back. "Just 'cause you haven't seen a nice Heartless doesn't mean they don't exist!"

Alphonse abruptly threw Jaron to the ground, causing him to land with a loud "OOF!" "You disgust me," he spat, his voice thick with contempt. "I can't believe you could think that a Heartless can even be intelligent, let alone be _nice. _But I'm sure you'll find out the truth soon enough." He turned to leave, though not before having a last word.  
"Your stupidity will mean the death of you, your friends, and the one you search for!" And with that, he left, not bothering to turn back to look at Jaron.

Now, Jaron being Jaron, took this guy as one of the most ignorant people on earth. _I can't believe people like him would just assume things…_Jaron picked himself up and brushed off his jacket. _Stupid jerk…don't say they can't be nice just 'cause you haven't seen a nice one before! _He took one last look around the alley, then left, thinking, _I should head back. Kaitlin's gonna be pretty angry that I ran off…_

* * *

If you had asked what Misty was thinking as she gazed from the rooftop, you would've gotten a well-deserved "Get lost, you creep." At any rate, she wasn't really in any mood for talking.

Being a mercenary had its drawbacks. Sure, it meant a steady income, but it could get lonely after a while. She had gotten used to it, however, so it didn't bother her greatly.

And yet, sometimes she couldn't help but think of what had happened the last time she had seen her, the teenage robot…of how she had looked up from the ground, her body cracked and broken, and those six words…

_I thought you were my friend…_

She sighed. "What the heck am I doing? Thinking about some worthless memories…" Her voice trailed off.

After a few moments, she heard the sound of footsteps and tensed, ready to spring and deliver a ninja-boot to the face of whoever the heck would bother coming up here. After a moment of silence, the person stopped next to her and sat down, his legs dangling over the edge of the rooftop. Misty gave him one glance—some guy in a suit—and looked back down on the street, making no other sign that she acknowledged the stranger's presence.

There was no noise for a while, save that of the hustle and bustle of the lives of those below, Oompa-loompa-ing in and out of the various stores and other buildings and generally living their small, insignificant (to her, anyway) lives.

After a while, thought, the stranger broke the silence…

And what he said thoroughly shocked Misty to the core.

"She thought you were her friend."

Misty just sat there, shocked, unable to believe what this man had just said. Slowly, her head turned to face him, and he continued to look down at the street as he continued, "Odd, isn't it, that it takes so long to create, foster and cherish a friendship, and then dash it to oblivion in a matter of seconds. I always had a problem with it—all that hard work and toil, only for it to be destroyed instantly. All that for something so fragile! But I digress. She cared, you know. She firmly believed that you were a friend that she could count on. Of course, because of your character, your relationship with her grew to a point that the two of you found each other intolerable. And then, well, you know the rest. First the Teen Team, broken up because of such vast differences, even between yourselves, and now you lost something just as precious—a valuable comrade." He looked at Misty. "That's one of the things I can't stand about humans—they always seek to destroy what matters most, even to them."

Mist continued to stare, then she found her voice. "Who—who the HECK are you?" She stood up, fist clenched. "How do you know so much?"  
The man chuckled as he looked down at the street again. "Oh, believe me, Misty, my name would mean absolutely nothing to you, and even if it did telling you would be a waste of both our times, I'm sure. As to how I know so much, well, that's what you get when you get around." He looked at Misty. "Guesswork and the original facts give me the truth I want in regards to people like you. It's as simple as that. For example…" He pointed down at the street. "Do you see the boy in the striped shirt with the man in the habit? If you tried to enter that boy's mind, you would find nothing. Not only that, but you'd be instantly repelled. The same applies to that one as well," he added, pointing at a teenager in a red jacket hurrying along the sidewalk, "Though there is a more specific reason for this one. You see, that boy uses his brain for the same things as anyone else—motor functions, sensory input, that sort of thing—but he doesn't think with it. He has no thoughts in his brain; instead, he thinks and remembers using an entirely different organ. Can you guess what that is?"

Misty looked down at the street, then the man, then back again. "How the heck should I know?"  
The man chuckled. "Well, you have one, and so does he, as well as everyone else on this world—the thing the Heartless want; THAT is the answer to my question, miss." The man stood up. "All I will say now is this—do not be constrained by your guilt. Your sins are your own, and nobody else—" Here he gave Misty a solid glare—"least of all mine."  
Misty stared at him, dumbfounded, then she found her voice. "What the HECK does that mean? And how do you know my name?"  
Kavma tsked. "The facts I take not at face value, but as they truly are—that's how I know." Before she could figure out what this meant, Kavma placed a hand on her shoulder. "I will talk to you another time, maybe after you've sorted things out." He walked pasted her on the way to leave, though as he did he had one last thing to say:  
"Just remember one thing—she thought you were her friend."  
As Kavma left, Misty stared at his retreating back, her fists shaking. "You…you don't know ANYTHING about me! YOU HEAR ME?" She took a step forward. "Don't you DARE turn your back on me, you—"

_I thought you were my friend…_

Misty immediately stopped. "Wha—"

_I thought you were my friend…_

She put a hand to her head, her eyes wide. "What the heck…"  
_I thought you were my friend…_

She rubbed her temples, making sure that she wasn't imagining things. "No…no way…"  
_I thought you were my friend…_

"No…no…shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"  
_I thought you were my friend…_

_I thought you were my friend…_

_I thought you were my friend…_

On and on it went, resonating through her skull, repeating itself like some twisted metronome, as if SHE had come back to taunt her mercilessly. Kavma shaked his head, looking back at Misty, who was clutching at her head.

"This is what happens to those who bear guilt and refuse to live with it. You must bear the consequences of your sins, Misty…" He sighed before vanishing. "As I have lived with mine."  
Misty pounded at her head, crying, pleading, willing to do something, anything, to get it to stop…

_I thought you were my friend…_

_"_SHUT UP! _SHUT UPPPPP_!"  
_I thought you were my friend…_

_I thought you were my friend…_

_I thought you were my friend…_

* * *

"DRINKS FOR EVERYBODY!"

Somebody turned the jukebox back on, setting it to "Stayin' Alive." Flo pressed a button under the counter, and a disco ball descended from the ceiling.

In short, it was the new fresh and swanky "Disco Fresh Happy Hour", which meant that all drinks were 30% off. Plus, everyone was allowed to dance.

"I TOLD you that it was a bad idea for Happy Hour to last half a day," Kaitlin said to Flo.

"Hey, sugar, at least it brings in a lot of customers!"

Kaitlin thought for a moment. "Hmm…you have a point there." She suddenly had this thoughtful look on her face. "Say, Flo, about his Corby guy…"

"What about him?"

"What exactly is his deal, anyway? I mean, sure, I've heard of him, but I don't really know anything about the guy. How come he's so famous? It can't just because of that show he hosts, right?"

Flo raised her eyebrows as if to say, _Girl, are you KIDDING me? _"Kaitlin, you are talkin' about the guy who cleaned up the Zinitra Crisis five years ago ALONE, destroyed the summon NEO Bahamut, and, among other things, fought Sephiroth to a standstill!"  
That last one caused Kaitlin to spit out her drink. "WHAT? Flo, you've GOT to be kidding…"

"Nope. Ain't jokin', sugah. 'course, he couldn't BEAT Sephiroth—it was a tie more than anythin'…"

Kaitlin sat back in her chair, stunned. _Sephiroth? _Anyone who crossed his path would be lucky enough to escape unscathed, but directly challenging him was nothing short of suicide. She immediately got up. "Max, James, we're going after Jaron." She grabbed Max's wrist, dragging him away from the cobbler he was 'sampling'. "We can't leave him with someone like that by himself."

Max panicked. "Wait, Kaitlin—!" Before he had a chance to protest, the door slowly creaked open, and everyone in the diner turned at the noise. An unnatural silence fell, and Roger, upon noticing the stranger, let out a shrill and heavily exaggerated gasp.

The man's voice, curt and to the point, cut through the silence. "I'm looking for a rabbit."

* * *

"Okay, was I supposed to take a right here or…" When in Hollywood, bring a map. Why? Because you will be lost. LOST, I say! And, no, I don't mean the show.

_**(Endive: Can we finish them off NOW?  
Kalvire: Again—Hostages?  
Endive: No one's coming to save them! Especially not Machine Gun and Briefcase.**_

_**Jaron: (Spits out gag) GANTZ Gun and NUTcase! I already—**_

_**Chris McClean: Oh, and YOU would know, Mr. Lame?**_

_**Rika: (Whispers to Max) I hate this guy already.)**_

Jaron hated—let us repeat—HATED that he could get lost so easily. He mentally cursed himself for not bringing the others with him—at least they knew their way around.

"Okay… let's see if I can just retrace my steps…" For the record, people, that's the sort of thing that Jaron is NOT good at, by the way. "Okay, first I took a left at Hawkins…or was it Wiltshire? Then I went right at Braewick…no, that was Tanglewood…" He sighed. "Why don't I memorize these things?"

"Well, well, well, what do we have here, boys? Some poor little waif who's lost his way?"  
Jaron nearly cricked his neck as he turned to the speaker. Standing there was a group of the shiftiest weasels he had ever seen in his known life. If you haven't watched "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", then allow me to describe them in unnecessary detail.

The first one wore the kind of things you'd expect on a bozo: a white/blue striped shirt and a beanie with a propeller. Judging from his physique and his teeth, it was clear that he had hit on the sweets far too much.

The second had blue fur, and had on some badly wrinkled clothing, and it was obvious that either A: He never once looked at the Surgeon General's Warning, and B: if he did he no doubt found it wordy and redundant, because he had at least half a dozen cigarettes in his bowler hat, not to mention two more in his mouth.

Third one looked scary, and clearly it was because he looked so insane. His outfit did nothing to disabuse Jaron of the idea—he wore a loose straightjacket. His eyes looked like those multicolored Hypno-Wheels he once saw at a fair, though he couldn't stop thinking that little children had died looking directly at those eyes.

Fourth wasn't nearly so chilling, and if Jaron knew what a gangster was, this guy would've fit the part—he wore a green zoot-suit styled trench coat, with his green pants pulled all the way up to his chest (the sight of which is enough to make any self respecting man wince).

The fifth was the one who had spoken to him, and he looked even more intimidating than the crazy one. Same kind of suit as the fourth, with a gold chain in his pocket, clearly implying that he spent half his paycheck on bling. His clothing was pink—normally that would indicate that he had no self-respect, but this SOMEHOW made him more intimidating. Weird, isn't it?

"Uh…" Jaron wasn't sure what to say. Oh, wait, he had an idea… He extended a hand, saying, "WASSUP?"  
Total silence on both sides, then all the weasels broke out laughing. The pink one stopped after a second, but the others kept going on. He almost immediately lost all patience. "Okay!" He swatted each weasel to them up. "SHUT—"

"WHACK!"  
"UP—"

"THWACK!"  
"ALL OF YA!"

"KATHWACK!"

Each weasel clammed up with each smack to the noggin, with the pink one emphasizing the last whack on the stupid weasel with the butt of a pistol. Jaron tensed up at the sight of the gun. The pink weasel apparently noticed this, for he chuckled and said, "Oh, you didn't need to see that."

_**(Jordan: (Still locked in the closet) Déjà vu, anyone? For those who read CBB, anyway.)**_

Putting away the pistol, the pink weasel—let's call him Smart Guy for the time being, became all business. "So, what's with you, kid? You lost or somethin'?"

Jaron wasn't sure if these guys were trustworthy or not. They surely didn't look like it, but he figured that, seeing as he was lost, he didn't have time to argue with himself. "Uh, yeah, I am. Do you know how to get to the Old Crow from here?"

Smart Guy laughed, and, much to Jaron's unease, put a hand around the boy's shoulder. (How he managed to do it, when Jaron was so much taller than he, is something I would rather not disclose.) "Old Crow? Yeah, I know the joint…"  
Jaron was relieved, though he was beginning to dislike these guys more and more. "Uh, great…can you tell me, then?"  
Smart Guy gave yet another false laugh. "Oh, sure, I could tell ya…" Jaron immediately got a bad feeling… "But all of a sudden…" Smart Guy's voice lost a lot of its fake cheeriness. "I find that I don't like ya, kid."  
There was a _ka-chink _as a pocket knife popped out of his hand. Jaron gave it one look, then let instinct take over. Almost without realizing it, he had grabbed Smart Guy's arm and twisted, flipping him over on his back. Without another backward glance, Jaron took off, dimly hearing Smart Guy yelling, "GET THAT BRAT! I WANT HIS HEAD!"  
_Why is it that almost every bad guy I meet wants my head? _He thought, bewildered. _Aren't their own heads good enough? Well, I guess not. Most of them are pretty ugly to begin with._

Now, you would probably think that Jaron would simply fight it out with these guys, but I'm sure at least some of you know that he is NOT a violent person. Therefore, he decided to find an avenue of escape. Suddenly, the sound of a siren reached his ears, making him look back over his shoulder.

_They have a paddy wagon? _All five of the weasels were squashed into the front seat, with Smart Guy at the wheel, his evil, cartoon eyes radiating murder. Now, Jaron is fast, but even so, he can just barely outrun a car. So while he could stay out of their reach for a moment, he knew that they would catch up to him eventually, so he ducked into the first alley he saw.

The van drove by without noticing. Jaron peered out and looked around for safety, knowing that those weasels would still want him. Trying his best not to think why they would hate him so much, he ran in the opposite direction.

He thought he was in the clear until he heard the siren again.

"I'M GONNA BLOW THAT KID'S HEAD OFF!"  
"I happen to LIKE my head, thank you!" Jaron shot back over his shoulder.

There was a loud bang as a bullet whizzed by Jaron's ear. Not wanting to get shot (who would?) he ducked into another alleyway. Looking around, he saw no cover, nothing to suggest he could escape or hide—well, except for the door.

Not wasting time, he started banging on it furiously, shouting, "OPEN UP!"  
The slit on the door opened, revealing a pair of eyes. "Password?"  
"JUST OPEN THE DOOR!"  
"Need the password first.

Jaron could hear the siren getting closer, thus making him rather stressed out. "Um, uh…Walt sent me?"  
Silence, then a grunt, followed by the door opening. Hardly believing his luck, Jaron dove through just as the paddy wagon drove by the alleyway.

Jaron shook his head as he picked himself up. "That was too close. He turned around to thank whoever opened the door to find himself confronted with a gorilla in a butler's suit. "Thanks. Nice monkey suit, by the way."  
The gorilla growled at him. "Wise guy…"  
Jaron was sure that those weasels would still be outside looking for him. He didn't want to attract their attention, but he didn't want his friends to get worried for him. He went down the corridor behind him, hoping that he'd find a phone.

As he went down the staircase, he could hear the sound of laughing up ahead, which grew steadily louder. He could hear it properly as he went through the door, finding something that made him stop in his tracks.

He had stumbled into what looked like some sort of theater/restaurant. It was mostly comprised with circular tables with couch chairs at each table. Up on the stage appeared to be…

"..And then-I say, then I stepped on his toes! TOES, that is!" A certain bipedal rooster with a southern drawl who was part of the Loony Toons. Everyone in the joint bent double in laughter.

_**(Kalvire: that joke didn't even make any sense!  
Endive: (Opens mouth)**_

_**Chris McClean: No, we CANNOT finish them off, thank you.**_

_**Endive: But why on earth would we keep them as hostages? Nobody's going to save them! Especially not—**_

_**Jaron: Don't you even THINK of getting their names wrong again.)**_

Jaron snickered. _That was pretty good! I wish I'd heard the whole thing though… _He took a look around the theater. _Those weasels are probably still outside…maybe I should take a seat._

The spot he chose was right in front of the stage. As he sat down, one of the patrons noticed him, eyebrow raised. "Hey, I thought the Ink and Paint Club didn't allow minors."  
"The Ink and what?" Jaron asked, confused.

The patron stared at him. "The Ink and PAINT Club. Do you live in a barn? What did you think this place was?"  
Jaron shrugged. "I dunno…I was being chased by—"

The patron raised a hand. "You know what? Don't tell me and I won't rat on you. Sound good?"  
"Uh, well, I guess." Jaron took another look around the room and nearly fell out of his seat—Alphonse Corby was sitting at the bar, his gaze directed at the stage.

_Not him again! _Not having any desire to be caught, he put his hood up to hide his face. _What the heck is he doing here, anyway?_

Meanwhile, as Foghorn Leghorn left the stage, several people started whooping and clapping. Jaron looked at the patron who addressed him, confused. "What's going on?"  
"Nobody ever misses seeing Jessica Rabbit perform."  
"Jessica Rabbit?"  
"Oh, for—the wife of Roger Rabbit? Ringing a bell yet?"  
Before Jaron could respond, several spotlights lighted up the stage, causing everyone to go quiet, except for a couple of morons who were wolf-whistling.

There was total silence as everyone directed their gazes at the stage. After a second or two of silence, there was a voice…

"_You had plenty money in 1922…"  
_The curtain opened, revealing Jessica Rabbit. Jaron was surprised—he had been expecting an actual rabbit, like Roger. This was completely different. Jessica could only be described as foxy—in a cartoon sort of way. She wore a pink, glittering dress adorned with sequins, which happened to emphasize some of her…em…_curves…_(We are not perverts.)

_"You let other women make a fool of you…"_

The man on the table next to Jaron's goggled at Jessica, letting out a low whistle. "Is she hot or what?"

"_Why don't you do right…"_  
"Eh, she's okay, I guess," Jaron said nonchalantly. The man stared at him. "W-what? Eh, you're just a kid. Wouldn't be able to appreciate beauty anyway."  
_"Like some other men do?"_

"Hey, she's pretty and all," Jaron said, gesturing toward her (she took no notice), "but to be honest, I'm more amazed at that dress—how many sequins are on that thing?"  
The man stared at him, open mouthed, then looked back to the stage. _What's with him? _Jaron thought, bewildered.

"_Get out of here…get me some money, too…"  
She's a good singer, _Jaron thought. A sound made him turn to Alphonse's table—some woman with her hair in a bun had seated herself next to him, muttering something into his ear. He listened to her with a look of great interest on his face.

"_If you had prepared twenty years ago…"_

Alphonse checked to see if anyone was watching him, then quickly made for the door. _Where's he going?_

"_You wouldn't be a wanderin' now from door to door…"_

Now, Jaron didn't like Alphonse, but his curiosity often overrode this sort of thing. Doing his best not to draw attention to himself, he quickly got up and followed.

"_Why don't you do right…"_

~ While Jaron isn't exactly what I would call 'Solid Snake' material, he did a surprising job of remaining undetected. He was also thankful that his shoes didn't make much noise on the gravel floor of the alley, otherwise… well, it was best no to think too much about the consequences of being found out by and/or yelled at by Alphonse again.

**CRUNCH.**

Of course, he didn't take into account of the glass bottle he just stepped on. The almost unnaturally loud sound caused Alphonse to turn and see…

A decrepit cardboard box that was labeled "NO ONE IS IN HERE."

Alphonse snorted. _Solid Snake this clearly isn't. _He picked up the box with one hand to reveal a sign that plainly said:  
"TOLD YOU NO ONE WAS IN HERE."

Alphonse stared, then shook his head. _Toons…_

He turned around to continue walking, only to see ANOTHER box that was labeled "SOMEONE _MIGHT _BE IN HERE."

Alphonse grabbed the box and lifted it up without hesitation, quickly becoming irritated. This time, it was a sign that said "THERE'S A 'MIGHT' FOR A REASON."

* * *

Meanwhile, by some unforeseen miracle, Jaron had used the signs as an unintentional distraction to slip by Alphonse unnoticed. He was currently skulking about in a cross-section alley in the middle of a city block, making him feel that he was in some sort of makeshift labyrinth. 'This… is kinda bad,' the young teen thought to himself. 'I don't know my way around, I'm kinda lost , and… well, yeah, I'm lost. Who could I ask for dire-' His train of thought was halted as he heard a soft hum. It was someone, a woman humming, and although Jaron couldn't place it, he definitely had heard that voice before. "Uh-oh, that voice is getting closer!" Jaron ducked around the corner, under a windowsill, and waited for the woman to pass by.

_"…like some other men do…"_ Jaron looked up, and saw that singer from the Ink & Paint Club. It seemed as if she was staring at the noon-time cloud formations, enjoying seeing them waft in the breeze. At least, that's what Jaron figured from where she was looking.

"Can I help you?" There was another familiar voice, and a very deep one, at that. This one bellonged to the doorman of the club. Jaron turned to face him, and was instead met with a toon door-monkey… in a monkey suit no less.

Jaron was briefly daunted by the animated animal's size, but quickly gathered himself for an answer. "Yeah! Actually I'm kinda lost right now, so if you don't mind helping me—"

The next thing Jaron knew, he was being hefted by the collar of his shirt and his waistband simultaneously, hitting a dumpster lid, and landing inside it and shutting it on himself simultaneously.

_"AND DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU SNEAKING AROUND HERE AGAIN, GOT IT?"_

After a second or two, the dumpster lid opened, revealing a garbage-covered green hedgehog. "What the heck is his problem?" he said out loud, pulling a banana peel off his head. Has he proceeded to pick off trash from his person, the smell of something foreign hit his nose. That, and he realized that he had suddenly morphed into his hedgehog form.

"Meow?"

"Wha?"

Jaron quickly spun around to see a gray cat sitting on a trash can, watching him with its big yellow eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, hey…sorry, thought you were those weasel guys."  
The cat's only response was to swish her tail. "So uh…you from around here?" The cat made a movement like it was shaking her head. "No? Where ya from?" She just licked her paw. "Not much of a talker, huh?"  
The cat seemed to nod, then jumped off the can and walked over to Jaron, sitting at his feet and looking up at him. Jaron looked down at her, unsure of what to say next. It's REALLY hard having a conversation in which your companion says nothing.

* * *

Meanwhile, Summer and Princess observed the exchange with one of Kavma's monitors.

"It appears that our feline friend is aware of our interest in young Roxai," Summer noted.

Princess seethed in frustration. "That damn cat, I oughta—"

"Put her in the you-know-what transformer?" Princess turned to Kavma, who simply raised his eyebrows. "Go ahead, Princess. And perhaps YOU would like to step in with her?" He shook his head and left. Princess leered at his retreating back. "Nyuh, I oughta put you in the B**** transformer…"

"I heard that!"

* * *

"AAIIIIEEEEE!"

Jaron nearly jumped out of his skin at that. "What the-?"  
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

_That sounds like that singer from before! _He immediately tore off toward the sound of the shrieks. The cat stared after him for a moment, then followed.

"HEEEELP!"  
Jaron rushed out of the alleyway just in time to see a black paddywagon drive off. "Hey, isn't that the—"

CRASH!

"OOOOWWWWW!"

"Ouch…Kaitlin?"

The two of them picked themselves up as Max and James caught up with them. "Jaron? Where the heck have you been?" James demanded. "And when did you do the hedgehog thing again?"

"Long story, I don't know, and now's not the time!" Jaron said in a rush. "Did you guys see—"

"A black paddywagon driven by a bunch of weasels?" Kaitlin interrupted. Jaron stared at her.

"How—"

"We were chasing them too. I'll explain later. But first—" She turned to face the street and stuck out her thumb. "TAXI!" What happened next, from what they could see, several trash cans flew into the air in rapid succession, followed by a fire hydrant until the cause of destruction finally rounded the corner.

"Hey, Katie! What's shakin'?"

"Shut up, Benny! Everyone, pile in!"

"And a nice, 'How's your day?' to you, too!"

Jaron wasn't sure what to make of the sight before him. It LOOKED like a cab, sure, but it was the kind of cab you'd see in cartoons—it even had eyes for headlights. "Uh, who—"

"GET IN!" This was punctuated by Kaitlin shoving Jaron into the cab's seat.

_

* * *

_

Earlier…

"I'm looking for a _rabbit_."

Flo, acting purely by instinct, grabbed Roger by the ears and stuck him into a jug behind the counter.

The man was tall and wore black, and had a rather sinister presence about him. He wore a strange mask that covered only half his face, but anyone who saw _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_ could recognize him right off.

"A _toon_ rabbit," Judge Doom countinued, walking around the diner and giving the patrons intent stares, "who wears red pants, and goes by the name," he spat it out with venom, "_Roger_."  
Kaitlin and Max immediately came to the conclusion that this guy was bad news, if not the harbinger of doom himself. "Look," Max started, "There's no rabbit here, so you can just take yourself out before we—"

"Before we assist you with a right stout boot," Kaitlin finished. Doom sneered at them. "Oh, _really_?"  
"Yeah, _really_," James countered, "'Sides, there's three of us—" he indicated himself, Max and Kaitlin, "and, what, one of you?"

As if revealing themselves in a Broadway musical, the weasels that had accosted Jaron stepped out from behind the judge.

"Okay, now that's just cheating."

* * *

Meanwhile, Flo had taken the jug into the kitchen and pulled Roger out, muttering with menace, "One PEEP out of you, Roger, and it's fricasse of Toon Rabbit for ALL of us, ya hear?"

Roger nodded nervously.

Back in the main dining area, a face-off was commencing with Kaitlin, Max, and James versus Judge Doom and the Weaselettes (the vermin version of the Rockettes).

There was total silence, in which several nervous patrons noiselessly passed wind. Doom continued to sneer menacingly at the trio, then said, "Clearly, you three aren't going to tell me where the rabbit is…"  
"_**NO! **_Really?" Max said sarcastically. Doom snorted so loudly that three partons fell out of their chairs in shock and another three dove out an open window in panic.

"If you won't bring me the rabbit…" Doom looked around the café once, then walked over to the record player and picked up the record. "Hmm..."Merry Go Round Broken Down." Pulling out a magnifying glass, he closely examined the record.

There appeared to be a tiny animated hair bouncing around on the record. Swiftly grabbing it with a pair of tweezers, he closely examined it. "A Toon Hair from a Toon Hare. HE'S HERE!" He promptly tossed the record like a frisbee, nearly hitting Greasy, who dodged it Matrix-style. This led to the weasels cackling madly, until Doom clocked Smart Guy with his cane. He stood over the weasel's stunned form, grimacing. "HOW many TIMES do I HAVE to REMIND you? Stop that accursed LAUGHING!"

Kaitlin sweatdropped. _Subtle, these guys AREN'T..._

Slowly, Roger peeked around the corner, his eyes almost literally riveted on Doom. _It's DOOM! What's that ol' Doom n' Gloom doin' here? I thought he was Dipped!  
_Suddenly, Flo grabbed him by the ears and dragged him back into the kitchen just as he heard Smart Guy say, "So, Boss, you want us to, uh, ya know, disresemble this joint?"  
"No, my fine vermin friend," Doom replied, a scary grin on what they could see of his face. "That won't be necessary, for the rabbit shall come straight—to—me!" He swiftly produced his cane and tapped five times on the countertop.

"What're you—" James started, only for all five weasels to go "SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!"  
"You did not just—"

_**"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!"**_

Meanwhile, Doom countinued tapping the countertop, saying, "Not even Bugs Bunny could resist the old 'Shave and a Haircut" trick. It worked once—it will work again!"  
He moved to tap the counter again, only for Kaitlin to step in front of him. "Okay, Twoface," she seethed, "I have tolerated your unacceptable behavior for long enough! I have been MORE than reasonable, but I can see that neither you OR your Fancy Pants Troupe are willing to end things on a peaceful note. So either get out OR ELSE."  
Doom raised an eyebrow. "And?"  
Kaitlin cracked her knuckles threateningly.

"Ah…resorting to violence, are we?" Doom flashed another creepy grin. Without bothering to turn his head, he said, "Gentlemen, do me a favor and restrain this _violent _young girl before she hurts herself while I search for the rabbit."  
"Don't you dare lay a FINGER on her!"  
The weasels nearly jumped out of their skins as Max stomped in front of them, somehow managing to look more threatening than usual. Smart Guy snorted. "Oh, yeah? Sorry, kid, but there's five of us, and only one of youse."

"Oh, REALLY!" Smart Guy suddenly felt a chill as he turned to see James behind him, holding an Aura-powered fist. He was smirking. "Make ONE move, I dare ya."

Meanwhile, Flo was struggling with Roger, who was almost powerless to resist the tapping. "Shh, quiet!"

While she wasn't noticing, Roger managed to get one hand free, which poked the air twice, making a 'poink, poink' sound effect to complete the whole "Shave and a Haircut" thing.

"AHA! _THERE_ YOU ARE!" Without further ado, Doom grabbed a plate from the counter and tossed it like a discus at Roger, who shrieked as he bended gracefully, much like a swan, out of the range of the projectile. What happened next was Austrian Chaos™.

All we need is to throw in a Swedish vampire and the scene is complete.

* * *

Smart Guy cackled as he swerved dangerously, nearly hitting two old ladies, five

fruit carts, and the Colossus of Rhodes (not necessarily in that order). He felt that nothing would ruin his good luck…

Well, it's our job to disprove people of the idea, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise to hear about what happens next, right?

Right after almost running over a trio of Girl Scouts doing battle with eldery, bespectacled toads armed with Bingo card shuriken and prune juice, Smart Guy happened to take a look at the rearview mirror. Then he did a doubletake.

"Aw, for—THAT STUPID CAB!"

* * *

CRASH! "OUTTA MY WAY, FLAPJACK!"  
James now officially hated cars. Just in the past three seconds alone, Benny nearly ran over a jogging man with his dog, knocked away more fire hydrants than he could count, and _**somehow**_ managed to drive on the side of a building.

"Benny! Can you PLEASE slow down?"

"Ah, you DO know who you're talkin' to, right bub?" He yelled back at his backseat passenger. Jaron kept a good grip on the seat, doing his best not to puke violently. Sure, he was rather confused about what was going on, but he could hear an explanation later. He just hoped that he wouldn't become violently ill by then.

"Can't you go any faster, Benny?" Kaitlin yelled, ignoring James's shout of "KAITLIN!"  
"I'm goin' as fast as I CAN go, kid!"  
BANG! Kaitlin ducked just as a bullet whizzed past her head. She looked up, disconcerted. "Oh, he did NOT just shoot at me!"

_**(Kalvire: Oh, yes he did.**_

_**Endive: OR DID HE? (Dramatic music.))**_

Another bullet made a PING as it hit Benny's chassis. "OW! THAT DOES IT! THIS MEANS WAR!"  
And with that, Benny put the pedal on the metal, reaching speeds ludicrously unfathomable to man, woman and ferrets alike. Or just ferrets, really—

_**(Kaitlin: JORDAN!)**_

Okay, okay! Jeez.

BANG! Another gunshot. Smart Guy was clearly ticked. "I'M GONNA BLOW THEIR DAMN HEADS OFF! TWICE!"

"Jaron, did you do anything to make him angry?" Kaitlin asked him, frowning.  
"I didn't do anything! How should I know why he's ticked off?"

BANG! "Can we talk about this later!" Max yelled. "I don't want my head to be blown off!"

"Try hiding around the corner, and then darting out when it's too late for them to turn around!" James tried a brilliant suggestion.

"SOUNDS FINE TA ME! HANG ON, KIDS!"  
"Easier said than done, Benny!" Max yelled, trying his best not to puke.

BANG!  
"STOP SHOOTING, DARN IT!"

"MAKE ME!" Smart Guy shrieked. He looked at Greasy. "TAKE THE WHEEL!" He looked back to the empty street behind them—hey, wait a minute.

BEEP BEEP! "SUCKER!" Benny cackled as he zoomed by the paddywagon, then turning the next corner. Smart guy let out some words we can't type here, then slammed on the pedal to the point that his foot crash through the floor.

As the paddywagon rounded the corner, Smart Guy gritted his teeth, only for his eyes to bug out and go "WHOAH NELLY!"

In the small window of time the gang had turned the street corner, they had, in true toon fashion, painted a large, street-wide portrait of a truck exiting a brick tunnel. Smart Guy's eyes bugged out because the trucks headlights shined a bit _too_ realistic, until…

**Huuuuuuuuuuurrrrn Huuuuuuuuuuurrrn!**

CRASH!

That had to hurt. All of the occupants of the paddywagon flew through the air, landing upside down in the EXACT _centre _of the intersection, blocking all traffic for hours upon **hours** on end.

_**(Endive: NOW?  
Kalvire: (Ignores her))**_

Max had to cover his mouth to stop laughing. "Works every time!"

Of course, EVERYONE knows that you can only go so far with luck.

Case in point:

"BENNY, LOOK OUT FOR THE—"

SPLASH! Unfortunately for Benny and his passengers, the havoc had distracted him from the sudden flood of the foul smelling liquid flowing across the street. And let us add that the sensation of your tires slowly melting to an unnatural acidic liquid is NOT pleasant.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'VE BEEN DIPPED! _AGAIN! _THIS **SUCKS!**"

* * *

Princess barged through the door like a battering ram. "DID SOME MOTHER!$^!& SAY SU—AGH!"

Kavma had grabbed her and dragged her back through the door. "Not _now,_ Princess!"

* * *

The sudden flood of Dip caused Benny to swerve violently, causing him to crash into a lamppost. The force of the impact caused James and Jaron to fly through the air, James hitting another lamppost and hanging there, whereas Jaron crashed into a brick wall, creating a hedgehog-shaped hole.

* * *

Max, unlike the other three members of their little gang, didn't have as much stamina as them, and was more likely to be knocked unconscious, something he was rather upset about, no matter how many times James told him not to worry about it.

Even so, he was sure that he would never get used to waking up from that horrible blackness—just waking up, not entirely sure who you were or what happened, then BAM! Everything came back to you, along with a major sensation of hunger.

Oh, wait, that was just him.

As he attempted to get up, he felt two arms forcibly grab him from the armpits and lift him up, not at all being gentle. He looked up, slightly disoriented, to see Judge Doom leering down at him.

"Yes, it's always such a shame when a youthful group of innocents decide to drive around town in a maniacal _Toon_ vehicle," he said sarcastically, malice dripping from his words and landing on the pavement, causing it to melt.

Max was then forced up by Psycho and Wheezy, the stench from the cigars nearly causing him to retch. He saw that Stupid had picked up Kaitlin, who was still unconscious.

"Well!" Doom exclaimed, banging his cane on the ground. "Don't just stand there! Help them into my car. We can worry about the other two later."

As Max was dragged to the paddywagon, he saw James hanging from the lamppost, unnoticed by Doom or the weasels. As Max caught his eye, James waved slightly, indicating that he'd be coming after them.

_Please, just make it be quick._

_

* * *

_

Ugh, my aching… well, EVERYTHING!

Jaron was positive that he would never be used to massive pain in every body part imaginable. As he crawled out of the hole he had made in the wall, he saw the paddywagon zooming away. "Darn it…"

"Whoa, hey, AGH!" There was a loud thud as James landed right on Benny, who was just waking up. "OW!"

Jaron got to his feet, rubbing the back of his head. "Ow…" He shook his head to clear it. "Ugh…hey…HOLLY!" He ran to Benny and checked the back seat. "Holly? Takeda?"

Holly poked her head from under the back seat. _"Ow…one good reason why I don't like driving."_

She was immediately grabbed by Jaron, who held her close in relief. "Oh, thank goodness…thought you were a goner, there!"

Takeda staggered out of the cab, completely disoriented. _"Owwww…anyone get the license plate of that truck?"_ With that, he stumbled over himself and landed upside-down.

James got up and brushed himself off. "If you're done," he said hurriedly, "we need to get going. Kaitlin and Max were taken."  
"WHAT?" Jaron nearly dropped Holly as he spun in a complete circle, seeing that the two were indeed absent. "Well, let's go! We can't leave him with that maniac!"

"Benny," James looked at the animated taxi with concern. "Can you still get us around?"

"IDAHO!" he shrieked, pointing his tire into the air as if he was answering a question.

"Umm… well, can you… okay, I feel _really_ awkward asking you this but…" Jaron twiddled his fingers. "Can you, y'know… drive other cars?"

Wrong question.

"WHAT?" Benny yelled, no longer disoriented. "I'M A CAB! I CAN—OW!" He had tried to drive, only to remember that his tires had melted from the dip. "Uh, well, to answer your question…yeah. Yeah, I can."

"Uh, wow, um… didn't actually expect the answer to be 'yes,' but this is still great! All we need is a getaway vehicle, and we can give chase!"

"Do you even know where they're going, Jaron?" James asked, deadpanned.

"Uh….well, okay, you're right but—" Jaron realized something about James. "Do Pokémon have increased senses of smell?"

James looked like he was about to argue, then realized that he COULD smell Max. "Okay, well, yeah. Still need a car, though…"

To answer this (Even though this was completely beneath his dignity), Benny stuck out a toon thumb from his wheel cover, and along came a very real, very non-toon taxi cab. James stared at him. "Isn't this—"

"Don't even THINK about talking about the irony," Benny said, annoyed.

* * *

As Doom strolled into the Acme Factory, he noticed Smart Guy and Greasy checking Max, Kaitlin, Roger, and Jessica, who Wheezy was currently holding up with a gun.

"We searched the kids, Boss!" Smart Guy said irritably. "It ain't on them or the rabbit!"  
"Then frisk the woman!"

Greasy snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "_I'll _handle this one." He reached his hand toward Jessica…

Only for the crocodile from Peter Pan to erupt and jump him as he shrieked, resulting in a severe beatdown, complete with dust cloud. After the crocodile slinked off, Greasy resembled a weasel piñata.

Kaitlin glanced at Jessica. "I will never get how you Toons can do that."  
"It's a gift, sweetie."

Doom stomped forward, shoving Stupid and Psycho aside in the process. "Do they have it or not?"  
"Hey, what do you mean by 'it', exactly?" Max asked. This was followed by an "OW!" as Smart Guy stomped on his foot.

"Well, never mind," Doom said as he turned his back to them, "I doubt it will matter, given what I have planned…" He gestured toward the large object in the middle of the room, which was covered by a tarp. "Can you guess what that is?"  
Kaitlin and Max looked at each other, nonplussed. Jessica and Roger, however, stared at the tarp in apprehension.

Doom grunted, then reached underneath the tarp and lifted it a fraction, revealing a pump. As he turned the wheel on it, he said, "Can you guess what _this _is?" Out of the nozzle came the foulest-smelling green liquid in all of existence. Both Roger and Jessica freaked at the sight of it.

"No!... No, it can't be! It's… DDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!"

"That's right!" Doom declared, tearing off the canvas in one swoop, showing everyone just what was inside it.

It looked like a gigantic tank, with an enormous cauldron welded to the back of it. Judging from the smell, most of the Dip was in it.

"May I introduce you to the Dip-O-Matic 2.0!" Doom exclaimed. "A much more advanced model than the one you two saw, my Toonish friends. With this, Toon Town will be erased in a matter of seconds."  
"WHAT?" Kaitlin shoved Greasy aside. "Why the heck would you want to do that?"  
Doom glared at her. "Oh, it's a sad tale to tell, missy…"

* * *

The taxi came to a complete stop in front of the factory. "I'm tellin' ya, I've got a serious case of clichéd déjà vu goin' on here…" Benny grumbled.

"Okay, I've tracked Max to here." James stated. "How do we go about rescuing him?"

"Crash through the front doors and punch this Doom guy?" Jaron asked.

James stared at him. "I was thinking of more of a stealthy approach."

_"Idiot," _Takeda scoffed.

_"TAKEDA!" _Holly glared at him.

Jaron sighed. "Guess we can go your way." He turned to Benny. "Benny, can you go get help?"

"Hey, man, with four flat tires, I'll TRY, but no guarantees."

* * *

"Quite a long time ago," Doom began, pacing back and forth in front of the captives, "I attempted a massive takeover of Toon Town, in order to accomplish a plan once proposed by a member of the city council, which was quickly rejected." Doom turned on his heel suddenly. "Obviously, my thoughts were too ahead for their time."

"Meaning…?" Max asked.

"My plan," Doom started, "Was to clear the area of Toon Town to allow space for the construction of the greatest thing since sliced bread—" He faced the captives again. "—a freeway."

There was dead silence.

"Dude, they friggin' HAVE them already!" Kaitlin yelled.

"Yes! They do NOW!" Doom stated, with a sudden burst of emotion. "But they didn't have it back when I was on top of things, and THAT was the _point_ of it all!"

"You're nuts," said Max. "A FREEWAY? What the heck were you thinking?"

"I was breaking new ground, you little brat!" Doom yelled, his face turning red from anger. "I would have been the revolutionary of my time, until that VERMIN and his hairy detective friend interfered!"

"Is that why you came back, then?" Jessica asked calmly. "For revenge?"  
"All that and more, my beauty," Doom sneered. "I am going to personally see to it that Toon Town is melted to the ground, along with all those within it."

"Are ya NUTS?" Roger shrieked. "You can't! There are innocent Toons there! Even humans live there now! They'd die!"  
"What do I care about a bunch of worthless singing birds?" Doom scoffed. "As for the humans, it's their fault for associating with them. Let the brigands hang!"

"Max's right! You ARE nuts!" Roger exclaimed.

Doom fixated him with his Evil Eye (TM). "I don't have time to waste listening to you idiots. Lieutenant?" Smart Guy jumped to attention. "As soon as I leave, see to it that the lovebirds are Dipped. Make the brats watch, then break their legs—BOTH of them—then shoot them. We can deal with their little friends later." He turned and walked off, only to slip on a banana peel. This resulted in the weasels cackling, only to be silenced when Doom glared at them as he got up.

"I told you," he seethed, "time and again—STOP. THAT. LAUGHING! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU FOOLS?"

He turned and went for the door, though before he went through he turned and fixed the weasels with an evil glare. "Just mess up ONCE…I DARE you…" He immediately left.

"He certainly told YOU guys, huh?" Max asked.

Smart Guy pointed the gun at him. "SHADDUP. Boys, tie the lovebirds together. And as for YOU," he seethed, then he stopped, looking up. "What the—"

"Wha, hey AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The grate on the VERY high-up ceiling had given way. Jaron had thought it best to go through the air vents, which is a classic move in spy films. Unfortunately the vents hadn't been maintained in years, leading to this result. And believe me, it was a high drop.

And guess WHO was directly underneath the grate?

"EEYOW!"

After the dust settled, Jaron sprang up and dusted himself off. "Sorry I'm late!"  
There was a loud CLICK as Greasy pointed his gun at Jaron's back. "Don't move, you little brat."  
Jaron froze. "Oop…" He reached for his sword, only to realize that it wasn't there. "Hey, what the?"

* * *

"Hey!" Benny reached behind himself, into his back seast. "Who left this sword in here?"

* * *

"Oops…"

"Oops? OOPS?" Kaitlin shrieked.

Smart Guy fixed them all with a glare. "I SAID SHADDAP! Boys, those Toons tied up yet?"  
"With Escape-Proof Toon Rope (TM), boss," Greasy said as he assisted Stupid in placing the tied-up Jessica and Roger on a hook.

"Good. Now, don't you DARE start laughing, you stooges, otherwise…" He made a slicing motion across his neck.

"Hey, Kaitlin," Jaron whispered, "What WOULD have happened if they kept laughing?"  
"How should I know?" Kaitlin muttered.

Jaron glanced behind him. The Acme Factory is notorious for storing all sorts of crazy Toon merchandise, such as what we can only assume is a Vaudeville Music Projector (TM).

The sight of it made him start thinking. "Hmmm…"  
"Jaron, you've got that look on your face again. What's your plan THIS time?" Max whispered.

"Ssssh. Just follow my lead. Hey, Smart Guy!" Jaron said loudly. "You think everythin's funny, huh?"

"You've got a PROBLEM with that, kid?" Smart Guy demanded, jabbing the gun in his direction.

"No, no," Jaron said calmly, a goofy smile on his face. "I just, oh, you know, wanted to tell you a bit about the guy YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIP!"  
And with that, Jaron did a full backflip, landing right in front of the projecter, slamming a button on the console labeled "Merry-Go-Round Broken Down". The machine came to life, with the infamous tune echoing throughout the warehouse.

All of the weasels stopped what they were doing, staring at what was happening dumbly. They were even more astounded when—good grief—Jaron started to sing and dance.

_**(Endive: NOW?**_

_**Kalvire: (Ignores her)**_

_**Endive: WELL? SAY SOMETHING, CURSE YOU!**_

_**(Chris McClean turns on TV, turns on an episode of House, MD.)**_

_**House:(On TV) You're ORANGE, you moron!**_

_**Endive: HOW DARE YOU!  
Chris McClean: Hey, WAIT—!  
CRASH! )**_

From the top, please:

_"Roger is his name,_

_Laughter is his game,_

_Come on, you dope,_

_Untie his rope,_

_And watch him go insane!"_

_What is he DOING? _Kaitlin thought. She could honestly not see were Jaron was going with this, especially with him making a fool of himself…AGAIN.

It was this precise moment when Jaron slipped on a banana peel, causing him to fall backward into a pile of crates. This, combined with the music and dancing, was more than the weasels could stand.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" They dropped their weapons, bending over while laughing so hard that they were liable to pass out from lack of air. THAT'S when Kaitlin and Max realized what Jaron was getting at.

_They can't do anything if they're laughing so hard! _Even so, Kaitlin was reluctant to join in the act.

Max…not so much reluctance. He nudged Kaitlin's elbow, whispering "Follow my lead!"

As Jaron got up, he slipped again, accidently falling against a crate, causing it to break open and spill bowling balls all over the floor. Max caught on immediately. Grabbing two bowling balls, he started to juggle them, DESPITE their apparent weight.

And, of course, taking a leaf out of Jaron's book, he started singing:

_"This singing's ain't my line,_

_It's tough to make a rhyme,_

_If I get stuck,_

_I'm out of luck,_

_I'm running out of time!"_

As Max took a step backward, he tripped, causing the bowling balls to fall and land on his head, one after another.

_**(Endive:(Scoffs) How inept.)**_

This just made the weasels laugh even harder. Stupid was purple in the face as he fought to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard. Just as he was struggling to get up, he gave one great gasp and passed out. Greasy and Wheezy followed suit merely seconds later. Smart Guy was SURE that there was something familiar about this scenario, but his laughter kept him from figuring out why.

Kaitlin pretty much gave up whatever doubts she had at this point. _Oh, what the hey. _She might as well get in on the act.

"_I'm through with taking falls,_

_I'm bouncing off the walls,_

_Without that gun_

_I'd have some fun_

_I'd kick you in the…in the…"_She scratched her head and turned to Max. "What rhymes with 'walls', anyway?"

Smart Guy shrugged. "Heck if I—" then he realized that he had stopped laughing. He also realized what was going on. "HEY, WAIT A—"

WHAM! At long last, a chance for Kaitlin to hit something. The resulting punch was enough to send Smart Guy flying, right into a window with a loud CRASH!

"MAN, that felt good!" Kaitlin said cheerfully.

Max stared at her. "You can be a very scary person, you know that?"  
Jaron interrupted. "Hey, wasn't there a fifth one?"

Loud cackling cut through the conversation, causing them to look up. Psycho was dancing around on top of the machine, clearly gone crazy (well, MORE crazy) with laughter. As he continued to prance around, his flailing arms hit the switch of the machine, activating the Dip-spraying water cannon.

Oh, deary me.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!" Roger shrieked.

Jaron reacted quickly. Running toward the machine, he leapt up and clambered on top of it, shoving the still laughing Psycho aside and grabbing a lever, yanking it down. This was enough to turn the machine off.

Both Roger and Jessica (still tied to the hook) let out sighs of relief.

Wait for it…

"I am the NIGHT!" Judge Doom declared as he glided down on an invisible zipline attached to his back.

_**(Jordan: Jacob's idea. Not mine.)**_

Jaron just looked at him as if he was nuts… then again, he wasn't that far off. Jaron, seeing the utter uselessness of the zipline, simply stepped to the right twice, and laughed as Doom's zipline ended, and he flew through the air like a grace-_less_ swan.

CRASH!

"Should've given that some more thought there, huh?" Jaron asked, still laughing.

"SILENCE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

Jaron shook his head, chuckling. "That all you can say?" He jumped down from the machine to land in front of Doom, who was struggling to get up. "Eh, what do you expect from guys like you?"

Doom responded by whipping out his cane. Jaron raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna attack me with a cane? That's kinda—"

He then proceeded to pull a sword out of the cane and point it at Jaron.

"Uh, okay, never mind." Jaron immediately reached for his sword…then realized he didn't have it. "Darn—YAGH!"

Doom's thrust would've gotten Jaron in the eye if he hadn't ducked. He followed this with a downward swing, only to be met with a CLANG!  
Jaron still had his spines, if you remembered. As he forced Doom back, using only his spine-covered arms, he chuckled and said, "Heh, guess I don't need a sword after all!" He then proceeded to kick Doom in the stomach, sending him sprawling.

Meanwhile, while this was going on, James was sneaking around on the upper catwalk near the ceiling. Noticing Jaron's rather precarious position, he looked around for something, anything, to use to help.

And much to his relief, he saw a Baby Grand Piano (TM) hanging from the ceiling on an already frayed rope. Hesitating for only a moment to calculate Jaron and Doom's movements and where Doom would end up, he started to saw through the rope with one of his wrist spikes.

WHAM! Jaron was knocked into yet another pile of crates and Doom swung his cane saber. The evil Judge glared down at him. "You thought that a little brat like you could stand against a visionary such as myself?"  
"Uh, well, yeah," Jaron admitted as he stood up.

A sudden tapping on his shoulder caused Doom to turn and see Max, who coughed politely and pointed upwards. As Doom looked up, Max leapt back, out of range, just as the rope went SNAP!

It was not a good day for Doom. Before he could so much as react, the piano landed on him with a loud DONG!

Both Jaron and Max winced.

"What're you guys DOING over there?" Kaitlin yelled, who was busy trying to operate the crane to get Roger and Jessica down.

After the dust settled, they saw the wreckage of what was once a piano on the exact spot where Doom had been standing only a few seconds ago. Jaron winced. "Ouch…maybe we overdid it a little…"

SPRRRRRRRRROING! Much to their shock, Doom sprang up from the wreckage, going up and down like an accordion. After a few seconds of this, he lifted himself from the pile, holding his mask to prevent it from falling off.

"You…" he seethed, his voice taut with rage. "I never thought…that you BRATS could give me so much trouble…"

Max took a step back. "Okay…most people would not survive that without a scratch…"

Doom smirked. "Oh, but I'm not most people, AM I?" He took off the mask with a flourish.

Jaron, Max, and James fought the urge to vomit. Doom's face was human…on the right side. The left side, on the other hand, was downright GROTESQUE. It resembled a melted rubber mask, with the flesh drooping and waxen, and was even dripping a horrible, blackish-green ooze in places.

"Oh my—what on earth?" Jaron exclaimed.

"And that's not all!" Doom shrieked. He then reached his hand up and—gag me—plucked out his own eyeballs. What happened next freaked the ever-loving crap out of everyone present, except Doom himself, of course. What was underneath his Googly-Eyes™, were Toon, red-and-white eyes that swirled demonically.

"Wha-?"  
"What the heck are you?"  
"Oh, I don't know," Doom shrieked in an increasingly squeaky voice, "what do YOU THINK?"

And with that, he sprung into action—quite literally. A pair of springs and appeared on his boots, allowing him to jump right over the three and land behind Kaitlin, who was busy fiddling with the machine's controls.

"Ugh, I swear, I can't figure out this stupid—" A tapping on her shoulder caused her to turn around. "What is i—WHAT THE HECK?"

And with that, he threw her off the machine, luckily Max and James caught her in the nick of time. "You alright?" A concerned Max asked.

"The only thing I need is to kick that freaky butt of his!" She yelled as she leapt up out of Max's and James' grasp.

Doom leered at them evilly from atop the machine, then, turning to the controls, switched the cannon on, causing it to start spraying Dip. When Jaron had knocked aside Psycho earlier, he had accidentally caused the weasel to hit the joystick, aiming the nozzle away from Roger and Jessica. As Doom turned on the nozzle, however, he also turned on the wheels of the machine, causing it to slowly start moving forward, about 1/20 MPH (SLOW!)

"Damn weight restriction," Doom cursed. He leapt down from the machine, grinning evilly at the four. "Now then, where were we?"

Kaitlin ran toward him before the others could stop her. "You son of a—"

CLANG! Before Kaitlin could get close enough to punch Doom's block off, he had taken off his glove to reveal a yellow ANVIL attached to his wrist. You can guess the result.

Kaitlin was sent flying right into Jaron, knocking them both backward. Before they hit the floor, Max and James had charged toward Doom, Aura Spheres in their hands. James reached him first—he attempted to plant the sphere right into Doom's face, only for Doom's anvil to turn into a shield, with he used to block it. Max was luckier—he successfully hit Doom into the abdomen, knocking him into the machine.

"Guys, MOVE!" Kaitlin yelled as Jaron, still in his hedgehog form,(This whole time, remember?) rolled up into a ball, but not spinning. Showing a kick that only David Beckham would be proud of, Kaitlin kicked Jaron like a soccer ball, right into Doom's gut.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Jaron leapt back, uncurling, to see Doom clutching his stomach, staggering against the machine. "Had enough?"  
"Oh, I'm not done yet, boy," Doom whispered. He stood up and turned, his back to the group. When he turned again, their eyes nearly popped out—his hand that had previously held an anvil had transformed into a giant chainsaw. He lifted the thing into the air, as if it weighted no more than a feather, then brought it down on Jaron—too quickly to dodge. The best he could do was raise his arms to block.

The best way to describe the sound was that of an angle grinder ringing against a chainsaw. Jaron, who never once felt pain when he had blocked something with his spines, now felt something akin to that of a razor lightly razing his skin—the chainsaw was cutting the spines that deeply. He had no idea how much he could take—

"OI!"

Doom turned—the saw still concentrated on Jaron—to see Max next to the back pump of the machine, his hand on the winch. Before Doom's eyes could even widen, Max had turned it with such force that it broke off in his hand. With a loud FWOOSH! Dip started spraying out—right towards Doom.

"Oh, NOT !" Doom shrieked as he was blasted backward, hitting Jaron and knocking him out of the way, right into—big surprise—James and Kaitlin.

"OW!"

"Sorry.." Jaron picked himself up, helping Kaitlin and James to get to their feet. "I'm beginning to get used to that lately…"  
A loud shriek interrupted him. Doom was trying (In vain) to get up, but judging from the puddle forming under his feet and the greenish-yellow vapor emitting from him, he was clearly melting.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked. "THIS CAN'T BE! HOW COULD I BE DEFEATED IN THE EXACT SAME MANNER AS LAST TIME? IT'S UNORIGINAL! AAAAAAAAAAGH! I'M MELTING! !"

"Ah, put a lid on it, will ya?" Kaitlin yelled at the now-puddle-like Doom, just screaming/ gurgling in agony, disintegrating into a large, green puddle on the floor of the warehouse.

Jaron stared at the puddle in silence. "Wow…" He stepped toward it. "I can't believe it…"  
"Excuse me!" They looked up to see that Roger and Jessica, who were still hanging from the hook. "Have you forgotten something?

* * *

As soon as they were set free, Jessica grabbed up Roger and started kissing him. "Oh, Roger, darling, that was too close!"  
There was a loud CRASH as the doors were kicked down, with three police officers pointing their guns at the group. "FREEZE!"

"Hey, hey, WHOAH!" Max raised his hands in the air in protest. "Don't shoot! We didn't do anything!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Came a familiar voice from behind the cops. Then, in came Benny, charging like a mad bull. "These youngsters are innocent! I can vouch for all of 'em!"

One police officer looked at his comrades. "Is this guy's word viable?"  
"Move, please." The officers moved aside, and who entered? None other than Alphonse. Jaron tensed up at the sight of him. "Now, what happened here?"  
Jaron, Kaitlin, Max, James, Benny, Roger, and Jessica (not necessarily in that order) all started talking at once.

"Well, he—"

"Doom was—"

"Wasn't my fault—"

"I'm starving—"

"BONESAW!"

"Alright, ALRIGHT!" The policeman yelled. "One at a TIME, people!" He pointed at Jaron. "You first. Now, what the HECK happened here, kid?"

Jaron pointed at the puddle. "That answer your question?"  
"NO! That doesn't tell me anything! Now either give me an explanation or—"

"It was Judge Doom, officer," Jessica interrupted calmly.

"I'll—what?"  
"She's right!" Roger exclaimed. "It was Doom! He came back from the dead, like—" He proceeded to imitate a zombie. "Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaains…"

"Roger, honey, as impressive as that is, it's beginning to scare me a little."

"Sorry, sweetheart…"

The cop made a snort of disbelief. "And where is Judge Doom now?"

"Over there." Max thumbed backward toward the puddle.

Benny looked indignant. "Oh, what, AGAIN?"

The officer turned to the animated automobile. "This has happened before?"

"You have NO idea, bub…"

Meanwhile, Alphonse inspected the puddle warily. "So this is what remains of the infamous Judge Doom, eh?"  
"You knew him?"

"Not personally, but I've heard of him. He caused a lot of trouble quite a while back. It ended with him being Dipped, but I can't see how he could've been revived."

Jaron leaned over the puddle. "You know, I can't help but wonder what kind of Toon he was…"

No one would've predicted what happened next. Before ANYONE could react, a melted hand emerged from the puddle, grabbing Jaron around the throat.

"_**Why so curious?"**_

Then a horrible—thing—emerged from the puddle and stood over them all. It was TALL, believe me. There was no accurate way to describe the thing—it was melted and had scabbed over in places, with two dysfunctional wings on its back. no longer even remotely resembling the flawed Judge that had stood in that exact spot mere minutes ago, save for the small tuft of hair at the top of the thing's cranium (it could no longer be called a head).

The cops immediately pointed their firearms at it in alarm. "Sonofa—"

Before they could pull the trigger, the monster threw Jaron at them, knocking them over. "AGH!" Jaron got up groggily. "Sorry about that…"

There was an unearthly screech. As Jaron got up, he saw the monster raise it's arm to strike at him. He lifted his arm to defend himself, but the blow never came. Confused, he looked up to see Alphonse standing before the thing, sword drawn.

There was a slight grin on Alphonse's face. "At last, a chance to stretch my legs." Without turning his head, he barked, "Stay back! I'll handle this." Kaitlin, Max, and James, who were about to rush to his aid, immediately stopped.

"Wait, you're going to do this _alone_?"

"Obviously." And with that, he dashed towards the monster, who screeched as it swung it's impossibly long arms at him.

The arms never came within a foot of him. Alphonse dodged them gracefully as he leapt. Before anyone could blink, the monster's arms fell off, sliced at the shoulder. Naturally, the teens were stunned at the adept movements that Alphonse was displaying. Alphonse smirked as the Doom-thing, screeching horribly, leapt at him to tear at his throat. Just as it was about it hit him, he grabbed its head and, using it as leverage, leapt up into the air. As he descended, the Doom-thing looked up at him, screeching.

Alphonse said only one thing as he swung the sword:  
"Off with your head!"

There was a loud SHING! The Doom-thing immediately stopped as if someone hit the pause button on the DVD remote. Alphonse landed in front of it, his back turned to it. With a flourish, he sheathed his sword, and just as it finished sliding into it, the Doom-thing's head fell off.

If there is a better way to make one's jaw drop, I'd love to see it.

As it hit the ground, the Doom-mutation's head didn't hit, it simply smooshed into itself, like it wasn't solid. With that as a cue, the rest of the body dissolved, but unlike the head, the body of the mutated judge simply dissolved into a green, sick mist. This left the police officers coughing and gagging.

Jaron, Kaitlin, Max, and James simply stared. "I suddenly have the urge not to argue with this man on any topic at all," James said blankly.

"Yeah. And you're at level 100!" Max said, dumbstruck.

Alphonse dusted himself off, then looked up to see everyone's faces. "What?"

Roger fainted. Not very subtle, eh?

* * *

Two hours later, yellow police tape had been set up, interviews had been conducted, and the clean up was underway; however, that green mush that was Doom's head would be a _very_ stubborn stain to remove.

"PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT, YOU SLOP EATING, COCONUT INFESTED BACKWASHERS!" A policeman shrieked at the pitiful attempts to remove said stain.

"Well, hopefully, this encounter, and the information about it, won't go past this warehouse's doors," Alphonse told the group, casually slinging his trench coat over his back. "And if you ask me, it's for the best."  
"How come?" Jaron asked.

"The fact that Doom came about again is strange enough. If it were made known that he had returned, people would panic. It's best not to trouble the public about this. However, the police chief has told me that the Author Fighters may need to be informed about this."

"The who?"

Once again, there was the sound of a skipping record player as everyone present swiveled around to stare at Jaron in disbelief. Alphonse blinked. "…Is there ANYTHING that you know about?"  
"Well, he didn't know about the planet of Fanfiction, or Toon Town, until last week," Kaitlin quipped.

"HEY!"

"So..." Alphonse looked like he was struggling. "You're constantly clueless?"

"No!"  
"…Who's David Letterman?"  
"…Uh…"

"Exactly. At least it explains why you didn't know about the Heartless."

Okay, trick question: would Kaitlin, Max, and James have reacted calmly to this statement? The answer… of course not!

Kaitlin: "WHAT?"

Max: "Are you KIDDING?"  
James: "Even I know what they are! Tell me you are joking!"

Their shock at their friend's cluelessness subsided, realizing it was Heartless they were talking about.

"Wait," James asked Alphonse. "Why did heartless come up in the conversation?"

"The moron," Alphonse said oh-so-eloquently, "tried to CUDDLE one of them earlier!"

Next series of reactions, please.

Kaitlin: "What the HECK were you THINKING!"

Max: "Oh, COME** ON**!"

James: "You could've DIED, MAN!"

"Hey, it looked harmless!" Jaron retorted.

Next:

Kaitlin: "HARMLESS?"

Max: "HOW the HECK can a HEARTLESS look HARMLESS?"  
James: "They eat HEARTS! NOT on a plate, but LEAPING onto your CHEST AND **EATING** YOUR **HEART** RIGHT **THEN AND THERE**!"

"Wait a second!" Jaron asked. "They EAT hearts?"

Alphonse stared at him blankly. "Apparently you are just as forgetful as you are clueless."

"Hey…"

Alphonse patted him on the back. "Well, don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll learn." As he did so, Alphonse slipped something rectangular, thin, and foldable into Jaron's pocket in such a manner that no one could've noticed.

Alphonse promptly turned, his back to them. "Well, it was nice meeting you all. Maybe I'll see you again sometime." He left.

Meanwhile, one of the officers was reporting to the chief. "Sir, we've checked the entire area, and the weasels are nowhere to be found."

"Well, where the hell are they?"

* * *

If Smart Guy had gripped the steering wheel any harder, it would've broke. Right now the other four weasels were in the back seat of the car, still trying to recuperate from the fiasco. _The next time I see those damn brats I'm gonna—_

It was right then that Benny drove by—on the sidewalk. Smart Guy gripped the wheel harder. "Time for some payback."  
He promptly slammed on the brake so hard that his foot went through the floor, and the paddywagon raced after the cab.

* * *

"…Ugh…" Slowly, his eyes opened. Blinking, he took in his surroundings—some old alley. Slowly, Gantz van Drake stood up, disoriented. "Where…am I?"

* * *

"Whatcha doing?"  
"Meditating. Sorry, Jaron, but could you please leave me alone for a minute?"

"Sure, but how come you're meditating? What's it good for?"  
"That—I—that is—that's for me to know and for you to found out! Jaron…"

Max looked at the two with amusement. To be honest, he was never sure was the point of meditation was—according to James, it was "one of those Lucario things you're not supposed to reveal to the public". He resisted rolling his eyes; he was positive that it was James' way of saying that he wasn't even sure what the point was himself, but he wouldn't say that to his face. He just kept meditating in the hotel room they rented out for the night, until they went tomorrow for Toon Town.

At the exact moment he thought that, he heard the door to the next room close. He knew without looking that it was Kaitlin—every time they stopped the night somewhere, Kaitlin insisted on her own room. Not that he blamed her—she deserved the privacy, after hanging around a bunch of boys all day. That, and he knew their aura signatures by heart, even though A: he wasn't nearly as good at detecting aura as much as James, and B: Jaron, for some reason, didn't have any aura to begin with.

Before he could think about that further, he could hear faint voices coming from the door. _Huh? Who else—oh, Takeda. _The Sky Shaymin was a complete mystery to Max. During their separation from Jaron a few weeks prior, Kaitlin had gone off on her one somewhere and had came back with Takeda. She had ignored their questions about him, and Takeda had absolutely refused to talk to them, even more so when they had found Jaron in Toad Town. Max was always under the impression that Takeda disliked Jaron for some reason. Even so…he glanced at the door again. _I doubt that Kaitlin would want me to listen in, but… _He looked at Jaron and James—the two of them were still arguing. _I guess it wouldn't hurt…_He tiptoed toward the door.

"…believe you'd say that about him!" Kaitlin. "What the heck's your problem with Jaron, anyway?"  
"Isn't it obvious?" Max's eyes widened. _Who the heck…?_

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Kaitlin, that guy is too dangerous."  
"Dangerous? How is he dangerous? Okay, he's not exactly Mr. Cuddlebear or whatever, but dangerous? You're overreacting."

"If anything, I'm _UNDER_reacting. You need to stay away from him. Why the hell are you still with him anyway?"

"I can't believe you would ask me that-"

"Kaitlin, I'm telling you this for your own good—get away from him or he's going to kill you!"  
There was complete silence, then Kaitlin said quietly, "Jaron would never, _ever_ want to hurt me. I know him too well for that. I can't believe that you would even _suggest_ that he'd do such a thing. It's clear to me that you hate his guts, Takeda, but the one thing I don't know is why. Why, Takeda? Why do you hate him so much?"  
More silence. Then: "That's none of your business. If this is how you're going to continue to act, then there's nothing more to be said."

A pause. Then Kaitlin said sharply, "What are you doing?"  
"I'm leaving. I'm not staying around that…_thing…_any longer than I have to. I've warned you enough times, but you're just not listening. Goodbye, Kaitlin. Maybe I'll see you again, and hopefully without that _freak of nature_."  
"Takeda, wait-!" There was a sound like a puff of smoke, then silence. Max was too stunned to move. _I can't believe it… _He then realized that Kaitlin was going to leave the room sooner or later, so he got up to move—

"Max, I know you're behind the door, so how long have you been listening?" Max froze. "Uh, the last minute?"

Another pause, then a sigh, followed by the door opening. Kaitlin looked at Max silently. Max was startled to see that there were tears in her eyes. "Kaitlin what—"

"Not now." Kaitlin said silently. "I…I'll tell you about it later." Max looked at her, troubled. "Kaitlin…" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Please, don't cry, okay?"

"T-that damn Takeda!" Kaitlin yelled out to no one in particular, before she rushed into an embrace with Max, eager for a shoulder to cry on, literally.

To be honest, Max was totally confused—not to mention caught off guard—by this situation. He was therefor forever grateful when Jaron, James, and Holly came over to find out what was the matter. Max reciprocated her embrace, letting her weep out her troubles, letting her know that he was there to listen, even if she didn't want to talk right at that moment.

_

* * *

_

The yellow-haired child recoiled as Jaron extended a hand. "Hey, don't be afraid," he said kindly. "I'm not gonna hurt ya."  
Slowly, the boy raised his eyes to meet Jaron's. they were a clear blue. "W…who are you?"  
Jaron sighed and sat down. "Someone whose been looking for you for a long while. The name's Jaron." He smiled. "Your's?"

* * *

Hours later, in the middle of the night, Kaitlin's stomach woke her. "Urg… I guess emotional outbursts take a toll on the appiti—"

"OOOOHHHHHH !"

With absolutely no warning to speak of, the Kool-Aid Man came crashing through the wall of her hotel room.

"OH, COME **ON**!"

* * *

Excerpt from Kavma's Research File 48626719940681:

_The experiment for the D-Virus today was even more of a success than I anticipated. It resulted in the termination of the subject, but we collected the data required. Dr. Wesker plans on taking one of the other subjects and subject it to further testing—the D-Virus seems to affect its victims differently based on different factors, such as their species and age. I'm curious to see how this plays out._

* * *

Kalvire: You guys disappoint me, you know that?  
Kaitlin: (Sneers at him) Oh, gee, I'm SO sorry.

Endive: The blasted chapter's over, so can we finish them off NOW?

Kalvire: You know what? Sure, go nuts.

Endive: (Pulls out a rolling pin)

Lucas: Eep!  
Endive: Prepare yourselves, you little—

(Suddenly, Flight of the Valkyries starts playing)

Kalvire: What the—

(The roof blows apart with a crash, revealing the descent of Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy on flying horses)

Pearl: FOR QUATAR!

Brain Guy: FOR JUSTICE!  
Bobo: FOR THE HELL OF IT!

Endive: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

Pearl: Wasn't planning on it!

Kalvire: Wasn't counting on a rescue mission, but I'll beat you anyway.

Brain Guy: You have villains on your side, mine? (Holds out hands, weird spirits rise from the floor) I've got to be quick though; I'm paying them with curly fries.

Chris McClean: (With Bobo on top of him, picking at his scalp for insects) WORST. HAIR DAY EVER!

* * *

This author's note has been compressed and edited for time.

Needless to say, it's getting too crazy even for us.

* * *

(The scene now shows the aftermath. The room is totaled, with the door hanging off the hinges, indicating a swift retreat.)

Pearl: Ah, that was fun!  
Bobo: Nothing better than a full round of ass kickin'.

Kaitlin: Have you guys FORGOTTEN something?

Brain Guy: (Uses his mystical mind powers to remove the ropes) Happy now?

Max: (Looks around) Did you guys have to make such a mess? It's gonna take weeks to clean this place up!  
Kaitlin: Where are we supposed to stay until then, huh?  
Pearl: Well, I suppose you can stay at Castle Forrester for the time being.

Kaitlin: …Tell me you're joking.

Pearl: It's decided then! Let's get packing, but first let's celebrate!  
Bobo: PARTY AT GANTZ'S PLACE!

Jacob: Woah, woah, woah! We need to notify him in advance! We can't just barging i—

Brain Guy: (Starts levitating everyone into the air) We're going, 'nuff said.

Pearl: NO PROTESTS!  
Bobo: I'll get the togas!

Kaitlin: … Wait, I feel that we're missing something…

Jordan: (Still in the closet the whole time) Hello…? HELLOOOOOO? Anybody there? I'm bored out of my mind here! Anyone!


End file.
